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[Marshall]

Hi,

My name's Marshall and I'm 23 years old. For a couple years I've always thought I might have aspergers. My story is very similar to those I've read. Growing up I had very little friends, I would prefer to be alone and do things my way, and I always felt a bit different and out of place. And yes, I'm very socially inept.

Currently, my only friends are my parents and my 2 siblings, and I don't care to go out and make friends. I have had depression/suicidal thoughts since middle school, attempted suicide once(and never again), I've been hospitalized and put on suicide watch, and I've been in all sorts of mental health programs.

With that out of the way, I can honestly say I don't get depressed like I used to, but every now and then I do get very low, the difference is I have the ability to overcome it.

Now, onto my concern. About a year ago I went to my therapist and asked him if I might have aspergers, and he just laughed. So he not only thinks I don't, but he thinks there's not even a chance I might have it. Now he is a good guy, but it does bother me that he wouldn't even consider it. My guess is that one of the symptoms is a lack of coordination and I have good coordination. I even played quarterback for a year in college. I know, not what you'd expect from someone with aspergers, but in all honesty, I hated football and the only reason I did it was to make my father proud and I thought it would make people like me. I did however enjoy the feeling of throwing a tight spiral and scoring, but I hated being the leader and I was not your typical douchebag jock. Most of my high school years was spent playing video games alone in my room, which is where I was the happiest. And even though I have decent coordination, I am also very clumsy, I trip a lot and I fall down stairs sometimes, so make of that what you will.

I would like to approach my therapist again, but I would like some feedback first and maybe some tips on how to bring it up in conversation.

I've always thought something was wrong with me and it has been driving me mad trying to figure out what it is. Maybe I'm just a depressed, suicidal, socially awkward person, but doesn't there have to be some reason behind it like child abuse, trauma, autism, etc. These things don't just appear out of nowhere, yet I have no explanation for why I am the way I am. It's extremely frustrating.

Anyways, I hope someone reads this. If not I will probably make a shorter, more to the point post later. Thank you for reading and I look forward to your replies!

 

[toothless]

hi marshall,welcome to AC!!
screw what that therapist says,you need to see a specialist who is experienced in assessing adult ASD,i am sorry you havent even been given a chance to get understood,but persevere,and you will get there like so many of the members here.
i recommend making a daily diary for a week or two weeks-write everything such as sensory issues you experienced that day, any shutdowns, any anxiety and thoughts you had and write your developmental history and how you experience life today in terms of how it is familiar with autism experiences/traits.

 

[tree]

 

[Judge]

Welcome to AC. A great place to explore your own perceived traits and behaviors. Which may or may not reflect being on the spectrum. Lots of reading and comparing for you to consider.

Though if you seek a formal diagnosis, you might consider skipping a mere "therapist" and seek out the services of an MD- a psychiatrist or neurologist who specializes in diagnosing autism. Assuming of course if your therapist is not an MD. Here you'll find any number of unfortunate circumstances where it comes to medical professionals misdiagnosing autism. It happens.

Bear in mind that Neurotypicals can share a few traits and behaviors of autism. However that neither makes them autistic, or marginalizes being on the spectrum. Being on the spectrum amounts to many traits and behaviors, and how they may vary in amplitude or intensity. In your own case, well...there just isn't enough for me to speculate one way or another. Though like most people in our community we aren't medical professionals either.

I recently posted this response when it comes to claims that "everyone is autistic in some way".

I've had some limited success in explaining this visually. Showing someone an image of a number of blank boxes, all representing possible autistic traits and behaviors.

Then showing them how NTs might have just a few of such traits and behaviors having checked off the boxes they think apply to them. But to emphasize that having just a few of them doesn't put you on the spectrum of autism.

Then showing the boxes checked off that someone who is likely on the spectrum:

It gives them a little more perspective to ponder than simply claiming "everyone is a little autistic". Such rationale also helped me to come to terms with my own traits and behaviors when I was initially prone to denying many of them.

 

[NeoPhile]

Welcome to Aspies Central.
I don't know if you have Aspergers. I thought your psychiatrist's response to your question was rude. If you want, you can get a second opinion from another psychiatrist. I have been suicidal before in my life. Look into drugs like Zoloft. They help with depression. Also, everyone cries sometimes. Don't be afraid to have a good cry to let out emotion. Therapy works, too.

 

[Nitro]

 

[xudo]

Welcome

 

[OkRad]

Hi Marshal! It might be best to sit with self diagnoses. The rules changed and some of us who ever WERE dxed in the day no longer are! THat happened to me. I was , then I wasn't. That was a mind screw.

There are many other things. With me it's a genetic duplication. Only pursue the dx if you are willing for it to be a NO. The autism speicalist I went to was horrible and rude.

 

[WittyAspie]

Welcome to AC!

 

[Katleya]

Hello and welcome, Marshall.
I second Toothless and Judge's opinion; not all psychiatrists or neurologists are well-versed on the topic, so I'd highly recommend seeking a specialist's if you wish/need an official diagnosis. Also, you're saying he's a good guy. If you feel that, so far, he's helped you with other issues, you don't have to stop seeing him right away.
You know yourself better than any psychiatrist, and you have the right to challenge their opinion. I've had my share of useless psychiatrists; the last one I saw for 6 months or so, and I would try to give her clues, but she'd never pick up on anything. So I eventually talked about both Asperger's, and about the fact that as a kid, I was put in the "intellectually gifted" category, although I failed to meet some of the requirements, and faced very different challenges. She didn't even think of setting up an IQ test, which would have been the least to do, to at least figure out if I was saying the truth or maybe just bragging. After another session or 2, I ended it over voicemail, explaining I was unhappy with her lack of involvement, exploration, and that I had come to believe she cared more about the paycheck than my well-being.
I wrote a super lengthy email to the next psychiatrist, a specialized one this time. I laid out all of my cards, kind of like we do when we introduce ourselves here, and saying out front I suspected I was on the spectrum. I felt terrible and feared that she'd tell me to f*** off or something, or reply that I was just a whining, rigid person, but less than an hour later, I got this email that simply said "I think I can help you. Would you agree to an appointment in January?", and that was honestly the best decision I ever made.

Umm, I can't remember what my point was.
I did pretty well in 2 sports, in spite of dubious coordination, hardly any proprioception and muscle hypotonia. Those 2 sports probably helped me to some extent, but trust me, that part of my history did not interfer in any way with the rest of my diagnosis.