Issues with other sites and controversial/unpopular opinions

[Jet Weiss]

So this is sort of a rant, I suppose. I was unsure of where to put this so I am just going to leave it here.

Before I found this site, I was a member on a few other forums (I will not discuss WP here as I don't think it is my place to do so)- mainly social anxiety forums and another MH site that is now defunct.
I was only on said forums for a very short time as I was ripped apart by the members and I am finding more and more how different they were to Aspies Central.

One forum had a largely female population and the majority of the more well-liked members ganged up on me because I am male. I posted something about how men get sexually assaulted too (my dad was still alive at the time and I was referring to my dad being sexually abused by his mum). I was called a "sexist MRA piece of sh*t" and told to "kill myself." The moderators did nothing about this. One moderator even "liked" the post!
I never once expressed a distaste for feminism or for women in general, yet I was constantly accused of being a misogynist and the "MRA" label kept coming up.
The members kept accusing me of being sexist and prejudiced against my dad's mum and therefore refused to believe that she was an abuser because apparently women can not be abusers because only men are evil abusers...?? I see no logic in that argument.

On another site, I was ripped apart for discussing my special interest in dogs/dog shows. A moderator went on the offensive about dog shows being abuse and therefore my mum's business should be shut down and all her dogs confiscated.
I ran into the same issue on Instagram and Tumblr, as I have mentioned in another thread recently. Everyone was screaming "abuse" about my mum's dogs. For the record... my mum is licensed, a Breeder of Merit and not some f****** puppy mill! Excuse my French, this has got me mad! My family is also fully supportive of rescue and several of our dogs and cats were rescues as well. In fact my mum's lifelong dream has been to run a sanctuary for rescue dogs.

On yet another site, there was a thread about posting picture of your food, and I posted a picture of a hamburger and was called out for not being a vegan and told that I "couldn't possibly really care about animals" if I was eating a hamburger... My defensive argument was that it is the circle of life, would you tell a wolf to stop eating elk?
*Sigh*
On same site, I was called a "SJW" or social justice warrior multiple times just for being gay and pro-gay-rights and because I once told someone off for being racist. Of course there were also people who used the MRA label on me on this site as well.
My response was "So which is it then? Am I an SJW or an MRA? Can't be both..." and the moderators did not like that at all and saw it as an attack. :/
Also, apparently NTs take offense to being called "neurotypicals...?" On that site I made a post about my struggles with having Asperger's and I used the phrase "neurotypical" and I may as well have dropped a nuke.

I will get off my soapbox now... I was just curious as to whether other Aspies have experienced this sort of thing on other sites? I was terrified to join another forum because of this.

 

[Questella]

I will get off my soapbox now... I was just curious as to whether other Aspies have experienced this sort of thing on other sites? I was terrified to join another forum because of this.

For sure, most other forums I'm on I pretty much just read, I constantly have to remind myself to not say anything a lot of the time.

 

[Jet Weiss]

For sure, most other forums I'm on I pretty much just read, I constantly have to remind myself to not say anything a lot of the time.

Yeah, I agree, I am prone to not keeping my mouth shut, though I realise on some of those sites it may have been smart to just "look but don't touch."

 

[Bolletje]

People on the Internet are jerks. I constantly have to remind myself not to read comment threads and not to respond on public posts on Facebook, because someone will find something to hate on.
I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of all this hatred.

 

[Jet Weiss]

People on the Internet are jerks. I constantly have to remind myself not to read comment threads and not to respond on public posts on Facebook, because someone will find something to hate on.
I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of all this hatred.

Thank you Bolletje. Yeah, for certain. I deactivated my Facebook shortly after my dad died, for a multitude of reasons, but one of the reasons was that two of my dad's so-called "friends" messaged me and told me I should follow suit and kill myself like my dad did. I can't help but wonder if they may have coerced my dad or baited him as well.

 

[Suzanne]

Wow, no wonder you feel the way you do!

We live in a culture today, when femminism has gone mad; all common sense has gone out of the window. There is nothing wrong in wanting equal pay, if a woman puts in the same time as a chap etc, but hang on a minute! Selfies are all the rage and girls are always wearing saucy outfits and posing seductivily and when guys comment, those same girls react with disgust. It is a: I can dress as sexy as I want; but you dare to mention it. I find that outrageous and I am a woman!

