My boyfriend is threatening to dump me because of me getting medical guardianship. Is that reasonable?

[the_tortoise]

6. All adults have the right to make decisions that are viewed poorly by others, even ones that are detrimental to health. Think smoking, for example. Or a poor diet. Or frequent, casual sex, with or without protection and/or birth control.

Absolutely true.

I have been allowed to refuse emergency medical treatment when I could have died - more than once. ( One time I had lost half the blood in my body.)

And my capacity is questioned constantly. But I can always prove I understand the situation, and the consequences (certain, likely, and only possible) of any decision I make -- plus how I will handle those consequences.

I don't believe there's such a thing as a medical- only guardianship.

There is depending on what country, and state/province/territory you live in.

Where I live guardianship orders can apply to all decisions or only some. So a medical-decisions-only guardianship order would be possible; I'm also fairly sure that it's possible to specify only certain types of medical decisions are to be made for a represented adult by their guardian -- not all of their medical decisions.

In my province there are also court orders that mandate or facilitate supported decision-making, without actually taking the authority of final say away from the supported adult -- they are called "supported decision making orders" and "co-decision-making orders.

Supported decision making orders exist mainly to give the supporters easier access to private information; They name individuals who are legally authorized to obtain information necessary to make the specified decisions on behalf of the supported adult, and to assist them in communicating their decisions.

Co-decision making orders are basically the same as supported decision making orders except (one of, if there are more than one) the named co-decision-maker(/s) must be consulted by/discuss with the supported adult any specified decisions before the supported adult's decision is accepted. The supported adult retains the right to make a decision that the co-desicion maker disagrees with or disapproves of.

These two types of court order are alternatives to any amount of guardianship and are used mostly for people who need help to understand their options and/or communicate their choice to others.

 

[Crossbreed]

Ok but he is my boyfriend and not my husband.

I am saying that if you were to get married before your parents' case went to court, it might block them from doing so. Your attorney could tell you for sure.

 

[Poppy98]

Yeah how so?

Probably through marriage.


Is he able to keep a job?

 

[dancerxoxo123]

Absolutely true.

I have been allowed to refuse emergency medical treatment when I could have died - more than once. ( One time I had lost half the blood in my body.)

And my capacity is questioned constantly. But I can always prove I understand the situation, and the consequences (certain, likely, and only possible) of any decision I make -- plus how I will handle those consequences.

There is depending on what country, and state/province/territory you live in.

Where I live guardianship orders can apply to all decisions or only some. So a medical-decisions-only guardianship order would be possible; I'm also fairly sure that it's possible to specify only certain types of medical decisions are to be made for a represented adult by their guardian -- not all of their medical decisions.

In my province there are also court orders that mandate or facilitate supported decision-making, without actually taking the authority of final say away from the supported adult -- they are called "supported decision making orders" and "co-decision-making orders.

Supported decision making orders exist mainly to give the supporters easier access to private information; They name individuals who are legally authorized to obtain information necessary to make the specified decisions on behalf of the supported adult, and to assist them in communicating their decisions.

Co-decision making orders are basically the same as supported decision making orders except (one of, if there are more than one) the named co-decision-maker(/s) must be consulted by/discuss with the supported adult any specified decisions before the supported adult's decision is accepted. The supported adult retains the right to make a decision that the co-desicion maker disagrees with or disapproves of.

These two types of court order are alternatives to any amount of guardianship and are used mostly for people who need help to understand their options and/or communicate their choice to others.

Yeah there is a medical guardianship only for where I live. I am in New York. And I am able to understand consequences of my decisions. So this guardianship doesn’t make sense!

 

[dancerxoxo123]

I am saying that if you were to get married before your parents' case went to court, it might block them from doing so. Your attorney could tell you for sure.

Ok yeah that’s a good idea.

 

[dancerxoxo123]

Probably through marriage.


Is he able to keep a job?

Yeah he can keep a job.

 

[Judge]

Just understand there may be the possibility of your parents being unwilling or unable to discuss the matter in detail with you under the advice of their legal counsel. Assuming of course they have already begun initiating the process and chose to do so with the advice and expertise of an attorney.

Keeping in mind that your parents would be legal adversaries in the event they take such a formal civil action against you as an adult.

 

[Poppy98]

Keeping in mind that your parents would be legal adversaries in the event they take

Adding,
Aka don't tell them anything your attorney doesn't tell you to tell them.

 

[dancerxoxo123]

Just understand there may be the possibility of your parents being unwilling or unable to discuss the matter in detail with you under the advice of their legal counsel. Assuming of course they have already begun initiating the process and chose to do so with the advice and expertise of an attorney.

Keeping in mind that your parents would be legal adversaries in the event they take such a formal civil action against you as an adult.

