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The really bad advice thread

"You need to relax.
Listen, go out, get good'n drunked up, maybe slap the old lady around a bit, then go for a ride and shoot at some roadsigns.
Live a little!"
 
Always defend your principles and ideals on the internet.
Make 'em understand just how right you are!
Give it to the bastards!
 
"No.
No, no, no, son.
Don't stop.
Nobody stops for red-lights, just zoooom on through.

Stop at those green-lights, though,
there might be someone
coming the other way."
 
...and then, See?
When you let go,
it stops chokin' ya !
 
The expiration date is just there to get you to buy more groceries. It’s fine, it just has a little extra flavor. Go ahead and eat it.
 
You should let her.
She said she'd take it off in a year, didn't she?
 
Mia said:
If a bear is stalking you, run away really fast.
Click to expand...
Naw, naw, naw.
You climb a tree.
If it climbs up the tree after ya, it's a black bear.
If it pushes the tree over, it's a brown bear.
That's how you can tell.
 
It's a dumb law, but you can't smoke with the kids in the car.
There, pull over beside that porn-shop.
They can stand right under the awning.
 
If you are driving through the Mexican checkpoint, call him punta, and flash a wad of cash, he will wave you through faster
 
Glue a tiny mirror over your face on your Drivers Licence, so when you go to hand it to the Police Officer, they'll get confused and arrest themselves instead!
 
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