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I have grown to despise okcupid and the people on there

S

Shiznown

Well-Known Member
First of all the area where I live is a pretty bad area for me to meet people. Most people around here are trashy for lack of a better term. There are nicer areas in the state, but they are very expensive and too far to walk, making meeting someone farther away harder. Anyway, when I do meet someone on the site they are usually atleast 20 miles (32km) away. If I contact them I either get no reply at all, or I chat with them and they stop talking after a few messages. If they contact me, same thing. I've noticed, that I have to do the majority of the communication literally everytime, no matter if I contact them, or they contact me first. I struggle to communicate with anyone on there. I usually get one word replies, this would signal their disinterest, but this happens even when they initially contact me. It is very frustrating to always be the one to have to carry on the conversation, the ironic thing is most of them state on their profile state, that they want someone who can hold a conversation yet they themselves can not. So, there is my rant. If any guys are thinking about using a dating site, I wouldn't recommend it. I have had better luck talking to people online on chat sites. They are always far away however. I am not someone who thinks they will never find anyone, but I do believe I won't find anyone until I have my career and move out of state. It is just taking much longer than I would like.
 
Perhaps you end up with the wrong people on such sites. Maybe you're attracted to the to "wrong" kind of woman. Clearly, I don't know what your criteria are for woman/potential partners, but in my dating experience I've found it quite easy to identify people based on their profile and what I could expect, and thus I would avoid some like the plague. And yes, this might be a prejudice, but presentation is everything on websites like this. If I shouldn't judge on that I'd be spending 24 hours a day on dating websites.

I've given dating sites, including OKcupid, a go years ago and I ended up with some of the most interesting conversations. Nothing came from that later on because of distance. Long distance relationships aren't that much of an issue for me as long it's within the country. The moment people from the UK contact me, I just know it wont work since I'm from The netherlands. On the other hand, perhaps these people contacted me knowing nothing fruitful would come of it and besides a fun exchange of messages (and possibly an online friendship) there were no obligations.

That said, I also tried national datingsites in the past and those had some good results. I met quite some women, though it meant that I should be willing to travel around a bit. If I couldn't fit that in my schedule I'm quite sure I would even still be single right now. I mean, even now, my current girlfriend still lives about 100 miles from me. And in the past I've almost hooked up with a woman from Germany who lived about 60 miles from my place (though Germany is way easier to do for me than the UK, lol).

I do agree and always find it funny when people are looking for X but can't provide it themselves, such as "the ability to hold a meaningful conversation". I did run into a few of those, but either they opened up or quickly left eventually. I've called out a few on it as well.
 
OkC is pretty easy to manipulate. You're only shown potential matches based on your stats, so if you don't like your matches, change up your stats. If you don't like the women in your area, open yourself up to matches from anywhere.

I've got my own list of complaints about that site, but it's based on having been there over ten years and seeing all I have as a moderator there. Most of those complaints though aren't unique to that site but are representative of my beef with the overall dating pool in general.

I have helped others get better results out of that site in the past though through modifying their profiles, so if you want pm me and I can take a look at your profile for feedback purposes.
 
The only thing I know about such sites is that my former sister-in-law found her husband on E-Harmony and that my cousin had a miserable experience on Match.com.

I just can't imagine ever giving one of them a shot, but I know for some it's the answer.

I was "catfished" back in the early 90s....which colors that situation somewhat. Soured me a bit I suppose...
 
rollerskate said:
OkC is pretty easy to manipulate. You're only shown potential matches based on your stats, so if you don't like your matches, change up your stats. If you don't like the women in your area, open yourself up to matches from anywhere.

I've got my own list of complaints about that site, but it's based on having been there over ten years and seeing all I have as a moderator there. Most of those complaints though aren't unique to that site but are representative of my beef with the overall dating pool in general.

I have helped others get better results out of that site in the past though through modifying their profiles, so if you want pm me and I can take a look at your profile for feedback purposes.
Click to expand...
Well the thing is, I have looked at women in other areas. I want to move to Virginia, but that is atleast three years off. I have looked at women in Virginia on the site and I seem to have way more in common with them. The downfall is however, is the distance. I do not own a car yet. I haven't gotten a lot of replies from women in Virginia either, but most of them list they want someone close, which I am not. I might send you my profile just to look at it though. That is why I stated I don't have any hope meeting anyone until I move and my career is going smoothly. It is just the waiting for that is taking so long.
 
Judge said:
The only thing I know about such sites is that my former sister-in-law found her husband on E-Harmony and that my cousin had a miserable experience on Match.com.

