Dating Corner

[Ste11aeres]

No offense (but already offending), but this is plain and simple ********. It's irrational to think other people have an easier life, just because they've born different from you. Being men, women, straight or not, or anything in between have it's own advantages and disadvanges. From what've seen in my life, most of people, regardless of what they are, struggle with loneliness, rejection and dating at one point in their lives.

You cannot choose your gender or sexual orientation. Instead, you can choose to do your best from what you have, from who you are. You can choose to improve yourself, have patience, trying to get more wiser, more skilled at social interactions, and enjoy your limited time on this earth.

I'm sorry if I seem harsh. But this is what I believe now. I might change opinion. But this is what I at least try to do every day. It's not always sunshine, lollypops and rainbows, but it's certainly not always darkness.

Best of luck.

I disagree with you. Thanks to gender roles, the opportunity to engage in romance is heavily biased towards women.

You disagree that both (men, women, straight or not) have their advantages and disadvantages? Really?
Yeah, sure women are more likely to be romantically pursued. But is that really the number one goal in life?
Does it outweigh the disadvantage for women of being more likely to be sexually harassed, stalked, or even raped?

(P.S. I am not saying that women or men are better than each other. I'm also not saying that people only do these things to women.)

 

[Datura]

Username: Datura
Gender: Part girl, part boy, ALL WOMAN!
Age: born 1984
Sexuality: Panromantic asexual
Location: Western Canada
Religion: Atheist
Politics: Left leaning egalitarianism
Philosophy: Absurdist Utilitarian Epicurean
Obsessions/Interests: Currently; the history of anime, and Darwinian evolution. Other frequent interests include; music, science, tabletop gaming, and the history of [insert noun]. I play guitar and dabble in other instruments, currently playing in a rock cover band. I plan to take my music in a more professional direction.
Desired Partner Characteristics: I tend to like androgynous people. I enjoy the company of people with unique interests and perspectives, someone who can have deep conversations but also has a sense of humor. I want someone who is okay with a sexless relationship but who also likes a bit of romance and cuddling.
Self-Description: I am six foot seven and fine featured. I have a very elongated frame, but have put on a few extra pounds in the midsection. My demeanor is generally very friendly, if a bit shy at times.

 

[Rogue Dragon]

User name: Rogue Dragon

Gender: Male

Age: 27

Location: Torrington, WY

Religion: N/a

Politics: N/a

Obsession: Dragon related stuff, fighting, horseback\motorcycle riding, video games, other details I'll tell you in person

Sexuality: straight(females)

Philosophy: Those who were meant to be together, shall live and die together

Desired partner:
1.) NO OLDER THAN ME
2.) You've never had kids
3.) Either the same age as me or in the range of 4 years younger
4.) NO DRUGS, SMOKING, or excessive drinking
5.) Athletic toned body
6.) NO CATS(I'm allergic)
7.) NO PIERCINGS(ears are okay), NO TATTOOS(I'll accept a couple but no more than that)
8.) No matter how cruel life is, or what kind of a beating you take, you don't give up fighting
9.) Someone to love me for who/what I am

Self description: I've been fighting old demons and grudges for all my life. All I want is peace and happiness. Right now I'm living to the point where I don't care whether I live or die. There are times where I wish I could just wind up in something tragic and not give a care. Yet at the same time, I have family that still loves me regardless of the pain I have to endure. My heart is shattered. My family put a few pieces together, but the rest of it has to be done by other means. I'm hoping and waiting for a sign that there is someone out there looking for me, so that she can show me that the love I'm looking for is real. That I can lay my demons to rest and move on.

 

[Maelstrom]

You disagree that both (men, women, straight or not) have their advantages and disadvantages? Really?
Yeah, sure women are more likely to be romantically pursued. But is that really the number one goal in life?
Does it outweigh the disadvantage for women of being more likely to be sexually harassed, stalked, or even raped?

