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Are a portion of people on the autism spectrum asexual? Asking due to my failed relationship

I wanted to ask, is it not unusual or not unheard of for a portion of people on the autism spectrum to be asexual?

Because I got out of a failed relationship a few months ago, the relationship was not entirely negative, here were the pros and cons of the relationship.

Positive part: when it came to the companionship and the mental and emotional support part or just being there for each other, hanging out, that was the good part of the relationship.

Negative part: my ex-girlfriend, she was not really comfortable with sex, or just doing anything further beyond kissing and making out.

Because of that, I feel that it wasn't a true relationship.

I also feel like I stayed with her longer than I should have but I was reluctant to break up with her for a while because I didn't want to become alone and Single Again, bigger reason and that is I didn't want to have to go through the drama or burden of having to put myself out there all over again.

She was also on the autism spectrum just like I am.

I wanted sex but she didn't.

Are a portion of people on the autism spectrum asexual?

A part of me is also thinking of the possibility that it's possible that she just wasn't ready.

I stayed with her longer than I believe I should have because I was hoping that she would eventually become comfortable or change her mind but unfortunately she didn't.

So overall is it not unusual and not unheard of for a portion of people on the autism spectrum to be asexual?

Yeah this failed relationship has been the main source of my anger and bitterness and resentment for the past few months and why I have made certain comments on this forum.
 

Alexej

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
In short - I think the answer to your question is Yes.

There are others on the Forum who can answer more fully.
BTW - try searching on the Forum for threads related to this
 
In short - I think the answer to your question is Yes.

There are others on the Forum who can answer more fully.
BTW - try searching on the Forum for threads related to this
Yeah that's why I have paid for sex a couple of times in my life, or why I have gone to escorts in sex workers because I wasn't getting my sexual needs and wants in my last relationship and I didn't want to have to or don't want to have to go through the drama or the burden of having to put myself out there all over again or having to court a woman or Court women all over again which is a gender role I will hate and resent until the day I die, until my last breath.

And plus I didn't feel I had to do that in regards to getting into my last relationship it was more kind of a mutual effort I was introduced to her or set up with her by her cousin, she started the initial interaction by messaging me first on Instagram from being told by her cousin and that's how we started talking but of course I was the one who asked her out but yeah it felt like a mutual effort when it came to starting the relationship but we all know that 90% of the time or more the man is expected to do everything in the beginning.
 

Au Naturel

Au Naturel
I wanted to ask, is it not unusual or not unheard of for a portion of people on the autism spectrum to be asexual?

Because I got out of a failed relationship a few months ago, the relationship was not entirely negative, here were the pros and cons of the relationship.

Positive part: when it came to the companionship and the mental and emotional support part or just being there for each other, hanging out, that was the good part of the relationship.

Negative part: my ex-girlfriend, she was not really comfortable with sex, or just doing anything further beyond kissing and making out.

Because of that, I feel that it wasn't a true relationship.

I also feel like I stayed with her longer than I should have but I was reluctant to break up with her for a while because I didn't want to become alone and Single Again, bigger reason and that is I didn't want to have to go through the drama or burden of having to put myself out there all over again.

She was also on the autism spectrum just like I am.

I wanted sex but she didn't.

Are a portion of people on the autism spectrum asexual?

A part of me is also thinking of the possibility that it's possible that she just wasn't ready.

I stayed with her longer than I believe I should have because I was hoping that she would eventually become comfortable or change her mind but unfortunately she didn't.

So overall is it not unusual and not unheard of for a portion of people on the autism spectrum to be asexual?

Yeah this failed relationship has been the main source of my anger and bitterness and resentment for the past few months and why I have made certain comments on this forum.
People on the spectrum are everything that people not on the spectrum are. (The proportions may vary.) Do not imagine for a second that we are so different.
 

marc_101

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
People on the spectrum are everything that people not on the spectrum are. (The proportions may vary.) Do not imagine for a second that we are so different.
Agreed. Also, asexual doesn't mean not having sex. It means not having sexual attraction (or little) towards anybody. I've read about correlations between autism and some sexual preferences, although not sure if the evidence is strong.
 
Yeah I'm open to the possibility that my ex-girlfriend was either just not ready for sex or she truly was asexual.

