Was your social anxiety with you since birth?

[JuliaCee]

Oh yes, from the time I can remember, I was anxious and uncomfortable around other children. Adults were not so scary, but now that I am one, I am about as anxious around adults as I have always been around people my own age and younger. It helps that I know now some of the reasons why, but it doesn't make the experience any more comfortable. One thing that has helped is to choose my environments very carefully, especially the workplace. I maximize social gatherings with people I have a lot in common with, not necessarily the most familiar, but any old friends or new with whom I feel I can be myself and relax. Even family have to be taken in various doses, depending on the relationship and the environment. I can't change my genetics, and with relatively optimal environmental conditions, I don't even want to.

 

[biblophile]

Did you experience social anxiety for as long as you can remember, or did it first become a problem and/or gradually get worse as you grew up and had bad experiences?

As a kid I wasn't very anxious at all. I was awkward socially but I didn't really fear other people to the extent I did later. I'm trying to work out if the anxiety I experience is due to Asperger's or due to trauma caused by my family and bullies, so I'm interested in hearing about how others who suffer from anxiety have experienced it, how and when it manifested.

I have always been a nervous person as a child I could not talk to others. Some one would ask me a question and I could not answer, I was afraid of what would happen if I gave the wrong reply. I do not know if it is my Asperger's that made me this way or the way I was brought up. My parents were the " children should be seen and not heard" sort. So I often got reprimanded for the slightest noise. We were only permitted to speak if spoken to and the wrong answer could result in a beating.

 

[tmponze]

Did you experience social anxiety for as long as you can remember, or did it first become a problem and/or gradually get worse as you grew up and had bad experiences?

As a kid I wasn't very anxious at all. I was awkward socially but I didn't really fear other people to the extent I did later. I'm trying to work out if the anxiety I experience is due to Asperger's or due to trauma caused by my family and bullies, so I'm interested in hearing about how others who suffer from anxiety have experienced it, how and when it manifested.

I didn't experience it as a kid, but around 13 or 14 I did. I was told when I was diagnosed that this was normal because people with ASD have a delayed realization that our peers are judging us based on our behavior, and it usually happens around early to middle teens while with most NT people it happens around 4 or 5 when they're beginning to interact with the world outside the home. The whole thing is complicated by the fact that when we realize it we aren't sure how to handle it and have already built a behavior pattern and 'reputation' amongst our peers.

 

[EstimatedProphet]

My psychologist addressed this point directly in my diagnosis. Social Anxiety begins to manifest itself at 3 or 4 years old, when children begin interacting in groups with other children and start making 'friends' with certain children and not with others. It becomes more acute in early puberty, when 'cliques' begin to form and social rivalries begin to blossom. This is true for NTs with SA as well, but because ASD people tend to take themselves much more/way too seriously (and we are introspective as hell, too), they tend to have more severe cases. I think what that means is that all of you are correct, one way or another.

 

[Moviefan2k4]

I always had trouble around others outside of my immediate family, and even half of them, too. I started realizing I was different from others when I was eight years old, but wrestled for over 20 years because I couldn't explain well enough the "what", "how", or "why". My emotions have controlled me for most of my life, which has led to serious problems on more than one occasion. The nearly-constant chaos in my mind and heart has driven me nuts more times than I could ever hope to count...made all the worse by people who either didn't understand, or thought I was making it up. My diagnosis with AS in 2013 was both a huge relief, but also the start of a new puzzle. For the past three years my main question has been, "Now what?" I've lost my Grandma and my mother in that same timeframe, so its really hard to let go of the fear, anger, hate, and rage I often feel. I've heard a lot of "aspies" don't believe in God, but for those who do, I ask you to pray for me. Thanks.

 

[ksheehan88]

Far as I can tell it wasn't until I was around 8 that I had any issues... I think you kind of get to that sort of age then children start to notice differences in their peers, as it was from then that I started to be left out and bullied. It didn't take long for anxiety to take hold, by the time I left primary and started secondary when I was 11, I was completely friendless and terrified of trying to make friends because of the fear of ridicule and rejection that followed me like a bad smell.

 

[JuliaCee]

I have always been a nervous person as a child I could not talk to others. Some one would ask me a question and I could not answer, I was afraid of what would happen if I gave the wrong reply. I do not know if it is my Asperger's that made me this way or the way I was brought up. My parents were the " children should be seen and not heard" sort. So I often got reprimanded for the slightest noise. We were only permitted to speak if spoken to and the wrong answer could result in a beating.

 

[JuliaCee]

You make a good point biblophile. Sometimes it's hard to know if it's the ASD or conditioning that contributes to the social anxiety. I suspect it's both, and maybe a few more factors as well. Usually it's a combination and interaction of factors that go into making us who we are, or contribute to the intensity or severity of the anxiety.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

looking back it sure seems

 

[the_tortoise]

I have anxiety about social situations that my brain relates to trauma. It's definitely not been a lifelong thing for me.

I've always found socializing to be intense and confusing, though -- stressful, if not always anxiety-provoking.

 

[John Smith II]

I'm an NT, although I sometimes wonder if I have Aspie tendencies. These days I feel reasonably comfortable in social situations. But when I was younger I was very uncomfortable. The weird thing is, people didn't really see how insecure I was and just thought I preferred to not socialize a lot. I spent a lot of my youth and early adulthood observing and trying to figure out the ins and outs of social interactions; watching small groups of people and how their friendships formed. I always felt like there was some kind of secret code that I was not aware of. I spent a lot of years in and out of therapy trying to sort things out (I had a very unstable home life as a child).

