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The really bad advice thread

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by GrownupGirl, Apr 30, 2019.

  1. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Travel tips you ask? Uncle Kermie worked at area 51 and he says there are unadvertised one-way tickets to outer planets they don't advertise due to FCC and homeland security issues. Just show up Thursday at 2:00 am, but you have to come dressed all in black with your face completely covered, they will flag you into the travel office in Suite 23A. Margie does all the arrangements, but noooo American Express or Diner Cards.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  2. GrownupGirl

    GrownupGirl Tempermental Artist

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    Halloween is now over, but go out trick-or-treating again so that people can get rid of any candy they might still have left over. They won't think you're weird at all.
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
  3. Vindicator Phoenix

    Vindicator Phoenix She/her pronouns V.I.P Member

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    Do your ever worry that'll you'll be late, for work?

    1. Buy a parachute.
    2. Assemble a backyard trebuchet.
     
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    • Like Like x 1
  4. GrownupGirl

    GrownupGirl Tempermental Artist

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    Bring illegal drugs with you to the airport so you'll have cute dogs to pet.
     
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    • Winner Winner x 1
  5. GrownupGirl

    GrownupGirl Tempermental Artist

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    Never admit it to your kids when you've made a mistake. You can't let them think adults can be wrong, too!
     
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    • Funny Funny x 1
  6. Nervous Rex

    Nervous Rex High-functioning autistic V.I.P Member

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    Bored while driving? Bring a book to read!
     
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  7. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    When you move, make sure you don't tie your mattress to your car roof, hold onto it through your window as you drive, it's safer.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
  8. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Covid germs - what to do? Just spray people before you talk to them,not after. Toilet cleaner works great. Start at head and work down to the shoes. This deters men from trying to flirt. They are too busy wiping stuff off themselves.
     
    • Creative Creative x 1
  9. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Tell people you have a mutant strain of Covid which reduces you to a idiot pea brain with little motivation to talk to them or make eye contact.
     
  10. HeroOfHyrule

    HeroOfHyrule Chicken Chaser

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    If there's a wildfire near you, throw dry plant material in it to satiate the fire. It's just hungry.
     
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    • Funny Funny x 1
  11. Ezra

    Ezra Relax, it's just chaos.

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    If you are out for a hike and come across a bear or mountain lion, start twerking.
     
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  12. Kit

    Kit Well-Known Member

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    Just leave your garbage in the auditorium after the film, they have workers that are paid to clean them after each film.
     
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  13. Nervous Rex

    Nervous Rex High-functioning autistic V.I.P Member

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    The bear will assume you're deranged and not want to eat you for fear of catching whatever it is you have.
     
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  14. GrownupGirl

    GrownupGirl Tempermental Artist

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    When slicing a bagel in half with a knife, stick your finger through the hole in the bagel to hold it steady.
     
  15. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict.

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    Heroin is what made Kurt Cobain such a great artist. Cocaine is what made Stephen King such a great writer. Absinthe is what made Edgar Alan Poe such an iconic figure. If you want to create great art, indulge in vast amounts of substance abuse and sacrifice your body for your art.
     
  16. Finder

    Finder Active Member

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    If you have difficultly lighting a fire, soak your logs in kerosene (someone did that and burnt down their garage, so it is proven to be a really bad idea).
     
  17. Finder

    Finder Active Member

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    Melt ice off your wooden deck using a blow torch (another well proven idea that resulted in burning down a house).
     
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  18. breakpoint64

    breakpoint64 Active Member

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    “You don’t need to prepare yourself for a psych evaluation, just be yourself”
     
  19. Nervous Rex

    Nervous Rex High-functioning autistic V.I.P Member

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    Gasoline dissolves ice nicely!