• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Why am I so unlucky?

Levitator

Well-Known Member
One thing I've learned in my artistic life, this is related to your feelings... The best thing is to be happy for other people, it's simply good karma...

And we all have a different life story to live out, some people might seem more successful but you don't know the struggles they might have, that they probably do have, yes the NT's we always talk about it, they struggle too, all humans struggle in different ways

Just learn to live your life to your best ability, without comparing yourself to others, I struggle with this feeling sometimes, it's not easy...
That's an excellent observation, and it's something that I have reiterated to myself a lot. We're often blessed with the odd talent in exchange for being inexplicably awkward around other people, and we can hope that the person in the wheelchair is being blessed somehow, too. Since sometimes we are the one being chosen to be that blessing, it doesn't relieve us of the responsibility to show compassion, though.
 

Neri

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Isn't "white trash" a racist slur?
My cousin's lifestyle isn't as bad as that. She lives in an apartment with her partner who treats her well. He did get hooked on the weed for a long time although it didn't seem to change his behaviour negatively. Then he started dealing it, along with other drugs, to different people around the town. Weed is still illegal in the UK so I knew it was only a matter of time before one too many people knew and they get caught out. But apparently he's abruptly given up the drug lifestyle cold turkey now. For now anyway.

I'm still having mixed feelings about this. I just want it to go back to the way things were. They were actually going off the idea of having a baby and had stopped trying, but all of a sudden she fell pregnant when they were least expecting it. So it's all quite sudden and has come as a shock to all of us.
I never felt like this when my sister got pregnant. I was pleased and excited. But with my cousin, I just can't bear it. I really don't want this to be happening.
The issue with "weed" is a complex one.

I'm glad he is trying to clean up his lifestyle. I did that for about 10 years, gave up the herbal help that is Cannabis.

I no longer smoke it, but recently returned to eating a small amount to help with sleep, mood, neural inflammation and just general autism-related anxiety. Just at night. I could probably get a script for it, due to my diagnosis' but it would cost me a lot, just to get it. Here in Au, it is legal for some ailments and diagnosis'.

My ex is very big on it. It's always been his obsession and "special interest" and his lifestyle has always revolved around it. He did a short stint in jail for it a couple of years ago, but went back to his same old lifestyle, anyway.
When I told him that the kids were so worried about him (when he was inside), he basically told me they had a worse time if it than he did. It wasn't his first time in jail and he seems to be able to cope with it with little to no worries.
 

Sherlock77

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
More specifically... I have seen countless artist friends I know well have far more success with simply getting art shows, professional success, etc... And I have often had a negative reaction like "that should have been me",when I should be happy for them, my turn/our turn will eventually come and it will likely be in a different way

I'm slowly learning to think more positive, I believe the same principle applies here too

And in this situation @Misty Avich , think about becoming the best support you can be, rather than being negative...
 

Levitator

Well-Known Member
More specifically... I have seen countless artist friends I know well have far more success with simply getting art shows, professional success, etc... And I have often had a negative reaction like "that should have been me",when I should be happy for them, my turn/our turn will eventually come and it will likely be in a different way

I'm slowly learning to think more positive, I believe the same principle applies here too

And in this situation @Misty Avich , think about becoming the best support you can be, rather than being negative...
I think of this as "colander" or "through-the-crack" theory. The question of; why is my cup always empty when I work so hard to fill it? Obviously, there's a hole in it somewhere. Maybe it's a colander instead of a cup, but I don't know how to view it accurately, so it looks like a cup to me. I feel like I do the same stuff as everyone else, but when I do it, it doesn't count.
 

Levitator

Well-Known Member
I think of this as "colander" or "through-the-crack" theory. The question of; why is my cup always empty when I work so hard to fill it? Obviously, there's a hole in it somewhere. Maybe it's a colander instead of a cup, but I don't know how to view it accurately, so it looks like a cup to me. I feel like I do the same stuff as everyone else, but when I do it, it doesn't count.
This is also among my wake-up calls for focusing on faith. What I see is; people have no introspection into how nasty they are to me. However, I have zero introspection into what I could have done differently to avoid offending them, and I have no idea how it's possible for the same thing to count less when I do it. You begin to feel like your entire life is full of blind spots, and that's why you need cosmic guidance. The pitfalls are obviously everywhere, but you can't see them. You know they're there because they're always swallowing all of your accomplishments and effort.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Technically, this is the kind of person, I am. But I am a real, complex, nuanced, gifted human being as well. "White trash" is a very unkind term. Please be aware that real people with feelings, are treated like this, and can't always help who they get pregnant to, neither should they be looked down at for allowing that life to grow in their womb.
I was 16, homeless and near mute, when my "druggy" twice my age co-parent impregnated me. I latched on to him because of fear of getting murdered by certain people who were around. We are musicians too, which a lot of people look down on. I might be considered "white trash" by some (although here in Australia we haven't taken to that term, thank God) but I'm a human deserving of respect, just like other's.
I am rightly upbraided. Empathy is not my strong suite. I am sorry but will keep it up as perhaps an example of being too blunt in reflexive disrespectful thinking.
 

