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Personal note: This story is about how I recognize some of myself in sacred literature I read today, in the Episcopal tradition’s interpretation. Blessed are they that take no offense at me.
Opening Numbers
I read Numbers 2:1-10 today aloud at church, and found myself in it. This story is about...
This post has nothing to do with Ren & Stimpy...
I have come to terms with how odd I can be, I like my disorganization, my collections of random stuff that I've been obssesed with over the years, I can deal with my lack of interest in society, the trouble I have with focusing in school. Joining...
So here's a story of something that happened back when I was in primary school. I laugh about it now, but at the time it was so frustrating that something like that could have happened over a pair of scissors.
So I used to have this compulsion of feeling things, rubbing them against my skin and...
Sometime this morning. I had to make a conscious decision to change my frame of mind regarding a situation and how someone is behaving, how that behavior affects me.
Basically, I was regarding the situation as a whole as something that needed to be dealt with, like no one specific is...
I returned from my 60-minute interview with strangers for a job I really want. I prepared for it like this:
I printed out my samples based on the first interview.
Old behavior: I take everything I need to make a complete story from a recent relevant experience. Every detail. My brief is 2...
I know I'm straying away from the topic of Asperger's and Autism, but I wanted to know if anyone has these disorders and how you guys deal with them? I deal with mine by meditating or praying each day for at least 10 minutes. Throughout the day, I do go through anxiety and stress so I work out...
To be completely honest- I don't want to do this anymore. The only medication I am on right now that addresses my pain in any way is an anti-inflammatory. I am at the maximum dosage. This puts me at a level of functioning where if I go out with my mother for a couple of hours to have lunch and...
I can fake being NT for 30 minutes on the phone. What am I going to do in 30-60 minutes in front of at least three people?
I need to remember a few things:
Although my "vampire chi" means I cannot see myself, other people can see me.
I have presence, other people say.
It's only three people...
It went well. How do I know?
Before the call, I sang scales to make my voice work and relax. I didn't relax, but I made some nice sounds (and many flat ones).
She called 15 minutes late and I was happy to accommodate her. I said "yes" when she asked for more time and I specified how much more...
In an hour, I have an interview for 30 minutes on the phone. I want to put my newest, littlest, spring-greeniest changes to work: what happens if I practice empathy for the interviewer?
How can I get out of my own head long enough to get into a conversation? That's part of the problem. My rich...
"I see my friends, they all get to pursue higher education, all their goals, pretty much, they can have kids, or not. They can pursue careers, or not. They can move, they can hop in their cars.
They have so many choices and take them for granted. I have very little choice in my life.
...I feel...
7/3/2015
Let's see if getting this down in words, getting it out, helps me feel better..
Today I don't feel like trying to be happy at all. I've had enough of trying to scrape enough energy together by thinking positive thoughts, enjoying the lovely day I see out there while I hide in here...
Well today on first period class the teacher let us free time, so I was making homework and transcribing notes, when suddenly I heard a conversation of one of my classmates that asked to this other guy I used to have a little crush on him, if he had a crush on someone, he answered that indeed he...
After an exciting evening in conversation, I wondered if a FUQ was in order. IQ, EQ, and what I'll call "We-Q" seems to be fluctuating so much I'm getting seasick.
Have I noticed my body tensing up during a thread, reading a post or person? Notice the feeling.
What is the feeling? Notice the...
Lately I've been really giving in to the idea that motivation is necessary to proceed with some actions. It really isn't, not in reality. That is a myth and I know it. It makes things a lot easier; kind of less agonizing. But I don't need "motivation" really.
It's this odd concept, for example...
Permission to write bad personal poetry has been granted to the author.
EDIT: CASCADING MEMORIES PROBLEM ONGOING. I wish I could cry but I can't so I'll write.
I looked her in the eye, which lent pain to my words.
"I'm not a nice person,
actually." I'm really not fun.
The therapist could not...
I had a really degrading experience this morning. Part of it was probably that the experience meant something very very different to me than to the other party involved- but part of it was that the other person I think honestly didn't put any thought into what they were doing. The specific...
Previously: In Writ in Water, I introduced a flow chart that lined up mindfulness (as rainbow) and anxiety (as tornado). On further reflection, there are some more places where I could introduce mindfulness, and the mindfulness technique that helps me isn't the same throughout an anxiety attack...
I saw a post on the board asking if there was anyone you really hate.
I wanted to respond. I wanted to talk about how hate for me has been kind of a difficult thing. How I have often mistaken my angry and hurt for hate. That when I've recovered, I've realized that I can simply not engage. That...
It's Sunday, and the woman who just received her passing scores from her ordination exams is preaching.
As always, I took notes, and found in them some way to approach both the day's readings and the week before me.
Faith: It's a gift, not a decision
It’s no kindness to exhort people to “have...