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My boyfriend is threatening to dump me because of me getting medical guardianship. Is that reasonable?

D

dancerxoxo123

Active Member
My parents are in the process of getting medical guardianship over me because of my autism and my borderline iq. I have no choice to be under it. I don’t want to be under medical guardianship but I have to. My boyfriend is going to leave me if I go through the guardianship because he “can’t deal” with it and we want to have kids. I told him it’s temporary. He is going to leave me over this unless I fight it in court to not have it. A phycologist did a phycological testing with me and she said I qualify for medical guardianship due to my iq score but my parents don’t want me to fight it. My. IQ is around 75 when they tested it. No guy is gunna want to date me under the medical guardianship. This is true? Is he right or wrong for dumping me over this?
 
Interesting, given that you are 29, a legal adult... and yet your parents are still finding it "necessary" for this. Are they still your "legal guardian" or did this end when you were 18? I am assuming they must have to go through the courts to do this? A judge has to rule on this? I am assuming you must submit yourself for an "evaluation" of your mental capacities to take care of yourself... or not?

As far as your boyfriend goes... I don't know you or your situation in proper detail, so I can't comment on whether he is "right or wrong".
 
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It is not true that nobody will love you, although it may feel like it is true, sometimes.

It is also not true that nobody will want to date you while under medical guardianship, although it may feel like that is true, sometimes.

What is true is that a person has to do what they need to do to survive and move forward - always.

It is not wise allow a person to use "love" to manipulate oneself, and prevent one from accessing a useful service via threats of abandonment. That would be "emotional blackmail", not love.
 
you need to assess what is best for you and put yourself in the best long term situation. anyone one that loves you will want you to be in the best situation for you. take care of yourself and your needs.
 
Neonatal RRT said:
Interesting, given that you are 29, a legal adult... and yet your parents are still finding it "necessary" for this. Are they still your "legal guardian" or did this end when you were 18? I am assuming they must have to go through the courts to do this? A judge has to rule on this? I am assuming you must submit yourself for an "evaluation" of your mental capacities to take care of yourself... or not?

As far as your boyfriend goes... I don't know you or your situation in proper detail, so I can't comment on whether he is "right or wrong".
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Well due to my phycological evaluation the doctor said I qualify for medical guardianship unfortunately. I don’t know why my parents are finding this necessary. It was because I was impulsive in the past and wanted to “protect me.” How can I fight this? It’s not fair to me. I want to make my own medical decisions. I am capable. Are they wrong? My parents would be pissed if I fought this. How can I deal with this situation? And yeah I am 29 I’m an adult.
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
Well due to my phycological evaluation the doctor said I qualify for medical guardianship unfortunately. I don’t know why my parents are finding this necessary. It was because I was impulsive in the past and wanted to “protect me.” How can I fight this? It’s not fair to me. I want to make my own medical decisions. I am capable. Are they wrong? My parents would be pissed if I fought this. How can I deal with this situation? And yeah I am 29 I’m an adult.
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Sounds to me like you need some legal representation in order to fight this... otherwise, it seems, you're simply going to be a "doormat" to be walked upon. BTW, from what little I know about medical guardianship... it is rarely temporary. Once that door has been opened, it is really difficult to close it.
 
After reading "My boyfriend is threatening to dump me" I can immediately tell "good riddance." I would not allow anyone to behave towards me the way he does towards you, have some dignity and know that you deserve better. If he would have loved you he would never threaten you.
 
Sorry to hear. Are you British? If so, read below.

Your spelling doesn't indicate which side of the pond you're on. Potential cases of involuntary commitment vary from one US state to another.

You use the term "medical guardianship". Tends to be something referred to by the Brits. If so, are we to assume you are referring to provisions of the United Kingdom's Mental Health Act of 1983?

Has anyone used the term "sectioning" to describe your predicament?

"Involuntary mental guardianship can be related to "sectioning," which refers to the legal process of detaining someone in a hospital for assessment or treatment under mental health laws. This process typically involves being sectioned under specific sections of the Mental Health Act, allowing for involuntary treatment when necessary."

If so you can argue over the process in your own behalf, but it appears that it would involve an appeal to "mental health tribunal" with the option of seeking legal counsel for advice and support from a mental health advocate.

That's about as far as I can help you given I am not British. Where it appears you'd be dealing with a different medical bureaucracy and legal system to contend with. Though if this all seems to be the case with you, I could understand your boyfriend's frustration and apprehension where he likely cannot look out for you on his- or your terms. However if your boyfriend isn't willing to assist you in such a fight, that should be the best indicator to dump him.

Sadly that your personal freedom is at stake. A much greater concern for you than anything regarding relationships whether you deem things fair or not.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/sectioning/about-sectioning/
 
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I'm sorry it sounds like you are going through a less than ideal time. I'm inclined to agree with @Tired Anyone that uses threats of leaving to try to get their way, that is a red flag right there and in the long run you're probably better off without them. It may not seem like it right now but you have plenty of time ahead of you to meet someone else. The most important thing is that you take care of yourself, your mental and your physical health.
 
Maybe your boyfriend felt he couldn't make decisions re: your health. You can call and ask why? Maybe he feels overwhelmed. Have you and your boyfriend talked to your parents about wanting children? Do your parents approve, and will help you? Or it's just time to move on. To fight this is difficult no matter where you are. Have you talked to parents and said that was your past behavior, and what are their current concerns? Is it to apply for social services to take care of you, or apply for health program? You won't know until you talk to them.
 