Levitator

Well-Known Member
I am rightly upbraided. Empathy is not my strong suite. I am sorry but will keep it up as perhaps an example of being too blunt in reflexive disrespectful thinking.
Don't get down on your empathy, it's the kind of thing that people use to dehumanize you. You were trying to empathize with someone's problems by emphasizing the significance, when you misspoke in some other regard. Don't sell yourself short on your humanity since people already do that enough for you.
 

Neri

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I am rightly upbraided. Empathy is not my strong suite. I am sorry but will keep it up as perhaps an example of being too blunt in reflexive disrespectful thinking.
No hard feelings at all. And bluntness goes with our shared territory, as far as I'm aware, and I shan't hold it against you.
We are still friends :) .
 

Levitator

Well-Known Member
No hard feelings at all. And bluntness goes with our shared territory, as far as I'm aware, and I shan't hold it against you.
We are still friends :) .

To entirely change the subject, I think "upbraided" is a fine word. I like to tell people things are simply "uphauling". Just uphauling.
 

Neri

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
To entirely change the subject, I think "upbraided" is a fine word. I like to tell people things are simply "uphauling". Just uphauling.
It is a very cool word and not one I've heard previously. I shall add it to my vernacular.
 

lovely_darlingprettybaby

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I was hoping this day would never come. My stupid cousin has announced she's pregnant. My other female cousin has been offered a well-paying job where she will get to retire in her 50s, and now my other female cousin is pregnant. So they're super happy and my aunt will now be preoccupied with this baby. That will mean they'll move, probably be offered a council house - something I've always wanted. Here's me, lost my mother due to cancer, am poor as anything, worrying about my job, worrying about being homeless in the future, and everything works out for everyone else. And to top it all off I'm cursed with this horrible autism which is the reason why my life is so crap through no fault of my own.
I hate my life. Everyone else getting pregnant and having babies, here I am, a loser. I'm so done. I'm done with life. I'm a crappy horrible person, I'm a liar, a transphobe, a homophobe, a racist, a troll, been called it all by horrible nasty people online who I'm going to get my revenge on but still unsure how.
Just so depressed right now, thinking of putting my head on the railway tracks. I have nothing to live for. My cousin can go and have her stupid, smelly, ugly, bawling brat. I don't want anything to do with it. I'll be dead anyway, then I can be with my mum forever.
I am so sorry, you do not deserve it at all.
It makes me sick how life can be so cruel to those with disabilities.
They deserve as much happiness as anyone else.
I think i read in the past on a post you have a partner?
Do you want to have a baby?
Autistics can have babies
It may never happen bit you can still hope for good things like being able to be a mother.
It is true it is hard to watch narcissists, bullies and neurotypicals do well and get everything to their hearts content and desire.
Because obviously people with often hace struggles and limitations often very severely for some people
And yet neurotypicals can still be jealous of neurodivergent because they are exceptionally talented in things sometimes like art or exceptionally musical or creative or smart.
And it is so not right considering they can still have a wonderful life and some people often go on and do well people with disabilities endlessly suffer.
That is why I get angry when I see no justice in life, it is not about revenge but it is hard to see people go on and do wonderful things while someone just sits in a miserable hole and suffers or commits suicide which people with disabilities are more likely to. And then feel like that person will never get justice.
 

lovely_darlingprettybaby

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I know this is "very real" for you. However, if you step back and read what you've written here, this is the depression talking. Envy, jealousy, anger, frustration, self-deprecation, suicidal ideation, need I say more. I hate depression, like literally hate it (speaking from experience). Your brain is so mired in everything negative. You're in a dark place without a light. You literally may have positive things going on in your life and your environment, but you're blind to it, right now. No good comes from this mindset.

Seriously, make an appointment and get some help, whether it be just talking to someone and letting it all out and/or a "little something" to fix the neurotransmitter imbalance.
It is ok she feels this way because do not forget she has cognitive dissonce like most people with ASD.
It is ok to feel jealous when someone has a baby when you desperately want to be a mother.
Sure envy is never right and you do have to deal with those feelings and try to process them in a positive way.
But some people desperately want to be a mother and it may be very difficult for them to see others easily able to be one when they cannot or never have the opportunity even autistics.
Especially horrible bad people too who do nor deserve good things.
It is a beautiful blessing to have a baby for those that desire it.
But I know you are just trying to help her get help for her depression but it is not easy being autistic.
She may not even be severely depressed maybe she is struggling with her difficult life issues which happens to a lot of autistics even more so those with trauma.
But if she feels a bit of envy watching someone have a child then that is ok in my eyes, she just has to find a way to process and deal with it.
 

