So when I was a small child I was not that aware that I was different. I had some weird tastes, but as I was not very aware of the others I did not realize my tastes were weird. My mom and dad allways supported my tastes, so I had no bad feedbacks at that time.
I had my first conctacts with friends at that time, I was kinda innocent but also very vengeful. So when someone bullied me I always found ways to make them pay. That way I never recall have been a victim.
As I growed up, things started being more social. By the time girls entered into the scene, I was an outcast of my former group of friend. I was no cool, and I had no interest in girls, and I did not understand why my friends got hacked when girls were arround. My concept of girls was not very good, they were strange criatures that hack my friends and played with their feelings (now I like you, now I dont games).
Some years later I started liking girls, but I had no idea of how to comunicate with them. They did not like bikes, football, climbing, miniatures, comics... they did not liked nothing but small talk and playing with guys feelings...and being cute... and never getting dirty... and I was very angry at myself for feeling attracted by them. But I was. I entered a new school some time later, I was 15 or 16 by that time.
The most popular girl was sitted at my side, we were sharing the table. She was so cool, all guys were crazy about her. Some day she told me:
-Hey, I have been seated with you for a week and you have not even once talked to me, not even looked at me, you even seem angry at me. Why do you treat me that bad? 
- Well... I answered looking her to that deep green-blue eyes... You are the most popular girl in the class so I supposed you should be really stupid, manipulative and evil. Thats why.
She was my first female friend, I made more that year and the followings. I think they helped me to become more human. I never was normal enought to have a girlfriend but friendship was enought for me. By that time I became aware of being way more intelligent that almost everybody in the school and to have social problems. Autism was an unknown word at that time in my small town.
I still was an outcast in my traditional group of friends and started joining other groups of people. Not being part of many groups was better than been an outcast of one only group. I think that helped to not being bullied that much and also my vengeful nature.
- Hey! We may punch you one of theese days, stupid Atrapa Almas.
- You better kill me then, if not I will use my pencil as a knife the first day I catch you distracted. I will not kill you, just will let you blind for the rest of your miserable and pathetic life.
Something strange happened when we started doing our school trips. When we went to discos and pubs, some nice girls would get interest in me so I would have some casual sex (kisses and that stuff). That never happened in my town. Never happened when some girl got to know me. So my body was fine, but I was not to be loved, just liked if the person didnt know me. That made me look at my female friends in a different way, I realized that for them I was like a gay friend. Great for talking, thats it. It was difficult to diggest.
As the nigth thing was not for me, as drinking was not for me, as pretending to be normal was not for me, I started meeting people in online games. I wanted to be loved. I started working on myself. By the end of my university years I was able to have my first girlfriend who loved me, for some months.
And some years later I would meet my wife, who loved me
as I was. I remember feeling like my live was in colours when It had being black and white until that time. By that time I had refused to be a genius and had spent years working on my weak spots. I came to Mexico and started working, had more responsabilities, learned about how to be a good boss, learnead about psicology, about neurodivergences, I found myself in the INTJ description... and one year later boom. Aspergers.
And here I am. What was in my head before? a full life of trying and crying and trying ... and crying and trying again. I now have a lovely daugther too, and both my wife and daugther love me as I am.
Some people still ask me how could I have abbandoned my country, my friends, my family, my carreer in Spain to start from zero at Mexico. Well, easy. I was being loved.
Thank you for reading, feel free to comment. I really needed to vent.
