squirbel
New Member
Hello.
I am new, obviously.
I am here because I need help [emotionally] accepting my strangeness.
I am 38, and having been born in 1980, I always experienced being treated as if I were strange, nonsensical, and brilliant from not only from strangers and my school/work associates — but also from my adopted family.
I was adopted when I was six, having been forcibly removed from my schizophrenic mother’s care. So having been born of a non-neurotypical mother, and a cardiac surgeon father, it is my uneducated opinion that I was fated to be non-neurotypical.
All of this aside, I have been through a lot. I have never had a relationship where a male has expressed love for me, hugged me of his own choice, kissed me on a whim — basically movie stuff. Basic relationship stuff. Going out more than once. Building a relationship. Getting closer to someone through time spent together [male or female]. This is my primary worry/concern moving forward, as I am unmarried and childless — and children are kind of one of my obsessions.
When I turned 30, I rediscovered MBTI. In college, I was tested by the campus psychologist. I was told I was an INTJ — but truthfully, back then, there not a lot of internet resources for me to research it, and so I did not care about it.
At 30, I took a random internet test, which gave me the same result. I started researching obsessively. I found the site www.personalitycafe.com. I engaged with those on the forum, and basically associated and blamed all of my non-neurotypical [strangeness] to being an INTJ female. The topic came up suggesting I may have Asperger’s, and I considered it, and then rejected it.
I did my best to grow, and become more emotionally connected to the world. I watched emotional Korean dramas and emotional critically-acclaimed films, in an effort to feel emotions and also express them. I want to be mated with an emotional, neurotypical male, most of all. Someone to complement me.
The past few days, I have been considering that I may have Asperger’s. This is a self-diagnosis, yes, but I will be getting tested later this year.
Hello, and hopefully you can bring me understanding.
I am new, obviously.
I am here because I need help [emotionally] accepting my strangeness.
I am 38, and having been born in 1980, I always experienced being treated as if I were strange, nonsensical, and brilliant from not only from strangers and my school/work associates — but also from my adopted family.
I was adopted when I was six, having been forcibly removed from my schizophrenic mother’s care. So having been born of a non-neurotypical mother, and a cardiac surgeon father, it is my uneducated opinion that I was fated to be non-neurotypical.
All of this aside, I have been through a lot. I have never had a relationship where a male has expressed love for me, hugged me of his own choice, kissed me on a whim — basically movie stuff. Basic relationship stuff. Going out more than once. Building a relationship. Getting closer to someone through time spent together [male or female]. This is my primary worry/concern moving forward, as I am unmarried and childless — and children are kind of one of my obsessions.
When I turned 30, I rediscovered MBTI. In college, I was tested by the campus psychologist. I was told I was an INTJ — but truthfully, back then, there not a lot of internet resources for me to research it, and so I did not care about it.
At 30, I took a random internet test, which gave me the same result. I started researching obsessively. I found the site www.personalitycafe.com. I engaged with those on the forum, and basically associated and blamed all of my non-neurotypical [strangeness] to being an INTJ female. The topic came up suggesting I may have Asperger’s, and I considered it, and then rejected it.
I did my best to grow, and become more emotionally connected to the world. I watched emotional Korean dramas and emotional critically-acclaimed films, in an effort to feel emotions and also express them. I want to be mated with an emotional, neurotypical male, most of all. Someone to complement me.
The past few days, I have been considering that I may have Asperger’s. This is a self-diagnosis, yes, but I will be getting tested later this year.
Hello, and hopefully you can bring me understanding.