Levitator

Well-Known Member
It is ok she feels this way because do not forget she has cognitive dissonce like most people with ASD.
It is ok to feel jealous when someone has a baby when you desperately want to be a mother.
Sure envy is never right and you do have to deal with those feelings and try to process them in a positive way.
But some people desperately want to be a mother and it may be very difficult for them to see others easily able to be one when they cannot or never have the opportunity even autistics.
Especially horrible bad people too who do nor deserve good things.
It is a beautiful blessing to have a baby for those that desire it.
But I know you are just trying to help her get help for her depression but it is not easy being autistic.
She may not even be severely depressed maybe she is struggling with her difficult life issues which happens to a lot of autistics even more so those with trauma.
But if she feels a bit of envy watching someone have a child then that is ok in my eyes, she just has to find a way to process and deal with it.
You're considerate, and you have a unique writing style.
 

Neri

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Everyone has their "life path" Dear Misty. Your's is not worse than any one else's. Everyone struggles, even if you can't see it, I suspect. You might end up being a magnificent aunty type person and make a big difference in a young person's life. You just never know what your future may hold. Try to see the good and beautiful in yourself and your life. The secret to happiness is loving who you are, as you are, and learning to accept the things you cannot change. You are lovable and good enough just as you are, Dear Misty.
 

Misty Avich

I prefer not to be referred to as autistic
V.I.P Member
No hard feelings at all. And bluntness goes with our shared territory, as far as I'm aware, and I shan't hold it against you.
We are still friends :) .
I only tend to get offended from direct personal attacks. Otherwise, when people are just making a general statement without intending to upset anyone personally, I try to take it with a pinch of salt and move on. :)
 

330

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
More specifically... I have seen countless artist friends I know well have far more success with simply getting art shows, professional success, etc... And I have often had a negative reaction like "that should have been me",when I should be happy for them, my turn/our turn will eventually come and it will likely be in a different way

I'm slowly learning to think more positive, I believe the same principle applies here too

And in this situation @Misty Avich , think about becoming the best support you can be, rather than being negative...
This has been working well for me as well . Every negative thought I attack , and I replace it with a positive thing . And life slowly gets better. We are only here for a certain amount of time on earth. I don’t want to waste it on negative thought or experiences
I agree with you 100% on this . I have been practicing it. And it is working .
 

Neonatal RRT

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
It is ok she feels this way because do not forget she has cognitive dissonce like most people with ASD.
It is ok to feel jealous when someone has a baby when you desperately want to be a mother.
Sure envy is never right and you do have to deal with those feelings and try to process them in a positive way.
But some people desperately want to be a mother and it may be very difficult for them to see others easily able to be one when they cannot or never have the opportunity even autistics.
Especially horrible bad people too who do nor deserve good things.
It is a beautiful blessing to have a baby for those that desire it.
But I know you are just trying to help her get help for her depression but it is not easy being autistic.
She may not even be severely depressed maybe she is struggling with her difficult life issues which happens to a lot of autistics even more so those with trauma.
But if she feels a bit of envy watching someone have a child then that is ok in my eyes, she just has to find a way to process and deal with it.
For perspective and context here, I recognized that what Misty Avich was feeling was "very real". However, given that most of us DO have an ASD here on the forums, and there is a "cognitive dissonance" associated with ASD and depression, and that suicide is roughly 6X that of the general population, and our life expectancy is greatly diminished as compared to the general population, in part, because of suicide and other health issues, we must ALL recognize the warning signs in our ASD brothers and sisters. We need to watch each other and "throw up the red flag" when need be.

I know what you thought was being kind and considerate, perhaps trying to make me recognize that it is OK to have feelings like this, but feelings like this are often triggers for tragic outcomes in our community. THIS is the perspective from where I was coming from, Misty Avich's well-being.
 

Kitsuna

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Yes, shame the people on the other site couldn't figure that out for themselves. I was a respected member there for 12 years, never upsetting anyone, yet this clique gang came along and decided to get offended by everything I said and twisted my words and never forgave me, then I got unfairly banned. Still gets my back up how I could be treated so poorly.

I think you and I clashed a tiny bit once on that forum, but if you remember that, it was me putting my foot in my mouth for a second and I regret seemingly triggering you.

While I don't see eye-to-eye with you all the time, I saw you as generally one of the nicest people on there, so I do think it's ridiculous you got run off in the end. I left over the political side of that forum too, and I think you should try to forget them the best you can.

I'm sorry for your current situation with you feeling down about not being able to have kids.
 

New Threads

Top Bottom