Is being evaluated for Asperger's as an adult worth it?

[PartCuriousPartDesperate]

Hello,

I have felt very different from my peers since childhood. My interactions with them feel to confirm that they also find me different. I have been told directly on multiple occasions. This has caused me severe distress for most of my life. I have always had trouble socializing, and when I do manage to gain "acceptance" by a group, I typically feel like an outsider within that group. I have suffered from depression at my inability to connect with others, which I crave, and have almost taken my life in the past.

I have managed to woo someone, and I am now married. Although I don't have friends that I see, I do love my wife, and am grateful for her. Though, I still feel very alone, and disconnected. This has caused problems in our marriage.

I suspect that I may fall under an Asperger's diagnosis. To my eye, I display a great many of the typical symptoms.

My question: I am 31. Even if it's true, the disorder hasn't stopped me from finding a mate, and a gainful career. Is it really worth while to seek an evaluation? Especially considering that there isn't much for me in the way of interventions, and labeling a thing doesn't really change it.

 

[tree]

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/is-it-worth-pursuing-a-diagnosis.25047/#post-500580
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/adult-diagnosis-i-feel-cheated.22880/#post-455337

Whether you would find seeking a diagnosis to be 'worth it'
depends on your reasons for seeking the diagnosis.

 

[Bolletje]

It really depends on what you want from evaluation. If you seek confirmation of a diagnosis you suspect, it may bring you some peace of mind. A diagnosis can also open doors to psycho-education and therapy aimed specifically at areas in your life with which you struggle.

I was 29 when I was diagnosed (although I didn’t suspect Aspergers at the time) and after an initial period of mourning, the diagnosis gave me a great deal of insight into why I am different from the general population, and it gave me tools to work with the way I’m put together, rather than work against it.

It’s ultimately up to you, but if you’re feeling lonely and disconnected it might not be such a bad idea to seek help. Lack of curative interventions doesn’t mean therapy can’t be helpful here

 

[Tom]

Actually there is a lot one can learn from it, and others can learn from it, if it is true. Particularly in interactions with NTs. Not everyone goes for a clinical diagnosis, but chooses a process of self diagnosis. But for self diagnosis, you really have to do your research, and test the hypothesis over and over, thru self tests, interactions with other Aspies, second opinions, third opinions, etc. It can take years to be sure. But the knowledge is valuable. We have people here that didn't learn they were Aspies till their 50s and 60s.

 

[clg114]

I was 62 when I was diagnosed. I had been researching AS for a couple of years and was 99.9% sure that I was a Aspie. The diagnosis did not make much difference in my life since my lifestyle, marriage and career were set by that time. I just wanted to know for sure, so I spent the money and got a formal diagnosis. It did answer a lot of questions about why I am, the way that I am. I feel like I know myself better. My wife says that it did not make any difference, I am still weird.

 

[SimplyWandering]

I got diagnosed at 16, but as I have lived as an adult I've been forced to prove my "Autisticness" to therapist and psychiatrists because my mother didn't keep great records (albeit because she is on the spectrum as well) and because diagnoses only last a couple years.

Ultimately I know who I am , weird, can usually mask myself in groups and therefore most don't even consider me to have autism.

If I had the money I'd probably do it. Just so I had some peace of mind.

 

[Phanelope]

I am 35 and considering diagnosis. My issues do interfere with my life, significantly at work, but my family also don’t get me and will do things that contribute to my emotional overload that I hope they would stop if I was able to give them a legitimate reason to. (Because apparently me asking them to stop isn’t enough)

 

[Thinx]

I agree with @Bolletje that understanding that you have this brain difference can provide insights information and guidance going forward through reading and research about effects, and what can't be changed and how one might work around these. I self diagnosed and feel enough confidence in that to not pursue diagnosis but I do work in a related field which maybe helps.

Certainly what you say about yourself sounds like the general area we are in, and particularly the way you have kept trying but can't really do the social interaction despite efforts, that's frustrating until one realises that brain difference is the key. Then as has been said there may be a time of disappointment or mourning. But beyond that is some feeling of relief and self understanding and some ideas strategies and hope for the future. It's not like you are on your own there's a lot of us out here!

 

[Gritches]

Alright, to give it to you straight, all you really stand to benefit is the off-chance of finding a therapist who specializes in autism, which you don't necessarily need a diagnosis for.

Until things get better for us, a self-diagnosis is just as good.

Otherwise, in terms of government benefits you're screwed if you have any sort of work history. Which it doesn't sound like you need if you have a gainful career.

Between benefits and specialized therapy, I can't possibly think of any other benefit of formal diagnosis vs. self-diagnosis. There are some difference medically that should be taken into consideration by doctors, but aren't and won't be for the forseeable future. So if getting a diagnosis would put you out in any way, I'd say your efforts are better focused on catching all 5000 pokemon or whatever there is now.

