"Just get over" autism?

[Kalinychta]

I had an upsetting conversation with my sister a few days ago that I'm wondering if other autistics have experienced. I've struggled with depression and anxiety my entire life, both rooting from autism (Asperger's) and childhood emotional neglect (I'm sure the majority of autistics who did not get the parental love and support they needed as children will understand lifelong struggles with depression and anxiety all too well). I've survived but have never thrived, as the saying goes.

My question is this: has anyone here ever had to defend themselves or "justify" their autistic tendencies/behaviors to people who don't have a clue what it's like? Have you been told to just get over it, that your struggles and symptoms are a voluntary choice, and that you're to blame if you can't "just get over it"?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from people here who have struggled with depression/anxiety. It's a terrible, embarrassing feeling when you're put on trial and told you're just making excuses. It's actually quite mind-boggling. We would never tell a cancer patient to just "get over" her symptoms. If you can't point to autism on a brain scan or see depression in a blood test, then people think it isn't real and that those of us who struggle with them are just weak, attention-seeking, and lazy.

 

[unperson]

many many times. still goes on. that's the problem with 'invisible' disabilities, they can't see it.

 

[Fino]

From what I remember, I believe the majority of the members here have experienced everything you describe. I'm not exactly sure what you're asking because I'm pretty sure you're looking for more than just "yes," I just don't know what that more is

But, plenty of people here will know what to say, I'm sure, so yay for everyone here!

 

[Kalinychta]

From what I remember, I believe the majority of the members here have experienced everything you describe. I'm not exactly sure what you're asking because I'm pretty sure you're looking for more than just "yes," I just don't know what that more is

But, plenty of people here will know what to say, I'm sure, so yay for everyone here!

I’d just like to hear people’s experiences with this type of treatment.

 

[Fino]

My family denies the existence of all mental illness, using a religion called Christian Science. When they were told of my diagnoses, they disagreed with the therapist explaining it. They ignore everything, all symptoms and signs, and when it's forced upon them, such as when I've attempted suicide, they say it's because I'm "tired," then they insist I'm better once I'm out of the hospital.

 

[Kalinychta]

My family denies the existence of all mental illness, using a religion called Christian Science. When they were told of my diagnoses, they disagreed with the therapist explaining it. They ignore everything, all symptoms and signs, and when it's forced upon them, such as when I've attempted suicide, they say it's because I'm "tired," then they insist I'm better once I'm out of the hospital.

That's got to be tough. It's the worst feeling when family members don't support you or understand you (or care about you, in many cases). It makes you feel really alone.

 

[Fino]

The fact that it's all I've ever known helps some, I think. Now I have difficulty understanding anyone's desire or need for their family's support. I have good support from friends though! Yay for friends!

 

[Autistamatic]

What you describe might as well be part of the diagnostic criteria, it's so common. Those who have not had such experiences may well be in the minority.

That may well be changing as awareness has grown and acceptance slowly takes root, but it will never be gone.
The same applies to gay and trans people. They have often faced families in denial and been mistreated in similar ways.

Yes it hurts whilst you let it do so. There's only two effective ways to deal with it that I know of. Keep plugging at it till you get through to them or hit life's delete key and edit them out of your life. If something causes you constant pain you stop doing it, and if that cause happens to be exposure to certain people, don't have contact with them. Once you're free of them you realise how overrated "family" is as a concept. A good, productive, supportive family bond is a valuable entity, but a corrosive family dynamic is like acid to the soul.

 

[Progster]

This is one of the reasons not to tell people about my diagnosis - they seem to think that I'm using it as an excuse when I'm not. Before I was diagnosed, however, people used to say that I was lazy and not trying hard enough.

 

[Baeraad]

Yes, and not only that, I've been told by other autists that I need to "just get over" specific non-universal autistic traits that they don't happen to share.

 

[Kalinychta]

This is one of the reasons not to tell people about my diagnosis - they seem to think that I'm using it as an excuse when I'm not. Before I was diagnosed, however, people used to say that I was lazy and not trying hard enough.

"Not trying hard enough"--I hate that one. Also when they say that their friend Jane Smith survived genocide (or whatever) and is now a brain surgeon, and if Jane got through it all then by god anyone who struggles with depression or autism is just lazy and not trying hard enough.

 

[Kalinychta]

Yes, and not only that, I've been told by other autists that I need to "just get over" specific non-universal autistic traits that they don't happen to share.

