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Undiagnosed 80s babe.

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by squirbel, Apr 18, 2019.

  1. squirbel

    squirbel New Member

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    Hello.

    I am new, obviously.

    I am here because I need help [emotionally] accepting my strangeness.

    I am 38, and having been born in 1980, I always experienced being treated as if I were strange, nonsensical, and brilliant from not only from strangers and my school/work associates — but also from my adopted family.

    I was adopted when I was six, having been forcibly removed from my schizophrenic mother’s care. So having been born of a non-neurotypical mother, and a cardiac surgeon father, it is my uneducated opinion that I was fated to be non-neurotypical.

    All of this aside, I have been through a lot. I have never had a relationship where a male has expressed love for me, hugged me of his own choice, kissed me on a whim — basically movie stuff. Basic relationship stuff. Going out more than once. Building a relationship. Getting closer to someone through time spent together [male or female]. This is my primary worry/concern moving forward, as I am unmarried and childless — and children are kind of one of my obsessions.

    When I turned 30, I rediscovered MBTI. In college, I was tested by the campus psychologist. I was told I was an INTJ — but truthfully, back then, there not a lot of internet resources for me to research it, and so I did not care about it.

    At 30, I took a random internet test, which gave me the same result. I started researching obsessively. I found the site www.personalitycafe.com. I engaged with those on the forum, and basically associated and blamed all of my non-neurotypical [strangeness] to being an INTJ female. The topic came up suggesting I may have Asperger’s, and I considered it, and then rejected it.

    I did my best to grow, and become more emotionally connected to the world. I watched emotional Korean dramas and emotional critically-acclaimed films, in an effort to feel emotions and also express them. I want to be mated with an emotional, neurotypical male, most of all. Someone to complement me.

    The past few days, I have been considering that I may have Asperger’s. This is a self-diagnosis, yes, but I will be getting tested later this year.

    Hello, and hopefully you can bring me understanding.
     
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  2. Nitro

    Nitro Admin/Immoral Turpitude Staff Member Admin V.I.P Member

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    Hi squirbel :)

    welcome to af.png
     
  3. squirbel

    squirbel New Member

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  4. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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  5. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member

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    Unusual personalities are quite run-of-the-mill here. ;)
     
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  6. Kevin1968

    Kevin1968 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    What are your interests, if there was a place where you could meet someone with similar interests it could later turn into something more, that is how I met my wife anyway.
     
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  7. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hiya

    I was a self diagnosed aspie ( aspergers person) when I joined and finally, last month, got my official diagnosis.

    Very supportive here and this is from someone who is so low on self esteem, that had the internet been around when younger, I would not dear to come on to something like this! It is a case of: who the heck am I? Just a nobody. And yet, I have felt very welcomed and thus, you should find it outstanding here.

    Oh and I did laugh at your: Korean dramas. Because I recently got hooked into them and currently watching: Pride and Prejudice and so far, brilliant and so thankful for subs lol as I am hopeless with languages.
     
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  8. Sarah S

    Sarah S Active Member

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    Warm welkome to the forum
     
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  9. JDShredds

    JDShredds Well-Known Member

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    Hi squirbel and welcome. Good luck in your pursuit of diagnoses.

    When it comes to connecting to people (and learning how), as much as we can pick up from culture around us, nothing really teaches you like experience. That's kind of the crux of the whole problem, isn't it?

    We certainly have some things in common. I'm also an 80's born ('84) INTJ that was viewed as strange, nonsensical and brilliant by others. I've just come to accept it and appreciate the gifts (and idiosyncrasies) of myself.

    I feel for you being 38 and desiring a relationship and children. Its not easy to be in that position and not act out of desperation, so I wish you well (as an aside to how this relates to me: my ex pointlessly hoped I would "change my mind"- whatever you do, don't do that to yourself). Perhaps you can still meet that desire. If it doesn't work out and too much time passes, how would you feel about adopting? It would be kind of poetic for an adopted daughter to become an adopting mother.
     
