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Past determining my future

Pure dumb luck.
I'm going through hell just as bad as the OP. I tried so hard I am losing my mind appetite sleep willing to live, but I still put myself out there and go to new places like the dumb jerk I am to prove all you wrong and still fail.

You're so focused on conventional friendships and relationships with others that you have long neglected your own issues. The kind probably best dealt with through a psychiatrist or neurologist. The sort of thing that's well above what any therapist or online forum can do for you.

To find peace you need to get help before you can approach others. Something you apparently haven't figured out yet.
 
I'm not entitled to have female friends, just say it. I'm done with you.

Friendship is about ability and a willingness to give more to someone than you take. It's not an entitlement at all. With social chemistry often playing a part in whether you succeed or fail.
 
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I'm not entitled to have female friends, just say it. I'm done with you.
No one is entitled to a relationship with anyone. That kind of attitude turns people away.

The way you approach relationships is like someone who spends 5 years applying to be a doctor or a lawyer despite not having the necessary education or experience for those positions, while constantly blaming employers, the universe, and everyone but themselves for their lack of employment.

If you want a relationship with someone, it has to be mutually beneficial. The people you are pursuing relationships with are too dissimilar to yourself. They're in a different league that you can't compete in yet. Similar to a job, if you want a relationship, you have to start with people who are appropriate for what you have to offer (the more similar to yourself the better - autistic, unemployed, etc.). That's enough to get a relationship. If you want relationships with a broader range of people, you have to work to improve your character, mental health, employment, etc. to become more similar to the people you want a relationship with.
 
Sadly, your attitude, demeanor and behavior have caused females to be done with you.
To paraphrase Justin Urban: “I want to attract women, not drive them away.” I think that’s what keeps me from being an incel. I know that there are women who like men who aren’t the stereotypical “bad boys/Alpha Males”, I just struggle socially because I didn’t have good role models and I was socially isolated a lot in my developmental years.
 
You started this thread over a year and a half ago.
Speculating that your past determines your future.

That appears to be your current conclusion.

Posts #149 and #150, for example, both refer to
previous experiences as holding sway over your
ability to act in the present.
 
Sometimes insights are gained in weird ways. Went to party last night Just after we got their doing our standard introductions to old friends when wife speaking to a good friend when suddenly he just collapsed. one second I was just looking around and he was stretched out on the ground like a fallen tree. Not sure what happened His wife stated this was not the first time. This morning wife stated this used to happen to her when she first came to city. Got checked out medically , nothing found. Then she stated, since I meet you never again ever had an issue. She was new to the big city no idea how to act trusted no one. Us aspies have a way about us on the outside not easily flustered,
analytical stuff a lot of women like.
 

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