Like which ones, if I may ask?

 

[Baeraad]

Like which ones, if I may ask?

You mean, which traits? Well, difficulty concentrating, for one. The sort of autists who more resemble the stereotypical hyper-specialised, hyper-focused kind you see on TV can be decidedly unempathatic to the sort who constantly feels pulled in a thousand different directions at once.

Likewise, being over-emotional and over-invested. Again, I'm the wrong sort of autist. The proper sort, who views everything with serene intellectual detachment, tends to see that as a character flaw. And maybe it is, because it's certainly caused me a lot of trouble, but it's not one I can help and you'd think that other people whose minds aren't typical would understand that. Not so. "Just get over it."

 

[Kalinychta]

You mean, which traits? Well, difficulty concentrating, for one. The sort of autists who more resemble the stereotypical hyper-specialised, hyper-focused kind you see on TV can be decidedly unempathatic to the sort who constantly feels pulled in a thousand different directions at once.

Likewise, being over-emotional and over-invested. Again, I'm the wrong sort of autist. The proper sort, who views everything with serene intellectual detachment, tends to see that as a character flaw. And maybe it is, because it's certainly caused me a lot of trouble, but it's not one I can help and you'd think that other people whose minds aren't typical would understand that. Not so. "Just get over it."

I know what you mean. It’s a spectrum; everyone’s different. People can’t seem to wrap their thick skulls around this.

I think most autistic people are hyper-emotional, aren’t they? Emotions are just expressed or “relieved” differently, like through stimming or meltdowns.

But ugh, I hate that “I’m more autistic than you!” crap.

 

[Streetwise]

I had an upsetting conversation with my sister a few days ago that I'm wondering if other autistics have experienced. I've struggled with depression and anxiety my entire life, both rooting from autism (Asperger's) and childhood emotional neglect (I'm sure the majority of autistics who did not get the parental love and support they needed as children will understand lifelong struggles with depression and anxiety all too well). I've survived but have never thrived, as the saying goes.

My question is this: has anyone here ever had to defend themselves or "justify" their autistic tendencies/behaviors to people who don't have a clue what it's like? Have you been told to just get over it, that your struggles and symptoms are a voluntary choice, and that you're to blame if you can't "just get over it"?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from people here who have struggled with depression/anxiety. It's a terrible, embarrassing feeling when you're put on trial and told you're just making excuses. It's actually quite mind-boggling. We would never tell a cancer patient to just "get over" her symptoms. If you can't point to autism on a brain scan or see depression in a blood test, then people think it isn't real and that those of us who struggle with them are just weak, attention-seeking, and lazy.

I know a lot of people don’t like me !and now I think it’s because of autism !as I don’t have classic autism I’ve never had a parent try to cure me of it , i’ve only had help for depression in the last 10 years ,had it before I was born ,my mother said I was a nervous baby!, I’m not a teenager let’s say!, like a certain amount of people it wasn’t the elixir,Now I spend my time trying to stay still and to sleep. you would probably find some people who would tell a cancer patient to get over their symptoms! not as many !they’re obviously just not the people to talk to it about, you can’t force people ,Try to perceive !the people before you talk about it !are they loud? do they shout a lot ,Do they talk about their self a lot ,
A lot of people wouldn’t confide in me ,because they think I am cold ,The point is they don’t perceive!!! because of a lot of people only respect a diagnosis by a doctor and still disrespect psychology ,it’s never going to be easy !Talk to us it’s terrible to have to filter everything you say it’s shattering,I’ve learned I’ve got to take a break all the time !as forums in general have to be very specific!

 

[Wolfnox]

Ive actually had my family help me with mine. For example im very anxious about driving and getting my liscense. There letting me work out the anxiousness and driving me where i need to go. My mother actually discovered the possibility i had autism from my aunt. Then later with there help found aspergers high functioning and two other problems.

 

[OrangeSquash]

This attitude about mental illness and neurodiversity really pees me off, and unfortunately is all too common. To have that from a family member must be really distressing.

 

[VAW]

I had an upsetting conversation with my sister a few days ago that I'm wondering if other autistics have experienced. I've struggled with depression and anxiety my entire life, both rooting from autism (Asperger's) and childhood emotional neglect (I'm sure the majority of autistics who did not get the parental love and support they needed as children will understand lifelong struggles with depression and anxiety all too well). I've survived but have never thrived, as the saying goes.

