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I would like some thoughts on that situation please

NiniS29

Active Member
I have posted a while before about my situation.. Of my boyfriend who has aspergers..
I'm soon to be moving out of the flat due to the situation wich makes it really hard for me and I get a thousand anxieties again because we will be long distance for awhile again...

So to the situation.. Due to the living befor and the tension I decided to move out until we are able to get a biger place.. So i decided for a holiday with him since the last few month's became very absorbed by sadness and frustration on both sides wich made us forget who we were for each other.. So i planed a holiday on the seaside for 3 days wich were lovely, stressless and we seem to connect again and we're happy as we been before the situation tipped. . And So back to work now again after 3 days I thought we are quite OK now.. He seems more relaxed and happy. Despite working a lot.. Im in the uk now 2 more weeks until im heading back to my country.. Wich makes me kind of sad but i know its the best.
Than last night when I came home from my shift I did head straight into bed I was so tired he was already asleep.. In the morning when I woke up to make us coffee and i saw there was a drawing on the table with the pencil next to it.. So just to say he never draws because he says he is bad in it.. He once drawed something for me many years ago to make me laugh.. And normally he shares things with me.. It was a a4 paper folded with two sides. On the first was a picture of a woman's face. And a second time her face looking more weird.
I'm the second page was another picture of the same face again looking a bit crazy.. And on the bottom a full body shot drawn funny of the same lady with clowns shoes on and a weird pencil in her hand wich he did write something to it... I just took it and asked who he did draw that so specifically for.. He said.. Just a weird doodle.... He never draws. He toolk my paper and pencil to draw because I do..

I asked him again.. Who that was for.. He said no one specifically.. He than folded it.. Took other paper pieces with it and made a ball and pretend to throw it in the bin.. After he went to work.. I want to see it and it was not in.. Just the other pieces but it was gone..
I know it sounds weird but somehow in my mind it feels like he draw a certain woman and I feel like he is hiding something from me..
I can't get rid of this feeling since he tried to lie to me 2 this year about stuff so I'm. Very suspicious.. I'm just so scared that he likes someone else and feel like he is trapped with me or i hold him back. Or he's pretending to like or love me.. I don't know if he really loves me everything is very confusing.so many things happend broken trust his diagnosis and me being completely confused of who he is because he changed so much. Might as well just me be overreacting due to my fear and my anxiety of the comming move..
But I just don't know what to do or say..
I just want to leave with a good feeling and us beeing 100 honest for a fresh start..
Thank you all very much for reading..
 
Back away from your fear. Breath deeply. Examine all the clues. Be patient. Do not jump to conclusions. Stay level headed. Gather more information. Leave with clear conscience. Tell him you still love him.
 
Back away from your fear. Breath deeply. Examine all the clues. Be patient. Do not jump to conclusions. Stay level headed. Gather more information. Leave with clear conscience. Tell him you still love him.
I really don't know what to believe. It seems like he shows me he loves me still and I just told him today.. So he looked at me and said I love you to.. But still so much quesionable about this whole thing.. And what he did before..
 
I don't remember your previous posts/situation. But this incident sounds a bit weird. It is not an recognized autistic trait to suddenly speak in doodles.
 
You believe theres more to it. Is there anything beside the pictures to go on?
Well befor when I moved in.. He got all weird and stuff because I changed things around and we didn't know that time he was autistic.. And so he collected all the feelings for about 3 months when he became more weird and distant.. Wich he later explained to me was the situation.. Than shortly before his birthday after I lived there about 4 month.. He said he went away for work with his friends company for 10 days wich randomly happens but never that long.. Max 4 days incl travel... Later I found out he was in Korea.. He tried to lie to me about where he was and when I confronted him he got a propper meltdown and freaked out... Since than he became more and more strange.. And i didn't really trust him.. He explained later he was with friends he had to escape his home feels not like home anymore and just all the situation is to much.. He went to stay with a old friend who is married to a Korean woman
. They always travel between Korea and UK.. So he said he just when there to relax from everything.. Since than he became more distant and weird and angry.. Until he told me he can't just live with me in that small space it makes him mad because of his work and stuff je has to do from home and finishing the master.. But he still wanted me to stay.. And than he had the worst meltdown ever.. One night after my night shift I came home.. And he misinterpreted my sight for beeing angry at him.. And started to flip talking weird stuff not responding to anything running around and punch the wall and nearly brake his hand..

After that he was quiet and different for weeks..
One Friday I was gone.. He write me a message said he needs to go away for a week because he cant take it anymore.. The work. The small space his master the bills everything he is nasty to me wich he doesn't like and I deserve a non horrible version so he decided to go away to defrazzle what he said and think.. After he came back.. We talked a long time and i decided to move out until everything is sorted and we can get a biger flat and we talked clearly for the first time for hours So i asked him.. Now everything is ok where have you ben to.. He lied again.. Said to his best childhood friend.. Who he did grew up with in Amsterdam.. I found out next day Korea again.. So why was he lying.. That is what's still with me. After confrontation he flips out and is in flight and fight mode...