(P.S. I am not saying that women or men are better than each other. I'm also not saying that people only do these things to women.)

Yes Stellaeres but try asking a guy out sometime and see how much fun it is to get rejected....we are expected to aggressively pursue women or we get ridiculed as being weak men. But if we misread a girls interest level we are stalkers. It isn't always easy to read between a girl who is shying away from you because she secretly thinks you are hot, or a girl who just wants to be left alone...both pull back in a similar manner.

I even have had girls who clearly like me tell they just want to be friends...in love every one seems to spend most of the time hiding their cards to keep from getting hurt...which leads to confusion...which leads to guess what?....needlessly getting hurt.

I think a little careful honesty is better....just say where you are really at and let things sort themselves later.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Yes Stellaeres but try asking a guy out sometime and see how much fun it is to get rejected.

I never said that was fun.
And I also didn't say that the main disadvantage that women face is never getting to ask guys out. (I said the main disadvantage women face is being more likely to be raped. Which I think is worse. And-that does happen to some men too, and it is horrible for them also).
And I have asked a guy out-and have done it multiple times, and have been rejected.

 

[Maelstrom]

I never said that was fun.
And I also didn't say that the main disadvantage that women face is never getting to ask guys out. (I said the main disadvantage women face is being more likely to be raped. Which I think is worse. And-that does happen to some men too, and it is horrible for them also).
And I have asked a guy out-and have done it multiple times, and have been rejected.

My ex-girlfriend and Her Step Mom tried get something going with me when she was pregnant before it showed and me and my family knew....I'm sure if I had let her get close enough back then to take advantage of me I'd be paying child support now or worse...there seems to be a history of false rape charges being used by them in custody fights. Fortunately I never fell for their baby trap stuff...small blessings from above.

I rather like the french group style dinner dates etcetera... much safer for everyone....less pressure to be overly romantic too soon.

Meet up group hikes and stuff are nice too...

I'm impressed if you asked guys out very brave...

 

[Shiznown]

You disagree that both (men, women, straight or not) have their advantages and disadvantages? Really?
Yeah, sure women are more likely to be romantically pursued. But is that really the number one goal in life?
Does it outweigh the disadvantage for women of being more likely to be sexually harassed, stalked, or even raped?

(P.S. I am not saying that women or men are better than each other. I'm also not saying that people only do these things to women.)

Yes, it does out weight the disadvantages, at least in areas where women can legally conceal carry; thus creating a deterrent to rape.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Yes, it does out weight the disadvantages, at least in areas where women can legally conceal carry; thus creating a deterrent to rape.

You seriously think romantic rejection is worse than rape?

And rape happens in every area.

 

[Shiznown]

You seriously think romantic rejection is worse than rape?

And rape happens in every area.

That's not what I stated. I was making the simple point that women have it easier than men when it comes to dating, getting sex, finding friends with benefits, ect. You stated that men have an advantage when it comes to not having to worry about rape. My point was, that advantage is negated in areas where women can conceal carry; thus creating a deterrent for rapists. Murder happens in every area too, but that doesn't mean certain areas aren't better than others. The odds of a woman being raped in New York City are a lot higher than a women being raped in rural Vermont. Also, men get attacked all the time. Just because men are raped less does not mean violence against men occurs less than violence against women.

 

[Maelstrom]

You seriously think romantic rejection is worse than rape?

And rape happens in every area.

I think you are right stellaeres that the ladies have it much worse on the safety being abused front, it must be very scary dating someone new. Perhaps that is why my ex-girlfriend did some of the crazy things she did. I didn't however care much for getting tagged for not being aggressive enough, I was going the extra mile on being careful not crowed her on the romance stuff too much because she clearly had issues from the past. I really don't see how I was supposed to win that one, either way I was going to get burned.

