I'm self-diagnosed as of less than a year ago, and haven't told most people, so the direct answer is no. But I've had something in a similar vein that's been bugging me, and I'm curious if OP or anyone else has experienced this. Several of the people I've told about my ASD are people who strongly suspected/were certain I was autistic, some to the point of thinking it for many years and even discussing it behind my back. But--as soon as I self-diagnosed, as soon as I claimed the label of ASD--all of a sudden they started hedging with words like "possibly" or "probably", and started expressing doubt and skepticism. This happened after I agreed with the diagnosis they themselves gave me--the only thing that changed was that I claimed ASD for myself instead of having the label thrust on me. True, I'm not formally diagnosed, but no one involved is a medical or psychiatric professional, and I've studied ASD more than the rest of them put together. It both perplexes and irritates me, and I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this or can explain it.
As for the try harder/get over it: One thing I've noticed from discussions of politics, is that a certain type of person will use "personal responsibility" as a way of shutting down a conversation they don't want to have. I think similar applies here. Educating oneself about ASD and the myriad difficulties it poses, and trying to understand people who are fundamentally different, and grappling with the knowledge that there is no cure, and that it's wrong to judge them, is difficult. It's much easier to just blame the other person and feel smug.
"Discussing it behind my back" were these kind and caring discussions? Or were they just being nasty?
If there intent was to hurt you or entertain themselves at your expense, you took the wind out of their sails by claiming the label. You stole their power and they want it back.