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Blogs

  1. Trapped

    As I stare out the window fixated on what is beyond what I can see wishing that I could become a part of the beyond and disappear so that no one will be able to see me again I realise how looking out the window is like a metaphor for how I feel but also a great physical representation of what I am going through right now. I am trapped. Trapped inside my house unable to leave due to extreme amounts of anxiety about seeing people and the what ifs about what could happen. Trapped inside my...
  2. fragility

    People treat me different. It's in the tone of their voices the looks on their face. They look at me with pity.. and fill my head with lies because they are afraid I can't handle the truth. Heads up, autism doesn't mean stupid. It's a neurological phenomenon and mostly affects how I interact with others, controlling my emotions in a positive manner and over stimulation of any sort. people seem to think I can't understand what they are saying so they just talk about me when I am in ear...
  3. History, literature and culture - "New club"

    History, Literature and Culture is a new group/thread I have started, for those of us interested in any of these three general subjects. The club is for everyone: Easy-to-access, and you don't have to formally sign up as a member to share your interests. The concept of the group is to find those with fellow interests in relation to history, literature and/or culture. The thread can be found here: History, literature and culture - "New club" The only rules are that the forum rules still...
  4. Fireworks

    Outside there fireworks go off, it is now the 4th hour of this going on and with the anxiety about going to bed increasing its getting too much. My body starts to feel uncomfortable, my stomach does flip flops as I think about the thing that's sitting on my bedside table, the light of my phone screen is getting brighter even as I turn it down to the lowest setting. Just as I think the fireworks are stopping for the night. Bang bang bang. More fireworks. My hands clamp over my ears and I...
  5. Part two of that first one that didnt fit

    Welcome back. Yet again, I am Misery. Yet again, I might instead be Scrap Baby. It depends on where you're entering this from as to which name you'll know me by. But whichever name I use here, it's still me ranting about whatever. This is just part 2 of the Big Board Game Rant Post Thing. Let's get right back to it: Pandemic: The Cure Here's something a bit simpler, yet no less brutal. What a strange looking thing, eh? The original Pandemic is a world-spanning game about racing to...
  6. Well let's get this started. Part 1 of 2 because HERP DERP CHARACTER LIMIT

    Welcome, whoever you are. I am Misery. Usually. I suppose it depends on where you're getting here from. It's possible that a few of you may know me as Scrap Baby. I suppose I have a few names, but right now, those two are most relevant. Right now, as I type this, this is entirely located on AutismForums. It's possible this may appear elsewhere as well. Who knows? I sure dont. I dont even know if anyone is going to read this. Yet I seem to be typing this anyway. How practical....
  7. Aspie Husband is Depressed and I don't know how to help him.

    Actually I wanted to write a blog last week, when he's surprisingly seem happy in his daily life... for a week.. which sadly only lasts until last Sunday. After his previous work contract ended 2 weeks ago, he continued to come to the institution where I'm working (he's unpaid now; he's been here before too but unpaid). Since he's been here before, he managed to meet many people - people from the lab he's sitting in now, people from his home country, etc. He also started doing many of the...
  8. New beginnings, or something like that.

    It's been a while since my last blog post, and not without reason. My last post was in June, when I was gradually increasing my dosage of lithium while following a treatment program for anxiety. However, instead of becoming more stable, I was rapidly becoming more depressed, as well as experiencing severe side effects on lithium. My father in law dying in Februari and my grandfather unexpectedly dying in March sure as hell didn't help. The depression got so bad in a short time that by the...
  9. Been gone a while!

    Hello friends! Been a while since i came on here, I've just been trying to fix some life things and everything has been pretty decent, I set out into making some friends and repairing old ones, I branched out across Twitch (A gaming livestream site) and made a bunch of really good friends who always check up on me, So i've been happier. I still struggle to livestream due to social phobia but i don't think that will ever improve i'm just happy i can do it somewhat. Love is a complicated...
  10. Holiday Woes

    I'd like to preface that I was raised in a somewhat middle class family and am quite grateful for all my parents have done for me at this point, as some of my descriptions may make it come off as my family is poor, which isn't the case. I'm just not exactly the greatest with my descriptions, so please, bear with me. --- Christmas for me was exciting. It meant...well... Christmas, and then my Birthday which follows 3 days later (on the 28th). I'd make a list for Santa, and eventually would...
  11. Pray :)

    I have cancer and am a single mom. If you could please pray for my daughter and I? I just spent the weekend in the hospital with tiny blood clots in my lungs. I'm ok though
  12. Back after an extended absence

    I wrote my last blog post here four years ago. At that time, I was working on myself, improving, and exploring new opportunities in my life, and I reached the personal conclusion that I was likely not actually on the spectrum. Four weird years later--yeah, I'm on the spectrum. At the time, I associated my weirdness with being an "empath", or having "clairs"--clairaudience, claircognizance, clairsentience. All of that is *sort of* the case still, though it's become much weirder than (and...
  13. I think I have a problem, but I don't know how to consult people about that.

    I think I have a problem (or many), but I don't know how I'm supposed to tell other people about it. Since, if I'm going to tell other people, usually it always sound like a too-simple problem. The only solution is for me to work harder. And i sounded like i'm only whining. Which is actually true; I'm not that hardworking, you may say I'm lazy. I could actually do only simple work, but I got a job which i'm actually not qualified for. It's not impostor syndrome. I'm not qualified, yet i'm...
  14. The size of baseballs

    My hair was long and golden. I never really braided it or did it fancy. Just held it back with a headband or a scrunchie. I started chemo about 3 weeks ago. My hair was intact until a few days ago. Then on Friday I was taking a shower and running conditioner thru my hair when I started pulling out clumps of hair the size of baseballs. I began screaming and crying hysterically. My 15 year old daughter helped me clean up the mess and we went down to Great Clips. They shave your head for free...
  15. Invisible

    It feels like the whole world is a world that is separate from yours like all the people and things occurring are separate from your world as if you are the reader of the book who is walking around this universe watching everything happen but unable to participate, seeing what’s about to happen but unable to stop it. No one sees you or acknowledges that you’re there, someone walks into you, but you keep going because you have to keep going otherwise its all going to stop all of a sudden and...
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