Inappropriate Social Behaviour

[Clueless in Canada]

I'm sure this has already been discussed somewhere but I've not encountered it yet. The autistic stereotype is inappropriately under-responding, but do some of you sometimes over-respond? Are you sometimes too friendly or too touchy-feely? In what situations does this happen to you?

 

[Streetwise]

I'm sure this has already been discussed somewhere but I've not encountered it yet. The autistic stereotype is inappropriately under-responding, but do some of you sometimes over-respond? Are you sometimes too friendly or too touchy-feely? In what situations does this happen to you?

The only time for me is when I'm communicating with the cats that live with me !and I'm too touchy-feely !or when I stood at the front door and two people were talking ! and I thought I could help !but as usual I didn't understand .
nearly blew my top tonight! waiting for an order of food and the takeaway !!! were obviously more bothered about delivery instead of giving me what I ordered ,
I won't be going back there!

 

[Clueless in Canada]

Touching a cat when it doesn't want to be touched can be dangerous! I have a tendency to butt in and 'help' but I try to be very careful and certain that I do understand. It's embarrassing when I don't! I'm guessing you didn't want to hug those takeaway people.

 

[Streetwise]

no more like shouting and screaming and stamping I wish I was fluent in cat

 

[Autistamatic]

Poor social skills doesn't just mean being introverted or quiet. As stated above, it's a stereotype. Now stereotypes don't come about with no reason - there is either truth in them, or they are a result of inaccurate profiling by 3rd parties. In autism's case I believe it's mainly the former with a liberal dash of the latter.
Thing is, being insensitive to other people's non-verbal signals means you can easily be OTT friendly if you mix up the signals as you can be quiet and reserved. Many of us become reserved following many mistakes of being over-friendly, mistaking friendship for affection, mistaking kindness for friendship and more.
So yes, some of us can easily be too friendly, too touchy and too keen when inappropriate.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

I tend to tell involuntary information or give too much information..

 

[Autistamatic]

I tend to tell involuntary information or give too much information..

Been there, done that, got a wardrobe full of T-shirts

 

[Aspychata]

ouch, this hit me right between the eyes. Guilty as charged.But l have transistioned little to no information, everybody on the planet doesn't need my help and (co-dependency sucks)

 

[Peter Morrison]

My own version of awkward social behavior is my gut honesty. I speak when I feel I have a contribution to make, but say nothing if I have no comment or question to add. I'm more able to listen to others converse in my presence without me saying anything. I believe that I do this because the level of conversation doesn't merit a comment. I appear to be uninvolved and disinterested, which is probably an accurate assessment. But, it is also seen as rude. I can't produce a hollow statement just to seem interested. That's the small talk that I find extremely boring. The worst kind of situation is one where strangers have to mingle. I can produce a comment, but I find the conversation I am starting is already lame. Talking about the weather or difficulties parking may be an intro to conversation, but it's more of the chit-chat game. That is what I find socially awkward, and I don't do it well. I need to dive into something concrete, more meaningful, which can land me in trouble on occasion. My honesty, and my strong opinion on politics and society cause me to tread into dangerous waters. It's a breeding ground for upsetting people. I want to talk about serious issues, but some people can feel challenged by my forthright approach. In short, I think I can come on too strongly. I've never been afraid of people who have strong opinions, so I don't fear sharing my own.

It's very unfortunate that so many topics have become too controversial for discussion. There are many who take any opinion on a subject as some kind of attack. Even better, people can over interpret a comment beyond the words used to convey the message. It seems that the only way to be socially non-awkward is to stay with the banal chit-chat. I've never been able to filter my words to support the possibility of misinterpretation. I feel silly if I don't say exactly what I mean. That is one of my AS quirks. If I am in, I'm in 100%. If not, I'm happy to walk away. It's this "tell it like it is" approach that served me well in sales jobs that I had in my youth. I was always so honest that clients trusted me completely. The unfiltered truth has its place in the world, but on a social level it can be too much to handle. Great with things, less so with people.

 

[Clueless in Canada]

no more like shouting and screaming and stamping I wish I was fluent in cat

Sometimes I am not so sure I want to know what my cat is saying to me. I suspect she might be cursing at me.

 

[Clueless in Canada]

Poor social skills doesn't just mean being introverted or quiet. As stated above, it's a stereotype. Now stereotypes don't come about with no reason - there is either truth in them, or they are a result of inaccurate profiling by 3rd parties. In autism's case I believe it's mainly the former with a liberal dash of the latter.
Thing is, being insensitive to other people's non-verbal signals means you can easily be OTT friendly if you mix up the signals as you can be quiet and reserved. Many of us become reserved following many mistakes of being over-friendly, mistaking friendship for affection, mistaking kindness for friendship and more.
So yes, some of us can easily be too friendly, too touchy and too keen when inappropriate.

I suspect it might be more acceptable from females, since we currently have the whole sexual harassment concern when a male touching a female is involved.

 

[Clueless in Canada]

I tend to tell involuntary information or give too much information..

Me too. It took me decades to cope with the fact that when people say 'hi, how are you?' they don't actually want to know how you are. And I always seem to think I owe people a full explanation.

