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Blogs

  1. Friday Feeling?

    Possibly not. I am relieved it's the end of the week. It's only been a 4 day week but the days in general feel more tiring now I have a longer commute. Today was the first time I set off a little later. Traffic wasn't any worse, so I might go in even later on Monday. I'm all caught up - once again to the point where I'm bored and the day feels like it drags. Actively trying to find stuff to do but coming up short. With them getting a new person, it makes me think things could really be dead...
  2. Tap-a-tap-a

    Last week had fish n chips for dinner. Mum asked if I wanted mayo. She had a jar of mayo and took a spoonful put couldn't plop it on the plate. So she started hammering the plate with the teaspoon multiple times. That noise was piercing. It was hard to stay calm. Sounds trivial I know - but that moment really highlighted my noise sensitivty and short temper. I bottled it up though. Only thing I noticed myself do was some form of facial grimmacing and a sigh towards the end of 10+ hard...
  3. Slip back into my old routine

    Saw a paramedic at the GP last night - I guess they're short staffed? I imagine it saves money if they can get nurses and paramedics to look at patients instead of GP's. At least I got seen to on the same day as I contacted the doctors surgery. He repeated what the last nurse said - no sign of infection. The new, more intense pain was still due to ear wax build up - something I've had an issue with on and off for many years. Got some olive oil ear drops to do 3-5 times a day for 2 weeks. The...
  4. Bowling

    Everyone's signing up for the work bowling night like it's opening time at the methadone clinic. Can't say it appeals to me. We invented the cannon in the 12th century to avoid having to move heavy balls by hand to hit targets. Now we call it a past time? I call it faecal matter being expelled from an uncastrated male cow's anus. Now, if there's a work night out where we get to fire cannons at stuff (preferably the general public or the Western Front) then sign me up. Ed
  5. Common courtesy

    No dizziness for 3 days and as soon as I'm back in the office it hits me again. That's a little frustrating. Forgot my headphones which also adds to this frustration. Noticing a lot of people at work with coughs. I wish there was basic common courtesy with people coughing. From very early on in the pandemic, people were instructed to cough into their elbow, or at the very least cover their cough as best as possible. Everyone I'm seeing is just coughing with their mouth wide open. What's up...
  6. Alexithymia

    A classic symptom of Asperger's is alexithymia (emotion blindness.) On an analytical level, I don't have this problem: it's basic pattern recognition, and that is something I excel at: I see the facial expression, I compare it to my "database" of emotions, et voila! I know what feeling the person is expressing. I can often also tell whether they are sincere are not. I can even go one step further: given a set of circumstances, I can often construct a reasonable narrative as to why that...
  7. pregabalin

    hiiiiiii. so i was recently prescribed pregabalin for chronic anxiety. the prescribing psychiatrist woman had previously tried me on mirtazapine, citalopram, vortioxetine and venlafaxine. they didn't really help and the side effects were just intolerable. i did however have the most bizarre and vivid dreams with mirtazapine, though, it was kind of amazing and so crazy, but it made me so lethargic. but the pregabalin seems to have hit the spot. i felt, well, i felt what i imagine is...
  8. Nothing worthwhile is easy

    It seems that when I'm stressed I work harder. On days where I feel quite good - my concentration comes and goes. Struggled with getting a lot done today. It's not to say I dossed around all day at work - but I wasn't really anywhere near as productive as yesterday. It's quite hard to top 4 hours of hyperfocus. I absolutely smashed it yesterday. Got an email to inform us of delays with the house sale. The buyer's mortgage offer expired (due to previous delays with our solictor). Their...
  9. Life's Getting Bad Again

    My sleeping schedule is now reversed and it has been awful for my mood. I'm terrified of having a bad sleeping schedule because I have my fur baby to take care of, and if I'm unable to walk and feed her then she doesn't get taken care of and it's my fault. Not to mention I'm hungry all the time now! The lack of carbs is good for me but I feel so overwhelmed and so sad all the time because I go to bed with my stomach rumbling. Nothing can be easy anymore and I'm feeling really emotionally and...
  10. Making a home

    My folks said I can re-heat my dinners to eat them when I want. I was honest with my mum and said I've been struggling a lot with only being able to eat downstairs. Since I got back I'm getting really bad stress symptoms again; especially dizziness. It's hard to try and eat dinner around people, with lots of background noise and feeling like I'm going to pass out. Definitely sensory overload. Being allowed to snack upstairs is helping though. I'm not hungry all the time anymore. Stopping...
  11. List of Chores

    Mop the floor in the bathroom. Mop the floor in the kitchen. Take my medicine and vitamins. Walk my fur baby. Feed my fur baby. Shower. Brush teeth. Write in my private food diary. Wash my dishes. Here is a list of my chores I need to do tomorrow. Most of these are things I do everyday but it helps to keep a list so it feels less overwhelming. None of these things will ever take too long (the longest things lasting about twenty minutes). I may have a late start however, my Moderna shot is...
  12. Baby Steps

    I finally started a plan with my dietitian last Thursday and so far I've been following it pretty well. Though I discovered that I can no longer eat PB&J because it goes over my limit of 45mg carbohydrates per meal. Even if it's on whole wheat bread. Right now I'm stuck using the microwave for all my meals except breakfast, where I have to scrambled eggs in the morning with mushrooms. Losing weight is my biggest priority so I don't worsen my diabetes or cholesterol but it's still very...
  13. My Vacation - Prague

    It was a bright summer morning when my parents and I began our much-anticipated summer vacation carrying our bags to the bus station on Stone Street. There, a crimson bus filled with excited passengers eager for their upcoming holidays waited to leave for Prague at 6:00 AM. There was an air of elation as the families prepared themselves for what was to come. The bus itself was absolutely packed with their heavy suitcases and other belongings haphazardly stacked and pushing against the...
  14. Adjustment period

    The past few months have felt like one ongoing adjustment since Kristy split up with me. A break in many of the routines I'd lived by for over 4 years. I know that being in an unhappy relationship did neither of us any good in the final year or so. Still, it's hard to adjust. Being back home feels odd. So much is different and there's a lot of restrictions here. Not being able to eat upstairs or have friends over has been difficult to adjust to. Things I guess I took for granted. Mind you,...
  15. Singing for the moon

    I’m feeling very overwhelmed today. I almost had a flashback at work and I’m new but I went up to a coworker I like to talk to sometimes I told her “I’m going to have a flashback” so she took me to the bathroom and I just sat there and shook but she talked me down very well!!!! I am grateful for her though my anxiety levels stayed high… I ended up freaking out in my apartment due to loud neighbors and one of my cats getting mad about my singing so I left and sang at the park close to my...
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