I used to refuse to identify as a feminist because those I knew in real life were misandrists. I was also growing up at a time when some radical feminists insisted that a woman could only call herself a feminist if she excluded all men from her life.
It's very different now. Those women are a minority, may have always been so, but I didn't know any different.
Modern feminism says that 'the patriarchy' and 'toxic masculinity' are as damaging to everyone, not just women. There are problems with online discussions, where the subject is abuse of women, some random bloke does the 'what about men' routine, and gets jumped on. That's because it's a common technique used to try and provoke people. Most feminists will be happy to discuss male problems in a separate topic because then it isn't trying to switch the focus away from the main subject.
My nephew was groomed and sexually exploited by a woman twice his age. As he was 16, his parents couldn't get the police to do anything. The police wouldn't acknowledge that my nephew was vulnerable because of his autism. A lot has changed since then in official understanding that a vulnerable adult isn't necessarily someone with an intellectual disability.
After the woman finished the relationship, being very cruel to him, my nephew killed himself. It was devastating for his whole community, even people who didn't know him.
Don't let your death be the means by which others learn of your suffering. You say it's been fifteen years. I admire you for having survived fifteen years after such a traumatic experience. You are exhibiting massive courage in sharing, in admitting poor decisions, and thinking of the future you want for yourself.
When we reveal our vulnerability to others, it is a strength, not a weakness. It shows we understand ourselves, and are taking control of our lives. It's when we hide things that they can be used against us, by others or our own brainweasels. Seek the help you need; people care more than you realise, even about strangers.
