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First friend with a girl ever in my life.

Tony Ramirez

Single. True friend's.
V.I.P Member
If you read my post history you will understand more but I developed this Platonic friendship with this girl I meet I meet at a coffee shop while I was with my friend back in December 2023. I meet her a couple of times after she joined my church. But we really did not connected until last month after she one time came to prayer night and since then we been messaging back and forth. We also meet sometimes in person on Church since the service has started to meet again.

The issue is that I been telling her all my problems. She has been so kind to me. I mean really kind. No girl has ever been that kind to me. Not even my late grandma.

I was a mess this weekend being off the wrong medication for bipolar that I never had. She still messaged me back with kind words and got me through the weekend saying I can do my speech and baptism on Sunday and that she will be there.

That Sunday when it was time to go on stage I can't find her. I do my speech with support and cheer, then baptism. Then I change in the restroom thinking she missed it. I go back and feel proud but text her saying sorry you missed it.

After we gather to pray. Then I see her approach me and I apologize again saying sorry for the text showing her the mistake. She once again says don't apologize. After which she actually hugs me. After she talks and meets my other friends.

We gather for snacks. I even offered her to share the last piece of cherry pie. She says no you can have it even after I say are you sure. While I am eating it she says I hope you are enjoying that cherry pie. Then we talk more in person. She has such a kind smile. She thanks me that she has only been here for a few months not knowing anyone that I found this community. Then she talks to my friends more. I say goodbye and say her name. She says bye my name back. Later she says messaging me that she heard every word I said.

The thing I am worried about is scaring her away. So far she has been super nice even though with all the things I been telling her. I am just so nervous. Please don't tell me that I am doing wrong and that I am blowing it or something. I heard this enough.
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Kindness heals. I'm happy for you! Even if it does eventually end somehow, just be thankful and happy for the good it has done already. I say that because I had a similar relationship with someone and after about four years, it went sour, and it took me a while to start to appreciate the four years that were great.
Since Sunday afternoon I been listening to this song alot thinking about her while reading her past messages. Weird I am. Right.
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She likes you! That much is evident. Especially as she hears you. Now, it is up to you to also listen to her. Do not be afraid of showing interest in her . . . she isn't a mind reader. Remember what I said; it only takes that one person.

Shared experiences will help you bond. Everything from walking in the Botanic Gardens to taking in a museum or theater. Find out what her interests are and start out planning something simple that you can share. I hear that Kimberly Akimbo is a great play - 5 Tony's, with stellar performances.

Added: Do you like Mexican cooking? I do a lot, and there on 50th near 8th is Toloache. One of the best Mexican restaurants in the US that I have been to.
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That's great! My only suggestion is... take it easy. Friendships develop slowly, so give her some space and time.
The issue is that I been telling her all my problems.
The thing I am worried about is scaring her away.
Weird I am. Right.

Keep tabs on internal narrative wording like this, Tony.

Something I am learning. Even within myself. Is that the words we use in self-doubt, are what hold us back when are use to negativity and negative outcomes. It takes practice to slow this stuff down and eventually stop it.

I'm not saying that being careful of how you communicate, isn't necessary. But from what I read, you are doing fine. Being your genuine self, is something that people want. And I have to echo others in saying that she CLEARLY likes you. You are doing fine, outside your internal self-doubts.

Keep at it. You only have better things coming~
I think you're doing great. Don't forget that you should support her too, listen to her problems or concerns and show her that you'd be there for her too. And who knows where this may lead to.
And you're not weird, I think we all already thought about this special girl while listening the same songs ever and ever again :)
Hi @Tony Ramirez, she sounds like a real nice girl. She sounds like someone skilled at setting healthy boundaries and is comfortable with herself.

Telling a girl all your problems is actually what happens in a healthy marital relationship--friendship and dating is where it starts. Guys don't typically do those sorts of things with other guys--it's just weird. But a spouse who will listen and accept you unconditionally becomes a trusted confidant.

Just, don't put the cart before the horse. Don't just commandeer the conversation--allow her space to tell you all about herself, too. That give and take is super important in a relationship. Make sure she knows you'll be there for her, too.
The thing is that I have been saying "I'm sorry" to her so much because of low self-esteem. She knows all about my low self-esteem. She knows all about my struggles with loneliness I shared here. That is why she cares so much about me which surprises me so much.
That's great to hear @Tony Ramirez , I have no real advice due to a lack of experience :rolleyes: What they said above...

But I will say to just be open to a friendship as well, that is where it all starts anyway
The thing is that I have been saying "I'm sorry" to her so much because of low self-esteem. She knows all about my low self-esteem. She knows all about my struggles with loneliness I shared here. That is why she cares so much about me which surprises me so much.
Now with these little successes, look at your past in relation to the now. Your past had been hurdles that you have overcome to be the person you are today who is attractive to the right person.
Worry is natural. But look at it this way, she needs to see the real you. If it works out, great. If not you tried your best and it wasn't meant to be. Even things that don't work out give you some experience and can help. Try to limit the negativity and problem sharing. Some is ok, it's real, but a lot is placing extra burden on the other.
As I said I just want to establish a friendship with her. I never had just a friend as a girl. I did not even have cousins as girls, they were all boys and my sister is type 3 ASD.

My parents uses to force me as a kid to hangout with the daughter of my mother's friend but she was mental more like real bipolar. I believe she has bipolar. She married my cousin which was toxic after having two kids with him then had an affair nearly ruined him financially and mentally. He remarried and is happy with two new kids. I dodged a big bullet. But I never liked hanging with her as she was not a nice person.
I did message her saying my sleep has improved. I also asked how she was doing. She replied that she was glad my sleep has improved. She is happy that she is back home for a week visiting her family and friends. She did tell me this Sunday that she was going back home for the week to take care of things I just was not sure when this week. I said to have a good time with you family and friends.
She has not messaged me in two days. The last message I overshare again. Damn autism. I hate it.

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