My question is this: has anyone here ever had to defend themselves or "justify" their autistic tendencies/behaviors to people who don't have a clue what it's like? Have you been told to just get over it, that your struggles and symptoms are a voluntary choice, and that you're to blame if you can't "just get over it"?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from people here who have struggled with depression/anxiety. It's a terrible, embarrassing feeling when you're put on trial and told you're just making excuses. It's actually quite mind-boggling. We would never tell a cancer patient to just "get over" her symptoms. If you can't point to autism on a brain scan or see depression in a blood test, then people think it isn't real and that those of us who struggle with them are just weak, attention-seeking, and lazy.

I can certainly understand how difficult it is (My son is the Aspie) I think you are correct about that, when they can't see any physical disability people tend to think it just isn't there or you are just acting that way. I know before my son was diagnosed we had no idea he had ASD, and those same thoughts went through my head, he has no ambition, he is lazy, he is just being a jerk because he isn't answering me but i had no idea he had a problem. After he was diagnosed i understood all the things that he did but unless you really research (and this site is amazing and the people on it to really understand what someone goes through) you just don't really know what someone is going through on the inside. Unfortunately my son wasn't good at letting you know his problems or how he was feeling . I was always on the go when i was younger and doing things, talking with everyone and i had no problem expressing my opinion or getting things off my chest etc... Trying to understand someone who is going through difficult times on the inside is very hard for us to do. Of course i can understand now but i will really never know how someone with ASD truly feels inside. It is sad but so many people will never take the time to understand how hard ASD really is for someone.

 

[clg114]

I had an upsetting conversation with my sister a few days ago that I'm wondering if other autistics have experienced. I've struggled with depression and anxiety my entire life, both rooting from autism (Asperger's) and childhood emotional neglect (I'm sure the majority of autistics who did not get the parental love and support they needed as children will understand lifelong struggles with depression and anxiety all too well). I've survived but have never thrived, as the saying goes.

My question is this: has anyone here ever had to defend themselves or "justify" their autistic tendencies/behaviors to people who don't have a clue what it's like? Have you been told to just get over it, that your struggles and symptoms are a voluntary choice, and that you're to blame if you can't "just get over it"?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from people here who have struggled with depression/anxiety. It's a terrible, embarrassing feeling when you're put on trial and told you're just making excuses. It's actually quite mind-boggling. We would never tell a cancer patient to just "get over" her symptoms. If you can't point to autism on a brain scan or see depression in a blood test, then people think it isn't real and that those of us who struggle with them are just weak, attention-seeking, and lazy.

Like Progster, this is the main reason that I do not tell people about my autism. They will not understand and some of the things that they think are really wild. You will get reactions like "So, you are retarded" or "You don't look autistic". There is no sense in trying to explain it because people like this really do not want to understand.

 

[Running Girl]

You mean, which traits? Well, difficulty concentrating, for one. The sort of autists who more resemble the stereotypical hyper-specialised, hyper-focused kind you see on TV can be decidedly unempathatic to the sort who constantly feels pulled in a thousand different directions at once.

Likewise, being over-emotional and over-invested. Again, I'm the wrong sort of autist. The proper sort, who views everything with serene intellectual detachment, tends to see that as a character flaw. And maybe it is, because it's certainly caused me a lot of trouble, but it's not one I can help and you'd think that other people whose minds aren't typical would understand that. Not so. "Just get over it."

Yes. Having Executive Function Deficit blows up the usual stereotypes, so instead having everything orderly in my home, car, life, it's the opposite. So I'm lazy, irresponsible whatever. Cant remember stuff, like peoples birthdays, names of their kids, and so on either. Then because I really want to have control and order, I spend most of my time trying to get out from under the chaos, having little to no time or energy left for people. So I'm labelled self-centered for not remembering the issues in everyone's lives, and (Lord knows!) not showing up for my elderly mother . Like other family members do.

My husband's on the spectrum, but without the EFD, so he understands the lack of socialization and the social exhaustion when i do socialize, but still gets pissed if I forget something he wanted me to do, or if I lose something. EFD 's a big problem.

This line of thought is a rabbit hole that leads to depression in and of itself! I"ve been told I'm a complainer and too negative for years. So i try hard to edit both my words and my thoughts. Sigh.