She claims that she was not sexually active with her ex-boyfriends or the previous guys she dated, she was a virgin but yeah a part of me is reluctant to call her a true girlfriend since she was not interested in having a sexual relationship.

Kissing and making out yes but more than that no.

The previous woman I kind of dated back when I was 29 for like 4 months.

She was the opposite and she definitely had a sexual side but since we were only together for a short time that's why physical intimacy was very little in that relationship due to the short time we were together.

Reminds me of a comment that I will never forget and I'll remember for the rest of my life when I was discussing that short-term situation I had back when I was 29.
 

AuroraBorealis

Well-Known Member
I am asexual, in any case. I also think that it is more common among autists than non-autists, but I have no other evidence for this than the fact that being asexual was one item on one of those self-assessment autism tests I did online.
Edit: Oh, and maybe the fact that on the AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) forum is an extra subsection for neurodivergent folk, and autistic asexuals don't seem to be uncommon there.
 

Judge

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Perhaps "inconclusive" is as good as it gets.

"Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction to any gender. There is some evidence to suggest that many self-identified asexuals have a formal diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder which is characterized by deficits in social interaction and communication, as well as by restricted and repetitive interests and behaviors. Additionally, the literature shows that asexuality and lack of sexual attraction or low sexual interest is overrepresented in people with autism spectrum disorder compared with neurotypical samples. Nevertheless, no studies have been conducted to investigate the relationship between autism and asexuality in depth. We conducted a systematic review of the literature to examine whether asexuality and autism spectrum disorder are connected. We conclude that asexuality and autism share various aspects, such as a possible role of prenatal factors, reference to romantic dimensions of sexual attraction and sexual orientation, and non-partner-oriented sexual desire, but future research should explore and clarify this link."

 
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Rodafina

Hopefully Human
Staff member
V.I.P Member
...we all know that 90% of the time or more the man is expected to do everything in the beginning
We don't all "know" that.

Because it is not a fact.



Back to the thread premise...

Maybe you would find some of these links interesting in regards to your question about autism and asexuality.

Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction to any gender. There is some evidence to suggest that many self-identified asexuals have a formal diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder which is characterized by deficits in social interaction and communication, as well as by restricted and repetitive interests and behaviors. Additionally, the literature shows that asexuality and lack of sexual attraction or low sexual interest is overrepresented in people with autism spectrum disorder compared with neurotypical samples. Nevertheless, no studies have been conducted to investigate the relationship between autism and asexuality in depth.

Source: Are Autism Spectrum Disorder and Asexuality Connected? - PubMed







Here are some forum discussions you could take a look at, too.



 

Joshua the Writer

Very Nerdy Guy, Any Pronouns
V.I.P Member
I wanted to ask, is it not unusual or not unheard of for a portion of people on the autism spectrum to be asexual?

Because I got out of a failed relationship a few months ago, the relationship was not entirely negative, here were the pros and cons of the relationship.

Positive part: when it came to the companionship and the mental and emotional support part or just being there for each other, hanging out, that was the good part of the relationship.

Negative part: my ex-girlfriend, she was not really comfortable with sex, or just doing anything further beyond kissing and making out.

Because of that, I feel that it wasn't a true relationship.

I also feel like I stayed with her longer than I should have but I was reluctant to break up with her for a while because I didn't want to become alone and Single Again, bigger reason and that is I didn't want to have to go through the drama or burden of having to put myself out there all over again.

She was also on the autism spectrum just like I am.

I wanted sex but she didn't.

Are a portion of people on the autism spectrum asexual?

A part of me is also thinking of the possibility that it's possible that she just wasn't ready.

I stayed with her longer than I believe I should have because I was hoping that she would eventually become comfortable or change her mind but unfortunately she didn't.

So overall is it not unusual and not unheard of for a portion of people on the autism spectrum to be asexual?

Yeah this failed relationship has been the main source of my anger and bitterness and resentment for the past few months and why I have made certain comments on this forum.
Emotional intimacy is way more important than sex in romantic relationships. Just because a romance is sexless, it doesn't mean it isn't a real romance.
 

