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The really bad advice thread

Remember, it is impossible to change your shorts without polling strangers on the internet. One leg at a time or two...plaid or plain, what are the parameters that define plaid or plain.
The truly good advice comes from people who tried it 'their" way first. Your way is presumably not 'their' way and reasonably should have a better outcome than the suggestions in the owner's manual.
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Lick a nine volt battery to remember why you went into the kitchen.

- Nicola Tesla
I check if 9v batteries are charged by licking them. Its an effective way to do it. But I have experienced people freaking out, like I'm licking a live mains cable. Now that is dangerous. The most disappointing thing about all of this is that those people considered themselves experts on electronics etc!

A standard 9v battery is at worst going to to cause a sour taste in your mouth. A car battery, on the other hand, will probably cause severe burns.
Stop signs with a white border are optional. Also remember to check your blinker fluid level every two weeks.
"There is no such thing as a bad question":

Great! Thanks! (sarcasm)

Now I can ask my former child's doctor if they really passed first grade
Ask my wife tomorrow if she's been eating too many brownies, chocolate bars and cookies
Ask the car dealer if their vehicles are mostly lemons.
Ask my next lawyer if they will try to steal all the funds in my bank
Ask bureaucrats why they like lying so much and stomping on those with less
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Aquanet and a lighter can be used to brulee meringue if you don't own a kitchen torch.

Always shake your soda before opening to ensure proper bubble profusion.
Make sure to open up your electronics regularly and clean them with your favourite all purpose cleaner and some warm water. Feel free to do this while they're still running.
Wear nothing but a one piece when going to Antarctica or climbing Mount Everest. Follow me for more life hacks.
To lighten up the TSA agents checking your bags and body, light up your lighter and crack some really good terrorist jokes like what did the terrorist say to the TSA agent? I think my sneaker is on fire.
If you find any mushrooms or other vegetables in the wild, eat them. All food is safe to eat. Do you think our great ancestors were scared of the thought of poisonous mushrooms when they scavenged for food? Of course not! Neither should you!

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