I have grown to despise okcupid and the people on there

[Suiseiseki]

No they stopped speaking to me after I added them on facebook and we hung out and I guess they didn't want me around, every time though they expressed interest in hanging out again and set a date and...never speak to me again.

All my friends are women and I highly doubt they'd ever come to some group dinner thing, nor would I ask them to.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Does that problem lie at the core of dating sites or the women? Your taste in women? Or maybe just in general your behaviour?

I'm not judging you for being weird or anything, I'm kinda curious. Over the past month I've had a few awesome exchanges with women and I don't really consider it to be much of a problem to eventually find connect to someone there... but I might have a different perspective on dating, as I've met people online and dated for periods ranging from anywhere from 8 months to over 2.5 years.

I have to ask. Don't take this the wrong way, but how do you get all of your dates since you live at home with your parents? It seems you have long term relationships with these people too. Over here it is frowned upon for men to live at home with their parents. The men are even looking for women who are on their own and independent. Is it normal where you live for single people to stay living with their parents until they get married?

 

[Suiseiseki]

Yeah I don't live at home and really never attempted dating when I did because, well that was a guarantee of no, it still mostly is but at least I can say "yeah, I got my own place"

 

[gonzerd]

Sorry to hear so many are having troubles there. Haven't been on OKC a lot lately, but I quite liked the concept with all the questions and such. There's a psychological aspect to it somehow. Met up with a few nice people there, including my girlfriend. She contacted me though. I've never sent out first messages. My women friends tell me that when you go on such a site as a woman, you just get bombarded with the most vile and asinine crap. (Apparently men are swine; who would've thunk it?)
That's probably good to keep in mind if you're a man and your woo goes unanswered. It's simply not feasible to respond to all. There's other ways to show interest on those sites too. Me personally, I just let the women choose. But then again, I'm not much of a hunter that way.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Sorry to hear so many are having troubles there. Haven't been on OKC a lot lately, but I quite liked the concept with all the questions a. Met up with a few nice people there, including my girlfriend. She contacted me though. I've never sent out first messages though. My women friends tell me that when you go on such a site as a woman, you just get bombarded with the most vile and asinine messages. (Apparently men are swine; who would've thunk it?)

You don't know how right you are. I felt like a piece of meat (just stick a fork in me - I'm done!)

 

[King_Oni]

I have to ask. Don't take this the wrong way, but how do you get all of your dates since you live at home with your parents? It seems you have long term relationships with these people too. Over here it is frowned upon for men to live at home with their parents. The men are even looking for women who are on their own and independent. Is it normal where you live for single people to stay living with their parents until they get married?

Nah... my situation isn't thát common, but I suppose I just meet people who are in the same boat in some regard or are openminded. But the way this country is turning out to be in terms of employment and government support it's becoming more and more common for people to live this way, especially when you're not having a career and might be in that disability boat. With my perspectives on employment I'm happy if I manage to move out eventually (something that's on my list though, but not really a priority, and surely not one if dating depends on it).

Keep in mind, I've dated aspies in the past and they didn't have jobs either and lived at home. Looking at my friends; they're about the same age as me. One recently got married and never lived on his own and only knows about living together (which kinda saves expenses), another one lives on his own (but has a decently paying job; and still barely manages financially), and another one, who is an independent gamedesigner still lives at his dads place (so technically he has a career and a PhD but pretty much functions only as his own boss; which still doesn't mean he makes enough to live on his own). I've also found that the type of women who expect someone to have a career, just aren't my type... or in OkCupid terms; they would probably score a below 50% match rate and an above 50% enemy rate.

