What are feminist opionions of male victims of abuse who are suicidal and depressed?

[Gracey]

... the past keeps coming back with flash backs and dont know how to stop em.

I don't believe there is a 'stop' button to turn off traumatic memories.

Maybe you're discovering alcohol, drugs and risk taking only numb the pain for a short amount of time?
once the effects wear off, you're back to square one?

Maybe it's time to work with a professional?
A therapist or other medical professional who can help you work through your agony?

It's a long journey making peace with your past,
but if you don't lay the ghosts to rest,
they'll always come back to haunt you.

 

[Suzanne]

confront one of many abusers

Against my will, I was confronted with the abuser and he lied right there to my face ( father) and it was just awful, because I could see him abusing me in my mind's eye and yet, he was saying in front of my husband. She made it all up. I never touched her.

 

[Mia]

at times there is an imbalance in the feminism community at least the radical side that demonizes men and even bullies male victims.

Much of what you read and hear about radical feminism online is untrue. There are many individuals purporting to be radical feminists who often are not female. Distorting the equal pay for equal work into an anti-male agenda. I encounter them quite often. It's propaganda that people use to distort feminism.

Personally I don't know of anyone who bullies male victims of violence except for other men. It's been my experience when I volunteered at women's shelters, that the shelter system in canada worked to help and accommodate them. I'm unfamiliar with the policies of other countries.

 

[Streetwise]

Hi, im a male survivor of domestic violence and was raped by my ex, i have depression and still fight it to this day and have attempted suicide many times and nearly succeeded but was committed, my ex laughed at me as i slit my wrists. Emasculated i have been when my ex took advantage of me, i said no and she forced me to have sex with her if i did not she would threaten to tell the neighbors i hit her so had no choice, she hit me but i never hit back, caved in and self harmed instead. I still get bad flashbacks to this day. I feel its my fault, im a pushover she always told me but im a man, i need to man up but dont have the confidence anymore but trying to get it back.In the end im a male should suck it up i suppose.I tried bouncing back at times and get in another relationship and realize what my therapist said a while back im a people pleaser, not good at saying no and am a codependant and can be easy prey to another abusive woman.I suppose i dont matter since im a male and although im speaking of tramatic experience it would be catagorized as mansplaning followed by what about the menz. Depression and male suicide let alone men being abused is not their problem.

A resource :MaleSurvivor.org it has a discussion forum so you can talk to other survivors I’m not very good at understanding complex English so it wouldn’t be any point in me reading the rest of the page .

 

[Creep]

Hi, im a male survivor of domestic violence and was raped by my ex, i have depression and still fight it to this day and have attempted suicide many times and nearly succeeded but was committed, my ex laughed at me as i slit my wrists. Emasculated i have been when my ex took advantage of me, i said no and she forced me to have sex with her if i did not she would threaten to tell the neighbors i hit her so had no choice, she hit me but i never hit back, caved in and self harmed instead. I still get bad flashbacks to this day. I feel its my fault, im a pushover she always told me but im a man, i need to man up but dont have the confidence anymore but trying to get it back.In the end im a male should suck it up i suppose.I tried bouncing back at times and get in another relationship and realize what my therapist said a while back im a people pleaser, not good at saying no and am a codependant and can be easy prey to another abusive woman.I suppose i dont matter since im a male and although im speaking of tramatic experience it would be catagorized as mansplaning followed by what about the menz. Depression and male suicide let alone men being abused is not their problem.

I’m sorry that happened to you AspieOtaku. I would advise calling suicide prevention @ 1800-273-8255.

 

[Pats]

Hi, im a male survivor of domestic violence and was raped by my ex, i have depression and still fight it to this day and have attempted suicide many times and nearly succeeded but was committed, my ex laughed at me as i slit my wrists. Emasculated i have been when my ex took advantage of me, i said no and she forced me to have sex with her if i did not she would threaten to tell the neighbors i hit her so had no choice, she hit me but i never hit back, caved in and self harmed instead. I still get bad flashbacks to this day. I feel its my fault, im a pushover she always told me but im a man, i need to man up but dont have the confidence anymore but trying to get it back.In the end im a male should suck it up i suppose.I tried bouncing back at times and get in another relationship and realize what my therapist said a while back im a people pleaser, not good at saying no and am a codependant and can be easy prey to another abusive woman.I suppose i dont matter since im a male and although im speaking of tramatic experience it would be catagorized as mansplaning followed by what about the menz. Depression and male suicide let alone men being abused is not their problem.

@AspieOtaku There is no possible reason to ignore abuse to anyone and I'm sorry this happened to you. Many of us do become easy targets for all kinds of abuse, and often times, even when we feel like we've read enough and learned enough to prevent it from happening again, we let our feelings get ahead of us and still don't know how to defend ourselves. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist, and remember that you are not the reason this happened. You're a good person and an innocent victim of someone else's anger toward life itself or toward men.