The thing that bothered me most is I tried very hard to figure out what she was comfortable with, but she would never give me a strait answer, everything was opposite...opposite...opposite I found this very frustrating I was raised believing you always told the truth. What am I supposed to do with a person who looks me in the face and says she wants A yet you could swear she wants B.
I don't know what to do with that?
My girl never told me what she really wants and she thinks it's okay to blame me for not pleasing her...what should I have done asked her if she was lying?
I don't like deception some people call it tact...I call it a ticking bomb...blows the relations sky high everytime.

 

[Maelstrom]

For me being an AS male, dating an NT female is totally not worth it and I'm speaking from a decent amount of experience. For full disclosure, I've never dated anyone on the spectrum. Let me also say that I'm not placing blame on all NT females for my feelings. I've dated some losers and users, and some that I wish I could've stayed with. I found that it takes a lot of energy on my part to try and be "normal" and meet their needs.

The problem is AS Girls tend to be extra cute pixy like little things and their bashfulness comes acrossed as infatuation in dating so they have the shelf life of fat muffin covered in frosting. You may be able to one find of the more spooky little things hiding in collage but mostly you will have to look for a country girl. AS people may tend to gravitate to solitary self employment situations away from people crowds in the city so there may be more available AS girls in the countryside.

AS guys however do have a tough row to hoe, a guy looking bashful because of AS issues is about as attractive as a wet blanket to the ladies. The ladies tend to measure mens attractiveness on how many Mammoths their man is willing to run screaming out the door to kill, and drag back to feed the family. So no matter how how strong or clever we are on the inside, the ladies tend to jump to the conclusion we are non starters. Ironically with the information age and return to farming because of lost exported corporate jobs AS guys may soon have the edge on NT guys on the money front.

Poetic revenge by nature

How many doomsday weapons does Mael have to build to be prime beef $$ ?

 

[metalminx24]

I've followed this with interest over the last few days...

Crikey badgers!!! Sweeping generalisations, and putting women in our (I'm sure beautifully decorated) stereotypical pigeonholes. Singularly unhelpful.

Any advantage, or unattractive quality, a particular gender may have, the other gender also possesses. The quantities may vary, but it's there. Everyone's been hurt sometime. Some of us are even nice occasionally...

 

[Ste11aeres]

That's not what I stated. I was making the simple point that women have it easier than men when it comes to dating, getting sex, finding friends with benefits, ect. You stated that men have an advantage when it comes to not having to worry about rape. My point was, that advantage is negated in areas where women can conceal carry; thus creating a deterrent for rapists. Murder happens in every area too, but that doesn't mean certain areas aren't better than others. The odds of a woman being raped in New York City are a lot higher than a women being raped in rural Vermont. Also, men get attacked all the time. Just because men are raped less does not mean violence against men occurs less than violence against women.

You were saying that women have it better in the romance/sex arena because they are more desired than men. I was saying that being more desired is not always good. Very simple.
I never said that either gender's life as a whole is better or worse than that of the other.

BTW, violence is complex
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/preattack.html

 

[Maelstrom]

I'm asking with all sincerity...why do you think that is, that it's not always good? Sorry for the repeat ask, if you'd already explained it.

I think she is saying life is sad and hard for the Ladies sometimes.....you can fill in the rest.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I'm asking with all sincerity...why do you think that is, that it's not always good? Sorry for the repeat ask, if you'd already explained it.

"Desire" doesn't isn't always accompanied by respect and love. In ideal cases it is. But in other cases, "desire" simply means treating someone as a sex object. And rape, which was mentioned before (and which sometimes happens to men also) is a prime example of desire turned into perverseness.

Not that sex/romance always turns into something perverted. But sometimes it does.

Anyway, personal experience and observations of the world make me doubt whether it's actually the case that men are always desiring and women are always desired. It seems to have a lot to do with the individual.