 

[Progster]

Only you can know whether you get a diagnosis or not, it's not something that people here can answer for you. Weigh up the pros and cons: knowing that you are on the spectrum can help you to understand yourself, help others to understand you, and bring closure for past hardship. You also need to think about how it will impact your work and relationship. It is also expensive if your insurance won't cover it, can be hard to find a person qualified to diagnose adults and can be a long, stressful process. Some people opt for self-diagnosis for that reason, or just don't feel the need for official confirmation. For me, I would say that it helped to get an official diagnosis - I felt that I needed my suspicion confirmed, I was in a bad place and needed help.

 

[PartCuriousPartDesperate]

I didn't expect such a quick response; thank you, all. My motivations for the diagnosis are personal. I never really considered that there would be anything to gain from it other than an acknowledged understanding of myself, and my past. I have also been in a very bad place lately, and I am tired of just wondering why I am the person that I am. The traits that make me suspect AS:

- As a child I displayed an extremely high aptitude for cognitive interests, but couldn't seem to grasp simple social concepts.
- I was placed in the gifted program in the second grade, the same year that I had to receive speech therapy.
- By the fourth grade I was already something of a social pariah, and had no friends. I was keenly aware of it.
- I am abrasive in group contexts, because everybody else seems to be able to slip into a group mentality, but I always do my own thing, and end up going against the grain. Every. Single. Time.
- I am unbelievably blunt, and seem insensitive because I will state out loud things that I feel are apparent, but apparently should not be vocalized.
- I have been told that I routinely talk too loudly, even as an adult.
- I have an overdeveloped sense of right/wrong, and equality. The other children usually didn't want to play games with me, because I was constantly trying to moderate them for perceived fairness. (even games like tag, and heads-up 7-up.)
- I was highly compulsive about repetitive behaviors.
- I used to begin sentences with the word "see", but would stutter, and repeat the word over, and over again. It's because the high pitched "ee" sound was very pleasing to me, and I would latch onto it. I specifically remember instances where I would repeat it 10-15 times, and people would comment.
- I am also very fidgety, and would do things like tapping my pen compulsively. Even when I knew that it was annoying the ever loving daylights out of the rest of the classroom, it's like I couldn't stop myself.
- I have always had a poor grasp of humor. I would tend to take every statement literally, and become offended, or argue.
- In middle school I was made fun of for my grammatical patterns, which were very precise.
- I'm a massive contrarian, because I feel a need for the truth of a situation to be understood with extreme specificity. I'm basically a slave to the truth. I was told that I should be a lawyer, because I could argue anything. My argument style is extremely pedantic, and literal as well. I made my first real friend in highschool, and he would go on to refer to me as autagonistic. (combination of autistic, and antagonistic)
- I have come to understand over the course of my life that I have disproportionate emotional responses to things. People have told me that they walk on eggshells around me sometimes, because they don't want to set me off. This is upsetting to me, because I just want other people to be happy, and comfortable. As well as the fact that I struggle so much to make social connections, it hurts to hear that I still push people away.
- I will latch onto an interest, and become so absorbed that it's basically all I think about. Other people then don't want to talk to me, because I will steer the conversation to that topic, and just dominate the interaction by talking about it. (These have been dubbed Paddy lectures. They range on topics from the abstract qualities of certain math fields, to the structure, and chemical processes that occur in Pluto's atmosphere. Nobody cares.)
- I have a tendency to become extremely withdrawn, and to ruminate. As a child as young as 6 I would often sit on a porch swing at the house, and bounce myself off the wall for periods as long as 4 hours. Just... sort of swinging and thinking to myself. (the swinging was very comforting)
- I have peculiar sensory traits, and preferences. For instance, I have to buy seamless socks, because I will be very aware of feeling the seam on my toes, and it drives me insane. (also the before mentioned 'ee' sound)
- I have a hard time staying focused on conversations in groups settings. I will clock out of a conversation, and have to be snapped back in. But later, I am able to recite the entire transcript back verbatim, as well as multiple other conversations that were occurring around us simultaneously.
- When I was in high school my mannerisms were very robotic, and my speech patterns monotone. I essentially shut down, and just observed other people. I dissected their behaviors, and interactions in order to mimic what is "normal" to an acceptable degree. I call it "executing human.exe", or wearing a mask.

 

[Mr Allen]

IMO since my diagnosis, my life has changed, and not necessarily for the better in some cases. I now can't get a job, because as soon as I declare being Aspie on any application, said application gets binned because nobody outside of people who need to know, knows what Asperger's is, and anything mental health related puts up an immediate "Red Flag" to potential employers IMO.

 

[Desertphile]

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/is-it-worth-pursuing-a-diagnosis.25047/#post-500580
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/adult-diagnosis-i-feel-cheated.22880/#post-455337

Whether you would find seeking a diagnosis to be 'worth it'
depends on your reasons for seeking the diagnosis.

