@Undiagnosed, re: the 13-14 year-old smoking pot...
That's pretty much when I started, myself. To me, smoking pot is a huge responsibility. If you want to enjoy it positive effects, you need to know what you're doing.
Hats off to you for raising a teenager, regardless of the outcome; it's far more than I could ever do, and I consider myself a pretty mild, high-functioning Aspie. My parents hated that their kids smoked pot in the house, but damn, we were a defiant bunch! And we were miserable, numbing ourselves because we couldn't function in the world. I see that now. I can't really offer parenting advice, only my experience. I've known a lot of teens who smoked pot, and heard all kinds of stories.
A girl I knew went to work stoned out of her gourd, eyes red and squinty, and she got sent home because it was so obvious. They sent a memo around to all the employees detailing the store's drug policy, and she was really embarrassed. I use eyedrops if I'm going out in public afterwards. My short-lived university roommate got busted by cops in the same spot on campus in a two-week period. I remember coming back to my dorm and passing a security car (the 5-0, we called them) with someone in the back, only to find out later that it was him. Another friend of mine, at sixteen, got busted twice by the same cop within a year in the same spot in a fairly busy area downtown...man, you do not want to have a cop know you on a first name basis!
Every once in a while in my town I'll pass teenagers on the street, openly smoking joints in public, and the smell is obvious. That's called being a heat score. You're just asking to get busted, and that's the ultimate buzzkill. Nothing worse than getting your stash or your paraphernalia confiscated.
The kids from my high school who became heavy smokers early showed signs of being a burn-out, and it's hard enough going through life being an Aspie without walking around like a dope. I kept my grades up, and still participated in activities. At least in my case, being high helped me get top grades in university--but because all I had done was get high and focus on my own interests, I was damn near unemployable after I graduated, and wound up working minimum-wage retail.
To me, if someone is going to smoke pot, they'd better make sure they make something of their lives. I've had to back off myself because I'm out of shape and I can't exercise regularly if I'm getting high.
I don't regret anything (time only goes forward, after all), but I think of the thousands of dollars spent on intoxicants, and I think of the other things I could have done with that money. I certainly wasn't thinking about the future!