How to reconnect with a friend after a long while?

[shysnail]

I have a friend who I haven't spoken to for almost a year now. When we were still talking, I was flaky and let him down a number of times. I feel really bad about this now. Sometimes it seems almost impossible for me to reply to messages people send me, but then I forget to do it entirely, and then too long has passed and it would be awkward to reply now. That whole scenario.

My friend is autistic, and has always been very open to discussing it. I am also autistic, but it's a very recent thing that I'm open to discussing it. I've never told him I'm autistic, but would like to do that now because he is the only autistic person who I know in my day-to-day life. My main problem is I know that he's a very reliable person and he's spoken badly in the past of flaky people (rightly so). To suddenly pop back up in his life now with just a friendly, "Hey, how are you?" doesn't acknowledge the elephant in the room, i.e. my past behaviour and how it may have affected/annoyed/upset him.

How do you send a message to someone you haven't spoken to in a long time, when it's entirely your fault you haven't spoken in so long?

 

[tree]

You could try saying something like:

"Hi. I miss the times when we used to talk.
I feel like I let you down often and I regret that.

It would be great to hear from you again."

This is not very different from what I told a person
that I used to associate with in real life. She replied
and filled me in with stuff that had been happening
with her and her family.

 

[Catana]

No need to overcomplicate things. Explain why you lost touch, let them know you'd like to hear from them, if they're still interested. Then sit back and wait. You don't have to be autistic to get into this kind of situation. It's pretty normal.

 

[Tom]

Its ok to try and restart it. The other may not mind. They might welcome it. Online connections are iffy to begin with. Just know its their right not to want to and be understanding if it doesn't work out. Then its just a lesson for next time.

 

[Suzanne]

I have done this a few times; forgotten and then remember and get in touch and just say: I am so sorry for not contacting, but just to ask if all is going well?

 

[Fino]

You can acknowledge all those things you just did here, such as his feelings towards flaky people and that you don't want to seem like you're just popping in like one of those, and such stuff like that. I like having everything out in the open, to an uncomfortable degree. Discomfort and truth are so close a lot of the time.

 

[paloftoon]

If you really want to show you're serious, offer to pay for a meal at your friend's convenience.
Food can always be appeasing to your "stakeholders."
Don't just say you care, but show it!