I think most people are secretly bisexual

[Sabrina]

Most people. And this theory of yours is based on exactly -- what? Research? Are you an authority on sexuality? Anyone can spout opinions about anything, but that doesn't give them any value.

Wow, calm down. I said it was “a thought” , just that.

 

[Sid Delicious]

"In some radical/extremist strains of feminism it is believed that dating men is oppressive and those who believe this refer to themselves as "Political Lesbians" and only date women to make a statement."

Wow! I've learned something new!

 

[OkRad]

I may or may not have threatened to sodomize many, many men with a cactus in times past, does that count?

Butt seriously, from what I've read everyone experiences homosexual desires and fantasies, even if just infrequently. I'm secure enough in my masculinity to admit that I've had such desires before. Like, Axl Rose before he got fat? If they ever invent the time machine, I will go back in time and do things I would probably get in trouble for posting. He was a cutie-pie.

Axl Rose was a male? :-O

 

[OkRad]

I’ve had that thought since forever and I have never shared it, this is the first time.

I believe most people are secretly bisexual, and that there’s just a minority that is 100% heterosexual and 100% homosexual.

I know it’s a polemic thought, that’s why I’ve never shared it before, but this seems to be an appropriate crowd.

I am mostly attracted to men, but I’ve been occasionally attracted to women. I can see beauty inside and out, and when I do, I feel attracted to that person. I can’t believe that I’m the exception, and that most people only see beauty in the opposite sex. It’s not logical. If there is beauty in a person, and you feel happy with that person, I don’t see how sex would matter, except for procreation. Of course, my not understanding this issue might be due to the fact that it’s hard for me to be in somebody else’s shoes.

I’d like to hear your thoughts in the matter.

I am responding because it's a curious post. I must say I have never felt any bisexual tendencies. I certainly don't want to disparage anyone's experience, though! I just don't think I could muster up too much excitement over my own gender when I know what happens to us every month. I'm serious. I wonder how most MEN deal with that with us!

 

[Gritches]

I just don't think I could muster up too much excitement over my own gender when I know what happens to us every month. I'm serious. I wonder how most MEN deal with that with us!

It's not much worse than when you realize that you're rubbing parts of your urinary tracts together in the first place.

 

[OkRad]

It's not much worse than when you realize that you're rubbing parts of your urinary tracts together in the first place.

OMGosh. I put the ! icon because there is no :-O OMGosh Icon!! Yikes! Celibacy is greatly under rated.

 

[Lady Lucifer]

I'm surprised only @Butterfly88 brought up the Kinsey scale. But yeah Kinsey believed that not a lot of people were 100% hetro or homosexual. That being said there is a difference between a sexual fantasy and your sexual orientation. You can fantaszie about having sex with the same sex, even if your not attracted to the same sex. And vice versa.

 

[jacinto]

I'm posting this because I haven't seen anything like what I'm about to say here or anywhere else for that matter.

I am and always have been straight. I say this even though I've been with men. And not just one, or two, but...well let's just say I my memory is not the greatest. For years I wondered if I was Bi or whatever because I would be in good relationships with great women I didn't deserve, where the sex was wonderful and we talked cutesy to each other but I would secretly fantasize about (and on rare occasions actually do) some things she would've been shocked to know of.

Eventually I realized what was motivating me to do these whore-ific things had no root in homosexuality at all - I'd been around gay men enough to know I did not think like them. I did these things because they were to my mind the most humiliating, shameful, and degrading thing I could imagine and that turned me on. I didn't want to be with men, but I needed to in order to hurt myself psychologically. I guess it's a form of masochism maybe.

I've never looked at a male & thought, "Wow, he's hot" (in fact I've never even been able to tell when men are attractive). I never could kiss a guy (I mean what is that about, when you'll have sex with someone that you're too disgusted by to kiss?).

I could never be in a relationship with a dude. I tried once & moved in with one that said he was in love with me, and within a couple days I knew I'd never do it again for the rest of my life. Not because he did anything wrong, but because I wasn't attracted to him or any other man & never would be.