And what's also interesting to note; it's how you present the package. I don't even point out I'm on the spectrum on most sites. I don't consider it lying. I just try to avoid the negative stereotype that comes with it. Going through my profile and my interests, people would probably figure out I'm not "the norm". Nor do I put up my living situation. I usually end up talking to women for a while and I tend to end up with the ones that are quite openminded and don't care about someones job, income or living situation as long as they're at least fun to be with. I never consider myself to be the career guy you get with to start a family; I'm that type of guy you hang out with because it's an experience on it's own, lol. (and that's actually the thing I've heard after all relationships ended; none on a bad note initially)

I've went over this with a friend of mine, the one that lives alone. We were discussing living situations and he told me "yeah... if I could live at my parents place the way you do, I'd see no reason to move out at all either". He would't mind living similarly. Fact is; I don't feel like I live in that proverbial basement. I just happen to share a place with 2 people, and those people are my parents. We just share a kitchen and such.

It's that same friend with whom I once considered moving in. And that makes me wonder; how much more different is it whether you live with parents, but live totally independent lives that have no connection at all (well, aside from them being family), or living with a friend, while basically still living independently of each other, while just sharing some expenses. I suppose people would frown at that too, right? Who would've thought people would frown at how I manage my finances, lol.

Lastly; If... If... I owned my place, chances are it wouldn't be much different than it is now. I don't even want a big place of my own; I'm fine living in a single room. If I were to get a 2+ room appartment, I wouldn't even put wallpaper in one room and just put my bed, tv, computer and instruments all in one room... I really have no interest in that "cosy" apartment; I just want a mancave dammit. And by that, people would probably frown and think I'm a wacko because I have no desire for this normal living situation at all anyway, lol.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

your woo goes unanswered

That's just too cute! You just don't hear the word "woo" much anymore. I just love old fashioned words like that (they make me smile.)

 

[King_Oni]

Sorry to hear so many are having troubles there. Haven't been on OKC a lot lately, but I quite liked the concept with all the questions and such. There's a psychological aspect to it somehow. Met up with a few nice people there, including my girlfriend. She contacted me though. I've never sent out first messages. My women friends tell me that when you go on such a site as a woman, you just get bombarded with the most vile and asinine crap. (Apparently men are swine; who would've thunk it?)
That's probably good to keep in mind if you're a man and your woo goes unanswered. It's simply not feasible to respond to all. There's other ways to show interest on those sites too. Me personally, I just let the women choose. But then again, I'm not much of a hunter that way.

Yeah, kinda what I was getting at earlier in this thread.

The funniest with me is probably that I might look like that weird creep on such sites (dating site killer meme anyone, lol), but I'm the last guy to actually send women these kind of messages, lol.

I have no interest in this casual sex and whatever else people, or more specifically men, hope to find on such a site. Though I'm straightforward in what I'm looking for.. it just happens that such a thing seems a bit hard to come by, lol. But I'm patient; In my experience it's often the one that suddenly appears out of nothing that's most enticing and interesting, not the ones that are all over the place for a while already. I just log in a bit to stay on the radar, lol.

 

[Suiseiseki]

Well I got enough wrong with me that living with my parents would be a deal killer, I've never met any women with AS so that's not at all an option.
Regardless, dating sites have been an absolute bust for me, zero successes there, so I am probably gonna lay of them for a good long while.

And while I am not a crazy (in a bad way) person who is half decent and doesn't go party or anything and even get messages here and there I never get anywhere.
And as I said, it always ends the same.

Meeting the person face to face is the end of whatever has been made between her and I, always.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Nah... my situation isn't thát common, but I suppose I just meet people who are in the same boat in some regard or are openminded. But the way this country is turning out to be in terms of employment and government support it's becoming more and more common for people to live this way, especially when you're not having a career and might be in that disability boat. With my perspectives on employment I'm happy if I manage to move out eventually (something that's on my list though, but not really a priority, and surely not one if dating depends on it).

Keep in mind, I've dated aspies in the past and they didn't have jobs either and lived at home. Looking at my friends; they're about the same age as me. One recently got married and never lived on his own and only knows about living together (which kinda saves expenses), another one lives on his own (but has a decently paying job; and still barely manages financially), and another one, who is an independent gamedesigner still lives at his dads place (so technically he has a career and a PhD but pretty much functions only as his own boss; which still doesn't mean he makes enough to live on his own). I've also found that the type of women who expect someone to have a career, just aren't my type... or in OkCupid terms; they would probably score a below 50% match rate and an above 50% enemy rate.

