seanaaronfay
Active Member
Hi all,
As an individual who's dealt with Asperger's for the past 12 years, I've struggled so much with making and finding friends my own age. I don't talk to much to anyone my age outside of work or school. My biggest struggle of all, which has essentially fueled the fire, is the loss of someone that mattered a lot to me. By loss, I don't mean death. But I mean that I've lost this person's prevalence in my life. It had everything to do with me, or I at least believe it had to do with me.
We met during an after-school function and had a class together the following school year. I grew to have such an endearing connection with her throughout this class we had together. We were in a class that assisted special needs kids that participated in our school's Best Buddies chapter. In that class, I felt so happy when I would chat with her, and especially the time we spent together as we helped a particular individual in the class. Throughout that period of time, I called her twice; and she answered both times (which was more than I could say for the other peers I ever tried to call). I also got to hug her a couple of times too; a means of showing affection that I was never able to do with anyone until then. Everything was perfect, until it all of sudden began to crash and burn. She eventually began to act strangely; and it came to the last time I ever called her. On that day, we talked for around a minute, and she then asked me to call her back in five minutes because she was driving somewhere (I believed her because I heard background noise that sounded like wind whipping through the phone). When I called her back five minutes later, she did not answer. I instantly became infuriated, as I believed she was blowing me off and didn't want to talk to me. Ever since that day, I'm learning that decision was the wrong one. I keep thinking about her and missing her everyday. She could have simply gotten herself too busy to answer, and did actually want to talk to me.
I'm sorry if I seem like I'm rambling. I can't stop thinking about her. What I experienced feels like love to me, even though we were never romantically involved with each other. I've got so much to say, that I've decided to write a book about the experience in hopes of finding some closure among it all. I've landed myself here, also, in hopes of finding some closure as to whether I am an insane human-being for thinking what I experienced was love, or if I'm maybe right in thinking it was love. I feel like I love her, but I'm also afraid that I sound like a psycho for feeling that way.
I guess my question is am I right, or am I wrong, for feeling like I love her. Feel free to let me know if I'm rambling way too much, and if you don't have the slightest clue of what I'm trying to say.
Thanks in advance!
As an individual who's dealt with Asperger's for the past 12 years, I've struggled so much with making and finding friends my own age. I don't talk to much to anyone my age outside of work or school. My biggest struggle of all, which has essentially fueled the fire, is the loss of someone that mattered a lot to me. By loss, I don't mean death. But I mean that I've lost this person's prevalence in my life. It had everything to do with me, or I at least believe it had to do with me.
We met during an after-school function and had a class together the following school year. I grew to have such an endearing connection with her throughout this class we had together. We were in a class that assisted special needs kids that participated in our school's Best Buddies chapter. In that class, I felt so happy when I would chat with her, and especially the time we spent together as we helped a particular individual in the class. Throughout that period of time, I called her twice; and she answered both times (which was more than I could say for the other peers I ever tried to call). I also got to hug her a couple of times too; a means of showing affection that I was never able to do with anyone until then. Everything was perfect, until it all of sudden began to crash and burn. She eventually began to act strangely; and it came to the last time I ever called her. On that day, we talked for around a minute, and she then asked me to call her back in five minutes because she was driving somewhere (I believed her because I heard background noise that sounded like wind whipping through the phone). When I called her back five minutes later, she did not answer. I instantly became infuriated, as I believed she was blowing me off and didn't want to talk to me. Ever since that day, I'm learning that decision was the wrong one. I keep thinking about her and missing her everyday. She could have simply gotten herself too busy to answer, and did actually want to talk to me.
I'm sorry if I seem like I'm rambling. I can't stop thinking about her. What I experienced feels like love to me, even though we were never romantically involved with each other. I've got so much to say, that I've decided to write a book about the experience in hopes of finding some closure among it all. I've landed myself here, also, in hopes of finding some closure as to whether I am an insane human-being for thinking what I experienced was love, or if I'm maybe right in thinking it was love. I feel like I love her, but I'm also afraid that I sound like a psycho for feeling that way.
I guess my question is am I right, or am I wrong, for feeling like I love her. Feel free to let me know if I'm rambling way too much, and if you don't have the slightest clue of what I'm trying to say.
Thanks in advance!