I have grown to despise okcupid and the people on there

[King_Oni]

You guys don't get it. It's been this way since the beginning of time - the man brings home the bacon and the woman fries it up in a pan.

And you assume everyone lives by the same genderroles. I don't care about genderroles nor who wears the pants in the house when it comes to gender so to speak.

My friend Julia had to get a divorce and has 3 kids from that marriage (he was an abuser evidently). So then she meets this nice guy while playing one of those video game thingies. They get along great and he moves to Kansas. They accidently have an oopsie and now there's 4 kids.

Yeah... kids, lol. I wouldn't even get into that, just like I wouldn't go into marriage. And I'm quite explicit about kids.

And the argument "what if she would be the love of your life?" well... clearly, she's not, since she wants kids.

Lack of money is the main reason for divorce.

So... don't marry to start with. If marriage isn't for love but divorce is about money, one can asssume that marriage is because of money as well. Luckily I have neither money nor an interest in marriage. I win!

Women want a guy who is dependable - not someone that they will have to take care of.

Why exactly would you assume that a woman would have to take care of someone? I don't even expect that from a woman. And I wouldn't want to date someone who thinks that I, as a man, should have to take care of a woman.

I've always considered relationships to be something fun, not a chore.

But hey; look at it like this... with my outlook on life and perhaps my afiliation towards certain groups within culture I'd probably even date someone who is squatting. That seems to be more type of crowd in general I get along with I guess. Which kinda takes out the entire notion of income, a house and a car.

I'd probably also make you breakfast if you are able to produce me a mean drum&bass track overnight... something I'd rather hear about than someones stories at the nightshift at work, academic accomplishments or paychecks.

I guess it's safe to say, I really care for a different type of crowd.

Also; with the notion of marriage, genderroles... would you say that you're a bit.. oh, I don't know.. "oldfashioned"? And I don't mean offense with it... but it just feels like you're set on these traditions. While I feel that over time, the concept of relationships, be it the reasons to get together, the way people get together (I mean; the idea of being with just 1 person seems outdated. Plenty of people are in these polyamourous deals as it seems). I think that there's quite a shift in terms of relationships and the specifics as well.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

[QUOTE="nurseangela, I've listened to the nurses at work saying how upset they are because their husbands aren't doing their part.

Oooh your killing me! (sorry) I helped my ex get her first nursing job, the resumes, baby sat spoilt baby while she did interveiws all over town. So she jacks me up on the job thing which she had promised no to do. So I said I'd do what I could but maybe she could help me a little with papers figuring out what to look for,(I have dislex - paper phobia, and anxyity atacks), but I loved her and was willing to try. So she looks at me like she just stepped in cow poop, even tho I had just got done doing the very same thing for her. I thought helping some one you love is what you do, that is still the thing I hold against her the most, more than all the lies and usury!
Sorry still hurts a little[/QUOTE]

Sorry to tell you, but you got a hold of a lemon with no sugar - can't make decent lemonade with that.

 

[Shiznown]

Fun I suppose, some people like to have a bit of fun before settling down.

That wasn't my point. My point was, what's wrong with dating someone while they're pursuing something and then marrying them once they have a career. Most people don't have a successful career until they're atleast in their 30s.

 

[Suiseiseki]

polyamory or some form of that is my greatest dream

And I agree, I wouldn't jump into marriage in the situation I am in now, that'd be mad

 

[Shiznown]

And you assume everyone lives by the same genderroles. I don't care about genderroles nor who wears the pants in the house when it comes to gender so to speak.



Yeah... kids, lol. I wouldn't even get into that, just like I wouldn't go into marriage. And I'm quite explicit about kids.

And the argument "what if she would be the love of your life?" well... clearly, she's not, since she wants kids.



So... don't marry to start with. If marriage isn't for love but divorce is about money, one can asssume that marriage is because of money as well. Luckily I have neither money nor an interest in marriage. I win!