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  10. squirbel

    squirbel New Member

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    As I have aged, and gained a lot of experience – I have found that my interests are very wide. If we are only looking at those things that I obsessed about when I was younger, it would be self-enlightenment, everything regarding children, writing, architecture, individual health. These are things that I would talk about endlessly.

    As I have aged, I stay silent rather than talk peoples ears off.

    My one problem, is that I did not stay silent when speaking with the gentleman I wanted to be with. I totally ruined it. I agonized over this now. :’(

    I have loved Korean dramas for the past 12 years. I was distraught when I found that DramaFever was closed! So sudden!

    I tend to prefer foreign language films and TV — because I find American-made are far too raunchy and/or base intellectually [created for the lowest common denominator].
     
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  11. squirbel

    squirbel New Member

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    Sadly, based on my own experience — I am not willing to adopt. I desperately want someone of my own genetic material to be created.

    Sure, many people will call this selfish. But all of my life, I have been alone — having never met or touched someone of my own blood. Everyone in my life has been a stranger to me.

    I am happy to meet you, and happy that you understand my dilemma.
     
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  12. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I have loved Korean dramas for the past 12 years. I was distraught when I found that DramaFever was closed! So sudden!

    I tend to prefer foreign language films and TV — because I find American-made are far too raunchy and/or base intellectually [created for the lowest common denominator].[/QUOTE]

    I use: ondramance to view all the Korean dramas.

    I can only watch Korean dramas now.
     
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  13. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Just Enjoying Survival V.I.P Member

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    Don't rule out Aspie men because each one is different and some are very good with emotions.
     
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  14. Nervous Rex

    Nervous Rex High-functioning autistic V.I.P Member

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    Honestly, this should be part of every autism quiz: "Are you researching autism obsessively?" :p

    Anyway, welcome to the forum. This is a nice place and I hope you find it as welcoming and helpful as I do.
     
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  15. Jojo_LB

    Jojo_LB Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hi squirbel. I can relate to some of the stuff you've written. I was born in '83. My parents are immigrants (now naturalized citizens of the US). I always was a brilliant little weirdo to people. I haven't changed much really :D But I've recently (last few months), started to totally embrace my weirdness, because I realize that life's too short for me to continue masking and trying to pass as NT every day. I will only make efforts to do "NT stuff" if I absolutely have to. Otherwise, I will just be my weird self, as I was always meant to be.

    I am married, but by some miracle bestowed upon me by the universe, I found someone who actually likes my weirdness. He's not totally NT though (he has ADHD, but he's not on the spectrum.... at least I don't think he is.) As BraidedPony said, don't rule out Aspie men, or other neurodiverse men in general! I think they'd be able to "get" you better than NT guys...

    I hope this community helps you embrace your "strangeness" too. I think you'll be able to relate to many of us.
     
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  16. ZebraAspie

    ZebraAspie Well-Known Member

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    Welcome to AC.
     
  17. Major Tom

    Major Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hi welcome to the forums!
     
  18. Isadoorian

    Isadoorian Well Known Chat Member, Welcomer of Newcomers V.I.P Member

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    Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process! :)
     
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  19. tlc

    tlc Well-Known Member

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    Welcome to the forums. I read this too, and I used to get a lot of Asian dramas on my satellite dish and enjoyed them. There was one in particular "It Started With A Kiss" that I got totally hooked on. I bought the DVD set, and the set for the next season. I don't think they made a 3rd season.
     
  20. Autistamatic

    Autistamatic He's just this guy, you know? V.I.P Member

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    Hi @squirbel and welcome to the community :)

    Never indulged in Korean drama (yet) but I do have a love for Scandinavian serials
    Hopefully spending some time here will help you work out whether you are on the spectrum or not and make the diagnostic process you have initiated easier.
    There are single people and those in relationships here. I'm married but didn't meet my wife till age 35 so you're not far behind me ;)