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Scared to go on first date

J

Juliet8080

Well-Known Member
Okay, I think I know what I'm going to do, but I still want some advice and opinions. I had another forum earlier about dating but this one's a little different. Basically, there's this guy I've liked for two years, and we've been good friends for those two years, and we finally decided to go out on a date. I'm an introverted aspie, and he's an extroverted neurotypical. It would be my first date. Now, we don't have a day to do it yet but for the past three days I've been crying/having panic attacks just thinking about this date and also being in a relationship. I'm in my senior year of high school so I have a lot going on already, so maybe I'm just emotional with so much stuff on my plate.

Now, the question is, should I go on the date or risk waiting a few months and see if he'll go out with me again IF I want to? As soon as I decided I'm probably not going to go on the date, I felt INSTANTLY better and my three day long migraine went away. I just feel like I want to be with him because I like him a lot and I think I do want to get married someday (if not to him) but now I just feel like a relationship would be so stressful to me. Maybe I should just follow my gut? I'm also worried I'll never want to go out in my life even though trying it is probably a good idea. I just hate having panic attacks all the time.

Any opinions would be great!
 
I went through similar issues before I knew I was an Aspie. I powered through it and fought against myself and my fear . I'm now married with 2 kids ;)
 
Go on the date, give him a chance, give yourself a chance. You don't have to get into a serious, committed relationship just because you date a few times. Taking things slow is fine.

If you don't do it now, and never get the chance again, you will spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been. If you go for it now and, it doesn't work out at least you will know that and have closure. If it does work out, it will turn out to be the best move you've ever made. Either way, you concourse your fears and worries and, grow as a person by doing it.
 
It sounds like your more afraid of going on your first date then anything else. It sounds like a friend you've known for awhile would be a great first date. It will seem awkward at first but you guys already enjoy hanging out and are friends, think of it as an experiment to see if maybe there's a bit more chemistry between you guys. It doesn't have to be all romance movie candle lit dinner it can just be something simple.
 
Go on the date, and see what happens. If it doesn't work out, at least you tried. If it does, it'll be the best thing you've ever done. Remember to be yourself!
 
As someone who was in your shoes a few months ago, I understand how you feel. It's very stressful building up to that point, but once you do it you should feel better.
 
Juliet8080 said:
Basically, there's this guy I've liked for two years, and we've been good friends for those two years, and we finally decided to go out on a date.
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Just stay focused on what you already know. And feel in a comfort zone over someone you've known for the last two years.

This is good! :) Think of him as a friend- not just a "date". ;)
 
First of all, do you want to go on the date? I know you said you decided to maybe skip it, but do you actually not want to go, or is it just your nervousness?

Second of all, I think you should tell him you're feeling a little nervous. But also, I would suggest picking a day and venue posthaste, unless you are really sure you don't want to go (and it doesn't sound like you are). I don't know if having a schedule would help you out, but it would me.

Anyways, going on a date doesn't incur any penalties or obligations. You don't have to be in a relationship afterwards or have sex or do anything you don't want to do. There aren't any rules, and anyone who says otherwise is trying to get something out of you.
 
Thank you for all your replies!

One of my biggest fears is going on the date and still not knowing if I'm happy with him. And then I go on another, and another, and I still don't know. I'm very bad at monitoring my emotions and knowing whether or not something/someone makes me happy. :(
 
Juliet8080 said:
Thank you for all your replies!

One of my biggest fears is going on the date and still not knowing if I'm happy with him. And then I go on another, and another, and I still don't know. I'm very bad at monitoring my emotions and knowing whether or not something/someone makes me happy. :(
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If he makes you happy as a friend, does it really matter what you think of him as a "date" ?

Don't let the confines of a mere social convention get in the way. ;)

I made friends. Some of them became lovers. Dates? Uh...no. I didn't do that. It just depends on how look at it all... :)
 
Starting up dating is very stressful. I would suggest starting with people you know fairly well so that part seems good. Its also good to do something that is a activity (ie, movie, skating, etc) so you are not just talking. Don't over-estimate its significance as far as relationship goes. Going on a date does not mean a realtionship. Its a preliminary stage and is non-comittal.
 
Yeah, it's still hard not knowing if I will enjoy his company as a date or not. I don't want to be that person who goes out with someone over and over not realizing I'm not happy with them.
 
Juliet8080 said:
Yeah, it's still hard not knowing if I will enjoy his company as a date or not. I don't want to be that person who goes out with someone over and over not realizing I'm not happy with them.
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Have you considered relationship anarchy? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relationship_anarchy

Just talk with him about what kind of relationship you want to have together. Or what aspects of different types of relationship you want to combine. Think about why you wanted to start dating before. What kinds of things would you like to start doing together that you don't do currently?
 
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