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Past determining my future

Even though I mostly work with women, they tend to be in long term dating relationships or are married. I can’t even hang out with them platonically because their partners would get upset, according to them. This has really diminished social opportunities for me.
 
That sounds like there might be some kind of
communication failure going on. Maybe they
are misinterpreting your efforts to socialize
as other than what you intend.

Maybe if you suggested that you'd like to hang
out with both of them it would go over better.
Not give them the impression you're hitting on
them.

Have you tried suggesting that?
 
tree said:
That sounds like there might be some kind of
communication failure going on. Maybe they
are misinterpreting your efforts to socialize
as other than what you intend.

Maybe if you suggested that you'd like to hang
out with both of them it would go over better.
Not give them the impression you're hitting on
them.

Have you tried suggesting that?
Click to expand...
I haven’t thought of that. It just never crosses my mind.

The few times I’ve been invited to interact with couples, platonic as well as romantic, have only been if they are trying to include me somehow and it’s only happened after they got to know me.

Examples of the above scenarios: An older cousin and their dating partner or spouse. The daughter or son of a stepparent and their dating partner or spouse. A couple I’ve had friendly interactions with at a social place, event, or convention.
 
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It does take time to get to know a person.

So many times I have seen you remark about
*a new friend* when you've recently met someone.

Meeting a person and being friends aren't the
same thing.
 
One of my ex-friends I would sometimes go along when she had a friend or dating partner with her. The other ex-friend was with one of her former boyfriends when I got acquainted with her.
 
I apparently need to figure out how to be ok with being 37 and socially isolated somehow. This is still a challenge for me.
 
Tired said:
Why are they ex friends now?
Click to expand...
One moved away and then decided to call me one evening to tell me she wasn’t my friend anymore. The other person grew to dislike me and sent me a final message telling me both that she wasn’t my friend anymore as well as to “get your (mine) head out of your (mine again) ass.”
 
My wife's close friend meet an Aspie on a dating site two years ago, relationship just ended few days ago did a post mortem he wound not admit he was on spectrum wound not lower his mask around her She thought he was bi polar, Now she realizes poor acting makes for poor relation ships back to dating sites for her She actually likes Aspies as she is very bright and we high functioning tend to be bright She is a widow husband passed a few years ago fellow Aspie as couples we really got along. Now back to square one for her. Lesson if Aspie do not mask be yourself.
 
I’ve
Ronald Zeeman said:
My wife's close friend meet an Aspie on a dating site two years ago, relationship just ended few days ago did a post mortem he wound not admit he was on spectrum wound not lower his mask around her She thought he was bi polar, Now she realizes poor acting makes for poor relation ships back to dating sites for her She actually likes Aspies as she is very bright and we high functioning tend to be bright She is a widow husband passed a few years ago fellow Aspie as couples we really got along. Now back to square one for her. Lesson if Aspie do not mask be yourself.
Click to expand...
I would never mask myself. I already abhor the thought of masking and find it insulting when people like my mother tell me to do so.
 
My nephew found a girlfriend by thinking out side the box meet her today asked her how she meet him first thing that stood out they both spoke French fluently, she knew very quickly he was on spectrum, So yes some women do like us quirks and all she told me she saw him reading one day asked watch you reading shocked complex math equations he was working on. She did not know how athletic he is so I filled her in. My son found his girlfriend thinking outside the box giving tours of Toronto to recent immigrants So now you have two examples of how to things outside the box use your imagination. A lot of us have your back. You can do it. Noticed one thing talking to my sons fiance her complexion is a bit darker then mine or my sons So I joked my nephews girlfriend is darker again. so quit being so self conscious I do not care if my grand daughter has a darker complexion My nephews previous girlfriend was African. Do not be married to culture or ethnicity, or spirituality. that's how you box yourself in.
 
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My wifes buddy broke off her relationship as he masked poorly like method acting I could see through it when I first meet him skilled trades guy carried I'm a real red neck persona, no think worse than a poorly acted red neck pretending he has attitude, two years of this she thought he was bi polar All I saw was bad acting looked like a fool, spend some money take acting classes, Now he is alone again, she is in market again with bad taste about Us even through she was married over 40 years when her Aspie husband passed. I never masked employed 40 years must admit masking for my was playing introvert, loved hanging with supplier reps on on one took mask off. The really enjoyed my company, but then not paid by them. I liked working alone. Had a few friends, Now they were fellow aspies. Why I joined this forum They passed away Knowing what to look for easy to make new friends. I have no issue talking with women. They like my honesty, not looking to pick them up. When I meet my fourth cousin I stated expecting to meet a homely woman intellectually challenged, quickly told me she was a professor had a good laugh asked, why told her about chromosome five which we shared in common. googled it mentioned facial deformities, yes I'm direct. works for me.
 
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What I have found out over the years NT's are acquaintances not friends. Real friends have similar quirks, interests. Just plan a social event see who turns up, eye opener know did it.
 
Ronald Zeeman said:
NT's are acquaintances not friends
Click to expand...
All of my best friends are NTs. The one I loved the most passed over a year ago and it's still hitting hard. We were very different people, but we had a shared love of the same things that carried us past our dissimilarities. We also used our differences to challenge each other to try new things. It was very positive for me.
 
I've lost three good friends over the last ten years part of getting older have not seen on so called friends from work since I retired. going on six years now, Since I found out I was on the spectrum fifteen years ago now notice all my real friends were or on the spectrum including one brother plus sister. Two other brothers are NT we get along however, family can see the difference. They have no idea how different my way of thinking is.
 
So are my kids. quite familiar with NT's we just have different cultures as Aspies and like likes like. My step grandson I suspect is also one of us His natural dad is engineer My son has great relationship with him love buying gifts for him as I ger him. Now ten, loves math. Bottom line if you want to be in a serious relationship please take your mask off. acting is not a good idea. be yourself. Maybe thats why your alone.A perceptive person will notice and move on.
 
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