For females to deny that women can be abusers, is just insane. I was molested by father and so, got obsessed with reading all about it, to try and understand myself etc and read countless examples of females being abusers.

You will find aspiecentral to be very different. Occasionally a member comes here and shows a suspicious behaviour pattern, but mostly, a great bunch and for me, so refreshing, when having to deal with NT's and yes, it is seen as offensive, but that is because they catch on to the: typical part and that is just not on. My husband was horrified when I first said it, so I try not to now, even though, rather illogically, he tends to say it now lol

I have been on a few forums ( not for aspies) and have found them very distressing. This is the best forum on the internet, as far as I am concerned.

 

[Jet Weiss]

Wow, no wonder you feel the way you do!

We live in a culture today, when femminism has gone mad; all common sense has gone out of the window. There is nothing wrong in wanting equal pay, if a woman puts in the same time as a chap etc, but hang on a minute! Selfies are all the rage and girls are always wearing saucy outfits and posing seductivily and when guys comment, those same girls react with disgust. It is a: I can dress as sexy as I want; but you dare to mention it. I find that outrageous and I am a woman!

For females to deny that women can be abusers, is just insane. I was molested by father and so, got obsessed with reading all about it, to try and understand myself etc and read countless examples of females being abusers.

I wholeheartedly agree.
I do not have an issue with feminism itself or the general ideology, but it seems as though the more radical side of it has gone a bit too far these days.

My dad was molested and abused by his own mum. For anyone to deny that females can be abusers or rapists infuriates me.

 

[AGXStarseed]

I wholeheartedly agree.
I do not have an issue with feminism itself or the general ideology, but it seems as though the more radical side of it has gone a bit too far these days.

My dad was molested and abused by his own mum. For anyone to deny that females can be abusers or rapists infuriates me.

The whole "it's only men who are abusers and rapists" idea is made worse when the media seems to imply that it is only men that do it and not women.
In the UK, most adverts/Public Information Films (British version of PSAs) about relationship abuse show only the 'traditional' male side of it and while a website for a recent ad campaign of this nature does address the "females can be abusers/rapists too" idea, their adverts are still predominantly blaming the male.
Check out the like/dislike ration on this one:

Now check out this video reaction:

 

[ZebraAutismo]

Some forums do get nasty. To be honest AC is the only one which hasn't for me.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

For sure, most other forums I'm on I pretty much just read, I constantly have to remind myself to not say anything a lot of the time.

Yer, far be it for an aspie to voice her opinion on a non aspie forum hey

One forum had a largely female population

Ooh, no disrespect to your plight but this sounds like one mans heaven, which forum was this ??

 

[Lookinator]

I think it's wonderful, we have such a place like this forum.
Some females may be aggressive for they like their traditional way of living, they treat the gay men like a competitors. I'm sorry they told you to kill yourself, this is horrible. It's just shows the cultural level of their development. My mom's neighbour friend is a christian femenist, she just puts males down with her words and an attitude. That makes me sad.

I love dogs, they are amazing. I don't understand why people are so aggressive. It's good you have found our forum.

 

[Momo]

The exact same thing happens to me, except not usually online, but at school! I'm apparently a sexist, racist bigot who is a white supremacist or something like that. Jeez, all I tried to talk about is how you are not allowed a citizenship in China unless you are preferably Han Chinese or Chinese of some description, whether you're born there or not, and the fact that the CCP is now making it impossible to vote in Hong Kong and ruining their democracy. I grew up in Hong Kong so I have a soft spot for Hong Kong and Taiwan. All hell broke lose! Reeeee! It's as though every political opinion I have is pure evil. Okay, I admit I am more traditionalist, but my lord! I am generally pretty moderate, pro gay rights, controlled legal immigration and everything. It's ironic really.
But this forum is great!

 

[Jet Weiss]

The exact same thing happens to me, except not usually online, but at school! I'm apparently a sexist, racist bigot who is a white supremacist or something like that.