When I was 16 I was statutorily raped by an older man. He had asked at a party if I wanted to try some pills, which turned out to be Rohypnol. I woke up once later, briefly, because of the pain, and then I knew nothing until awaking the next morning alone in a motel room. Still, I don't blame him because I know I had been secretly fantasizing about something like that happening for a long time and in all likelihood participated enthusiastically or even initiated it.

I've never said this to anyone else. I'm actually being very brave here.

Something else kinda weird though is that almost EVERY woman I've been with on any significant level has told me she's bisexual. And of course I'll tell them I'm 100% supportive if they ever want to be with another girl whether I'm present or not (life's been unnecessarily miserly in the providing of such scenarios however, at least as far as I've been included in). And I'm pretty sure that this is just something girl's will say because they know it's okay, and think it enhances their desirability. A girl can't go wrong telling a guy she thinks other women are sexy, he does too! With me though, nowadays I almost want to roll my eyes or something when I hear it for the 1000th time.

So that's my overshare for today, come what may

 

[Fitzo]

I don't think everyone is secretly bisexual, but I do think many people are curious enough to give a same sex experience a try once or twice if the opportunity presented itself. However I don't think that changes their fundamental sexual orientation.

 

[Mary Anne]

Most people. And this theory of yours is based on exactly -- what? Research? Are you an authority on sexuality? Anyone can spout opinions about anything, but that doesn't give them any value.

Wow, you are harsh. Oh so defensive ....because why? Anyone doing the research will find out many are bi-curious. Many don’t dare act upon it, but many do.

 

[Mary Anne]

I am and always have been straight. I say this even though I've been with men. And not just one, or two, but...well let's just say I my memory is not the greatest. .... I would secretly fantasize about (and on rare occasions actually do) some things she would've been shocked to know of.

Eventually I realized what was motivating me to do these whore-ific things had no root in homosexuality at all - I'd been around gay men enough to know I did not think like them. I did these things because they were to my mind the most humiliating, shameful, and degrading thing I could imagine and that turned me on. I didn't want to be with men, but I needed to in order to hurt myself psychologically. I guess it's a form of masochism maybe.

When I was 16 I was statutorily raped by an older man. He had asked at a party if I wanted to try some pills, which turned out to be Rohypnol. I woke up once later, briefly, because of the pain, and then I knew nothing until awaking the next morning alone in a motel room. Still, I don't blame him because I know I had been secretly fantasizing about something like that happening for a long time and in all likelihood participated enthusiastically or even initiated it. A

Some would strongly disagree with your self description of being “straight,” but also having had many multiple gay homosexual sexual encounters, and fantasies (regardless of the reasons for having them). There are so many men in various cultures around the world just like you. They are secretly engaging with men sexually, though swear they are “straight” due to morals, being married, and having children. There is no way to be “straight” yet fantasize, and have multiple homosexual encounters! No way. You are in denial.

You can define yourself however you want, but please do not say that all gay men engage in “most humiliating, shameful, and degrading things” because they “all” do not, and it furthers societal hatred and stigmatizing of ALL gay men. Being gay does not necessarily include anal penetration, certainly not “rape,” and certainly not any other sexual practices that are different then sexual practices done by heterosexual, lesbian, or bi-sexual people. I have known uncountable “gay defined” men who absolutely do not engage in penetration and have safe happy sexual lives, partners, and social lives. These have been the ones who survived the devastating AIDS crisis of the 1970 and 80s . They exist everywhere. You are judging gay men as a stereotype that is not helpful nor accurate. I did lose 28 friends to AIDS in the early 1980s, but many friends from back then are still Aids free to this day too. There are huge amounts of Aids-free aging men and many never engaged in “shameful” practices.

You were raped, and that is what has colored your experiences. Many many gay males were raped in childhood, or traumatized sexually by someone. Your story is actually quite common, and I have heard it all too frequently in the past 28 years. You are not alone, in your fantasies, denials, or self loathing “masochism” either, in coping with the traumas of what happened to you.