 

[Bolletje]

I consider myself a feminist, in that I think men and women should be treated equal and have equal opportunities. To me that means that victims of sexual abuse, regardless of gender, should be taken seriously and should have access to support workers.
I think we have a long way to go when it comes to taking male victims of sexual and/or domestic abuse seriously. Many victims are afraid to come forward and if they do, cases are immediately dismissed, or the victims are ridiculed.
It’s a sad thing that some people still think this is a joking matter, or that this somehow makes the victim weak. I’m myself a victim of repeated sexual abuse and I am sometimes appalled at the amount of rape jokes people on- and offline seem to think are funny.
I’m a feminist but I am vehemently opposed to victimizing and/or emasculating men. My boyfriend has occasionally infuriated me to a point where I have felt violence creeping up on me, but I give myself a time-our before I verbally or physically assault him because I would never forgive myself if I did that.
I’m sorry for what happened to you, there is no excuse for what your ex did to you. I think you should blame your ex and no one but your ex, but not feminism as a movement. Wish you all the best recovering from your ordeal, insofar as that’s possible.
Edited to add I feel for you re: suicidal tendencies and flashbacks. They’ve become less frequent for me since it’s been ten years since I was last abused, but I still get flashbacks or night terrors occasionally when my current boyfriend (not the abuser) touches me in my sleep (even something as innocuous as a gentle tap on the shoulder). I wake up screaming and crying and have hit him on occasion before I’ve even fully woken up. It puts a strain on my relationship.

 

[AspieOtaku]

I consider myself a feminist, in that I think men and women should be treated equal and have equal opportunities. To me that means that victims of sexual abuse, regardless of gender, should be taken seriously and should have access to support workers.
I think we have a long way to go when it comes to taking male victims of sexual and/or domestic abuse seriously. Many victims are afraid to come forward and if they do, cases are immediately dismissed, or the victims are ridiculed.
It’s a sad thing that some people still think this is a joking matter, or that this somehow makes the victim weak. I’m myself a victim of repeated sexual abuse and I am sometimes appalled at the amount of rape jokes people on- and offline seem to think are funny.
I’m a feminist but I am vehemently opposed to victimizing and/or emasculating men. My boyfriend has occasionally infuriated me to a point where I have felt violence creeping up on me, but I give myself a time-our before I verbally or physically assault him because I would never forgive myself if I did that.
I’m sorry for what happened to you, there is no excuse for what your ex did to you. I think you should blame your ex and no one but your ex, but not feminism as a movement. Wish you all the best recovering from your ordeal, insofar as that’s possible.
Edited to add I feel for you re: suicidal tendencies and flashbacks. They’ve become less frequent for me since it’s been ten years since I was last abused, but I still get flashbacks or night terrors occasionally when my current boyfriend (not the abuser) touches me in my sleep (even something as innocuous as a gentle tap on the shoulder). I wake up screaming and crying and have hit him on occasion before I’ve even fully woken up. It puts a strain on my relationship.

Flashbacks have subsided but they still happen and wish they go away but they never do, it sucks and i feel at fault when they happen and keep fighting my thoughts.They have ruined potential long term relationships, i got intimate with a woman but she started to grow emotional attatchment to me but pushed her away once she said she wanted me to movebin with her, it triggered the flashbacks, i inadvertantly broke her heart, thanks to these flashbacks i dont think i can trust anyone again.Trying hard to trust again but its hard, trying to get back in the dating scene after a long time but beyond casual and trying for long term the flashbacks get in my way, thanks to this curse im alone and sad.However im working on getting my confidence as well as my mojo back to get the ladies, remain independant and be the lone wolf and work on my muscle car. I feel better and my masculinity restored, i focus on my car to keep myself distracted.Im free, independant and rebellious nobody to tie me down just me and my car, im looking to race again but just on the tracks no longer needy or clingy ill be nor codependant im staying wild.Soup up my car more, maybe get more tattoos and a leather jacket. Im a man again, independant again and a rebel.My heart is on guard and i cannot be tamed.Head to the bar but no driving, play pool with my mates hit the gym and get my.muscles a good work out have casual fun with ladies and be on the go.Bbq some steaks with my buddies and go fishing later for a relaxing escape.

 

[AspieOtaku]

I can be like johnny from breakfast club telling the principle to eat my shorts scene, id post the vid but realized it had a cuss word in it so out of respect for the pg13 rules did not this time.Get into the casual scene for fun, not kiss on the mouth, advice from pretty woman, kisssing leads to emotional attatchment.I miss kissing its hard, im a great kisser so passionate about it prior decent relationships before my ex so ruined it, wish i could kiss but must not or ill get attached.i am a romantic, i miss that but not sure if i can find my one i no longer trust it requires me trusting again and its very hard, i miss giving the candle lit dinners, giving massages prior to intimacy as well as kissing. I do wish i can do it again some day i miss that.Used to treat women i felt loved me to cooking some pasta shrimp fettichini alfredo with salad and bread sticks on the side with red wine followed by a full body massage followed by intimacy and kissing. During the sunset. I sure hope i can trust again and find my one again to to those but thanks to my trauma it probably wont happen again. *sigh* love probably does not exist anymore for me just messing around and poof. I wish i could be serious and romantic again but dont think anyone loves me like that anymore.Got my libido back at least, used to be very seductive to women i really like when had feelings for em, wish to grow feelings again, i seduced for good reasons and not bad ones only those i felt an emotional attatchments to as a means to make her feel good because i really like her and stay and form a deep emotional connection after intimacy.

