Previously: In Writ in Water, I introduced a flow chart that lined up mindfulness (as rainbow) and anxiety (as tornado). On further reflection, there are some more places where I could introduce mindfulness, and the mindfulness technique that helps me isn't the same throughout an anxiety attack. I can't reduce what I need to a formula. I can discover it each time. I can't guarantee success. I can guarantee change--and change guarantees improvement if I am thoughtful and consistent about it.
What I want to look at is a close-up on exactly what about mindfulness worked for me once an attack started. As King_Oni observed "When advice and society collide:"
Any condition that has to hide itself intensifies its effects, as Health News reported in How society makes it worse [specific to self-harm] and how rejection and depression create a negative spin cycle (Shake it off? Not so easy...)
It's Complicated: Four Questions that Color Response
It's Simple: One Question That Stops Everything
Can I read a comment I wrote to someone else as if it were written to me now?
No. I do not "always" do this; I am always vulnerable in specific situations that can't always be predicted. Demonstrably. It's easier for me to have perspective on other people, not so easy to see myself in my own situation (as for King David in the previous post "What's in a word?).
I don't confuse simple with easy. Simple things are hard. If I reread a comment I wrote to someone else when I recognize that I am now where they are then, and I could show mercy and kindness then, I can see myself now. The vampire chi is broken, and I get both help from my previous self, and insight for the day.
Somewhere in the abyss, the ground has risen, a little.
It's Simple: One Question That Turns Anything
It's simple, but it means admitting that I need people.
One of the forces that drives anxiety into the abyss is the inability to admit vulnerability for the simple fear that I'll find out I'm not only solitary but lonely, not only lonely but hurt, not only hurt but abandoned. Surely a little piece of humanity dies in each of us when the indifference of others becomes internalized as coldness in ourselves; when anyone's "Hanging Judge" insists that there's only one way to do it; when it's important to hurry past the speaker's story to the solution in the judge's mouth.
In acknowledgement to someone who wrote me today. Thank you.
What I want to look at is a close-up on exactly what about mindfulness worked for me once an attack started. As King_Oni observed "When advice and society collide:"
"So, what I’m seeing happen is therapists acknowledge my issues and pretty much tell me “it’s not your responsibility since this situation would give the same outcome for anyone”. They know what needs to be done for it to get resolved...but...the solution isn’t even possible.
Law prevents any funding or perspective to actual progress and improvement and that seems to be a recipe for a nice revolving door of insanity for the time being. Therapists see this happening with a lot of their clients...here’s one of these brilliant advices I’ve read the other day.
“In order to avoid issues it’s best to change your environment around so these troubling triggers aren’t as prevalent”."
Law prevents any funding or perspective to actual progress and improvement and that seems to be a recipe for a nice revolving door of insanity for the time being. Therapists see this happening with a lot of their clients...here’s one of these brilliant advices I’ve read the other day.
“In order to avoid issues it’s best to change your environment around so these troubling triggers aren’t as prevalent”."
- I agree that it's impractical to make "these troubling triggers" less prevalent in the immediate and personal future. Is there anything I can do to change the internal processing of the trigger?
- If I have "vampire chi" and can't see myself through other eyes, can I use my aspishness to deflect its effects on other people?
It's Complicated: Four Questions that Color Response
- Where am I when the trigger's hit? The mindfulness technique that works in my home office won't work in shared office space, and that technique can't transfer to a purely social space.
- Where do I take the smoking gun? Anxiety acquires some different attributes, depending on which mask I'm wearing to make my day's schedule work and what I have to be doing.
- What's the source of the problem? Did my mask slip? Did another disorder or distraction aggravate something? Is another person involved or am I attacking myself for not meeting self-imposed impossible standards?
- What do I think having the problem proves about me? This is a flying tackle of the Hanging Judge, who regards this question as her province.
It's Simple: One Question That Stops Everything
Can I read a comment I wrote to someone else as if it were written to me now?
It is very hard for the Hanging Judge to bake Deathcake if I can look at a comment, a response, a karma score, a status, a piece of art, and demolish the ruling that "you always do this <insert stupid or inconvenient behavior here>, you never learn..."No. I do not "always" do this; I am always vulnerable in specific situations that can't always be predicted. Demonstrably. It's easier for me to have perspective on other people, not so easy to see myself in my own situation (as for King David in the previous post "What's in a word?).
I don't confuse simple with easy. Simple things are hard. If I reread a comment I wrote to someone else when I recognize that I am now where they are then, and I could show mercy and kindness then, I can see myself now. The vampire chi is broken, and I get both help from my previous self, and insight for the day.
Somewhere in the abyss, the ground has risen, a little.
It's Simple: One Question That Turns Anything
It's simple, but it means admitting that I need people.
Does it matter that I hurt?
One of the forces that drives anxiety into the abyss is the inability to admit vulnerability for the simple fear that I'll find out I'm not only solitary but lonely, not only lonely but hurt, not only hurt but abandoned. Surely a little piece of humanity dies in each of us when the indifference of others becomes internalized as coldness in ourselves; when anyone's "Hanging Judge" insists that there's only one way to do it; when it's important to hurry past the speaker's story to the solution in the judge's mouth.
In acknowledgement to someone who wrote me today. Thank you.
