• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

How to trust my friend won't leave me?

Qoyote

Well-Known Member
I met my best friend almost a year ago. I've only felt this open and free around one other person before and that was in elementary, and I spent my whole life since thinking that would never happen again. We really care about each other and I enjoy caring about them.

Every time we talk I'm scared it's going to be the last time and they're going to leave, or something is about to drive us apart. I don't have any real reason to think that*. They deserve my trust and they haven't given me a reason not to, but I can't believe this can really happen for me and I keep waiting for it to end, and I'm scared when it ends I'll never be friends with someone like this again. Some days like today I'm stressed just to text them. Other days I feel like I need to be around them as much as possible cause it's the only way to know they're still here (I don't act on it though, I can resist).

They were very busy in the school year and they didn't have much time to hang out, but we talked about it last month and apparently so did their boyfriend. I know one talk doesn't change everything instantly but they're not blowing me off on purpose and it looks they'll be able to hang out more next semester.

I know this fear runs in the family, it took my mom ages to accept my dad was here to stay.

How can I trust that this friendship will last and they'll stay?
 

Shamar

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I met my best friend almost a year ago. I've only felt this open and free around one other person before and that was in elementary, and I spent my whole life since thinking that would never happen again. We really care about each other and I enjoy caring about them.

Every time we talk I'm scared it's going to be the last time and they're going to leave, or something is about to drive us apart. I don't have any real reason to think that*. They deserve my trust and they haven't given me a reason not to, but I can't believe this can really happen for me and I keep waiting for it to end, and I'm scared when it ends I'll never be friends with someone like this again. Some days like today I'm stressed just to text them. Other days I feel like I need to be around them as much as possible cause it's the only way to know they're still here (I don't act on it though, I can resist).

They were very busy in the school year and they didn't have much time to hang out, but we talked about it last month and apparently so did their boyfriend. I know one talk doesn't change everything instantly but they're not blowing me off on purpose and it looks they'll be able to hang out more next semester.

I know this fear runs in the family, it took my mom ages to accept my dad was here to stay.

How can I trust that this friendship will last and they'll stay?
Life, and all subaspects of life, are gambles. All you can do is calculate the odds and decide if the risk is worth the reward. Yours is a problem I wish I could have.
 

SusanLR

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
You can't.
People are unpredictable.
The closest you might get to knowing they won't turn away is usually a family
member that you've known all your life.
This is part of the reason I never got too close or ever chose to live with anyone else.

If you aren't sure the pleasure is worth the possible pain, you have to decide.
 

Knower of nothing

Well-Known Member
Frankly if you want to deeply care about others, fear and pain are part of the package. You might be able to come to terms with it and lower the intensity as you become more confident in time but I think it's quite normal to fear losing the ability to hang out with someone that's getting busier.
I've probably had to shamefully admit to my partner that I feared losing them a dozen times over the years to where it started getting on their nerves. Until on time where they sat me down and explained the concept of trust to me haha. Not like I didn't know what trust was, but that made me realize I wasn't putting that much faith in them to stick around by being so scared.
 

Luca

charm & chaos
V.I.P Member
This is a very real fear that I have too. Part of the reason I don't really let anyone get close to me, I guess.
 

AprilR

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
You can't know. People can leave anytime and you have to respect their decision. I am sorry if that's harsh. But people have their own life and no one is obligated to stay with anyone forever
 

Orange Glasses

Well-Known Member
Some people are in our lives for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime.

There are no guarantees in life, but if you and your friend do for some reason drift apart, I am very confident that you will find more new friends.
 

New Threads

Top Bottom