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  1. Health

    “Now. The healthy person takes health for granted. He takes it for granted as he does the air that he breathes. He can appreciate his health as he can appreciate the air, without feeling that either is going to be taken from him. He is not concerned with his health because he takes it on trust unthinkingly, as he takes his life on trust. You take your artistic ability on trust. You consider it a part of you. Ruburt considers his writing a part of him. There are people highly gifted with...
  2. Autism and Hypersensitivity to Criticism

    This annual appraisal at work has been postponed again. I think this is the third time. It's now due on Thursday. When I checked my calander this morning (before it was cancelled) my heart sank when I saw it was happening today. I just looked up Autism and hypersensitivity to criticism. When I read the article, it summed things up quite neatly. I literally crumble when I encounter criticism. But, being different means you will encounter a lot of adversity, stigma and criticism in life....
  3. A Way Toward Health

    "Exuberance and a sense of vitality are always present to some degree or another. Some people are are always aware of their own joy regardless of circumstances. They feel safe and protected even when the events of their lives do not seem favorable. Regardless of their own doubts and worries, such people feel themselves supported, and feel that in the end everything will work to their advantage. Many other people, however, lose this sense of safety and abundance, and it may seem as if joy in...
  4. Impasse

    The healing after my tooth extraction continues to go smoothly. It's been over 72 hours now, but this length of time still doesn't allow for the limited interests I have. I don't think I can do any exercise until I'm at the 5-7 day mark. Even then, it seems to suggest to avoid vigorous exercise. So that's walking, cycling and staffing out the window until next weekend. I know walking probably doesn't count as vigorous exercise - but I enjoy walking very fast, and it gets the blood pumping....
  5. Post Extraction

    Tooth extraction yesterday was textbook. Mind you, this is the second time I've been referred to a specialist and they turned up to work late. I'd have thought that if you earned big money being a medical specialist - you'd at least learn to be punctual. He didn't wait after injecting me to begin the extraction. Normally they wait a few mins for you to fee l properly numb. I was a little nervous because when he first gripped the tooth I was unsure if I was simply feeling the pressure of the...
  6. Rambling

    I always push myself too far/endure too much before i realize yes, i am really feeling depressed and crippled with anxiety. I need my therapist right now. I don't feel okay. I am so scared of life sometimes even my fear of physical pain goes away. How am i going to live in this world when my parents die? How am i supposed to deal with all these feelings alone i don't know. But part of me still prefers this hell to physical pain.
  7. No retreat, no surrender

    I find dictatorships and such like to be quite fascinating. After many years feeling emotionally destabilised when I read the news, I seem to have gone the other way. Being able to distance my emotions from bad news, and often turning it around with a real dark comedy twist. If you've ever uttered the phrase "I find that offensive" you may not wish to read the below: To be honest, firing without warning is the most effective way to use a gun. Don't want people getting the chance to duck....
  8. Steps in the right direction

    I am feeling more positive about the next steps in life. Whilst I can't confirm when I'll be handing my notice in at my current job, I do know that it will be this year. I was adament this job was to be the last office job before I went onto pursue my talents. Office jobs are soul destroying, and this job has been the worst of the four jobs I've had since I was 18. Too stressful, badly managed, understaffed, poorly paid and with no friends. I wonder if I'd have ever quit the job had I still...
  9. I will be quitting the rat race in 2022

    Made a fair few audio recordings in recent weeks. Uploaded one last week on a rather profound day, where my parents agreed that this job is a very bad fit for me, and told me they supported me quitting this job and going full time with my art/photography. Initially I'd felt like a weight had been lifted. No more worrying about staying in a job I hated. Or looking for a house in the city where I worked, to stay in a job I hated etc. After a day or so, the inner-critic and self-doubt began to...
  10. Summer and fall by the numbers

    Period covers July 5th 2021 to December 24th 2021. Days away from home: 146 Miles travelled: 11,596 Unique beds slept in: 11 States travelled: 8 Counties visited: 2 Cars used: 2 (old one was sold for a newer used car) Families vistited: 6 Hours driving: oh god.... Hours spent "hanging out": I don't know, I went to my happy place Deaths of loved ones: 2 Number of times hands washed: I have no "hands" left! Covid infections: 0
  11. fMRI

    I took part in an experiment for research in depression, they made me play a game while they examined by brain through fMRI. Apparently, this is my brain:
  12. Livestreaming now!

    Hey guys, if anyone wants to watch me on youtube, come on in! I'm going to be investigating lost media, maybe follow a few rabbit holes, maybe I'l play some old games, who knows:) So if you feel like it, come watch!
  13. The Most Vague Reality

    Oliver and MrConfident have been talking to each other, and it seems... Shady. Not shady like Slim Shady, but SHADY. I'm gonna go round the outside and make sure one of them ain't the first king of controversy. lpjxu frp Zswv 07 A