Why exactly would you assume that a woman would have to take care of someone? I don't even expect that from a woman. And I wouldn't want to date someone who thinks that I, as a man, should have to take care of a woman.

I've always considered relationships to be something fun, not a chore.

But hey; look at it like this... with my outlook on life and perhaps my afiliation towards certain groups within culture I'd probably even date someone who is squatting. That seems to be more type of crowd in general I get along with I guess. Which kinda takes out the entire notion of income, a house and a car.

I'd probably also make you breakfast if you are able to produce me a mean drum&bass track overnight... something I'd rather hear about than someones stories at the nightshift at work, academic accomplishments or paychecks.

I guess it's safe to say, I really care for a different type of crowd.

Also; with the notion of marriage, genderroles... would you say that you're a bit.. oh, I don't know.. "oldfashioned"? And I don't mean offense with it... but it just feels like you're set on these traditions. While I feel that over time, the concept of relationships, be it the reasons to get together, the way people get together (I mean; the idea of being with just 1 person seems outdated. Plenty of people are in these polyamourous deals as it seems). I think that there's quite a shift in terms of relationships and the specifics as well.

King, you're awesome dude.

 

[King_Oni]

King, you're awesome dude.

Yes... I agree with, not like that statement

 

[Grumpy Cat]

would you say that you're a bit.. oh, I don't know.. "oldfashioned"?

I already said that I was "old fashioned" in one of my posts. I don't take offense to that at all. You have to have some "old fashioned" people to offset the "new fashioned" people. I'm so old fashioned that I wish I was in the Victorian Era instead of now. There's just no structure anymore. People just run around doing anything that "feels" good and in my opinion, things couldn't be in more of a mess.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

That wasn't my point. My point was, what's wrong with dating someone while they're pursuing something and then marrying them once they have a career. Most people don't have a successful career until they're atleast in their 30s.

I totally agree with that.

 

[King_Oni]

I already said that I was "old fashioned" in one of my posts. I don't take offense to that at all. You have to have some "old fashioned" people to offset the "new fashioned" people. I'm so old fashioned that I wish I was in the Victorian Era instead of now. There's just no structure anymore. People just run around doing anything that "feels" good and in my opinion, things couldn't be in more of a mess.

Fair enough...

I for one am one of those new fashioned ones and I welcome a bigger mess bring on the chaos (which is very un-aspielike; but I might deviate from the norm every now and then, even for aspie standards, lol)

 

[Grumpy Cat]

And you assume everyone lives by the same genderroles. I don't care about genderroles nor who wears the pants in the house when it comes to gender so to speak.



Yeah... kids, lol. I wouldn't even get into that, just like I wouldn't go into marriage. And I'm quite explicit about kids.

And the argument "what if she would be the love of your life?" well... clearly, she's not, since she wants kids.



So... don't marry to start with. If marriage isn't for love but divorce is about money, one can asssume that marriage is because of money as well. Luckily I have neither money nor an interest in marriage. I win!



Why exactly would you assume that a woman would have to take care of someone? I don't even expect that from a woman. And I wouldn't want to date someone who thinks that I, as a man, should have to take care of a woman.

I've always considered relationships to be something fun, not a chore.

But hey; look at it like this... with my outlook on life and perhaps my afiliation towards certain groups within culture I'd probably even date someone who is squatting. That seems to be more type of crowd in general I get along with I guess. Which kinda takes out the entire notion of income, a house and a car.

I'd probably also make you breakfast if you are able to produce me a mean drum&bass track overnight... something I'd rather hear about than someones stories at the nightshift at work, academic accomplishments or paychecks.

I guess it's safe to say, I really care for a different type of crowd.

Also; with the notion of marriage, genderroles... would you say that you're a bit.. oh, I don't know.. "oldfashioned"? And I don't mean offense with it... but it just feels like you're set on these traditions. While I feel that over time, the concept of relationships, be it the reasons to get together, the way people get together (I mean; the idea of being with just 1 person seems outdated. Plenty of people are in these polyamourous deals as it seems). I think that there's quite a shift in terms of relationships and the specifics as well.

