Blogs

I wonder if the break in my routine of going to work has caused me to stop keeping regular blog entries. The guilt of taking time off has subsided for the most part. I received a text from my manager today asking if I was ok and hoping to catch up with me towards the end of the week. Time has gone by quickly. Looking back, most of last week was spent getting the house and garden ready for the estate agent’s visit and valuation on Tuesday. This week it’s been easy to keep on top of cleaning...

It all became too much - I ended up hiding in the men's room for 20 minutes and burst into tears as soon as I closed the door behind me. Didn't really help much. I looked up if I could get a Dr's appointment, maybe on Push Dr - the mobile app. They used to be £20 for an appointment, now it's £45. I can't justify that. I was looking under the assumption I could get signed off for 2 weeks. When I got back to my desk, I decided to look at when my next time off is. Turns out it's this week - I...

Kristy needs lifts this week as her friend who normally provides them has an event they wish to attend next week and don’t want to risk catching COVID. Seems a little paranoid to me, then again, I’m no stranger to worrisome thoughts. It means the next few days I won’t get as much sleep. Kristy is happy to walk, and yet I’m not happy for her to do so (paranoid thoughts). I guess that’s what years of news can do to a worrier – they make me assume that a woman walking on her own at night is in...

I’m nervous about selling the house. I called the estate agent and they’re visiting Saturday. Scared the house won’t be good enough, that they’ll judge. Scared there’s too much to do, that I can’t get the painting and gardening done in time. Worried about my bike test too – convinced I’ll get anxious and mess up. Realitically I know these things are examples of catastrophic thinking, and that the reality of these situations won’t be as bad as I assumed. I’m dizzy – I get this way when I’m...

The fatigue is real – I had a nap yesterday that left me feeling even more tired. In the end I got an early night, but I woke up this morning a lot earlier than expected. Last week I started work early several times, but it really makes the shift feel like a drag. Still, I guess it’s more productive to get to work early than mill around the house for an hour or so before I drive in. I saw a crow feeding on a recently run over pigeon. I drive slowly when I see birds ahead, sometimes I even...

The weekend began with a downpour which put a literal damper on clearing the garden on Saturday morning. I woke up at 7am feeling like I hadn't slept enough. I began sorting out what needed to go to the recycling centre and tried waking Kristy up, but she wasn't downstairs for 20 minutes or so. I got to the recycling centre 10 minutes early and was the first car waiting outside. I managed to get 3 trips done in a short space of time. Normally the tip is very busy on a weekend, but due to...

I sometimes forget how slow a Friday feels in the office. I started off the day strong - getting a lot done. Not sure how the afternoon will go. Got plenty to do, but it's the usual repetitive admin stuff. I can only do so much at a good pace before I get fed up with it. Still, keeping busy helps a day go by quicker. On my walks through the woods I occasionally see an old boy. At first I thought he was a tramp - he's in his 70's, grey and yellowed unkept beard, tattered, dirty and torn...

Therapy went well - I discussed how I've felt stuck in a rut. For the past few years I've been living the same daily routine - sleep, eat, work and sat on the PC in my free time. Whilst I've significantly reduced the amount of time spent gaming on my computer, I'm still sat almost exclusively in front of my PC in my free time. Routines and selective interests are common on the spectrum of course, and I know that even when I do other things, I look forward to winding down when I get home and...

Two days without my usual 8-9 hours sleep is taking it's toll. After my 6 day weekend I want to continue to stay up late, but it doesn't really work when I'm also starting work 90 minutes early these days. Getting back into 'work mode' feels rather challenging at present - I'm not really feeling it. I get through my work, but I know it never ends and I can never truly get ahead with the workload. So I'm not working at my usual frantic pace, and the tiredness is making my head feel rather...

The plasterer cancelled for the 5th time last night. I actually became somewhat confrontational and highlighted the fact this was the 5th time he's cancelled. He apologised and blamed family issues and promised he'd be arriving tomorrow at 8am. As usual - 8am came and he wasn't here. As per the previous visits, he texts me after 8am to advise he's en-route. Well, he finally arrived and they began plastering - glory be. I'm not home today, which I'm glad about. Apparently they were doing...

Wednesday - cancelled Thursday - 2 hours work Friday - cancelled Sunday - cancelled Monday - cancelled To say this plasterer has been unreliable is an understatement. He rang this morning to say he forgot it was bank holiday and all the building merchants are closed and he can't get materials (I don't believe him). He said he'll be over at midday to prep the adhesive on the bathroom ceiling (I didn't believe him). Having heard nothing I text him at 1pm. Now he says it'll be 6pm. Since when...

I'm sure none of us like getting messed around by people. It feels especially difficult when you don't stand up for yourself. Anyway, I'm going to start a new routine of having a song to go with my entries: On Wednesday the plasterer cancelled last minute because he had to pick up his dad from hospital. On Thursday he came round for 2 hours to remove old plaster and prep the ceilings. On Friday he came over and after 5 minutes he told me the adhesive hadn't dried yet, and he'd do the work on...

I have photos! Er... I dunno what else to say here. It's time to move!

We got some stuff into storage today. The plasterer didn't turn up in the end. He text me saying he'd be there at 9am. Shortly afterwards he text to say his dad is out of hospital and he's the only one who could pick him up. Apparently a lift from hospital is an all day event? I asked if the job will be finished this week and he said yes. This instantly made me think his 3 day job quote was BS if he can now miraculously do it in 2. So long as it's cheaper, I don't mind. Kristy starts her...

I'm not usually a fan of strong smells, and yet I thought I'd throw caution to the wind when I noticed a new alcohol hand gel in the kitchen at work. Figured I'd give it a sniff as sometimes they're sweetly scented. I put some in my hand and put it up close to my face before inhaling deeply. I then squirmed and exclaimed: "Jesus Christ, no!" It was definitely not sweet smelling. In fact, it smelled like an odour you'd notice in a room - just before it exploded. Ed