And what's also interesting to note; it's how you present the package. I don't even point out I'm on the spectrum on most sites. I don't consider it lying. I just try to avoid the negative stereotype that comes with it. Going through my profile and my interests, people would probably figure out I'm not "the norm". Nor do I put up my living situation. I usually end up talking to women for a while and I tend to end up with the ones that are quite openminded and don't care about someones job, income or living situation as long as they're at least fun to be with. I never consider myself to be the career guy you get with to start a family; I'm that type of guy you hang out with because it's an experience on it's own, lol. (and that's actually the thing I've heard after all relationships ended; none on a bad note initially)

I've went over this with a friend of mine, the one that lives alone. We were discussing living situations and he told me "yeah... if I could live at my parents place the way you do, I'd see no reason to move out at all either". He would't mind living similarly. Fact is; I don't feel like I live in that proverbial basement. I just happen to share a place with 2 people, and those people are my parents. We just share a kitchen and such.

It's that same friend with whom I once considered moving in. And that makes me wonder; how much more different is it whether you live with parents, but live totally independent lives that have no connection at all (well, aside from them being family), or living with a friend, while basically still living independently of each other, while just sharing some expenses. I suppose people would frown at that too, right? Who would've thought people would frown at how I manage my finances, lol.

Lastly; If... If... I owned my place, chances are it wouldn't be much different than it is now. I don't even want a big place of my own; I'm fine living in a single room. If I were to get a 2+ room appartment, I wouldn't even put wallpaper in one room and just put my bed, tv, computer and instruments all in one room... I really have no interest in that "cosy" apartment; I just want a mancave dammit. And by that, people would probably frown and think I'm a wacko because I have no desire for this normal living situation at all anyway, lol.

My question is where do you expect these relationships you have to go? A woman should be looking for someone who is able to live on their own and has a decent job unless they are just looking for some fun times which won't last forever. It's not who you live with, its whether you can be independent and on your own. I wouldn't want to fall for someone who I couldn't get married to if it came to that. And don't you have to have money to go on dates? You also can't spend time alone with your hunny if you live with other people - not feeling comfortable anyway (maybe that's just me).

 

[Shiznown]

My question is where do you expect these relationships you have to go? A woman should be looking for someone who is able to live on their own and has a decent job unless they are just looking for some fun times which won't last forever. It's not who you live with, its whether you can be independent and on your own. I wouldn't want to fall for someone who I couldn't get married to if it came to that. And don't you have to have money to go on dates? You also can't spend time alone with your hunny if you live with other people - not feeling comfortable anyway (maybe that's just me).

Yeah, afterall it's so easy to have your own place without a roommate nowadays.

 

[King_Oni]

My question is where do you expect these relationships you have to go? A woman should be looking for someone who is able to live on their own and has a decent job unless they are just looking for some fun times which won't last forever. It's not who you live with, its whether you can be independent and on your own. I wouldn't want to fall for someone who I couldn't get married to if it came to that. And don't you have to have money to go on dates? You also can't spend time alone with your hunny if you live with other people - not feeling comfortable anyway (maybe that's just me).

Firstly; anyone bringing up the notion of marriage is out right away, lol. I'm not going to start an argument on what I think about marriage, let's just keep it at "I don't care about marriage".

Secondly; fun times can last a long time and they can last long enough. And I'm not talking about something that's sexual of that nature at all. You assume I'd be interested to go on dates as well. Fun to me is collaborating on a music project with a female someone, preferably my muse of sorts. And that's actually the type of person I'm looking for. Perhaps that's the artsy side in me crossing over into dating territory. Heck; I'm even quite picky when it comes to what I look for in a woman and I'm content with the fact that it might take a while to find that special someone.

I think, the notion of spending time together greatly varies... and even more when it's revolving around me, lol. I don't do all this, what people perceive as "romantic" stuff anyway.

I suppose I have a different outlook on life anyway... a career in the traditional sense is not part of that. Nor is a "regular" job. I'm more of the type that leaves his mark and sees where he'll take life after that.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Yeah, afterall it's so easy to have your own place without a roommate nowadays.

