What went on in your head before you were diagnosed?

[Gerontius]

When I was very small (8 and younger) I thought I was not human specifically that I was an alien from 8 to 14 I thought I was autistic since 8 was the first time I saw the diagnostic criteria (also the year I got my iep oddly enough) I also thought I was a bit slow and at times I guess I am no shame in it though.

In a way I thought (when I was very little) that I wasn't really fit to live in the 21st century -- Too many stories from family about life almost 100 years ago. It seemed nicer, the way they described it, even though it wasn't exactly pleasant or easy. I found out later that I have sensory issues with a lot of newer stuff so in a way it barely makes sense but yeah.

 

[Progster]

I have great difficulty with group social situations, not able to join in the conversation in the same way as the others could. To me, if felt like watching TV, so that became my term for it, watching TV. I also had a history of leaving, getting dismissed from and burning out of jobs, I didn't understand why I couldn't handle things like other people can. Also, I noticed a lot of differences in the way I reacted to things, without understanding why I was having this reaction. Also, a history of intense interests which I realised were not quite 'normal'. Some of it I put down to personality, to underconfidence, shyness or introversion. I thought I was a flawed, weak, difficult person.

 

[FlowerFlo]

I was lucky to get diagnosed as a child, but i did take me a while to accept my autism. In that non accepting phase i thougt a lot about how low to change is that i accutally have autism. Back then i didnt know that autism is a broad spectrum and most sterotypes are wrong or dont apply to all.

 

[Luca]

I was diagnosed when I was very, very young, probably earlier than a lot of people on here were diagnosed. I didn't have a great understanding of why I was different and other kids didn't like me until I was told that I was autistic. And then I resented and denied my autism for a long time because I thought it made everyone hate me and was the sole reason I was being abused and bullied.

I don't resent being autistic anymore, at all, now I just resent the people who abused me. But becoming successful and stable in my own life and being on the road to liking myself and finding happiness is better revenge on them than just being angry and resentful for the rest of my life.

Nothing will ever happen to them just because I hate them. But karma will get them eventually. And I'm doing well as far as my own self and my own life are concerned.
And the world doesn't revolve around me so they've probably all moved on a long time ago and don't remember me at all, or if they do, they probably don't want to waste any more energy on hating me.

 

[musicallessness]

oh, it wasn't until later that my aspie characteristics of negotiations and logic and learning about why my family and these therapists label me mentally ill. and for over 13 years week and week, I ask a logical question, if you want me to change if you say you accept me... then, how and what you like to do to be pleasing?
oh, they failed when the questions became sexually explicit and finally a man asked another man to have a son so we can have a threesome and telling the therapist that I lead him on. ugh **** men. now I see why women hate me.
so fora year after I go to women in the therapy of mental illness offices and ask, if my friend wants to marry me and say sex is love what is wrong with you women accusing other men of sexual assault and rape. well, this is after I ask women if sex is love. oh, I'm writing my thesis of this education and experience and getting my doctorate. you can call me dr.logic but really I'm just a musician and music is my therapy that and jesus my king. and I will write these doctors that abused us aspie into prison to keep them safe from themselves and don't forget the demonic men (and a few demon ic women too).

 

[musicallessness]

oh, it wasn't until later that my aspie characteristics of negotiations and logic and learning about why my family and these therapists label me mentally ill. and for over 13 years week and week, I ask a logical question, if you want me to change if you say you accept me... then, how and what you like to do to be pleasing?
oh, they failed when the questions became sexually explicit and finally a man asked another man to have a son so we can have a threesome and telling the therapist that I lead him on. ugh **** men. now I see why women hate me.
so fora year after I go to women in the therapy of mental illness offices and ask, if my friend wants to marry me and say sex is love what is wrong with you women accusing other men of sexual assault and rape. well, this is after I ask women if sex is love. oh, I'm writing my thesis of this education and experience and getting my doctorate. you can call me dr.logic but really I'm just a musician and music is my therapy that and jesus my king. and I will write these doctors that abused us aspie into prison to keep them safe from themselves and don't forget the demonic men (and a few demon ic women too).

but, I have a blog that I'm restarting...

 

[The Elephant]

The last few months before I was diagnosed I thought I was turning into a raging psychopath. And the staff at the home and at the hospital seemed to think so as well.

Wow ! Kinda know what you mean ! But getting on top of things slowly !
Stay away from.the Numpties ?
Nasty jealous people ?
No meds ? Vitamin therapy ! Etc
All desease begins in the stomach
Hippocrates 437 bc

 

[The Elephant]

EMDR for multiple traumas !
A highly sensitive person ???

 

[musicallessness]

EMDR for multiple traumas !
A highly sensitive person ???

gottta do some homeon this one thanks anymore advice this EMDR seems promising. ugh promises from humans even myself as a human haha

 

[musicallessness]

gottta do some homeon this one thanks anymore advice this EMDR seems promising. ugh promises from humans even myself as a human haha

sorry humans as If i am not human i certain;ly don't think like one. its a bad joke that i punk the evil god as i seem to be made out to be the innocent good satan. but i don't rebel i just punk because rebel just seems counter productive. being a punk kid just means you aren't ashamed to ask questions as they all seem to say don't be afraid to ask questions then say when you ask a certain question, "you're not to ask that question." woe, hyprocrites, wtf

 

[Jeff T]

I was diagnosed after I retired.
I have no idea how I got that far- I had no insight into my behavior compared to coworkers, other than having a dim constant feeling that something wasn't right. What part played a bigger role, the ASD or ADHD? Probably the ADHD, as my emotions were only semi-regulated- kind of like holding onto the tail of a tiger.
I am thankful for everyone's tolerance.
I have a lot to learn!

 

[The Elephant]

I was diagnosed after I retired.
I have no idea how I got that far- I had no insight into my behavior compared to coworkers, other than having a dim constant feeling that something wasn't right. What part played a bigger role, the ASD or ADHD? Probably the ADHD, as my emotions were only semi-regulated- kind of like holding onto the tail of a tiger.
I am thankful for everyone's tolerance.
I have a lot to learn!

Sounds somewhat like me ?

 

[Ken]

I'm interested in knowing what went through your head BEFORE you began wondering if you were autistic. This question pertains to those who got their d'x as adults like me.

For instance I've thought to myself a few times:

"I'm wired differently."

I'd also think on several occasions, "What ever that X factor is that enables people to make friends, I don't have."

These mental patterns were foreshadowings of my eventual diagnosis.

As far back as I can remember I always thought I was defective. No one ever understood me. I was always in trouble for not complying or especially for not "acting like a normal human being." It was deeply depressing because I tried so hard to act like a normal human being. Regardless of any effort, I could never figure out how to act like a normal human being or even learn what the elements of acting like a normal human being was. I found that the harder I tried to act like a normal human being the more angry everyone got at me. It seemed hopeless. I was (am) simply defective.
Now at 70 years of age, I still don't know how to act like a normal human being. I now realize that I am socially blind, however I have learned how to mask barely enough to get by; at least for short meetings.