New and unsure

[JustSomeDude]

Hello,
I am in my thirties and have been "weird" all of my life. I have a decent amount of friends and I'm successful career wise. I’m very shy but I tend to do well in social situations. I rely completely on scripts and my sense of humor in conversation. I occasionally misunderstand others and am misunderstood by others. I think very different from everyone I know.

I’m officially diagnosed with Bipolar II and OCD. I have a lot of executive dysfunction. I have suspected that I have autism for a long time but never thought to do anything about it. Since my last romantic relationship ended I’ve been focusing on my mental health. I discovered pathological demand avoidance, which got me looking into autism again.

Based on the diagnostic criteria, my lived experience, and feedback from others, I likely have autism. I don’t have the time or money to get officially diagnosed.

I’ve talked about it in therapy. It would probably help my life make more sense if I had autism and it would probably help me dislike myself less. I’m hesitant to diagnose myself. The thought of me misrepresenting the autistic community makes me anxious. I feel the same way about OCD. Even with an official diagnosis of OCD, I feel like I’m lying no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary. I’m hoping that by hearing from more people with autism, I may realize that I’m not faking it.

 

[wards]

Welcome to the forum man, there are self diagnosed here and I myself am diagnosed and have no issues with you self diagnosing so go for it.

 

[AndyFBlues]

Welcome to the forum!

A lot of us are self diagnosed. No worries.

 

[Suzanne]

Hiya

When I joined, I was self diagnosed ( well, nearly, but wanted to confirm, which is why I joined) and finally received my diagnosis in early 2019, but like you, sometimes, I wonder if it was mistaken. I also hate using the termology autism, because when my husband asked for verification, the therapist clearly stated that I do not have autism; I have aspergers syndrome and thus, I insist on using that term, despite the fact, that it comes under: ASD now.

To be honest, the only way to find out is to get an official diagnosis, otherwise, you will be: am I or am I not? Which is frustrating.

Many of us, were diagnosed with other issues, as children. I, myself was just told I suffer from deep shyness and that I would "grow out of it". Huh, got worse!

Someone I know, said that her son received his diagnosis on line, so perhaps you could persue that?

Unless you are rude, or contentious or offensive etc, you are very welcome here, to explore your options.

 

[Neri]

Hello,
I am in my thirties and have been "weird" all of my life. I have a decent amount of friends and I'm successful career wise. I’m very shy but I tend to do well in social situations. I rely completely on scripts and my sense of humor in conversation. I occasionally misunderstand others and am misunderstood by others. I think very different from everyone I know.
I’m officially diagnosed with Bipolar II and OCD. I have a lot of executive dysfunction. I have suspected that I have autism for a long time but never thought to do anything about it. Since my last romantic relationship ended I’ve been focusing on my mental health. I discovered pathological demand avoidance, which got me looking into autism again.
Based on the diagnostic criteria, my lived experience, and feedback from others, I likely have autism. I don’t have the time or money to get officially diagnosed.
I’ve talked about it in therapy. It would probably help my life make more sense if I had autism and it would probably help me dislike myself less. I’m hesitant to diagnose myself. The thought of me misrepresenting the autistic community makes me anxious. I feel the same way about OCD. Even with an official diagnosis of OCD, I feel like I’m lying no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary. I’m hoping that by hearing from more people with autism, I may realize that I’m not faking it.

You're not faking it. I can tell. My specdar is going off. My specdar is pretty spectacular! Sorry if my humour is out of place here. I don't take your struggles lightly. Bi polar is, possibly the most common mis or prior diagnosis for male autists, just as borderline personality disorder and anorexia nervosa are more common ones for females. Myself I got a bpd diagnosis and cptsd before eventually, at 50, getting diagnosed with ASD2 and ADHD. I knew I was autistic for about 6 years before diagnosis. I think you already know. But I understand the desire for outside confirmation.

Research is the antidote, I believe, to the doubts; Imposter Syndrome, the sense of faking it, is also a common Autistic experience, so curiously questing among tismy peers will, undoubtedly, offer you the opportunity to see yourself reflected in the experiences of other Spectrumites and dispell your doubts.

I know myself as someone who also has a pretty severe and chronic dose of "PDA" too, which some of us in the autism community like to reframe as "Persistent Drive for Autonomy". Ponder the reframe and it becomes a far less pathological analysis, but is, most assuredly an expression of the autistic spectrum .