It wasn't until my mid 30s that I started to feel more comfortable socially and kind of discover myself. The weird thing is, I was able to do this because of being with my Aspie partner. When I met him 20 years ago, I could tell something was different about him, but he was very social. He had lots of acquaintances, but I came to find that he had no real friends. He would have large parties, which I was not at all accustomed to. During these gatherings I found that I was actually pretty good at socializing, which was a big surprise to me.

After a few years when my partner and I moved in together I got to see the real him, and he was much, much quieter, almost reclusive. And then he let all of those acquaintances slide away. It seemed that his Mr. Social personna had all been an act. By this time I had discovered myself socially and was more willing to get together with people; and he was just doing the opposite, preferring that it just be the two of us. I think he was at the age, mid 40s, where he just decided it was time to allow himself to be who he was, which was someone much more introverted.

Today I am definitely the more social one. We do have parties and dinner gatherings, which I mostly initiate and plan. He goes along and does reasonably well. But ultimately he would be quite content to lock himself in his office and read or doodle on his computer.

 

[OkRad]

I didn't experience it as a kid, but around 13 or 14 I did. I was told when I was diagnosed that this was normal because people with ASD have a delayed realization that our peers are judging us based on our behavior, and it usually happens around early to middle teens while with most NT people it happens around 4 or 5 when they're beginning to interact with the world outside the home. The whole thing is complicated by the fact that when we realize it we aren't sure how to handle it and have already built a behavior pattern and 'reputation' amongst our peers.

Can you expand on this? I also did not have "trouble" before about 14. If we are not realizing that our peers are judging us, what are we doing with our relationships up to that point ? How are we different?

This is fascinating to me and I would like to know more.

 

[SnowTiger20]

Yes,but I could stay stay "calm" until during and after high school(It was a bad choice for a school).I was so anxious I didn't want to go and walk in the backyard.But the last 2 years it became better but I sill dislike social and public situations a lot.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I think I have been shy to an extent for a lot of my childhood, I've never went up to someone I don't know and start talking to them, I don't know how to and I don't want to. I've always had to rely on other people talking to me first or talking to a new member of the group in some way or another, I'm a lot better at doing this now as compared to being a child or teenager.

I'm not particularly socially anxious but I loathe parties with people I don't know, I won't enjoy myself, I'll be on edge.

 

[blue_bird]

It seemed to me for a long time that I was born avoidant, but in truth I don't avoid people because I fear them as such, what I actually experience is a lack of trust in them. If I don't trust I'll be liked by someone I'll avoid them, until proven otherwise. The few people I do trust, I'm not anxious around.

I think I have a heightened fear of rejection, maybe since I'm always feeling inadequate, and thus unworthy of unconditional love. I wouldn't be surprised that if at the root of most peoples SAD, are their doubts concerning whether they're worthy of being loved. This may have started in early childhood especially if they were brought up in a family, that found it difficult to express feelings of trust and affection.

I suppose if my distrust of people's opinions towards me subside, my SAD will eventually subside. Either I stop caring what people think of me, or I convince myself that most peoples opinions aren't as 'dangerous' as they appear to be.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Nope. I was a 90s kid, so it was drilled into me by paranoid relatives and teachers that around every corner lurked a kidnapper, rapist, or murderer. Thank you, Joe Walsh, for your services.

 

[Bolletje]

Great post! Like a few of the other posters here, I didn't have any social anxiety until I was about 13/14. I was a very social, friendly and outgoing kid, a little too social sometimes (walking up to strangers, befriending college students on my street while I was 6). I was teased as a kid for having a huge vocabulary, but it didn't bother me too much.
It wasn't until my classmates started to hit puberty while I was still the same extroverted kid that I started to feel rejected and became increasingly withdrawn. At 14 I still had quite a few friends that liked my bubbly personality, at 16 I'd spend all day in school listening to loud music over my headphones to drown out all conversation for fear I'd pick up someone saying negative things about me, and avoiding eye contact so I wouldn't accidentally engage someone in a conversation that would end up awkward, hurtful and disappointing anyway.
A little social anxiety is normal for any teenager, but I've needed over 10 years to recover from the self-reinforcing mechanisms of isolation and rejection I've built in my teenage years. Glad most of it is okay now though

 

[xudo]

I was always shy around people I didn't know, and unwilling to do things for myself if I had to interact with strangers like in shops and things.

It has just gotten worse and worse as I've become an adult. I don't know if my anxiety has made it worse, or if it has made my anxiety worse. Probably both, like a vicious circle.

 

[Mia]

Seems as if I was always anxious, even afraid from very early on, as an infant. Recall teaching myself to walk and my two older siblings tripping me and laughing. I think of it as fear, not anxiety, and still think of it that way.

Intellectually I know it was fear, coupled with anxiety, being bullied and abused and neglected as a child made me quite careful around others. Nervous even, as by the age of six or so I was well aware of the dangers of the world around me. Made many friends outside of the family sphere, we got along well and I was rarely anxious around them.

Think that social anxiety results from poor treatment by others, a sort of wariness develops over time. Yet if you cannot depend on the people around you, then in my case I was forced to look for friendship outside of the family. And in doing so, developed the skills I needed early on in my life.

 

[Judge]

Think that social anxiety results from poor treatment by others, a sort of wariness develops over time. Yet if you cannot depend on the people around you, then in my case I was forced to look for friendship outside of the family. And in doing so, developed the skills I needed early on in my life.

That's precisely the origin of my social anxiety. Poor treatment by others which began in earnest when I was around ten years of age. Though in my case home was my only refuge. I was never mistreated by family members. Misunderstood at times, but never mistreated. My symptoms worsened when my father died.