So that bugs me.. That there is something.. And after his first travel he changed..
 
If your relationship with an Aspie guy makes you need to go consult with strangers on the Internet as to his weird behavior, maybe it's not a great relationship, you know? I know you are looking for answers and this is not one, but gee whiz. It's amazing what some people will put up with just to be "in a relationship."
 
If your relationship with an Aspie guy makes you need to go consult with strangers on the Internet as to his weird behavior, maybe it's not a great relationship, you know? I know you are looking for answers and this is not one, but gee whiz. It's amazing what some people will put up with just to be "in a relationship."
It is.. Since everyone is not the same.. And especially he is not anywhere accepting his illness... Wich makes it difficult but maybe someone has experience about certain behaviour so it's always good to ask befor throw sand on everything because after all you love the person wich there is.. And despite everything both sides deserve respect
 
He might just be drawing, I hadn't drawn anything in at least ten years and drew some stuff for like a week and stopped again, only like a month ago. I found it cathartic for like a week then started getting frustrated with it then stopped again.
 
He might just be drawing, I hadn't drawn anything in at least ten years and drew some stuff for like a week and stopped again, only like a month ago. I found it cathartic for like a week then started getting frustrated with it then stopped again.
Might be.. But why pretend to throw it away and than take it with him..that is weird..
 
Bear in mind this is my thoughts on this. It sounds like he blames you for his problems. The first time around that is. I to dont like someone coming into my home and changing things without asking me. Its something i have to build up too.

Like him i would likely bottle up those emotions. Unlike him i would not continually hold it against you. Nor would i leave without trying to fix things. Someone who truly loves me deserves every chance. He ran off to korea and lied to you about it. Why? I think we both know.

Now and someone correct me if im wrong. It sounds like hes guilt tripping you. To do whatever he wants you too. Again my thoughts. Someone correct me if im wrong.
 
Bear in mind this is my thoughts on this. It sounds like he blames you for his problems. The first time around that is. I to dont like someone coming into my home and changing things without asking me. Its something i have to build up too.

Like him i would likely bottle up those emotions. Unlike him i would not continually hold it against you. Nor would i leave without trying to fix things. Someone who truly loves me deserves every chance. He ran off to korea and lied to you about it. Why? I think we both know.

Now and someone correct me if im wrong. It sounds like hes guilt tripping you. To do whatever he wants you too. Again my thoughts. Someone correct me if im wrong.
I know where you come from.. Its all my fears with it.. But its just suspicious how he acts. But on the other side he doesn't want to leave me.. He did want to work on it. So he did bear with me beeing there for about 8 months now.. And as it seems he is not really happy when im saying I'm leaving in 2 weeks that's all that's left... He always was like this since je was 7 years old when he had problems he would take his bike and run away to a other town and would disappear for days at schoolfriends and his mum would be dead for fear searching for him.. When he was older the same.. Is it to much.. He leaves the situation.. But he bottles up.. And he didn't want to say anything to me.. Until i said to him it is enough with all the behaviour and lies
 
Then little sister. All i can say is this. May your faith be rewarded. Your love returned two fold. Find happiness in the new country and send it back to him. Find peace.
 
Then little sister. All i can say is this. May your faith be rewarded. Your love returned two fold. Find happiness in the new country and send it back to him. Find peace.
Thank you very much.. It was just my decision to go back because my family is there.. And i have a better job.. Might the distance help a bit aswell and than we can move together happily if the wounds are healing
 
I really don't know what to believe. It seems like he shows me he loves me still and I just told him today.. So he looked at me and said I love you to.. But still so much quesionable about this whole thing.. And what he did before..

My boyfriend only draws when he is feeling good, you should be happy because it's a good thing. My boyfriend doesn't draw things for me, I sometimes wish he would and tell him but its hard for him to draw unless its things he can draw and they aren't romantic. He also dislikes being romantic and doesn't seem to be able to be. Even though he loves me.
 
My boyfriend only draws when he is feeling good, you should be happy because it's a good thing. My boyfriend doesn't draw things for me, I sometimes wish he would and tell him but its hard for him to draw unless its things he can draw and they aren't romantic. He also dislikes being romantic and doesn't seem to be able to be. Even though he loves me.
That would be true but I think it's not for me to be seen because he made it dissappear.. He did draw a funny giraffe once for me when we started to date.. But that's it about him drawing.. He besides that is loving on his own way beside some issues wich I still don't understand..
But you know how hard it is than..
 
That would be true but I think it's not for me to be seen because he made it dissappear.. He did draw a funny giraffe once for me when we started to date.. But that's it about him drawing.. He besides that is loving on his own way beside some issues wich I still don't understand..
But you know how hard it is than..

Maybe he was embarrassed to share it. Drawings can be private.
 
Maybe he was embarrassed to share it. Drawings can be private.
That could be one reason.. Wich first popped into my mind.. Wich I hope it is.. But his other behaviour previously makes him suspicious even when there is maybe a simple explanation like you said.. I hope its this one..
 

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