I have grown to despise okcupid and the people on there

[Shiznown]

You guys don't get it. It's been this way since the beginning of time - the man brings home the bacon and the woman fries it up in a pan.

Let me give some examples. My friend Julia had to get a divorce and has 3 kids from that marriage (he was an abuser evidently). So then she meets this nice guy while playing one of those video game thingies. They get along great and he moves to Kansas. They accidently have an oopsie and now there's 4 kids. He has no degree and now can't find a job. She's an LPN and is being forced to work 7 days a week 10-12 hour shifts because she's the only one able to bring in the dough. She needs to be having more time with her kids - she's their Ma! I'm pretty sure when I say that a man can't feel good about himself if he isn't the one providing for his family - or am I wrong?

I'll use me as another example. I do expect to have someone who makes what I do (forget about the current situation that I'm in). I don't think that's asking too much. I already know I wouldn't feel good if I was bringing in a good portion of the money. Lack of money is the main reason for divorce. I just don't want to start a relationship with someone if there is already something about the person that I know will get to me. When did things change? Men have always been the providers with the women staying at home taking care of the kids and house. It's just been within the last 20 yrs or so that it's now ok for women to be the breadwinners and men to be the stay at home moms. Must have been the "women's movement" that caused it. Don't get me wrong. In todays economy both the man and woman are probably going to have to work just to make ends meet, but as a woman I just wouldn't "feel" right if I was the one bringing in most of the money. I guess I'm old fashioned that way.

Even if I had my career started already, had a car and my dream house; if a woman told me I needed all these things to get with her, I'd tell her take a hike. If you can only love someone for what they have, whats the point?

 

[Grumpy Cat]

The most times people messaged me was when I had a lamb chop picture as my profile picture... Lamb Chop is a big deal, I swear.

You threw me off there when you changed your avatar. Anyway, I'm not talking about just men. Women can be players too. I think dating sites are just for people who want a good time. E-harmony probably comes closest to not being this way.

 

[Suiseiseki]

Oh probably, as I said I never had any sort of luck at all with them, all the women seem largely the same, and it is a worthless endeavor to undertake.
I have no idea where to meet anyone. Although at this point it's probably a better idea if i lay off it for another couple of years, not getting me anywhere.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Even if I had my career started already, had a car and my dream house; if a woman told me I needed all these things to get with her, I'd tell her take a hike. If you can only love someone for what they have, whats the point?

I know I'm a hopeless romantic, but I'm also a realist. A career (good job), a car (I don't mean a Mercedes) and a house (something owned and not rented preferably because rent is just throwing your money away) are needed to live. You might be thinking that the house has to be huge, but that's not what I'm talking about. Women want a guy who is dependable - not someone that they will have to take care of. Is that any different from you looking for a woman in "good health" and who takes care of herself?

 

[Suiseiseki]

Jeez even my parents don't have all those things...Infact I don't really know anyone with all those things, no one I know has a car or a house.
I think that is the mentality for a lot of people, but not the reality for a lot of people.
I take the bus and live in an apartment.

That's not realism in this day and age. and if it is then I seriously have no chance out there, and not only will I be in a little apartment taking the bus but I will be alone forever.
Maybe I should just get a bird.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Maybe it depends on what you grew up with too. In the area I live in, everyone has those things. My parents bought a new house and they still have that house years later, they had 2 cars and my Pa was the one with the job while my Ma stayed at home with me and my brother. That's probably why I expect the same, but I have come to terms that I probably will have to work with the way the economy is now and since I also haven't found my "hunny" I have to have a way to support myself.

Everyone thinks that "love will conquer all", but love doesn't pay the bills. There's gonna have to be some real lovin' going on just to stay warm if the gas bill isn't paid.

 

[Shiznown]

I know I'm a hopeless romantic, but I'm also a realist. A career (good job), a car (I don't mean a Mercedes) and a house (something owned and not rented preferably because rent is just throwing your money away) are needed to live. You might be thinking that the house has to be huge, but that's not what I'm talking about. Women want a guy who is dependable - not someone that they will have to take care of. Is that any different from you looking for a woman in "good health" and who takes care of herself?