Dude, I get exactly what you're saying and I have no problem with what you want out of a relationship with someone. The point to all of this is that people do have certain expectations that they want from a person that they want to be with (whether it's a relationship or marriage) and that includes me too. What anyone else wants is ok with me - just be up front about it so whoever does meet you they don't waste time being with you when they could be out trying to find the person that would make them more happy.

That's why I was asking you what exactly you put on your OKCupid profile. I don't like it when people try to portray something that they're not. Most of the guys I ran into on that site were not up front about what they wanted - they were just saying what they thought a girl would want to hear.

 

[Maelstrom]

Fair enough...

I for one am one of those new fashioned ones and I welcome a bigger mess bring on the chaos (which is very un-aspielike; but I might deviate from the norm every now and then, even for aspie standards, lol)

Hi you write fast.
Not for me chaos is HELL for me, don't like surprises, prefer working together!
Sorry had to run out the door to last minuet charity event to do a little wife hunting, no luck other than a quick drive by 5 girls (way to young), while I was sitting for program. The girls all managed scoot off and hide at some table out of reach, if you want a guy to chat you up don't hide in some hole where he needs a crowbar to get at you. Anyways dad was being a pill and kept trying to drag everyone out the door ruined my game. But I did manage to charm some people, there was this pretty little thing (married?) chatted her and her husband? up in food line. She would get embarrassed and have to stop and turn away to think for five seconds every time I said something to her. I was wondering if that was more a auti than aspie trait, anyways she's in for rough ride husband? is a minister, endless people stuff to come for her, poor girl.

 

[Judge]

Personally I've experienced "reversal of fortune" enough times not to put rigid belief in traditional gender roles, indicative of an earlier time which all too often took expectations of prosperity for granted.

I prefer to live in the present to best grapple with the precarious challenges of our time, which for better or worse inevitably influence our personal relationships.

 

[King_Oni]

So... here's something regarding to OkCupid I'd be interested in hearing peoples view on.

When exactly do you consider someone a match? Granted, some people have neatly filled out profiles with a serious wordjungle. As it happens I like to read most these things, since they're often the funniest things (in a good way). However, if I were to search there's also the entire percentage thing with match and enemy based on the questions you filled in.

Now, I know it's superficial to go just on that. But these are the people that actually show up first in my search. I find it remarkable some people actually show up as a 90+ % match, even ran into one with a 0% enemy score. She must be one special snowflake, lol.

Though, I've been keeping in touch with a woman who isn't that high on the list (between 70 and 80% match) and we get along fine...

So really, what is the cut off to consider someone a potential match on these scores? I've ran into people that were less than a 5% match and had a 80+ enemy score... those seem obvious, but really, what is the cut off? When does someone go from a potential match to "just another user". Numers confuse me if they're not absolute values... well, they are, but let's face it, in datingland, a 100% match is impossible and irrational.

 

[NlGHTgirl]

Lamb chops? ha ha OKC , WAS, FUN,....... when there were journal posts! : ) what was your OKC name, mister? from the old days?

Yes, Felt like a piece of meat, NurseAngela.......

I'm bisexual. There are men found in every grocery store. Simply, just listed my profile as Lesbin_ (You don't have that luxury, eh?) Men still found me. always,. huh. men. ha hah The lovely woman I who clicked with me, turns out to be a real life friend of a friend. She wanted to meet in real life. I hate bars. I never did meet anyone OKC in real life. I'm soOoOOoooo reclusive. Darn. wimp.

did you say poly.......? heh heh

Luckily, I am a homeowner, so there is that redeeming quality. Some gentlemen are nice to me in real life. ..... .maybe I will consider some worthy date/marry some day?