Sorry, I might be becoming a little Aspie cause I can't tell if that's sarcasm or you're agreeing.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Firstly; anyone bringing up the notion of marriage is out right away, lol. I'm not going to start an argument on what I think about marriage, let's just keep it at "I don't care about marriage".

Secondly; fun times can last a long time and they can last long enough. And I'm not talking about something that's sexual of that nature at all. You assume I'd be interested to go on dates as well. Fun to me is collaborating on a music project with a female someone, preferably my muse of sorts. And that's actually the type of person I'm looking for. Perhaps that's the artsy side in me crossing over into dating territory. Heck; I'm even quite picky when it comes to what I look for in a woman and I'm content with the fact that it might take a while to find that special someone.

I think, the notion of spending time together greatly varies... and even more when it's revolving around me, lol. I don't do all this, what people perceive as "romantic" stuff anyway.

I suppose I have a different outlook on life anyway... a career in the traditional sense is not part of that. Nor is a "regular" job. I'm more of the type that leaves his mark and sees where he'll take life after that.

So do you put on your profile that you aren't interested in marriage and that you're just looking for a good time?

 

[Maelstrom]

I have to ask. Don't take this the wrong way, but how do you get all of your dates since you live at home with your parents?

Oouch!
The dreaded at home thing, I live on the property in a bus and sailboat, pay rent by helping with garden, mom Knees are going, it's starting to turn into caretaker thing. It's easy for people to throw rocks but $ 6000 + a year is allot to pay for dating points, especially if you're not a player. And there's your karma girls, if you want a nice guy who isn't obsessed with nailing you, you'll have to give in and date down a little and try to fix up a Moma's boy. ha ha (Sorry couldn't resist) Personally I think it's dating up, I don't see how some Neaderthal creep with a little more money than me out ranks me? And suppose my ship comes in tomorrow $$$$, do you think we're stupid, what chance is that plane jane I would have died for yesterday going to have? Uncut hidden gems are almost free for the picking, if you want the polished jewel up front you pay through the nose!!! (no offence nurseangela still like you okay!)

 

[King_Oni]

So do you put on your profile that you aren't interested in marriage and that you're just looking for a good time?

Yes and no... I find the notion to bring up marriage as a first impression, since a profile is nothing more than that, a bit weird. But then again; I've found that marriage rates aren't that high at these parts in the world anyway. Heck, there's even one site I've got a profile and I explicitly state, since it's an option I could select, that I'm up for a relationship but I'm not interested in moving in together. Commonly known as an LAT (living apart together) relationship. That should give people an impression. But yeah, the notion that one should get into details of marriage when dating isn't even happened seems a bit crazy to me. With all the women I've dated, no one ever... brought up the notion of marriage.... well, one did, and that was cause we were attending my friends wedding... and she told me how silly she found the concept of marriage. So even after dating and being together for years, no one ever thought about dating... I guess I meet the right people then

Looking for a good time has such a bad connotation. To me it sounds a lot like a one night stand.. and that's actually something I explicitly mention in that I'm not interested in that at all. I'm looking for something long term, but along with that I expect someone to actually sit through read my profile and identify with stuff that's on there.. and if that's cool, fine, contact me and we'll see if we connect on a personal level. But in a way you're right, I'm looking for a good time, hopefully at least the next few years.

On that topic; you'd be surprised about the amount of women I ran into on OkCupid with these compatibility questions who actually answered the question "how long do you want your next relationship to last?" with "for a few years"... in fact most people apparently aren't looking for a lifetime commitment anymore as it seems!

Perhaps your and my idea of dating and finding someone to spend "some" (take that how you will) time with greatly varies.