The same thing happened to me at school. I'm sorry to hear you went through that as well.

 

[Momo]

The same thing happened to me at school. I'm sorry to hear you went through that as well.

Still going through it, can't wait until year's end (so long as my grades live up to expectations). My favourite is when they fill your locker with hate mail and the whole school (excepting a few oblivious nerds) refuse to talk to you! School kids are always super nice

 

[ZebraAutismo]

The same thing happened to me at school. I'm sorry to hear you went through that as well.

I got accused of being racist because I said "You wouldn't call anyone one the N word so why would you use the C word" The C word was crippled

 

[Ambi]

So this is sort of a rant, I suppose. I was unsure of where to put this so I am just going to leave it here.

Before I found this site, I was a member on a few other forums (I will not discuss WP here as I don't think it is my place to do so)- mainly social anxiety forums and another MH site that is now defunct.
I was only on said forums for a very short time as I was ripped apart by the members and I am finding more and more how different they were to Aspies Central.

One forum had a largely female population and the majority of the more well-liked members ganged up on me because I am male. I posted something about how men get sexually assaulted too (my dad was still alive at the time and I was referring to my dad being sexually abused by his mum). I was called a "sexist MRA piece of sh*t" and told to "kill myself." The moderators did nothing about this. One moderator even "liked" the post!
I never once expressed a distaste for feminism or for women in general, yet I was constantly accused of being a misogynist and the "MRA" label kept coming up.
The members kept accusing me of being sexist and prejudiced against my dad's mum and therefore refused to believe that she was an abuser because apparently women can not be abusers because only men are evil abusers...?? I see no logic in that argument.

On another site, I was ripped apart for discussing my special interest in dogs/dog shows. A moderator went on the offensive about dog shows being abuse and therefore my mum's business should be shut down and all her dogs confiscated.
I ran into the same issue on Instagram and Tumblr, as I have mentioned in another thread recently. Everyone was screaming "abuse" about my mum's dogs. For the record... my mum is licensed, a Breeder of Merit and not some f****** puppy mill! Excuse my French, this has got me mad! My family is also fully supportive of rescue and several of our dogs and cats were rescues as well. In fact my mum's lifelong dream has been to run a sanctuary for rescue dogs.

On yet another site, there was a thread about posting picture of your food, and I posted a picture of a hamburger and was called out for not being a vegan and told that I "couldn't possibly really care about animals" if I was eating a hamburger... My defensive argument was that it is the circle of life, would you tell a wolf to stop eating elk?
*Sigh*
On same site, I was called a "SJW" or social justice warrior multiple times just for being gay and pro-gay-rights and because I once told someone off for being racist. Of course there were also people who used the MRA label on me on this site as well.
My response was "So which is it then? Am I an SJW or an MRA? Can't be both..." and the moderators did not like that at all and saw it as an attack. :/
Also, apparently NTs take offense to being called "neurotypicals...?" On that site I made a post about my struggles with having Asperger's and I used the phrase "neurotypical" and I may as well have dropped a nuke.

I will get off my soapbox now... I was just curious as to whether other Aspies have experienced this sort of thing on other sites? I was terrified to join another forum because of this.

This is the only forum on which I feel totally comfortable - I have left every other social media/internet forum eventually, something made me very uncomfortable. Yes, I have run into many problems with other people on various other sites, it makes me so uncomfortable or hurt or mad or anxious that I finally leave - sometimes even after a few years of involvement. But I do not feel that way here. Btw, I'm sorry you've also had negative experiences.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

What I have learned long ago, the members of any group often take on the views and personalities as the founders, because those founders are encouraging that behavior and supporting it, by tolerating certain hateful and offensive postings, not wanting to hear the truth because of bias or agenda, and by siding with those who feel that same way.

Call it ignorance, irrationality, hate towards others, self-hatred, denial, dishonesty, bullying, or just being a follower instead of a leader to name a few, but those groups often will soon be out of control and then run by the rest. The inmates running the asylum so to speak. One could be the most rational, caring, truthful, insightful and well-meaning person, in their posts, but if the founders of the group tolerate and condone the opposing masses views instead, because of fear, or because it fits their views, I would lose respect for that group.