 

[Suiseiseki]

Lamb chops? ha ha OKC , WAS, FUN,....... when there were journal posts! : ) what was your OKC name, mister? from the old days?

Yes, Felt like a piece of meat, NurseAngela.......

I'm bisexual. There are men found in every grocery store. Simply, just listed my profile as Lesbin_ (You don't have that luxury, eh?) Men still found me. always,. huh. men. ha hah The lovely woman I who clicked with me, turns out to be a real life friend of a friend. She wanted to meet in real life. I hate bars. I never did meet anyone OKC in real life. I'm soOoOOoooo reclusive. Darn. wimp.

did you say poly.......? heh heh

Luckily, I am a homeowner, so there is that redeeming quality. Some gentlemen are nice to me in real life. ..... .maybe I will consider some worthy date/marry some day?

Who?

 

[NlGHTgirl]

Who?

aw, very very kind , very sweet, of you to be interested!!!!!!!!!!!! : ) in the "I despise OKC thread....." . ah. um. not sure what to say. I used to LOVE the journal posts!!!!!!!!!!............

I had the most colorful CREATIVE, PLAYFUL, profile, oh my goodness! what fun! crazy non conforming artist!

I love to play with zany, wacky types in the (past) OKC Journal posts! Way better than boring! way more entertaining! Unfortunately, I attempt dating fun crazy wild punk rock person in the past,like, ah, ten years ago? ish, turns out he was obsessive (Of people, of OCD, all things, "obsessive" in general) borderline personality sufferer who neglect/abuse threaten suicide manipulation if I did not give in to his demands. not healthy.

So,logical thought process, I was thinking that I should consider seeking someone calm, steady, practical, to consider benefits of marriage. This time. I'm kinda lots of energy, nervous hyper (although shy, hard to explain?) happy. I thought this *might* maybe consider be a good match? this guy, that does not yell or hit......responsible grown up type person, good steady long term career, 2 cars, 2 home owners, that kind of thing. boring? this time????? might be better for me? maybe too boring? I just don't know? waiting for the right person to approach me in real life.

I had the most colorful CREATIVE, PLAYFUL, profile, oh my goodness! what fun! crazy non conforming art! I was ALMOST honored to fit in with the cool kids!!!!!!!! Almost!!!!!!!! I might be pretty smart,ish. However, I discover I am not nearly as brilliant as the Aspies in the Journal posts. I do look much younger than my age. I do have celibacy for DECADE-s. (Not like NT or the other OKC users!!!!!!!!!) I never thrill seek or drink or drugs. Way too nervous/scared, OKC could not draw me out of my cozy blankets. I met this wonderful amazing fantastic super beautiful incredible awesome lady in real life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (platonic thus 5-6 yrs far, feels like forever, she might be curious, but.....) I meet guys in real life. They would have to be disease free. I have a temporary issue with this "lady of certain age" lust. (rumors all true, sadly, not feeling like myself lately, feels like seeking a date. sighs.) but don't worry, I know this one guy, and/or this other guy, but not sure , any of them really want to link up in a forever exclusive married kind of way. (logically, only marriage could maybe benefit me, 2 cars, 2 houses, 2 $ incomes) Married. or at least ten years. I'm good. I'll go retire, live in a cabin the forest and train big dogs/cats/pets! Companionship of people in coffee shops and book shops. That's good enough.

My OKC account is not active. (Those OKC people scare me!) If I change my mind, I'll send you a link! promise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : )

Thank you!!!!!!!!! : )
We were the nerdy girls in high school! They all teased us!

 

[Suiseiseki]

My dating site profiles are nuts, because I am nuts and believe I ought to put that put there, when they meet me I guess I am too nuts.

 

[Arlais]

I met my husband on OKC, as well as going on a few other dates beforehand with guys who were all very polite.

Personally, I really liked OKC for dating as someone with Asperger's because of all the questions and bits and bobs you can fill in; so by the time you meet someone in person, they already have a decent idea of what you're about.