Many many people of all genders, and sexual identifications fantasize about rape- often stemming from a traumatizing rape (but not always.) It can cause people much pain as they do not understand why they would want to reenact these traumatic life events. Some experiment a few times and then move on in life. Others continue their entire lives enacting these “masochistic” fantasies...some engaging in S&M, others role play rape fantasies, and others deal by become alcoholics and let people abuse them. There are so many ways humans learn to cope with what life gives them. I feel it is pointless and harming to judge, label and stigmatize with the inaccuracies you post here.

The point is you are not coming to grips with your rape. I hope you get some therapy with a professional. If you keep having the need to have sex with men, you are not “straight.” You are in denial. There is something that keeps you going back. It’s not fair to the females you are in relationships with to believe you are heterosexual when you are not acting in that way.

I also want to say that some gay men do not have “relationships with other men.” They just have quick sexual escapades and some do not want to even know the first name of the other male. So you can absolutely be “gay” (or bisexual) and have a lifetime of not having gay “relationships. “ You sound bisexual to me. It doesn’t matter why or how you are having these male-on-male sexual encounters. You fantasize about them, and you are having them, and you can not even count how many there have been. So you are a closeted bisexual. The old saying is...”If it walks and quacks like a duck...it IS a duck.”

 

[AloneNotLonely]

So according to this thread I'm even more unique than I already thought I was. Quite frankly I prefer not having to worry whether I'll have to clean my curtains or repaint my walls. Other men seem to have a lot of trouble aiming when it comes to going to the bathroom, and I have no reason to believe that suddenly changes in the bedroom.

Of course, the main motivation is because "Yuck!".

 

[Mary Anne]

So according to this thread I'm even more unique than I already thought I was. Quite frankly I prefer not having to worry whether I'll have to clean my curtains or repaint my walls. Other men seem to have a lot of trouble aiming when it comes to going to the bathroom, and I have no reason to believe that suddenly changes in the bedroom.

Of course, the main motivation is because "Yuck!".

You make absolutely no sense. What do clean curtains and painted walls have to do with anything? How does this relate to the topic??? Can you explain? And why the “yuck” comment or the aiming in the bathroom. If none of this applies to you, then maybe not be so critical or judgemental.

 

[Sid Delicious]

"Not to mention that a whole lot of “straight men” find the whole girl on girl lesbian” sex fantasy hot. So the myth is continually perpetrated."

To be honest, I know a lot of straight women (myself included) who enjoy man-man action just as much! I could never find straight porn I liked when I was growing up, since most of it was designed for men to watch, so I grew up swapping gay magazines with a couple of other girls instead! I still struggle to find normal 'vanilla' straight porn where the women don't act and look like ridiculous submissive Barbie dolls!

"Eventually I realized what was motivating me to do these whore-ific things had no root in homosexuality at all - I'd been around gay men enough to know I did not think like them. I did these things because they were to my mind the most humiliating, shameful, and degrading thing I could imagine and that turned me on. I didn't want to be with men, but I needed to in order to hurt myself psychologically. I guess it's a form of masochism maybe."

You could just find a domme who's happy to use strap ons and do all of that stuff. Or do you get more out of the humiliation side if a man is involved specifically because you're not attracted to him?

 

[Mary Anne]

"Not to mention that a whole lot of “straight men” find the whole girl on girl lesbian” sex fantasy hot. So the myth is continually perpetrated."

To be honest, I know a lot of straight women (myself included) who enjoy man-man action just as much! I could never find straight porn I liked when I was growing up, since most of it was designed for men to watch, so I grew up swapping gay magazines with a couple of other girls instead! I still struggle to find normal 'vanilla' straight porn where the women don't act and look like ridiculous submissive Barbie dolls!

"Eventually I realized what was motivating me to do these whore-ific things had no root in homosexuality at all - I'd been around gay men enough to know I did not think like them. I did these things because they were to my mind the most humiliating, shameful, and degrading thing I could imagine and that turned me on. I didn't want to be with men, but I needed to in order to hurt myself psychologically. I guess it's a form of masochism maybe."