 

[Clueless in Canada]

My own version of awkward social behavior is my gut honesty. I speak when I feel I have a contribution to make, but say nothing if I have no comment or question to add. I'm more able to listen to others converse in my presence without me saying anything. I believe that I do this because the level of conversation doesn't merit a comment. I appear to be uninvolved and disinterested, which is probably an accurate assessment. But, it is also seen as rude. I can't produce a hollow statement just to seem interested. That's the small talk that I find extremely boring. The worst kind of situation is one where strangers have to mingle. I can produce a comment, but I find the conversation I am starting is already lame. Talking about the weather or difficulties parking may be an intro to conversation, but it's more of the chit-chat game. That is what I find socially awkward, and I don't do it well. I need to dive into something concrete, more meaningful, which can land me in trouble on occasion. My honesty, and my strong opinion on politics and society cause me to tread into dangerous waters. It's a breeding ground for upsetting people. I want to talk about serious issues, but some people can feel challenged by my forthright approach. In short, I think I can come on too strongly. I've never been afraid of people who have strong opinions, so I don't fear sharing my own.

It's very unfortunate that so many topics have become too controversial for discussion. There are many who take any opinion on a subject as some kind of attack. Even better, people can over interpret a comment beyond the words used to convey the message. It seems that the only way to be socially non-awkward is to stay with the banal chit-chat. I've never been able to filter my words to support the possibility of misinterpretation. I feel silly if I don't say exactly what I mean. That is one of my AS quirks. If I am in, I'm in 100%. If not, I'm happy to walk away. It's this "tell it like it is" approach that served me well in sales jobs that I had in my youth. I was always so honest that clients trusted me completely. The unfiltered truth has its place in the world, but on a social level it can be too much to handle. Great with things, less so with people.

I really agree with what you've said. You are describing my experiences exactly except that I've never been in sales. I developed a strategy when hanging out with female friends who were engaged in chat that didn't appeal to me, which was usually what is wrong with their husbands or children. I have no idea how well my strategy works but I just paste a small smile on my face and stare vaguely into the group. As I describe it I am seriously doubting the effectiveness of it. At this stage of my life I don't find myself in those kinds of social situations anymore. Thanks for taking the time to share a detailed explanation of your experience.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I am stoic and robotic sometimes and overly emotional at others.

For large, dramatic events - the kind that most people freak out instantly over - I find myself with no reaction. I dispassionately watch everyone around me react and wonder what’s wrong with me. Then, two or three days later, it hits me and I fall apart.

For stupid little stuff like mushy movie endings, sappy commercials, or even YouTube videos that I like a little too much, I tear up instantly. My wife and daughter just look at me and shake their heads. I will say, “Oh, that’s going to make me cry” and they say, “You cry at everything.”

 

[inkfingers]

I over respond to loud noises or things that upset me, to the point that other people might think I'm weird. And I over respond to touch. I HATE people patting me on the back or shoulder. I've been known to slap my dad or siblings if they touch me like that. I have two modes: Super energetic, talking my head off and annoying everyone in the room, and super quiet, absorbed in my own little world.

 

[inkfingers]

Oh, yes, and I also have a bad habit of interrupting people and walking inbetween them when they are talking! I am so bad at timing in conversations. I also tend to say really random things, like whatever is on my mind, whether it is relevant or appropriate or not.

 

[Clueless in Canada]

I am stoic and robotic sometimes and overly emotional at others.

For large, dramatic events - the kind that most people freak out instantly over - I find myself with no reaction. I dispassionately watch everyone around me react and wonder what’s wrong with me. Then, two or three days later, it hits me and I fall apart.

For stupid little stuff like mushy movie endings, sappy commercials, or even YouTube videos that I like a little too much, I tear up instantly. My wife and daughter just look at me and shake their heads. I will say, “Oh, that’s going to make me cry” and they say, “You cry at everything.”

My son is like that. I can't even predict anymore what will trigger a reaction but I do know that the more I hurt the more likely I am to respond stoically.

 

[Gracey]

I don’t touch strangers in general,

Perhaps the odd handshake, or that hand on their arm thing if they’re upset.

If I’m too anything at the moment, it’s loud. I become too loud.

I was able to (mostly)regulate my volume in the past.


Over the last 6 months or there abouts, my volume seems to be determined by my levels of arousal or state.

Getting anxious or embarrassed over my lack of volume control is just adding fuel to the fire.

 

[Clueless in Canada]

Oh, yes, and I also have a bad habit of interrupting people and walking inbetween them when they are talking! I am so bad at timing in conversations. I also tend to say really random things, like whatever is on my mind, whether it is relevant or appropriate or not.

I interrupt too. I know I am getting the timing wrong as I am doing it but it's sort of like watching myself do and not being able to stop. I have not walked in between two talking people that I know of but I do misjudge the relationship between my own body and the people, objects and spaces around me. I blurt too but usually not too far off topic. Maybe your mind is just racing and putting together connections and you are taking bigger leaps than others do.

 

[Clueless in Canada]

I don’t touch strangers in general,

Perhaps the odd handshake, or that hand on their arm thing if they’re upset.

If I’m too anything at the moment, it’s loud. I become too loud.

I was able to (mostly)regulate my volume in the past.


Over the last 6 months or there abouts, my volume seems to be determined by my levels of arousal or state.

Getting anxious or embarrassed over my lack of volume control is just adding fuel to the fire.

Have you had anyone say anything critical to you about the volume? My ex used to do that to me and I was devastated. I hope nobody is doing that to you.