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I'm struggling to make new friends

shinobi

shinobi

Member
I moved to Yorkshire in October 2016 and it's now August 2019 and I still haven't made any friends here, I'm worried about what to say or how to approach people. I had lots of friends back in Bedfordshire and in London, I don't know what to do, I feel really isolated, I've been thinking about maybe going back down South. I just feel lonely where I am, I'm completely isolated. All people want to do here is just drunk or do drugs, it's not something I'm into, I just like to have quiet evenings indoors watching a comedy film on TV or play on my PS4 & Xbox, why can't people do that? It doesn't help when I am diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, PTSD and OCD.
 
I have aspergers, adhd and Scihzotypal. My advice be yourself. Enjoy what you enjoy. Walk around happy. Strangely being happy seems to draw people.
 
shinobi said:
I moved to Yorkshire in October 2016 and it's now August 2019 and I still haven't made any friends here, I'm worried about what to say or how to approach people. I had lots of friends back in Bedfordshire and in London, I don't know what to do, I feel really isolated, I've been thinking about maybe going back down South. I just feel lonely where I am, I'm completely isolated. All people want to do here is just drunk or do drugs, it's not something I'm into, I just like to have quiet evenings indoors watching a comedy film on TV or play on my PS4 & Xbox, why can't people do that? It doesn't help when I am diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, PTSD and OCD.
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Why does this bother you? You seem to be conflicted between societal expectations and your own feelings. I made up my mind long ago to not care what jerks, idiots, and other people who have not earned my respect think of me. They are not worth worrying about.
Yes, the isolation and loneliness is painful, frustrating, agonizing, and depressing. Unfortunately, trying to interact with them can be just as bad, since it is most likely doomed to failure. You are just going to have to muddle through as best you can.
 
Go to areas that promote healthy living. Gyms, coffee shops, museums, gamestop, etc. From my experience unless they are fully functional, drunks and druggies dont partake in society to much.
Also watch for people that arent that way. If most are, the good ones should stand out. Look for people dressed nicely, talk well, doing things that they love, if your in tune have positive energy.
Since you like more Isolated activities maybe all this extroverted stuff isnt for you. Have you thought of making friends in game? Going on forums for anime?
 
It must be really not fun to not have anybody to be with.. Finding new friends especially when we're not in school anymore seems harder than when we have classes (not that it's that easy too, though..).

Are you open to new suggestion?
Someone also suggested to go to Meetup about your special interest.

Personally if it's me, I feel nervous to go for the first time, but if going with somebody i'll feel much easier. But the other Aspie/Autistic people managed to do just fine going alone, so maybe actually we'll be fine too even if going alone..

Cheer up! Wish you a nice day today..
 
I suffered from horrible massive bout of feeling lonely for best part of two years and then, discovered Korean dramas and away, goes that lonely feeling and I can feel it creep back, if I decide to lay off for a bit from watching my dramas, so end up watching again. Actually, hope that I have got over the lonely feeling and can divert to other things, but nope, doesn't work.

I am not sure why I suffer, because I have never suffered before and have been in a place that easily could develope that feeling, but instead, valued being alone.

Oh and I live in France, but come from the uk.
 
Why did you move in the first place? For your job? With your family?

If moving back down south is an option and you're really that unhappy, I'd say move. But your post doesn't give any information in relation to your circumstances, whether moving is viable?

shinobi said:
All people want to do here is just drunk or do drugs,
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Not everyone in Yorkshire has the above 'hobbies', you just haven't met like minded people.

If moving isn't an option and you want to have a social life, you're going to have to look beyond the negative interests that a small percentage of people living in Yorkshire participate in. And remember, there are people all across the world who take drugs and drink alcohol. It doesn't mean that you have to socialise with them or be a part of that culture.
 
BlueSky Aozora said:
It's good that you don't join the drunk & drugs. Is there nobody doing good things around there?
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There is a place called "Matthew's Hub" which is a social club for Autistic people, but the staff won't let me join because it's for people with Autism only and they said they don't support people with both learning disabilities and Autism.
 
Juliettaa said:
Why did you move in the first place? For your job? With your family?

If moving back down south is an option and you're really that unhappy, I'd say move. But your post doesn't give any information in relation to your circumstances, whether moving is viable?



Not everyone in Yorkshire has the above 'hobbies', you just haven't met like minded people.

If moving isn't an option and you want to have a social life, you're going to have to look beyond the negative interests that a small percentage of people living in Yorkshire participate in. And remember, there are people all across the world who take drugs and drink alcohol. It doesn't mean that you have to socialise with them or be a part of that culture.
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Sorry, I try to stay discreet as much as possible because I've been abused by people online in the past. I moved to Yorkshire because my mother thought it would be better for me because the support workers in the assisted living accommodation I was in were beating me up. She told me that there's low crime rate in East Yorkshire and that I'd be safer and happier. The truth is I've been so miserable that I have been having really dark thoughts. The council refuse to help me return back to Bedfordshire.
 
shinobi said:
Sorry, I try to stay discreet as much as possible because I've been abused by people online in the past. I moved to Yorkshire because my mother thought it would be better for me because the support workers in the assisted living accommodation I was in were beating me up. She told me that there's low crime rate in East Yorkshire and that I'd be safer and happier. The truth is I've been so miserable that I have been having really dark thoughts. The council refuse to help me return back to Bedfordshire.
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I'm sorry to hear that you've been abused online and worse still, by people who were supposed to be caring for you. That's appalling and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

This is a small forum (by some forum standards) populated mainly by people who have autism and the mods will not allow you to be abused; nor do I believe that any members will abuse you either. I agree, it's good to be cautious, but general details are useful as it helps whoever replies to be specific about the advice they may give.