OCD? Well it's an exceedingly co-occuring condition with ASD, also. A painful and highly inconvenient one, it sounds to me.
If you look up OCD and Autism Orion Kelly, on youtube, you will see a video of some recent finding concerning these oftentimes co-occuring conditions.
I tried to link it here but it wouldn't.
I hope something here resonates and is helpful, but just in case it doesn't, just be sure to reject anything that doesn't sit well or fit your experience or proclivities.

 

[Shamar]

Hello,
I am in my thirties and have been "weird" all of my life. I have a decent amount of friends and I'm successful career wise. I’m very shy but I tend to do well in social situations. I rely completely on scripts and my sense of humor in conversation. I occasionally misunderstand others and am misunderstood by others. I think very different from everyone I know.
I’m officially diagnosed with Bipolar II and OCD. I have a lot of executive dysfunction. I have suspected that I have autism for a long time but never thought to do anything about it. Since my last romantic relationship ended I’ve been focusing on my mental health. I discovered pathological demand avoidance, which got me looking into autism again.
Based on the diagnostic criteria, my lived experience, and feedback from others, I likely have autism. I don’t have the time or money to get officially diagnosed.
I’ve talked about it in therapy. It would probably help my life make more sense if I had autism and it would probably help me dislike myself less. I’m hesitant to diagnose myself. The thought of me misrepresenting the autistic community makes me anxious. I feel the same way about OCD. Even with an official diagnosis of OCD, I feel like I’m lying no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary. I’m hoping that by hearing from more people with autism, I may realize that I’m not faking it.

There are a number of self tests online to give you an idea. The Aspie Quiz and RAADS are two widely used and respected ways to give yourself an evaluation. Try them out and see where you stand, they will give you some insight about yourself. Then you can decide whether to get a formal diagnosis. Hang around here and you will absolutely learn about autism and how to deal with it. Or at least how others have dealt with it.

 

[Nitro]

 

[tree]

 

[Jumpinbare]

There are a number of self tests online to give you an idea. The Aspie Quiz and RAADS are two widely used and respected ways to give yourself an evaluation. Try them out and see where you stand, they will give you some insight about yourself. Then you can decide whether to get a formal diagnosis.

If you take the tests, don't try to "nudge" your answers toward any "expected" direction. Be totally honest with yourself. If you have been successful socially, you may be good at masking. Answer the questions from the real you, not the you that you have learned to present to the world. Some of the questions "don't fit". You can go for the least wrong of the answers. Some tests let you skip that question.
I had the notion that I might be borderline autistic, but predominantly "normal ". The first test I took astounded me, and I didn't accept it. I insisted on more tests, and after 8-10 of them finally caved in and began researching autism to find out what it was they were claiming me to be. That research was the clencher. I was essentially reading my life history!

 

[Ken]

Welcome to the forum!!

I am self diagnosed and am totally comfortable with that. My diagnosis came about after a lot of research and learning just what autism is and realizing that that is me. Early on in my research, I wanted an "official" diagnosis, but now I don't think that would be all that valuable to me.

Here is my analogy; If I fall and experience an extreme pain in my leg and can see that my leg is bent halfway between my knee and ankle; I don't need any official diagnosis that I have a broken leg. After all my research, I feel that my autism is broken leg level obvious. I know with out a doubt that I'm autistic. I don't need to be told I am.

The key is research. It is vital to know what autism is to know if that is you or not and if it is, it is vital to learning who you are. It's a really good thing. It was a revelation to me. Just knowing has made my life much easier.

 

[VictorR]

Hello!

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I wrote an online test years ago on an INTP site took hours answered all questions as accurately as possible. When done stated I had a 99 % probability of having Asperger's syndrome. Surprised me started my journey. Did not know what it was but it explained so much. Just wrote test for fun as I knew was different as my employer had a phycologist test the work force do to issues before I started working there. my test results astounded her. Apparently, I had very unusual abstract reasoning abilities, she called I was very shaken me used words like incredible. I remember asking her beforehand on one particular test if anyone had gotten a perfect score on this one test I Was on the last question when she said pencils done, I knew answer but put pencil down I suspect another few seconds and I would have gotten a perfect score. This is probably what stunned her.

 

[Rodafina]

Hello and welcome @JustSomeDude. Any quest to dislike yourself a little less seems like a worthy thing to me. Hope you enjoy it here.

 

[JustSomeDude]

Thanks a lot for all of the supportive comments. This is a very welcoming community. I'm excited to read more of others' experiences and to better understand myself.