I just can't imagine ever giving one of them a shot, but I know for some it's the answer.

I was "catfished" back in the early 90s....which colors that situation somewhat. Soured me a bit I suppose...
Click to expand...
why would anyone do that?
there are some twisted people out there
 
dregj said:
why would anyone do that?
there are some twisted people out there
Click to expand...

If you watch the show "Catfish" on MTV, it's disturbing determining the various reasons people come up with to do this to others. Usually something within the range of selfish to cruel. And yet even when confronted on camera they often try to justify it. Sadly it's an exposure I think anyone contemplating online dating must consider.
 
Never mind... Googled it...

I can smell one of them from a mile away but it's because of my scam baiting experience. I could pull one off fairly easily and convincingly if I didn't actually have a heart. But that's basically what I did to scammers. Created a fake persona and wasted as much of their time as I could keeping them thinking that they would eventually get a large sum of cash out of me so they had less time to actually scam real people.
 
I made a few free accounts, okcupud, eharm, zoosk, pof, nobody ever sent me a message or responded to a hello on any of them that actually allowed free communication. Apparently I am the online dating version of a leper.
 
Shiznown said:
First of all the area where I live is a pretty bad area for me to meet people. Most people around here are trashy for lack of a better term. There are nicer areas in the state, but they are very expensive and too far to walk, making meeting someone farther away harder. Anyway, when I do meet someone on the site they are usually atleast 20 miles (32km) away. If I contact them I either get no reply at all, or I chat with them and they stop talking after a few messages. If they contact me, same thing. I've noticed, that I have to do the majority of the communication literally everytime, no matter if I contact them, or they contact me first. I struggle to communicate with anyone on there. I usually get one word replies, this would signal their disinterest, but this happens even when they initially contact me. It is very frustrating to always be the one to have to carry on the conversation, the ironic thing is most of them state on their profile state, that they want someone who can hold a conversation yet they themselves can not. So, there is my rant. If any guys are thinking about using a dating site, I wouldn't recommend it. I have had better luck talking to people online on chat sites. They are always far away however. I am not someone who thinks they will never find anyone, but I do believe I won't find anyone until I have my career and move out of state. It is just taking much longer than I would like.
Click to expand...
There are some good people on Okcupid my bestfriend met her husband there. It's hard to find them though, I found my Fiance going to Magic Tourneys. My advice is go where the type of girls you like are.
 
I have read a lot of people with A.S. complain about that site; dating sites in general, but OKC especially. Based on their (and my) experience, I think that the major issue is that we take it more seriously than a lot of the other people on the site. One would think that someone who went through the trouble of composing a profile, uploading pictures, and answering a bunch of match questions would seem more invested in making quality connections, but then find that, even when they initiate conversations, they are still blowing it off like a chat with a stranger at a bus stop.

They don't really want to talk, but they won't say so and the messages just stop abruptly. They say they want a conversation, but they actually want a chat session full of LOLs. Add to that the normal online social network issues: people suddenly getting busy and forgetting about messages, notifications going to their spam folder, etc., and the users starts to look bad overall.

On the other side of the situation, we have the aspie who interacts most comfortably a text-based environment, who doesn't have/want many in-person dating opportunities, and who doesn't care for a lot shallow chatting that leads no where and is not really on the site "to have fun." Compared with the rather casual attitude of the other users, there is a large disconnect.
 
Just like I wrote in another post, any form of dating is like rolling the dice. The trickier part of online dating sites that some of them create scams. You need to know which one of them are like that and avoid them. I tired a few dating sites had no success. Like Hedgehog Instigator said, there are people that do find working relationships online. I did have success with a chat program I use to use back in the early 2000's. If anyone does manage to start an online relationship with someone, do not rush into things. A person I meet online, we spoke for many months before we decided to meet. Watch out for Niagara scams and other type of scams. I almost became a victim but was smart to NOT send any money.
 
I'm too scared to even go back to online dating. With the way men talk, I'd be one of those women who's picked because I seem too low-quality to reject them and they're desperate...
 
I did some thinking and rather than going to online dating sites, I would just find online community to join such as forums that interest you and build friendships. When building the friendship, don't rush it into dating. I think I'm gong to listen to my own advice to focus on friendship first before dating. Same thing applies meeting someone in person. Whatever methods you use, it will take time. Some might get someone in a week, others months, maybe even years. But if you can start with the friendship part instead of rushing into the dating part, things may be a lot easier to manage emotions. I say this to sum things up, if you don't have the patience then your going to keep driving yourself crazy.
 
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