It's completely different. It doesn't cost anything to take walks, or to monitor eating habits. You stated, that even if a guy had all the things you require, that you still wouldn't be happy if he made less money than you. That is just silly.

 

[Maelstrom]

You guys don't get it. It's been this way since the beginning of time - the man brings home the bacon and the woman fries it up in a pan.

Hi
You of course have a point I would love to bring home $ 100,000 to my imaginary wife from the farm, the work is hard and it takes skill to drive a 20' high tractor 6'' off a fence line that has 8 tires taller than you, bends in the middle, and is dripping with hydraulics. But life isn't fair and pay rarely has much to do with hardness of job real men get paid almost nothing, and that's even if you get a chance at job at all. Every one keeps voting evil policies in and jobs fly away like little doves, the market crash is already rolling in people can't buy stuff with no money $$$. Funny how that works wonder why no one saw that coming. things aren't going to get better anytime soon, anyone up for selling apples on the street corner. Isn't free trade wonderful? doesn't look so free to me, my pocket is empty!
On marriage you pick a good person and you do what it takes to make it work if things go badly that's life, you still have each other and there is always tomorrow, who cooks, who cleans, what does it matter if you are both helping each other as much as you can. But this idea that little Bill Gates come in rapping paper on the shelf,(not). Most men are just getting going when they marry. And most successful men have a good woman, (gently), encouraging them. (A delicate art requiring positive reinforcement.) You just have to try to pick a good one and hope for the best, it's the same for us guys, is she nice,( Father Help Me!) Best wishes Maelstrom

 

[Grumpy Cat]

It's completely different. It doesn't cost anything to take walks, or to monitor eating habits. You stated, that even if a guy had all the things you require, that you still wouldn't be happy if he made less money than you. That is just silly.

It's not different. We just are looking for different things. You want someone to maintain their body and I want someone who can maintain a lifestyle that I'm used to because that's how I grew up.

I've listened to the nurses at work saying how upset they are because their husbands aren't doing their part. These nurses are even expected by their husbands to pick up extra shifts because their jobs are where most of the money is having to come from. So they have to work these extra shifts while their husband gets to stay home with the kids. That's just backwards.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

It doesn't cost anything to take walks, or to monitor eating habits

You're thinking in terms of money. I do exercise to keep in shape and I can tell you it is hard work. It's still an expectation that you would want from your spouse. What would you do if your spouse decided it was too much work and stopped doing the walks and food monitoring and "let herself go"?

 

[Shiznown]

Maybe it depends on what you grew up with too. In the area I live in, everyone has those things. My parents bought a new house and they still have that house years later, they had 2 cars and my Pa was the one with the job while my Ma stayed at home with me and my brother. That's probably why I expect the same, but I have come to terms that I probably will have to work with the way the economy is now and since I also haven't found my "hunny" I have to have a way to support myself.

Everyone thinks that "love will conquer all", but love doesn't pay the bills. There's gonna have to be some real lovin' going on just to stay warm if the gas bill isn't paid.

It's not different. We just are looking for different things. You want someone to maintain their body and I want someone who can maintain a lifestyle that I'm used to because that's how I grew up.

I've listened to the nurses at work saying how upset they are because their husbands aren't doing their part. These nurses are even expected by their husbands to pick up extra shifts because their jobs are where most of the money is having to come from. So they have to work these extra shifts while their husband gets to stay home with the kids. That's just backwards.

So, what if their husbands work overtime at their job and still don't get paid enough as their wives? Should their wives divorce them over it?

 

[Grumpy Cat]

So, what if their husbands work overtime at their job and still don't get paid enough as their wives? Should their wives divorce them over it?

You would know this going into the marriage. That's the problem with how people get married these days. Finances, kids and all the other things that should be discussed are not talked about until after they get married then they wonder why they're so miserable and end up in divorce.

Honestly, what is going on with me now is a prime example of why I would want a husband who has a decent income. Because of what happened to me I have absolutely no income coming in. That's why both need to make a decent amount of money in case one loses their job.

 

[Shiznown]

You're thinking in terms of money. I do exercise to keep in shape and I can tell you it is hard work. It's still an expectation that you would want from your spouse. What would you do if your spouse decided it was too much work and stopped doing the walks and food monitoring and "let herself go"?

