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Blogs

  1. My Idioglossia...

    From time-to-time, I coin or commandeer words in an attempt to better explain my experiences. This list is for those relevant to this forum. aggravated (autism): n. ASD2 & 3, collectively; autism with pronounced-to-extensive co-morbid conditions. basic (autism): n. ASD1; autism with no significant co-morbid conditions. geek: n. an intellectually gifted person [< G.K. < "gifted kid"]. handicap: n. a hindrance or disadvantage. handicapped: adj. hindered, but not disabled. neurd: n. a...
  2. I'm A Little Bit Afraid

    It's nothing new to me that I feel "behind" my peers. Socially, emotionally, interest wise. Instead of a regular high schooler (9th-12th, about 14/15-17/18 years old for those who don't know), I feel like I'm 12 or something! I'm 16 though, and I'm afraid of what the future holds. Everyone seems to have some semblance of a plan for after high school, but I don't. Everyone's either employed or looking for a job, and I'm not. Everyone seems to know their sexuality and their interests and...
  3. Mother Of All Goals

    Focusing available attention on #1 project: volunteering. The work itself will be a joy. That’s not a problem. The sticky wicket was, is, & always will be the social that comes along with the territory. I’ve been brushing up on technique though. It may not make it any easier, but it keeps me constructively occupied.
  4. Trying to fight the bad thoughts

    Lately things have been super rough for me, My mental health really dropped and i slipped back into some.. self harming habits, I'm usually the kind of guy who is always trying to think as positive as i can but it can only work for so long before i snap, And just the general view of my life lately is crushing me, I feel like a bit of a waste as a person, For the first time lately i've started to view my version of Aspergers as a curse, I've always sort of liked the fact that i'm unique but...
  5. I Feel a Bit Silly Now

    So come to find out, my school has psychologists. 4 of them, in fact. I'll try to schedule time with them sooner rather than later. Or, should I wait until next school year? It's getting close to the end right now, and I don't want to have to waste gas and money driving up to the school or wherever over the summer. Not to mention the already tight schedule from family matters. I'm supposed to be co-hosting for the school's talent show tomorrow night, but it doesn't feel real. I've only...
  6. Been a While

    So the show on Saturday was great. My mom got us both seats in the balcony, to the back, so it wasn't too loud! Also, I found out my therapist is going on vacation. I told him about the whole "weird leg" thing, but we didn't really explore it. Would it be worthwhile to talk about what I think is ASD related without directly saying I think I have ASD? I don't know. I feel kind of bad because I want a different therapist, but I think I'll make him upset in some way! Not to mention the fact...
  7. 51 Aspects of Autism

    An article in which the author does an amazing job of describing 51 personality traits that make her autistic.
  8. 3 Hours, 4 Minutes Daily

    Next step, get below 3 hours iPad time daily. This has been easier since the weather is nice now. Continuing to cut off iPad time at 5pm or before daily.
  9. Well That's New

    Something weird happened today. I felt bad because I continuosly got a problem wrong in math, which carried over into science. We were discussing possible group projects, and I had gone nonverbal. Hearing everyone talk about the project made me a bit angry, which manifested into a physical symptom? The bottom half of my legs went weird, not like pins-and-needles, and not numb, but something else unpleasant. I also had therapy today, and I went over that and how I don't usually know what I'm...
  10. Apparently, it is "selfish" of me to be genuine, and not use fake social scripts...

    I've been really depressed and emotional lately, due to a multitude of factors. It's hard to define them all here, but I'll try: - working on CPTSD recovery, which involves a lot of wading around in traumatic memories - getting constantly triggered on accident by my boyfriend - getting sensory overload/overwhelmed on accident by my boyfriend - my boyfriend having emotional needs I can't even begin to fulfill when I'm in this state - flashbacks, oh god, flashbacks - getting hypervigilant and...
  11. You made it.

    Right now you are reading these words. That means you are still here. Good job. You have made it through a lot to get here. You remember probably. All that bad stuff that happened; things most people don't go through, dark moments were you can see no light. You made it through everything to get to this point, reading this comment. It was no easy task. What have you gone through to get here? Think of everything that has happened to you. God knows the stuff you had to put up with from yourself...
  12. A g h

    Something happened today that seems very insignificant, and I suppose it it. My phone screen cracked. Hadn't dropped it, just hit it with the metal part of the seatbelt. I had never previously broken a phone screen before, and it's taking a bit of getting used to. Only thing is, it sent me into a shutdown, I think. I was suddenly aware of how "naked" I was (I had not been wearing long sleeves/a jacket, and I didn't have my earbuds), and I was very afraid. My brain became stuck, and I...
  13. May 2019 Daily Goals, Part One:

    1) nephew letter 2) self-hypnosis 3) clean Part Two TBD... 1) nephew letter is something family members asked me to write. 2) self-hypnosis is for noise sensitivity & mindfulness meditation. 3) abc = always be cleaning/ prep for visiting family member.
  14. dissecting other people's stuff

    Looking at other people's material is useful to me. I see what works and what doesn't. For example this result> "Your character is from the UFO (1997-1999) theme and is Messy. They are a(n) Calligrapher and they enjoy Amateur Astronomy" from> StackPath Good details. but. Could be improved by attaching the correct article to occupation. Like this: a Calligrapher, an Artist. And lose the vague pronoun 'they'. Instead of: "They are a(n) Calligrapher and they enjoy Amateur Astronomy" I...
  15. Therapy this week

    As I always do at the beginning of "Therapy Weeks", I'm debating on whether I should bring up autism. I also usually get too afraid to, and refer to the giant list of stuff I wanted to bring up since last year. It feels like I'm doing myself a disservice, by not utilizing the time I have to talk about what I want to. It kinda feels like I'm lying, in a way? Lying to my therapist, too. To make myself feel better, I'll organize all my documents into a folder. I also got another bad headache...
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