It is unfortunate we live in a society that still does not want to admit all the abuses against men. This is not rocket science. I do not see where the controversy is. Why is it so scary to admit the obvious? Yes, many men have abused women, and I am truly sorry for all those women. Just as many women have resorted to abuses than men. Where is that sorrow? Abuse comes in many forms: sexual, psycholological or emotional, physical, verbal, domestic, financial, elder abuse, and I see neglect is an abuse, too. I consider slapping, controlling, manipulatation, intense unwarranted emotion, and things like that as abusive too, just to name a few.

Yes, it is way more widely reported abuses of males against females, but that does not equate to more males as committing abuses. Men are taught to hide abuses against them, starting early on, and to be strong. Media makes fun of abused guys, too. Look at women audience members nervously or happily laughing at and not being angry when stories of women trying to dominate the man or put them back in those ways. Look at guy radio sports talk show hosts focusing on athlete abuse violations and not balancing that with the other truths that are occurring behind common folks doors. Women who verbally abuse are seen as just nagging.

The best solution it appears is to make abuse against women as some big media entertainment event, and to deny and coverup everyday other abuses against men and women, and to attack the men especially. I guess this is how women, media and society thinks they are helping the world, by trying to help women and the pereceived weaker gender. Well, I hate to break the news, but males repressing their anger and that perceived serious double standard, in reality does not help women, but hurts them. And in reality, by women not being held accountable for their wrongs as much as men, this encourages their own abuses to continue, which encourages more men to abuse.

Hey media, and others, let's try speaking the real truths about abuse, and getting to the sources of why abuses are occurring, too, instead of yelling and screaming at the top of their lungs and just focusing on how bad men are and how great women are for being the only victims. Although I feel men likely cause more "serious" physical abuses and sexual abuses, I would not want to state they commit more of physical and sexual abuses, because of slapping, pushing, biting, scratching, etc, and as some could argue even very indecent dress is a type of harassment or abuse as it could be warping the minds of girls, boys, men and women alike with that flaunting sexuality and exposure. Like it or not, that contributes to perceptions of female inferiority and of lack of morals, and increases others' anger and immoral ways, too. If a guy did that, they would be called stalkers or some sexual predator, and jailed for that. Another double standard where women are not held accountable. So, many men may have more apathy towards women or their own wrongs.

Also, other abuses I think are equal, between both genders.
Whereas stereotype are men can internalize things more and erupt, or being emotionally distant, women can have more emotional issues, and many abuses are emotional in origin and harms persons much too. Equal amounts of the sexes can have mental disorders, and most can harm others in some way. I just think in general, we society needs to see guys as perpetrators and women as victims. I guess this makes society feel better. Both men and women should be held accountable for abuses, and just because a guy is seen as stronger and supposedly can take abuse more, this should not allow women to get away with more abuse. Guys do commit more violent acts, but any abuse can be severely harming, and cause one to suffer much distress.

The size and gender of a person has no relevance of how much abuse occurs and the trauma it can cause. Of course media will focus on the deaths from guns and knives, and from savage beatings. None of that should be tolerated, and I am fine with reporting it. But, why hide the other abuses, and why make it look like women do not abuse? You think that helps? Often when a women abuses, some excuse comes up. Oh, the guy must have deserved it. Or, she just has some mental illness. Or, but the guy was not seriously hurt. Stop that nonsense. All abuse is bad.

So, the bottom line is, society can hide or minimize all the truths they want, but this then is not going to solve abuses against women. Once abuses against boys and men are taken seriously and equally reported, and punished, perpetrated by mothers and wives too, the cyclic cycle will continue. Boys and men will grow up thinking abuse and being abused is ok, and girls and women will keep thinking they are victims and can allow to do wrongs, but with no wrongs on them.

When society treats all abuse as bad and punishable, that's when abuses in society will lesson. When morals and ethics are getting out of control, and misplaced hostility and lies continue to exist, that will not solve anything. So, in the end, both men and women will continue to suffer, for not wanting to expose and tolerate the real truths.