 

[Suiseiseki]

Our society is obsessed with perfection and people would rather be able then date what they think is below them

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Oouch!
The dreaded at home thing, I live on the property in a bus and sailboat, pay rent by helping with garden, mom Knees are going, it's starting to turn into caretaker thing. It's easy for people to throw rocks but $ 6000 + a year is allot to pay for dating points, especially if you're not a player. And there's your karma girls, if you want a nice guy who isn't obsessed with nailing you, you'll have to give in and date down a little and try to fix up a Moma's boy. ha ha (Sorry couldn't resist) Personally I think it's dating up, I don't see how some Neaderthal creep with a little more money than me out ranks me? And suppose my ship comes in tomorrow $$$$, do you think we're stupid, what chance is that plane jane I would have died for yesterday going to have? Uncut hidden gems are almost free for the picking, if you want the polished jewel up front you pay through the nose!!! (no offence nurseangela still like you okay!)

You guys don't get it. It's been this way since the beginning of time - the man brings home the bacon and the woman fries it up in a pan.

Let me give some examples. My friend Julia had to get a divorce and has 3 kids from that marriage (he was an abuser evidently). So then she meets this nice guy while playing one of those video game thingies. They get along great and he moves to Kansas. They accidently have an oopsie and now there's 4 kids. He has no degree and now can't find a job. She's an LPN and is being forced to work 7 days a week 10-12 hour shifts because she's the only one able to bring in the dough. She needs to be having more time with her kids - she's their Ma! I'm pretty sure when I say that a man can't feel good about himself if he isn't the one providing for his family - or am I wrong?

I'll use me as another example. I do expect to have someone who makes what I do (forget about the current situation that I'm in). I don't think that's asking too much. I already know I wouldn't feel good if I was bringing in a good portion of the money. Lack of money is the main reason for divorce. I just don't want to start a relationship with someone if there is already something about the person that I know will get to me. When did things change? Men have always been the providers with the women staying at home taking care of the kids and house. It's just been within the last 20 yrs or so that it's now ok for women to be the breadwinners and men to be the stay at home moms. Must have been the "women's movement" that caused it. Don't get me wrong. In todays economy both the man and woman are probably going to have to work just to make ends meet, but as a woman I just wouldn't "feel" right if I was the one bringing in most of the money. I guess I'm old fashioned that way.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Yes and no... I find the notion to bring up marriage as a first impression, since a profile is nothing more than that, a bit weird. But then again; I've found that marriage rates aren't that high at these parts in the world anyway. Heck, there's even one site I've got a profile and I explicitly state, since it's an option I could select, that I'm up for a relationship but I'm not interested in moving in together. Commonly known as an LAT (living apart together) relationship. That should give people an impression. But yeah, the notion that one should get into details of marriage when dating isn't even happened seems a bit crazy to me. With all the women I've dated, no one ever... brought up the notion of marriage.... well, one did, and that was cause we were attending my friends wedding... and she told me how silly she found the concept of marriage. So even after dating and being together for years, no one ever thought about dating... I guess I meet the right people then

Looking for a good time has such a bad connotation. To me it sounds a lot like a one night stand.. and that's actually something I explicitly mention in that I'm not interested in that at all. I'm looking for something long term, but along with that I expect someone to actually sit through read my profile and identify with stuff that's on there.. and if that's cool, fine, contact me and we'll see if we connect on a personal level. But in a way you're right, I'm looking for a good time, hopefully at least the next few years.

On that topic; you'd be surprised about the amount of women I ran into on OkCupid with these compatibility questions who actually answered the question "how long do you want your next relationship to last?" with "for a few years"... in fact most people apparently aren't looking for a lifetime commitment anymore as it seems!

Perhaps your and my idea of dating and finding someone to spend "some" (take that how you will) time with greatly varies.

That's another thing with that OKCupid site. I specifically put that I was looking for a relationship to last the rest of my life and they kept sending me the one night stand doofus'. Did they honestly think that one was going to have such a great pickup line that I would just be swooned off of my feet? You know putting my profile on that site just confirmed something for me and that's that a dating site just isn't the place to find someone who is serious and wants a serious relationship. I think dating sites are just for players out for a good time. There has to be a better way for me to meet my "hunny".

 

[Suiseiseki]

The most times people messaged me was when I had a lamb chop picture as my profile picture... Lamb Chop is a big deal, I swear.