You could just find a domme who's happy to use strap ons and do all of that stuff. Or do you get more out of the humiliation side if a man is involved specifically because you're not attracted to him?

You made some interesting points. There are many terribly unattractive aging professional doms that make a ton of money in the S&M industry. I worked for one back in the 90s who ran a professional dungeon.

Humiliation comes in all forms. I knew one who wanted to rrelive all the humiliations the nuns did to him as a child in parochial school. He wanted to kneel bare kneed on pencils for hours, until he could not stand it any longer. It was not a sexual experience. Still, this man knew that all nuns were not like this, and all nuns were not bad. He did have a thing for nuns though.

The blanket statements made by the op conflict, and depict a person who has not dealt with his past traumas in a healthy way. Still, due to the fantasies, and continued behaviors, I believe he is bisexual and in denial. He is so obsessed with reliving humiliation at any expense, that he most likely is unwilling to try females humiliating him to the same satisfaction that he gets with men.

 

[Daydreamer]

@Mary Anne

Thank you for your kind words coupled with feedback. Whilst I attempted to cover most bases in my post, I realise that not all were hit.

As a whole, the LGBT community encompasses both a lot of terms and people with differing opinions, thus quite predictably not everyone gets along. Within every community there is bound to be discourse, and members with views that vary from extreme/radical to moderate on various different subjects. The cliquey nature that occurs within some areas of the community is disheartening at times I agree, but unsurprising.

Whilst it is true that I did not delve into the biases often held against transsexual individuals and other non-cisgender categorisations, I was mindful that my post was starting to get rather lengthy. Transsexual people often face discrimination and scrutiny, anecdotally I knew someone who is FTM, and unfortunately he got disowned by his parents and cut off financially. He’s doing much better these days.

I suppose to a certain degree the fact that I didn’t write about such topics is actually quite fitting, considering that I mainly covered in my post how sexuality is often perceived by mainstream society which predominantly focuses on binary cisgender notions of orientation and sex. (Although this varies between regions, with some cultures such as in India having a third gender openly talked about referred to as Hijras). However, I am likely to focus on Western cultures in my posts because admittedly my knowledge on how gender is viewed in others is considerably limited. I am open to learning more about other cultures though.

Personally, I identify as cisgender and sometimes my contributions and the type of perspective that I bring fails to take into account that of trans* individuals, since it not often an area/subject that I delve into.

I would be less aware of various categories involving sexual orientation and gender identity if I never questioned my sexuality in the first place, since that is what gave me the desire to research into such topics. Before that, the only categories I was aware of were “straight”, “gay” and “trans”.

The three categories I made for the misconceptions regarding female and male sexuality were indeed simplistic, but I would hazard a guess that a significant majority of people do view it in such a way. As you remarked in your post, society in general does not typically give things of this nature much thought. The closer to home something is, the more someone tends to care. I decided not to include how asexual individuals are viewed, because there is often little focus on asexuality, and a good portion of individuals are simply unaware of its existence. One time I was in an English lesson and our teacher asked us if we knew what asexuality meant, and one of the students guessed that it was another word for straight.

 

[Judge]

I don't know about the statistical realities of such things, but from my own perception I would not be surprised if there are a great number of bisexual women not accounted for.

 

[tree]

And we all recall the forum wide PG-13 right?

 

[Lemongrab]

You're probably too young to remember the hippies but there was always some dude waiting to sow these doubts into teenage minds like "everyone is bisexual".
Well, I succumbed to a certain extent and I don't think it's done any permanent damage but 20/30,000 orgasms in and I've never had a gay fantasy, so what does that say?

 

[jacinto]

Some would strongly disagree with your self description of being “straight,” but also having had many multiple gay homosexual sexual encounters, and fantasies (regardless of the reasons for having them). There are so many men in various cultures around the world just like you. They are secretly engaging with men sexually, though swear they are “straight” due to morals, being married, and having children. There is no way to be “straight” yet fantasize, and have multiple homosexual encounters! No way. You are in denial.