This post was not a reflection of any abuses in our current family, as we do not tolerate such nor will we tolerate others abusing us. It is my analysis of things as a child, teen, and through much of adulthood. I will not apologize for speaking what I feel is the truth, as hiding that truth has never solved
abuses, and it never will. I am fine with putting abusers in jail, but I am not fine with many abusers running free. And I am not fine with not finding the source of the abuse, but sweeping that under the table, too.

That is a semi-rant I always wanted to share, so thanks Jet for bringing it up. At least we had the courage to bring it up. Those others you talked about are in denial, or weaker, or less insightful I would say, or possibly abusers themselves for denying the obvious that men are just as much victims to some type of abuse.

 

[kay]

I've had the same experience and I was really confused because what was being said made no sense at all. Having a guy who constantly was talking about "checking one's privilege" tell me how to be a proper feminist was weird. But then later I talked to an acquaintance (Black) who was telling me the same guy (White) was busy "educating" him on racial issues and what it's like to be Black in the U.S. There is a culture out here of bullies using social justice issues to hide behind.

 

[Streetwise]

i was confused as i looked up info on diagnosis in Australia and the WP.site came up and the two Australian members werent insulting or be insulted !

So this is sort of a rant, I suppose. I was unsure of where to put this so I am just going to leave it here.

Before I found this site, I was a member on a few other forums (I will not discuss WP here as I don't think it is my place to do so)- mainly social anxiety forums and another MH site that is now defunct.
I was only on said forums for a very short time as I was ripped apart by the members and I am finding more and more how different they were to Aspies Central.

One forum had a largely female population and the majority of the more well-liked members ganged up on me because I am male. I posted something about how men get sexually assaulted too (my dad was still alive at the time and I was referring to my dad being sexually abused by his mum). I was called a "sexist MRA piece of sh*t" and told to "kill myself." The moderators did nothing about this. One moderator even "liked" the post!
I never once expressed a distaste for feminism or for women in general, yet I was constantly accused of being a misogynist and the "MRA" label kept coming up.
The members kept accusing me of being sexist and prejudiced against my dad's mum and therefore refused to believe that she was an abuser because apparently women can not be abusers because only men are evil abusers...?? I see no logic in that argument.

On another site, I was ripped apart for discussing my special interest in dogs/dog shows. A moderator went on the offensive about dog shows being abuse and therefore my mum's business should be shut down and all her dogs confiscated.
I ran into the same issue on Instagram and Tumblr, as I have mentioned in another thread recently. Everyone was screaming "abuse" about my mum's dogs. For the record... my mum is licensed, a Breeder of Merit and not some f****** puppy mill! Excuse my French, this has got me mad! My family is also fully supportive of rescue and several of our dogs and cats were rescues as well. In fact my mum's lifelong dream has been to run a sanctuary for rescue dogs.

On yet another site, there was a thread about posting picture of your food, and I posted a picture of a hamburger and was called out for not being a vegan and told that I "couldn't possibly really care about animals" if I was eating a hamburger... My defensive argument was that it is the circle of life, would you tell a wolf to stop eating elk?
*Sigh*
On same site, I was called a "SJW" or social justice warrior multiple times just for being gay and pro-gay-rights and because I once told someone off for being racist. Of course there were also people who used the MRA label on me on this site as well.
My response was "So which is it then? Am I an SJW or an MRA? Can't be both..." and the moderators did not like that at all and saw it as an attack. :/
Also, apparently NTs take offense to being called "neurotypicals...?" On that site I made a post about my struggles with having Asperger's and I used the phrase "neurotypical" and I may as well have dropped a nuke.

I will get off my soapbox now... I was just curious as to whether other Aspies have experienced this sort of thing on other sites? I was terrified to join another forum because of this.

 

[Mr Allen]

Some forums do get nasty. To be honest AC is the only one which hasn't for me.

I'm currently "warned" on gamefaqs.com cos I did a topic this morning about the late Carol "Grotbags" Lee, who died yesterday aged 74, all I did was put on the post that if people wanted further info, get off their butt and use Google, and I got modded, lost 10 Karma and got "warned" for 48 hours.

I wouldn't mind but if I had posted a link from Facebook, some Clown would've marked my post for "advertising" purely because I dared to post a link, damned either way!