Past determining my future

[Mary Terry]

So are my kids. quite familiar with NT's we just have different cultures as Aspies and like likes like. My step grandson I suspect is also one of us His natural dad is engineer My son has great relationship with him love buying gifts for him as I ger him. Now ten, loves math. Bottom line if you want to be in a serious relationship please take your mask off. acting is not a good idea. be yourself. Maybe thats why your alone.A perceptive person will notice and move on.

So you actually like NTs.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

No issue just found out without knowing I was one I prefer fellow Aspies as friends, My closest friend is my Aspie brother. Plus really close to my Aspie sister. Also like debating my NT brothers. One with psychology degree. who admits he was taught nothing about Aspergers as part of the curriculum.forty seven years ago. Either way I am better at math then him both of us love science. He is better at chemistry then I am through I majored in it.

 

[Markness]

I would not be employable and I would not have NT friends if I did not mask. That being said, I don't have to make completely around my employer or friends, there is a degree of acceptance for my quirks.

I thought masking was pretending to be something you are not? In my case, I was often pressured to be a “tough guy” or “bad boy.”

 

[Judge]

I thought masking was pretending to be something you are not? In my case, I was often pressured to be a “tough guy” or “bad boy.”

Not at all. I consider it simply a "social defensive mechanism" to deflect potentially problematic encounters with people, whether NT or ND. To be aware in real time of a need to "keep the peace" and try to avoid looking or speaking in a controversial way.

Bad boy or tough guy? WTH ? Ohhhhh.... I smell Texas. And no, you don't need a pickup either.

Change my personality ? LOL...no. Be me, but just be "careful me". Masking to me is about diplomacy- not personality. To be kind and courteous, and mildly complimentary in asking questions about people when you know they want to talk about themselves. You don't have to abandon your identity just for that. To provide a concerted effort to maintain a pleasant interaction with another doesn't constitute being manipulative either.

Think of it for what it is- just simple, but concerted civility on your part. -No harm, no foul.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

No need to do that wife's buddy portrayed himself as the reddest red neck around, not very endearing, considering current politics.

Some other cultures prefer us. My son surprised me meet Albanian women with PHD in education, My nephew , meet a french speaking lady because his mother put him in french immersion. in school. I guess immigrating to Canada she was not expecting to meet a really bright french speaking guy on a dating site. in Ontario, considering her culture and and ethnicity. I really enjoyed talking to her stating I was the oldest defacto patriarch. in family. welcoming her in. She had organized the birthday party so she could meet the family. She found a very eccentric. family. Also found out another niece is pregnant.

 

[velociraptor]

I thought masking was pretending to be something you are not?

I've never pretended to not be autistic or claimed not to be. I abhor dishonesty. It's simply social code-switching. In the same way NTs may be more casual and swear and joke in private, but are more formal and careful in conversation at work and other situations where more proper dress and manners are called for.

I simply moderate my tendancy to stim when distressed or under load and I essay to maintain an appropriate amount of eye contact and display the correct social cues for the environment I'm in. More a case of social lubrication that helps me stay gainfully employed. I like having income and the comforts that come with it.

 

[Markness]

Apparently another issue I have is that I come off as emotionally starved.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Apparently another issue I have is that I come off as emotionally starved.

I suspect that is the case some cultures like to keep emotions close to chest, find them hang with them if possible.