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Blogs

  1. Relief!!!

    At last I finally got everything I needed to do DONE! I'm now able to relax in bed without anxiety balling up inside my stomach. Things went very smoothly with my blood work and with my first dietitian appointment. I even got to pet a dog today! I'm super relieved everything went as well as it did. As for my apartment, I guess the inspectors never came to check out my apartment? This isn't the first time this has happened but every time my landlady sends out a notice it always sends me into...
  2. I'm Exhausted

    I got my blood drawn and now I have to wait for 11:00 AM so I can go to see my dietitian for the first time, but I'm tired since I had to wake up at 4:00 AM in order to have enough time to get ready for both appointments. Not to mention my apartment might be getting inspected and I hardly have the energy to get out of bed. Life is rough when you don't have time to plan ahead. All of this was just suddenly dropped on me and I had no time to brace myself for it. :(
  3. Rough Week Ahead

    I have so much to do and I'm so overwhelmed. Tomorrow I get my second Moderna shot and I have to prepare for a USDA inspection for my apartment. I didn't get any preparations done today and I made dinner which I barely ate any of. I'm upset with myself. On the 19th is the official inspection. It's also when my father is taking me to get blood work done for my doctor. I also have my first dietitian appointment and I'll have to wander around the hospital alone since I can't leave her at my...
  4. My Audio Blog

    Perhaps this will become a regular occurrence. I talk to myself all the time, but when I hit record I seem to explore thoughts and feelings in more depth: Ed
  5. 6 min blog

    Let's see how much I can hammer out. Past few days me and Kristy have been getting stuff ready for moving out on Friday 13th. As we only get to make use of the rental van on my lunch break, we've been clearing the house. i did some runs to the recycling centre and my parents. Almost all of upstairs is clear except for the beds and chest of drawers which we'll use the van for. We put up a load of kitchen stuff and random bits on local Facebook groups and I delivered those to people...
  6. Drawing the short straw

    Emailed the conveyancer as we've heard nothing in a month. I checked our dashboard login and no progress on the milestones had changed since early June. He replied this morning saying we never signed the attached documents. He forwards the email in question and I checked over my inbox - it isn't there. Stress - big time. So I get all the documents signed and ask for his address. It's in the city where I live, so I take an early lunch and drive into the city centre. I call him when I'm...
  7. It's just another manic meltdown

    I had my first meltdown in over a year today. And today is the first day I have recognized that my meltdowns are, maybe, different than an NT might exprience. Despite the draining, ugly nature of my meltdown, seeing this event differently is a relief! Ever since I remember, meltdowns have been a part of my life. They have been shocking in intensity and bewildering for me to have. I'll be minding my own business and a comment from another sets off this tsunami of emotion. Usually the...
  8. Funny boobs

    I babysat my three year old neice yesterday. We were watching t.v. and she was sitting on my lap when she told me "You have funny boobs". It took all of effort to not laugh. I had been feeling quite pressured and stressed but that one line made everything right again.
  9. Smooth Jazz

    Slept better last night. Past few nights I'm getting enough sleep, but feeling tired throughout the day. I did wake up around 01:30 and I was sweating. I'd covered myself in my thick duvet during the night - that was the reason, no doubt about it. But I woke up in a bit of a flustered state, immediately focused on my tooth and then assumed the sweating meant I had an infection - only took a few seconds of being awake to start with the catastrophic thinking. I opened the windows in my bedroom...
  10. Flyin' from a different route

    Dead fledgling in the car park. I saw 3 at work yesterday morning. They were in the shade created by our building. One didn't look right, it was by the front door to our office and didn't notice me until I was less than a meter away. Then it walked away, off balance and couldn't fly. I thought I should have fed it, but I didn't. Went to go for my lunch time walk today and saw a dead fledgling in the car park. And you know what? I blame myself. Could have fed it, should've got water for it....
  11. Sorting it all out

    I have taken several online Autisim assessment quizes, tests now. I have repeated the AQ test about 5 times and the Aspie Quiz 3 times. I have also completed a similar test from a book I sm reading. No matter what mood I am in, no matter how I check my self to ensure honest answers, I get similar results. Significant autistic traits. I am trying to be cautious here. I realize that there is some possibility that I am unconciously skewing results based on my deep need to belong. Taking...
  12. Bepis

    It's been a week without reading the news. Giving up an old routine often feels troublesome. Feeling out of the loop isn't the best feeling either, but I know it's better for my mental health. Felt really low this morning and it hasn't improved as the day has gone by. At least there's only 45 mins left at work. Very warm today. But the hot weather will end on Wednesday afternoon and it'll be cooler after. Got paintballing this Saturday. Looks like there'll be some rain, but at least it's...
  13. Boys and their toys

    Decided to stop reading the news again. I went without it for a long time - and felt better for it. When COVID began I started reading the news again, thinking it was needed - it wasn't. Bad news, that's all it is. Needless to say, daily exposure to bad news doesn't exactly brighten your outlook. It's articles regarding situations that don't affect me, or the hardships of people I've never known. I struggle to empathise with friends and families problems, let alone reading about a world full...
  14. Psychogenic Pain

    Getting enough sleep the past 2 days is helping me not feel any worse. Rather than starting the day in the office in a bad mood, it's taking longer for my mood to deteriorate. If I lack sleep, my daily physical pains get a lot worse. This week I've had a song stuck in my head all day - literally on repeat for hours and hours. On Monday and Tuesday it was this song: Today it's been this song: Both are a strange mix of feeling euphoric and also rather somber. Slow burn, Future Garage genre...
  15. Save the based till last

    Most days I have my verbal tics. Usually they're long term phrases or words. Either from TV shows, or one's that sounded appealing, then there's the accents and silly voices etc. Today's verbal tic was a new one and little disconcerting. As I went on my lunch time walk through the woods to go staffing I started repeating the phrase "what's the f'ing point?" It doesn't feel that out of the blue, as I'd noticed a low mood was on the rise. Much like these COVID graphs, I find that I never get...
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