GayAspieAddict
New Member
Hello.
I am new to this site and am unsure if this is the place to post this...that said, I have this on my mind and want to share.
So I am a 33 yr old gay man with HFA/Aspergers; I also have Crohns Disease, Depression/Anxiety, and am in recovery from drugs and alcohol, and attend recovery meetings. I recently started seeing a nice man, and we have started spending the night at each others' houses.
Last night, after eating some sushi, he told me how he was helping a friend of his with some food (the friend was coming down off of drugs and needed help). He told his friend about me, and even showed a picture of me. The friend said that he knew of me, and had trouble putting into words how I come across. The guy I am seeing (who was telling me this story) said to the friend, "Cold, arrogant, and snobby?" The friend nodded and exclaimed, Yes!
Now, this is the second time he has told me such a story about how I am. The first time when he spent the night, he laughed at my mannerisms and told me to stop (I have a throat condition of which I take meds for, and as a result I have to chew up pills to swallow--he laughed at me and teased me; I always have an umbrella/baton of some kind in my left or right hand, partially to distract from my tremors, but also because I feel empowered and strong when I have it...he said, "You wont be carrying one of those anymore," in a very uhh white coat shrink way).
He mocks my faith (I use faith to understand how to feel, to empathize, to learn to "be"), my smirks/laughs when I find things interesting...
I dont know how to be. I dont understand some/alot of this. What I do know is that this is affecting me to the point that I am starting to dwell on it. I dont think I am arrogant...quiet, reserved and internal sure, particularly in meetings. Comprehensive and intelligent sure--I have little time for people with their facts that are wrong, or people who cannot use the most simple logic for questions (for example, when I said in Theology class that one does not have to believe in the institution to believe in the idea, such as following a higher power does not have to be related to following a church or group...the church ladies had a hard time with that, and retorted in a way that calls my integrity into question).
Am I allowed to be proud without having pride? Am I allowed to be confident? Does being proud, smart, competitive, confident...does all this come off as snobby? What is wrong with wanting the best, and demanding the best of both myself and others?
I've worked really hard to get to where I am (Minneapolis MN, in a dual masters program for a MTh/MSW) and slugged it out through many a trench and mud-pit to be okay with being me...Is this teasing on his part or something more sinister?
Do I really come off this way, or is this just a petty, fear based response by people who cringe at intense people? I identify a TON with Sherlock Holmes--the Jeremy Brett version.
Also, with my large desire to be with another guy who gets me, or to be with people who like me for me, why does it seem that the safer route is being alone, even though I dont want to be?
Any tips are welcomed...stories, thoughts...or perhaps gay aspies?
I am new to this site and am unsure if this is the place to post this...that said, I have this on my mind and want to share.
So I am a 33 yr old gay man with HFA/Aspergers; I also have Crohns Disease, Depression/Anxiety, and am in recovery from drugs and alcohol, and attend recovery meetings. I recently started seeing a nice man, and we have started spending the night at each others' houses.
Last night, after eating some sushi, he told me how he was helping a friend of his with some food (the friend was coming down off of drugs and needed help). He told his friend about me, and even showed a picture of me. The friend said that he knew of me, and had trouble putting into words how I come across. The guy I am seeing (who was telling me this story) said to the friend, "Cold, arrogant, and snobby?" The friend nodded and exclaimed, Yes!
Now, this is the second time he has told me such a story about how I am. The first time when he spent the night, he laughed at my mannerisms and told me to stop (I have a throat condition of which I take meds for, and as a result I have to chew up pills to swallow--he laughed at me and teased me; I always have an umbrella/baton of some kind in my left or right hand, partially to distract from my tremors, but also because I feel empowered and strong when I have it...he said, "You wont be carrying one of those anymore," in a very uhh white coat shrink way).
He mocks my faith (I use faith to understand how to feel, to empathize, to learn to "be"), my smirks/laughs when I find things interesting...
I dont know how to be. I dont understand some/alot of this. What I do know is that this is affecting me to the point that I am starting to dwell on it. I dont think I am arrogant...quiet, reserved and internal sure, particularly in meetings. Comprehensive and intelligent sure--I have little time for people with their facts that are wrong, or people who cannot use the most simple logic for questions (for example, when I said in Theology class that one does not have to believe in the institution to believe in the idea, such as following a higher power does not have to be related to following a church or group...the church ladies had a hard time with that, and retorted in a way that calls my integrity into question).
Am I allowed to be proud without having pride? Am I allowed to be confident? Does being proud, smart, competitive, confident...does all this come off as snobby? What is wrong with wanting the best, and demanding the best of both myself and others?
I've worked really hard to get to where I am (Minneapolis MN, in a dual masters program for a MTh/MSW) and slugged it out through many a trench and mud-pit to be okay with being me...Is this teasing on his part or something more sinister?
Do I really come off this way, or is this just a petty, fear based response by people who cringe at intense people? I identify a TON with Sherlock Holmes--the Jeremy Brett version.
Also, with my large desire to be with another guy who gets me, or to be with people who like me for me, why does it seem that the safer route is being alone, even though I dont want to be?
Any tips are welcomed...stories, thoughts...or perhaps gay aspies?