Sherlock77

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I have very little interest in a romantic relationship, I am 52 years old and have never really had a girlfriend... There have been a couple of attempts but that's where it stands

And I have noted for myself that my sex drive isn't very high, unlike other male friends I've talked with

So that leads me to a general conclusion that I'm asexual, and that doesn't bother me either
 
It is normal but so is not having sex. it doesn't seem that's how the majority of couples function it truly does seem that the majority of couples are in a sexual relationship
Reminds me and I'm sure many people agree, it is controversial and there will always be mixed views on this but a lot of people are glad that sex workers exist or paying for sex exists
 

Cassandra65

New Member
I wanted to ask, is it not unusual or not unheard of for a portion of people on the autism spectrum to be asexual?

Because I got out of a failed relationship a few months ago, the relationship was not entirely negative, here were the pros and cons of the relationship.

Positive part: when it came to the companionship and the mental and emotional support part or just being there for each other, hanging out, that was the good part of the relationship.

Negative part: my ex-girlfriend, she was not really comfortable with sex, or just doing anything further beyond kissing and making out.

Because of that, I feel that it wasn't a true relationship.

I also feel like I stayed with her longer than I should have but I was reluctant to break up with her for a while because I didn't want to become alone and Single Again, bigger reason and that is I didn't want to have to go through the drama or burden of having to put myself out there all over again.

She was also on the autism spectrum just like I am.

I wanted sex but she didn't.

Are a portion of people on the autism spectrum asexual?

A part of me is also thinking of the possibility that it's possible that she just wasn't ready.

I stayed with her longer than I believe I should have because I was hoping that she would eventually become comfortable or change her mind but unfortunately she didn't.

So overall is it not unusual and not unheard of for a portion of people on the autism spectrum to be asexual?

Yeah this failed relationship has been the main source of my anger and bitterness and resentment for the past few months and why I have made certain comments on this forum.
Many of us have issues with physical touch - sex is the most intimate form of physical touch there is. Some can 'get over it' with time and practice, others never. Personally I've been single and celibate for well over 13 years mainly because I can't be bothered with all the BS that seems to go along with relationships. Why do so many find deep honesty so difficult??? I think I miss the companionship most of all.
 

Streetwise

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I wanted to ask, is it not unusual or not unheard of for a portion of people on the autism spectrum to be asexual?

Because I got out of a failed relationship a few months ago, the relationship was not entirely negative, here were the pros and cons of the relationship.

Positive part: when it came to the companionship and the mental and emotional support part or just being there for each other, hanging out, that was the good part of the relationship.

Negative part: my ex-girlfriend, she was not really comfortable with sex, or just doing anything further beyond kissing and making out.

Because of that, I feel that it wasn't a true relationship.

I also feel like I stayed with her longer than I should have but I was reluctant to break up with her for a while because I didn't want to become alone and Single Again, bigger reason and that is I didn't want to have to go through the drama or burden of having to put myself out there all over again.

She was also on the autism spectrum just like I am.

I wanted sex but she didn't.

Are a portion of people on the autism spectrum asexual?

A part of me is also thinking of the possibility that it's possible that she just wasn't ready.

I stayed with her longer than I believe I should have because I was hoping that she would eventually become comfortable or change her mind but unfortunately she didn't.

So overall is it not unusual and not unheard of for a portion of people on the autism spectrum to be asexual?

Yeah this failed relationship has been the main source of my anger and bitterness and resentment for the past few months and why I have made certain comments on this forum.
we aren't neurotypical so sex is different, i'm a WOMAN(xx) but never liked the idea of giving birth or a man touching me, the rest of the answer would be in religion(christianity)
 

TBRS1

Transparent turnip
Big flaw in the original post: the author is assuming that the other is asexual because that person did not choose to '
"Go all the way" with the poster.

The original poster did not report that the other identified as asexual. We know nothing about the other, or why this person choose not to go beyond "kissing and making out."

I can think of hundreds of reasons this person may not have wanted the full monty, and only one of them is "this person is asexual."
 

Judge

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Emotional intimacy is way more important than sex in romantic relationships. Just because a romance is sexless, it doesn't mean it isn't a real romance.

Something I learned in a relationship with a Neurotypical woman who was hypersexual.

While she had an "over-the-top" sex drive compared to any woman I had ever had a relationship with, she actually valued that emotional intimacy far, far more than sex. Very confusing to me, even decades later. Very sad as well, as while I cared so much for her she still dumped me.

Ultimately I just couldn't seem to communicate to her what she needed the most, despite her own obsessions and compulsions. Yet it was probably the one relationship I wanted things to work the most.
 
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