Do you have a support worker/advocate? If not, ask your mother to source something to that effect for you. The adult social care department in East Yorkshire is the first step to obtaining that support.

Also, it may be worth you speaking to your GP and/or health support team (if you have one) about your dark thoughts as they can write a report/letter to your housing provider with a view to getting you moved on medical grounds. However, moving back to Bedfordshire may not be wise considering what you had to endure there.

Where do your family live - Bedfordshire or Yorkshire?
 
Juliettaa said:
I'm sorry to hear that you've been abused online and worse still, by people who were supposed to be caring for you. That's appalling and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

This is a small forum (by some forum standards) populated mainly by people who have autism and the mods will not allow you to be abused; nor do I believe that any members will abuse you either. I agree, it's good to be cautious, but general details are useful as it helps whoever replies to be specific about the advice they may give.

Do you have a support worker/advocate? If not, ask your mother to source something to that effect for you. The adult social care department in East Yorkshire is the first step to obtaining that support.

Also, it may be worth you speaking to your GP and/or health support team (if you have one) about your dark thoughts as they can write a report/letter to your housing provider with a view to getting you moved on medical grounds. However, moving back to Bedfordshire may not be wise considering what you had to endure there.

Where do your family live - Bedfordshire or Yorkshire?
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It was the support workers in Enfield, North London that attacked me, sorry I forgot to mention that I spent a few years in London before I moved to Hull, East Yorkshire.

I have family members in Luton, Bedfordshire and Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire, I would be able to get a bus from Luton to Milton Keynes to visit my family members and then I had my grandmother, auntie and best friend who were nearby in Luton and I would be able to just meet them in the town centre or at my flat when I was there. Also everyone I went to school and college with is in Luton and Milton Keynes.

I just hope that isn't too much information to get doxxed, my ex-girlfriend got her friends to catfish me on Christmas and New Year's and they exposed my personal information online and I got threatening letters in the mail and kept getting perverted phone calls late at night, it was horrible. Then I had people turning up and knocking on my windows demanding I let them pretending they're undercover police officers or bailiffs. I had dead animals posted into my letterbox, threatening letters, people urinating on my door, stealing my food shopping or medication that gets home delivered and people actually trying to break into my flat. I'm still recovering from all of it. I understand that when someone breaks up with me they no longer feel the same way anymore, but going to extreme lengths to prove that is wrong, they should just move on and not contact me again and that should be the end of it. All this because I changed my bank details because she kept hacking my online banking account and was buying stuff off eBay, it's my account and I have every right to protect it and the things she was buying she doesn't even need (she was spending nearly £500 on jewellery, music and clothes but said she was in serious debt with her electricity supplier and doesn't have food).
 
Another set of rage triggers. *low growl*
Yeah no one should go through that. Good restraint by the way.
 
shinobi said:
It was the support workers in Enfield, North London that attacked me, sorry I forgot to mention that I spent a few years in London before I moved to Hull, East Yorkshire.

I have family members in Luton, Bedfordshire and Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire, I would be able to get a bus from Luton to Milton Keynes to visit my family members and then I had my grandmother, auntie and best friend who were nearby in Luton and I would be able to just meet them in the town centre or at my flat when I was there. Also everyone I went to school and college with is in Luton and Milton Keynes.

I just hope that isn't too much information to get doxxed, my ex-girlfriend got her friends to catfish me on Christmas and New Year's and they exposed my personal information online and I got threatening letters in the mail and kept getting perverted phone calls late at night, it was horrible. Then I had people turning up and knocking on my windows demanding I let them pretending they're undercover police officers or bailiffs. I had dead animals posted into my letterbox, threatening letters, people urinating on my door, stealing my food shopping or medication that gets home delivered and people actually trying to break into my flat. I'm still recovering from all of it. I understand that when someone breaks up with me they no longer feel the same way anymore, but going to extreme lengths to prove that is wrong, they should just move on and not contact me again and that should be the end of it. All this because I changed my bank details because she kept hacking my online banking account and was buying stuff off eBay, it's my account and I have every right to protect it and the things she was buying she doesn't even need (she was spending nearly £500 on jewellery, music and clothes but said she was in serious debt with her electricity supplier and doesn't have food).
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@shinobi - I'm struggling to get my head around why all of your family live down south and your mother thought it'd be a good idea to move you to Yorkshire, cutting you off from your family support network?

You have a local connection to Bedfordshire which is something most local authorities impose with their housing allocation schemes. You need an advocate specific to autism and/or learning disability to assist with moving you back to where your family/support network live. Ask your mother to assist with obtaining this for you.
 
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