Wish to be romantic again, wish to be seductive again, hope to working hard but flashbacks in the way kinda cockblock long term sense. Trying to manage my flash backs to get things going, to trust again, to establish a long term relationship again i miss having, im crying now.

Im sorry for everything and crying, ladies man i was, romantic, im still kind hearted but deep inside wish i can find my one again but serms to be a pipe dream, all im good for is beimg a male slut now.Been peomiscious and not proud just trying to forget the past messing around.

 

[SusanLR]

I hear you.
I also miss the romantic feelings. Wasn't abused physically, but, after so many relationships
ended badly I started feeling rebelious too because I started not trusting and feeling I never could again.
Love the video. Whitesnake- Drifter is one of my favourite songs.
I must have known at an early age I would live like the song says.
I once got a bunch of toddler photos of myself and made an album putting the Drifter
lyrics under the photos!
At this point, if I had the means to do so, I would buy a small RV and just hit the road
going no place in particular.

I sure hope you do find the one again, but, I also know the distrust you are going through.
And that's a lonely place to be.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Ill stay being a drifter and a bad boy and rebellious getting women who want the bad boys and make em want but tease and take off.

 

[AspieOtaku]

I realized something, i did get in trouble with the law from my dui instead of being depressed turn it to a possitive, im a bad boy now and many ladies love bad boys and admire em more for taking responsibility which i am from community service.Ladies love bad boys and admire them even more for being responsible and doing things right which what im doing, check mate.Turn a negative to a possitive, get ladies admiring me again and get my self esteem back up. I be macking again and the ladies man. I like that.I could be a mack daddy again having many ladys wanting me but the middle man my flash backs get in the way.

 

[Creep]

Why are you asking feminists for help?

Another resource I remembered: RAINN.org

RAINN is Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network

I’d echo previous posters in suggesting Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings as well as Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) meetings.

Feminism is just a red herring (distraction) from being sexually assaulted and coping with your addiction.

 

[Fino]

there are people who call themselves feminists who say otherwise.

People are wrong all the time, it'd be more odd if no one was wrong.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Why are you asking feminists for help?

Another resource I remembered: RAINN.org

RAINN is Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network

I’d echo previous posters in suggesting Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings as well as Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) meetings.

Feminism is just a red herring (distraction) from being sexually assaulted and coping with your addiction.

Thats alot to attend to, im starting with seeing a therapist atm to help me not be co dependant and trying to find ways to cope with flashbacks without turning to alcohol. After i finish my community service may consider AA meetings. Ill be sober all month anyway i cannot go partying over the weekends anymore because i have to wake up bright and early for the sherriffs work program. One step at a time though.

 

[Fino]

Feminism isn't even related to any of this, it seems you're just expressing some insecurities over being a victim and being male at the same time, but there's no reason to feel that way. It shouldn't be emasculating to be a victim.

 

[Streetwise]

Thats alot to attend to, im starting with seeing a therapist atm to help me not be co dependant and trying to find ways to cope with flashbacks without turning to alcohol. After i finish my community service may consider AA meetings. Ill be sober all month anyway i cannot go partying over the weekends anymore because i have to wake up bright and early for the sherriffs work program. One step at a time though.

Try to be calm when you read suggestions, what people are suggesting is exactly that !what they know.
.Try to listen to the other parts of your body apart from your fear! it’s hard ,it’s a fight every day !but you’ve got to do it ,I’m doing it now !it’s shattering But it doesn’t work just doing exactly what the fear wants .
I have the added hardship that this is caused purely by hormones! so I have absolutely no control over it .

 

[Crossbreed]

Feminism is about equality, and that's it.

Misandrist women have appropriated the term, too. That is where some of the confusion arises from.

 

[Creep]

Thats alot to attend to, im starting with seeing a therapist atm to help me not be co dependant and trying to find ways to cope with flashbacks without turning to alcohol. After i finish my community service may consider AA meetings. Ill be sober all month anyway i cannot go partying over the weekends anymore because i have to wake up bright and early for the sherriffs work program. One step at a time though.

I know some people hate the suggestion of a support group, but that’s what has helped me. Going to support groups until I found what one that worked for me. I’m glad you’re seeing a therapist though. Good luck in your journey.

 

[Fino]

Misandrist women have appropriated the term, too. That is where some of the confusion arises from.

Thank you for that information. I assume that's a minority. It's not something I've ever encountered.