You can define yourself however you want, but please do not say that all gay men engage in “most humiliating, shameful, and degrading things” because they “all” do not, and it furthers societal hatred and stigmatizing of ALL gay men. Being gay does not necessarily include anal penetration, certainly not “rape,” and certainly not any other sexual practices that are different then sexual practices done by heterosexual, lesbian, or bi-sexual people. I have known uncountable “gay defined” men who absolutely do not engage in penetration and have safe happy sexual lives, partners, and social lives. These have been the ones who survived the devastating AIDS crisis of the 1970 and 80s . They exist everywhere. You are judging gay men as a stereotype that is not helpful nor accurate. I did lose 28 friends to AIDS in the early 1980s, but many friends from back then are still Aids free to this day too. There are huge amounts of Aids-free aging men and many never engaged in “shameful” practices.

You were raped, and that is what has colored your experiences. Many many gay males were raped in childhood, or traumatized sexually by someone. Your story is actually quite common, and I have heard it all too frequently in the past 28 years. You are not alone, in your fantasies, denials, or self loathing “masochism” either, in coping with the traumas of what happened to you.

Many many people of all genders, and sexual identifications fantasize about rape- often stemming from a traumatizing rape (but not always.) It can cause people much pain as they do not understand why they would want to reenact these traumatic life events. Some experiment a few times and then move on in life. Others continue their entire lives enacting these “masochistic” fantasies...some engaging in S&M, others role play rape fantasies, and others deal by become alcoholics and let people abuse them. There are so many ways humans learn to cope with what life gives them. I feel it is pointless and harming to judge, label and stigmatize with the inaccuracies you post here.

The point is you are not coming to grips with your rape. I hope you get some therapy with a professional. If you keep having the need to have sex with men, you are not “straight.” You are in denial. There is something that keeps you going back. It’s not fair to the females you are in relationships with to believe you are heterosexual when you are not acting in that way.

I also want to say that some gay men do not have “relationships with other men.” They just have quick sexual escapades and some do not want to even know the first name of the other male. So you can absolutely be “gay” (or bisexual) and have a lifetime of not having gay “relationships. “ You sound bisexual to me. It doesn’t matter why or how you are having these male-on-male sexual encounters. You fantasize about them, and you are having them, and you can not even count how many there have been. So you are a closeted bisexual. The old saying is...”If it walks and quacks like a duck...it IS a duck.”

Whoa hold on there dude. I didn't say "all gay men engage in shameful & humiliating sex" - I said that the pleasure I got was from the humiliation I felt.

I don't know what prompted such a vitriolic response from you, and I think pretty much everything you said is based on erroneous assumptions.

I'm not guilty of perpetuating societal hatred and the "stigmatizing of ALL gay men" simply because I choose to call myself hetero. I'm also not personally responsible for the AIDS-crisis or the deaths of your friends just because I identify as straight.

I'm not in denial, either. In fact everything I said here was the kind of unadulaterated truth that is free from fear of judgement because I know the enlightened & tolerant nature of this community (usually). But fine, whatever! Having to ignore & overcome the labels of narrow-minded & ignorant people is unfortunately a part of life.

Think about it: if it were actually so important to me to keep my big "secret" hidden, then it would make little sense to have posted as I did in the first place.

How, exactly, am I not "coming to grips" with the rape by the way? And how is it even relevant, especially given the accusatory tone of your words? You say you hope I'm able to get counseling or whatever but I'm pretty sure that what you really think is that I somehow deserved it. That may be an unfair interpretation but I'm a little annoyed right now.

You said "I feel it is pointless and harming to judge, label and stigmatize with the inaccuracies you post here."

...and which of the two of us is judging & stigmatizing? Could you point me to ANYTHING I said that remotely fits that description?

And then "...with the inaccuracies you post here."

...Yes I know - my story's full of holes. It'd never stand up in court or the rigorous fact-checking of a panel of appointed experts. It's unacceptable that before describing events from my own life & my interpretation of them I did not verify their authenticity first with a complete stranger who knows nothing about me

There was more I wanted to address, but I just realized I'm wasting far too much time on someone who's obviously an idiot.