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="TimBob, but it would be nice to date an Aspie girl at least once before I die. I'd like to see what's different between them and NTs.[/QUOTE]

AS girls are not all one thing I met a strong autistic girl here once she would blush and look away to think on every reply in conversation....it was quite charming and she a a young minister for a fiancee hanging on her arm. Rotten luck I would have liked to date her.

Aspies are harder to spot they mostly are very quiet and keep to themselves.

My ex-girlfriend was on the touch sensitive spectrum I don't know what else she had, she wasn't friendly on the admitting she wasn't normal front at all....according to her everyone else was the problem and she wasn't shy about kicking their collective asses and raising hell...you can guess how that ended.

I would just keep looking for some who is nice and kind, and not so me! me! me! all the time. And maybe pick your girls more carefully, there seem to be some bad personality types out there who find us AS guys attractive easy sheep to slaughter. .....

 

[Maelstrom]

"Desire" doesn't isn't always accompanied by respect and love. In ideal cases it is. But in other cases, "desire" simply means treating someone as a sex object. And rape, which was mentioned before (and which sometimes happens to men also) is a prime example of desire turned into perverseness.

Not that sex/romance always turns into something perverted. But sometimes it does.

Anyway, personal experience and observations of the world make me doubt whether it's actually the case that men are always desiring and women are always desired. It seems to have a lot to do with the individual.

Personally I think it might be easier for a Lady to marry a sweet guy and teach him to pull her hair and toss her on the bed if it makes her happy. Guys don't come prepackaged with all the money and romance skills right off a shelf....sometimes a little assembly is required, sometimes with a little bit of sweet nudgings too by the lady.

I have yet to see a lady turn a hard charging bad boy into a saint . I have had some sweet lovely ladies cry on my shoulder about it...I feel bad for them, but it gets a little old after awhile, if you keep picking the devil you are going end up with a devil ....

 

[Shiznown]

You were saying that women have it better in the romance/sex arena because they are more desired than men. I was saying that being more desired is not always good. Very simple.
I never said that either gender's life as a whole is better or worse than that of the other.

BTW, violence is complex
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/preattack.html

How do you equate that to accusing me of stating that rejection is worse than rape? I take accusations like that very serious.

 

[gonzerd]

*Ok. Well, not ok. Enough is enough. This thread is derailing, fast. I'd advice you all to go to page one and look at the OP's first post. This was meant to be a very straightforward thread where people looking for people could simply 'put out the flag' by giving some basic information to indicate they were indeed looking. That's all. Some back and forth can happen, but this is too much. I'm drawing the line right here. Any more of this stereotyping objectifying nonsense and people will get banned from the thread.

A few extra words though, cause they need to be said.
When it comes to rape: allowing women to carry a weapon is not a solution. You know what the solution is to stop women from being raped or sexually assaulted? It's very simple and it doesn't have anything to do with women. All it takes is for men to take no for an answer and keep their dick (and ego) in check.
When it comes to things being easier for women: I've asked around and no way that it's easier. Even when it comes to sex. It's not because a lot of women basically get dicks thrown at them everytime they dare to get out of the house, that it's easier. Yes, finding someone to have sex with might be easier, but that doesn't mean said sex would be any good. In fact, it might be traumatizing. In fact the whole issue of constantly feeling, well... not feeling, being judged or preyed upon can be traumatizing. Then there are issues where if they say no they get insults thrown at them and if they dare to say yes, they run the risk of being slutshamed.

So no, it's been enough. Besides, there are other threads where people have already been free to express their problems when it comes to dating. I get it, it's not easy. But this is not the one. There are also threads where members (male and female) have actually taken the effort to give some pretty solid advice on dating issues. Read them.

 

[gonzerd]

I came into the middle of the thread and guess I missed that. Point taken. I'll just say...maybe a subsection dedicated to dating would be a good addition to the site. What else is there for us? Match? Craigslist?

Well, this IS the thread meant for dating themed classifieds. Apart from that, there's also the entire Love, Relationships and Dating section for any kind of discussions regarding these issues.