The question is excellent, and thank you for the links. June 20th I asked my health care provider if it would be "worth it" for me to be diagnosed as being Level One autistic (if I am)--- his council is that I discuss the issue with another health care provider who is competent to offer a tentative diagnosis, as the state and federal governments offer a few services to autistic people that I might require some day.

It is indeed too late for a diagnosis to help me in life: I am almost 58 years old.

 

[Desertphile]

IMO since my diagnosis, my life has changed, and not necessarily for the better in some cases. I now can't get a job, because as soon as I declare being Aspie on any application, said application gets binned because nobody outside of people who need to know, knows what Asperger's is, and anything mental health related puts up an immediate "Red Flag" to potential employers IMO.

Damn shame that 80% of autistic people are unemployed even when a large percentage of them have extraordinary skills and abilities---- physical and intellectual. For bloody gods damned sure I would not tell a prospective employer that I am autistic: I would mention it after someone objected to behavior I express that they consider odd.

 

[Peter Morrison]

Getting an official diagnosis doesn't change the reality that you have come to accept and live with as an Aspie. I am self-diagnosed. I had been searching for answers to many questions about my feelings and behaviors to no logical or understandable end. When I ended up researching Aspergers, I found the symptoms matched my questions like a 1,000 piece puzzle, each piece fitting perfectly. Now that I can see the picture clearly, I am better able to understand the details behind the characteristics of Aspergers, making research more interesting, enlightening, and meaningful. I think of getting an official diagnosis as something similar to the results of DNA tests to define one's heritage. Knowing those details wouldn't make me a different person, and there isn't anything I would do with that information anyway.

I agree with the other posts here that getting an official diagnosis might confirm what you already know and add credibility to what you already believe. I simply know that I would have benefited from knowing a diagnosis earlier in my life. It would have helped me make better decisions in managing my education, sports activities, hobbies, and the social world. Knowing in advance would not have done anything to stave off the difficulties, but it would have alerted me to potholes and sand traps that we all face.

If you get an official diagnosis, it could shed some light on aspects of your life you had never explored. If you are as curious about these things as I am, it could provide a framework for your greater understanding of your condition. AS people have special value, but we suffer because we know we are different. Learning to accept these differences is paramount to dealing with them effectively. My only proof of Aspergers in myself is the series of innumerable situations where I have behaved strangely, either in the eyes of others or in my own view. I also now understand why I also performed in ways that were exceptional - all of them Aspergers traits. An official diagnosis would have its merits, but it's great that you already understand how Aspergers has a place in your life.

 

[Mr Allen]

Damn shame that 80% of autistic people are unemployed even when a large percentage of them have extraordinary skills and abilities---- physical and intellectual. For bloody gods damned sure I would not tell a prospective employer that I am autistic: I would mention it after someone objected to behavior I express that they consider odd.

You wouldn't have to say anything, depending on the severity of your Autism/Aspieness, they'd probably be able to tell.

 

[windowall]

I'm seeking diagnosis but I am not functioning right now and need therapy for specific things to help me move forward. If I had a stable groundwork, support, career and relationships I don't think I would seek it out because I know if I would need therapy or benefits related to the diagnosis.

Example, I need to go back to school but need tutoring, extra test time, study skills and time management skills etc. and having a diagnosis could help with those things.

 

[Shamar]

Hello,

I have felt very different from my peers since childhood. My interactions with them feel to confirm that they also find me different. I have been told directly on multiple occasions. This has caused me severe distress for most of my life. I have always had trouble socializing, and when I do manage to gain "acceptance" by a group, I typically feel like an outsider within that group. I have suffered from depression at my inability to connect with others, which I crave, and have almost taken my life in the past.

I have managed to woo someone, and I am now married. Although I don't have friends that I see, I do love my wife, and am grateful for her. Though, I still feel very alone, and disconnected. This has caused problems in our marriage.

I suspect that I may fall under an Asperger's diagnosis. To my eye, I display a great many of the typical symptoms.

My question: I am 31. Even if it's true, the disorder hasn't stopped me from finding a mate, and a gainful career. Is it really worth while to seek an evaluation? Especially considering that there isn't much for me in the way of interventions, and labeling a thing doesn't really change it.

Part of the reason is knowing for sure. There are a number of things that can masquerade as Asperger's/autism. An official diagnosis can eliminate or confirm these as factors. I'm not sure the self diagnosis tests can do this. You also get a certain amount of certainty as to why your life is the way it is. As I said in other posts, this knowledge can help you see certain problems coming your way and possibly deflect or avoid them.

Just my autistic opinion.

 

[All-Rounder]

You seem very interesting. I see you already have pointed out autism related hardships, youre an interesting person. Its sad to hear you feel alone in your marriage but i believe it may be because your wife doesnt understand your mentak wiring and maybe what you mean by your bluntness and that youre not there to offend her, youre just different.

 

[tducey]

I think it would be, as an Autistic you'd be able to get some services as well that you might not without a diagnosis.