There is a difference between being lazy and not being in a good situation. Weight loss is way easier than people think. Most people just lack the will power and give up way too quickly. It even states in my ACE certification manual, that most people, especially women (It states this in the manual, it's not coming from me) give up after only a short period of time. I can understand not wanting to be with someone who is lazy, but there is a difference between someone pursuing a career and isn't there yet, and someone who just sits around and does nothing. Exercising to loose weight isn't that hard at all, it just takes time. Gaining muscle mass is what really takes hard work. I went from 28% body fat to 18% bodyfat in a manner of months.

 

[Shiznown]

You would know this going into the marriage. That's the problem with how people get married these days. Finances, kids and all the other things that should be discussed are not talked about until after they get married then they wonder why they're so miserable and end up in divorce.

Honestly, what is going on with me now is a prime example of why I would want a husband who has a decent income. Because of what happened to me I have absolutely no income coming in. That's why both need to make a decent amount of money in case one loses their job.

So, you want someone who has a great paying job, while you don't have a job, going against your own logic. What?

 

[Grumpy Cat]

There is a difference between being lazy and not being in a good situation. Weight loss is way easier than people think. Most people just lack the will power and give up way too quickly. It even states in my ACE certification manual, that most people, especially women (It states this in the manual, it's not coming from me) give up after only a short period of time. I can understand not wanting to be with someone who is lazy, but there is a difference between someone pursuing a career and isn't there yet, and someone who just sits around and does nothing. Exercising to loose weight isn't that hard at all, it just takes time. Gaining muscle mass is what really takes hard work. I went from 28% body fat to 18% bodyfat in a manner of months.

Most people give up exercise actually. They like to make the "losing weight" resolution and usually stop after the first couple of months. Losing weight is harder for women especially after having kids and they don't build muscle mass like men. I can see what you're saying about the weight thing and people staying in shape after they get in a relationship. That's something you want from a spouse and I would say not to expect less because it sounds like it would make you unhappy. Don't enter a marriage unless they already have what you're looking for. If I had a hunny pursuing a career then I would expect to wait until they were out of school then get married. I have certain expectations, as well, and know what I can live with and not live with.

 

[Shiznown]

Most people give up exercise actually. They like to make the "losing weight" resolution and usually stop after the first couple of months. Losing weight is harder for women especially after having kids and they don't build muscle mass like men. I can see what you're saying about the weight thing and people staying in shape after they get in a relationship. That's something you want from a spouse and I would say not to expect less because it sounds like it would make you unhappy. Don't enter a marriage unless they already have what you're looking for. If I had a hunny pursuing a career then I would expect to wait until they were out of school then get married. I have certain expectations, as well, and know what I can live with and not live with.

Marriage is different from just a relationship. Are you talking about relationships in general, or just marriage?

 

[Grumpy Cat]

So, you want someone who has a great paying job, while you don't have a job, going against your own logic. What?

I can't discuss why I don't have a job right now because a lawsuit has been filed. I had an excellent paying job a couple weeks ago when something happened that was totally unexpected and now I don't. That's why I'm saying it's important for both people in a relationship to have a good paying job in case something "unexpected" happens.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Marriage is different from just a relationship. Are you talking about relationships in general, or just marriage?

Why start a relationship if they aren't marriage material? I'm looking to get married eventually. I don't have time to waste staying in a relationship that isn't going to lead to possible marriage.

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="nurseangela, I've listened to the nurses at work saying how upset they are because their husbands aren't doing their part. [/QUOTE]

Oooh your killing me! (sorry) I helped my ex get her first nursing job, the resumes, baby sat spoilt baby while she did interveiws all over town. So she jacks me up on the job thing which she had promised no to do. So I said I'd do what I could but maybe she could help me a little with papers figuring out what to look for,(I have dislex - paper phobia, and anxyity atacks), but I loved her and was willing to try. So she looks at me like she just stepped in cow poop, even tho I had just got done doing the very same thing for her. I thought helping some one you love is what you do, that is still the thing I hold against her the most, more than all the lies and usury!
Sorry still hurts a little

 

[Suiseiseki]

Fun I suppose, some people like to have a bit of fun before settling down.