Yeah what do you mean by that?

 

[Judge]

Yeah what do you mean by that?

Any time anyone launches legal action against you, it's adversarial in nature. To be treated like an attack on you personally.

Nothing friendly about the process, even if it's your own parents claiming that it's in your own best interest. Don't take anything they may say for granted if they have initiated such a process against you. It's not what I'd call "tough love".

And equally to understand in a legal process everything goes both ways. It's why it may be best for you to seek legal advice first before telling anyone much of anything.

When it's possible that you will be formally advised to say nothing to anyone.

 

[Poppy98]

Any time anyone launches legal action against you, it's adversarial in nature. To be treated like an attack on you personally.

Nothing friendly about the process, even if it's your own parents claiming that it's in your own best interest. Don't take anything they may say for granted if they have initiated such a process against you. It's not what I'd call "tough love".

And equally to understand in a legal process everything goes both ways. Meaning you should be careful as to what you may tell your parents of your intentions. It's why it may be best for you to seek legal advice first before telling anyone much of anything.

(Tw)


adding to this,

Spoiler

there was once a 14 year old girl who was kidnapped from her bed in the middle of the night and brutally tortured and sexually assaulted for a year or so.

After she escaped she spoke with a psychologist for the purpose of recovering.


The opposing attorney and the news blasted small portions of the conversation out of context to make it look like she wanted to be raped when really she had only said what her captor had required of her.

She was kidnapped. I don't know he much less consentual something be.

In short, any psychological torture that can be done to someone in a courtroom usually will be.

Don't assume that because something is immoral, untrue, or disgusting that it won't be done to you in a courtroom.

It probably will be (short of most types of physical torture).

 

[Judge]

Don't assume that because something is immoral, untrue, or disgusting that it won't be done to you in a courtroom.

It probably will be (short of most types of physical torture).

Good point being so specific. This is why at the heart of why a civil proceeding in court can be so difficult to deal with compared to a criminal court.

(Very broad rules and interpretations of evidence in play in a civil court.)

 

[dancerxoxo123]

(Tw)


adding to this,

Spoiler

there was once a 14 year old girl who was kidnapped from her bed in the middle of the night and brutally tortured and sexually assaulted for a year or so.

After she escaped she spoke with a psychologist for the purpose of recovering.


The opposing attorney and the news blasted small portions of the conversation out of context to make it look like she wanted to be raped when really she had only said what her captor had required of her.

She was kidnapped. I don't know he much less consentual something be.

In short, any psychological torture that can be done to someone in a courtroom usually will be.

Don't assume that because something is immoral, untrue, or disgusting that it won't be done to you in a courtroom.

It probably will be (short of most types of physical torture).

What do you mean by that?

 

[Poppy98]

What do you mean by that?

So that I can know which part you're asking about, did you click on the spoiler part?

 

[dancerxoxo123]

So that I can know which part you're asking about, did you click on the spoiler part?

Yeah I did. What do you mean by the spoiler alert post?

 

[Poppy98]

Yeah I did. What do you mean by the spoiler alert post?

Even though it's not true, they will make you out to be a dangerous, criminal pervert who isn't worth being protected. Court is terrible. I would strongly suggest trying to get an attorney first thing on Monday without asking your parents to help because in this case they probably won't even if they might tell you they will (legal matters change everything).

 

[Aspychata]

Forums are very helpful with advice, but realize if you marry him, it does bring legal implications such as being financially responsible for bills. Marriage is a serious decision, sit down and talk out what each of you expect from the marriage. Divorce can be expensive, and a long process. Please sit down with your parents and ask them for their views on the why are they are doing this. Then the attorney will be able to show you what your legal options are.

 

[dancerxoxo123]

Forums are very helpful with advice, but realize if you marry him, it does bring legal implications such as being financially responsible for bills. Marriage is a serious decision, sit down and talk out what each of you expect from the marriage. Divorce can be expensive, and a long process. Please sit down with your parents and ask them for their views on the why are they are doing this. Then the attorney will be able to show you what your legal options are.

Yes I will have a talk with them. You think it’s inappropriate that they are trying to get medical guardianship? It will ruin my life and freedom

 

[dancerxoxo123]

Even though it's not true, they will make you out to be a dangerous, criminal pervert who isn't worth being protected. Court is terrible. I would strongly suggest trying to get an attorney first thing on Monday without asking your parents to help because in this case they probably won't even if they might tell you they will (legal matters change everything).

Ohh wow that sucks I’m getting an attorney

 

[Aspychata]

I am not trying to pass judgment, l believe it's more important to talk to them to fully understand their mindset. Then based on why, you can then decide if you need to go to an attorney. Does that make sense to you?