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Aspychata said:
Maybe your boyfriend felt he couldn't make decisions re: your health. You can call and ask why? Maybe he feels overwhelmed. Have you and your boyfriend talked to your parents about wanting children? Do your parents approve, and will help you? Or it's just time to move on. To fight this is difficult no matter where you are. Have you talked to parents and said that was your past behavior, and what are their current concerns? Is it to apply for social services to take care of you, or apply for health program? You won't know until you talk to them.
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Yeah we have. I am still able to make decisions with medical guardianship. Mabye I can explain more of it to him.
 
Judge said:
Sorry to hear. Are you British? If so, read below.

Your spelling doesn't indicate which side of the pond you're on. Potential cases of involuntary commitment vary from one US state to another.

You use the term "medical guardianship". Tends to be something referred to by the Brits. If so, are we to assume you are referring to provisions of the United Kingdom's Mental Health Act of 1983?

Has anyone used the term "sectioning" to describe your predicament?

"Involuntary mental guardianship can be related to "sectioning," which refers to the legal process of detaining someone in a hospital for assessment or treatment under mental health laws. This process typically involves being sectioned under specific sections of the Mental Health Act, allowing for involuntary treatment when necessary."

If so you can argue over the process in your own behalf, but it appears that it would involve an appeal to "mental health tribunal" with the option of seeking legal counsel for advice and support from a mental health advocate.

That's about as far as I can help you given I am not British. Where it appears you'd be dealing with a different medical bureaucracy and legal system to contend with. Though if this all seems to be the case with you, I could understand your boyfriend's frustration and apprehension where he likely cannot look out for you on his- or your terms. However if your boyfriend isn't willing to assist you in such a fight, that should be the best indicator to dump him.

Sadly that your personal freedom is at stake. A much greater concern for you than anything regarding relationships whether you deem things fair or not.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/sectioning/about-sectioning/
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I am from the United States.
 
TBRS1 said:
It is not true that nobody will love you, although it may feel like it is true, sometimes.

It is also not true that nobody will want to date you while under medical guardianship, although it may feel like that is true, sometimes.

What is true is that a person has to do what they need to do to survive and move forward - always.

It is not wise allow a person to use "love" to manipulate oneself, and prevent one from accessing a useful service via threats of abandonment. That would be "emotional blackmail", not love.
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How would it be true that no one would want to date me under medical guardianship?
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
I am from the United States.
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The good news appears that there is a great deal online citing your rights of communication and visitation with others even being under medical guardianship. Though you need to investigate the legal details pertinent to the state you reside in.

This is just a general response paraphrased from the American Bar Association regarding the basics of some of your questions, but it might explain what you may be dealing with in the event a guardian is appointed for you:

"A medical guardian generally has the authority to make health care decisions for an incapacitated person, but they should also promote social interactions and meaningful relationships consistent with the person's preferences. However, if socializing with certain individuals poses a risk of harm, the guardian may need to limit those interactions for the person's safety."

A medical guardian has significant authority over health care decisions for an incapacitated person. This includes making choices about medical treatment and care. However, their power is not absolute when it comes to social interactions.

Socialization Rights
  • Encouragement of Interaction: Guardians are encouraged to promote social interactions and meaningful relationships. They should support the individual in maintaining contact with family and friends.
  • Limitations: While a guardian can influence decisions about a person's living situation and care, they cannot arbitrarily dictate who the person can socialize with unless it poses a substantial risk to the person's safety or well-being.
Legal Framework
  • State Laws: The authority of a guardian varies by state. Some states have specific laws that protect the right to visitation and communication, emphasizing the importance of social connections for mental and emotional health.
  • Best Interests: Guardians must balance the individual's autonomy with their duty to protect. They should consider the person's preferences and needs when making decisions about social interactions.
In summary, while a medical guardian has a role in overseeing health care, they should not restrict socialization without valid reasons related to the person's safety or health.
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
if I go through the guardianship because he “can’t deal” with it and we want to have kids
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If you are found to be legally incompetent to care for yourself it is doubtful that you are competent to care for children. In fact, that means it would be an very bad idea to try. I can see why this is a letdown to him. Also, if you are considered to be legally incompetent, those in his life sphere might view his dating you as him being a predator of someone who is disadvantaged, which is not a good look.

Not what you want to hear, I know, but he does have good reasons for not handling this well. Hopefully you can understand where he is coming from and at least remain on friendly terms?

I'm sorry for your situation, it's not pleasant to be in. Best wishes.
 
velociraptor said:
If you are found to be legally incompetent to care for yourself it is doubtful that you are competent to care for children. In fact, that means it would be an very bad idea to try. I can see why this is a letdown to him. Also, if you are considered to be legally incompetent, those in his life sphere might view his dating you as him being a predator of someone who is disadvantaged, which is not a good look.

Not what you want to hear, I know, but he does have good reasons for not handling this well. Hopefully you can understand where he is coming from and at least remain on friendly terms?

I'm sorry for your situation, it's not pleasant to be in. Best wishes.
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I am legally competent. My parents are thinking I am not by getting me medical guardianship. What should I do in this situation? I don’t want anyone thinking he’s a predator for dating me. Should I get an attorney?
 
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