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Nine-year-old son with AS

momofrath

momofrath

Active Member
We just found out our nine-year-old son has AS, to be honest I am relieved. Currently it's just us helping him but we have therapists and homecare starting soon to help him with social issues. When you ask him about friends he says he has lots but he can't name them. He has a little brother who he plays with all the time and I know will be is for ever friend. I have other children who are older and they love their brother.
Am I naïve to think that family support will help him? Does it help to have other friends with AS?
For now I won't get frustrated when he stems in a restaurant and makes loud noises, when he has to trace all the lines before we can go somewhere. I'll have more patience in helping him transition. I really believe this is going to make me a better mother.
 
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Welcome :D

It's great that you're keen to get in there and really support your son.

I would say, in terms of having friends, many Aspies do struggle making and maintaining relationships. This is not because they don't feel, but because they have trouble understanding the subtleness used in verbal or body language used by Neurotypicals (regular non-Aspies).

Because of this, it will take a bit of trial and error to find friends for him, but I recommend finding someone he can relate with, and shares common interests with (as Aspies can have a tendency to be obsessive, so his friend will need to enjoy similar things to him). You may also find that he doesn't necessarily need friends his own age, depending on his personality.

When I was a kid, I used to prefer sitting with the adults, rather than other kids, at parties. This was because I was fairly mature minded, and felt that kids were too childish. Some Aspies may be content simply being on their own too, so don't try to force anything on him if he's not ready to make friends, and some are content with having 'fake' friends (imaginary).

The important thing is to be sure to ask specific questions as to what he wants, as Aspies aren't always good at asking for what they want, and can be guilty of suffering in silence.
 
Family support will absolutely help your son. I can't tell you how many times I've wished my family were more understanding of me (granted, I was diagnosed as an adult and not a child,but that doesn't change anything).
 
It will. My mother didn't know I had AS until I was grown, but she was quite patient and accepting and I think I would be a psychotic mess now if she hadn't. My sister is also accepting, taking people as they are, four years younger than me and my friend forever. And she couldn't BE any more neurotypical.
 
Congratulations on receiving the diagnosis. I think he's very lucky to have such close relationships with his siblings. Connecting with them will be a great way for him to learn and practice social skills. I also gravitated towards older people when I was nine. It can be difficult for an aspie to relate to the maturity level of a typical nine-year-old. I basically had to wait until my peer group was mature enough for me to develop any substantial friendships with any of them.

If he can't name any of his specific friends, this could mean that he has many acquaintances that he talks to occasionally school but isn't close enough with to invite over or see individually. For me, taking a relationship from acquaintanceship to friendship was as nerve-racking as most people find going from friendship to dating. I was usually too nervous to try to develop a closer relationship with any of my acquaintances.
 
My siblings are much older, so I was functionally an only child. I think it would have benefited me to have loving siblings in the home. I'm sure it will be a powerful asset for your son. Feel free to share with us as often as you like.
 
I have an 8 year old son diagnosed last year with mild Asperger's Syndrome.

He makes friends easily with people of all ages, although he tends to annoy the heck out of most kids after a while by constantly talking about his interests (airplane crashes, for example).

A supportive environment and socialisation are important. Some kids are happy with their own company, some crave friendship, it varies a lot from one kid to another.

It sounds like your son is lucky to have you for a parent.
 
Like was mentioned above. No need in pushing him into having friends. When I was a kid, I had a few neighborhood kids I would play with but then I needed my alone time, as socializing is quite tiring for an aspie. Our brains need a break. And keep in mind that many of us are perfectly happy with only distant friends.
 
My son is 17 now and seems to be perfectly comfortable in his own skin and routine, which is go to school (sixthform) on the bus, do his day at school, come home on the bus, a few snacks and then that is absolutely finally his lot, in he goes into his room and that is where he wants to be. It has to be other people who ask him out as part of a group to go to the pictures and as soon as he's done he's off back home, when the others might go on for a burger. People like him, know him and don't over expect from him. Mind you, university is looming....
I have 'socialised' my poor son over the years much more than he wanted to, thinking it would ultimately be good for him, and bearing in mind I never found it easy socialising with the other mums either....in either words everything was being forced, WE were being forced and nothing really worked.

His primary school were terrible when they noticed he was'different' - they had hardly heard of Asperger's and they're Victorian ways of helping him were so stupid and wrong.....keep forcing him to socialise and do the things he doesn't want to do and it will come out right........!!!!!!
It never did. He would just pull away panicking when he was being put next to somebody else to be his 'friend', and obviously that would upset the other child so more wrongs were being created than rights!
He has had the odd friend who has come round to the house and spent time with him,they probably did all the running but that seemed to work as opposed to trying to make it happen.

Your son is very lucky that he gets on with his younger brother, I feel that will matter a lot.
 
momofrath said:
We just found out our nine-year-old son has AS, to be honest I am relieved. Currently it's just us helping him but we have therapists and homecare starting soon to help him with social issues. When you ask him about friends he says he has lots but he can't name them. He has a little brother who he plays with all the time and I know will be is for ever friend. I have other children who are older and they love their brother.
Am I naïve to think that family support will help him? Does it help to have other friends with AS?
For now I won't get frustrated when he stems in a restaurant and makes loud noises, when he has to trace all the lines before we can go somewhere. I'll have more patience in helping him transition. I really believe this is going to make me a better mother.
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Your 9-year-old child will increasingly express an interest in and be able to take part in family decision-making, such as where to go on vacation or what foods to buy for meals. Nine-year-olds also love to plan their days, and may enjoy organizing her schedule on a planner.
 
I am not sure where you live, but where we live there is a place called C.A.R.D ~ Center for Autism and Related Disabilities. They have support groups for parents and children. The groups for the kids is to help them make friends with kids their age that possibly have AS or other things. It is free and run by the county. Maybe you have something like that where you live? I would research it. It is important to have family support as well. My son is 10 yrs old and we just found out he has AS and other things as well. It is all new to us. I understand how you feel. Take it one day at a time and do your research. Once we have a diagnosis it really helps the parents understand their child more and be more patient. There is a reason for the things my son does and now I understand the reasons why. It truly helps when the family understand it all as well. If you need to talk send me a msg. :)
 
momofrath said:
We just found out our nine-year-old son has AS, to be honest I am relieved. Currently it's just us helping him but we have therapists and homecare starting soon to help him with social issues. When you ask him about friends he says he has lots but he can't name them. He has a little brother who he plays with all the time and I know will be is for ever friend. I have other children who are older and they love their brother.
Am I naïve to think that family support will help him? Does it help to have other friends with AS?
For now I won't get frustrated when he stems in a restaurant and makes loud noises, when he has to trace all the lines before we can go somewhere. I'll have more patience in helping him transition. I really believe this is going to make me a better mother.
Click to expand...
You are a GREAT mom.. Yes, family support makes the most difference. Its going to be frustrating at times but the the end result shall be so beautiful that you will forget all your frustrations if any.. Best of luck with your journey..
 
You seem like you are like me - overwhelmed. I felt that way and I am finally understanding it all. It makes a difference when they are diagnosed. It helps them deal with themselves and understand themselves. I think my son feels better knowing there is a name for the way he feels. The family is a lot more understanding and patient.


Our Aspergers Journey | understanding our child
 
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