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How do I live a happy life despite losing the genetic lottery?

While I'm not outright retarded, I'm definitely "below average" when it comes to intelligence, if only slightly at best. My genetics and DNA also makes me have an ugly looking face which makes me look like a mix of Michael Cera and Liza Minelli with Jim Morrison's hair. I'm not joking. That's literally what I look like. If you play the video game Mass Effect Andromeda you'll probably find me there.

My only true "strength" I would say, is that I'm good at destroying things and punching and hurting people. Seriously, I can generally hold up well during a tussle.

How do I live a happy and fulfilling life despite being a brute with pisspoor genetics?
Simple. You fit very well into the stereotype of Brains Vs. Brawn. You're obviously the Brawn. I have no idea what I am. Brains or Brawn??? I'm obviously a fighter, but I definitely don't workout or have big muscles. I'm a huge nerd on animals, but you don't see me working as a rocket scientist. Anyway, as the brawn, you're fit into the stereotype of thinking with your muscles and having education on how to fight. I'd be proud if I were you. You could easily get a job ad a security guard or become a professional MMA wrestler. You could be born to fight. Just like I was born to interact with animals and learn about them. That's all I know of my destiny. Animals. Now I knew that BEFORE I was given the diagnosis of an autistic brain function, a couple mental illnesses like depression and anxiety, and a cognitive pattern of OCD. Before all those diagnosises, I knew my destiny was with animals. Now I may not be the brightest bulb on the.. The.. Um.. Building??? But I know my destiny and what I'm made to do (besides be down all the time). That's what matters. What you enjoy doing and knowing what you're born to do.
 
Let's say for a moment your self-assessment is accurate. Being able to handle yourself in a fight isn't exactly the worst trait in the world. If you're ugly, that's only an advantage. As a wise man once said, "Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose."

Physical beauty is subjective. There's "mainstream hot" (certain measurements/BMI, facial symmetry), but no matter what you look like, some people will find you attractive. I've seen it time and again in the real world. You're also still developing--I've seen many people, including me, who looked weird as teenagers but grew up into attractive or at least okay-looking adults.

Misery and others touched on intelligence, and how its measured. I'm not sure where you live, but in the USA, our education system is mostly obsolete, and the way we view and test intelligence reflects this. Lots of written tests (so if you're dyslexic or blind, you're going to have major problems) and lots of emphasis on memorization (even though we can look up most things on our phones these days). Not much to do with logic or critical thinking, and little or no teaching of practical skills or hands-on work. In general, our education system only really cares about a few specific kinds of intelligence, so it's easy to get flagged as stupid if your mind works differently, even though you might be brilliant at certain things.

As for how to be happy? Figure out what you want to do, and go for it. There's story after story of people overcoming their own genetic lotteries, and adverse circumstances, to dominate. Easier said than done, but you can do it.
 
Can you explain how? I'll admit I don't know much about how IQ tests work exactly.

I'll give a classic example I read about awhile ago, from a discussion about why there are problems with traditional IQ testing.

IQ tests as a rule will cover a large variety of subjects. I did one once for instance where there was things like a math section, one part was knowledge about animals, another was spatial reasoning. Lots of subjects.

Well, say one of the questions in the test was asking "What color is a banana?". Well, most people would answer yellow, which would be the answer the test makers had set as being correct. But, what if someone lived in a part of the world where the bananas werent yellow? There are red ones, for instance, in certain parts of Asia. Maybe said person had never before seen a yellow one (yes I know it's a stretch but I'm not good at phrasing/remembering these, so just roll with it). And if they hadnt seen one, it'd be because they never had a chance to. So, they'd get the question wrong, which would factor into their "intelligence" score at the end, despite it having literally nothing to do with intelligence.

It's the same with other stuff. In the IQ test I took, one part was "name as many different species of animals as you can". I just ranted off like a bazillion of them until they told me "Okay, okay, you can stop now". But again, that doesnt REALLY have anything to do with intelligence. Mostly, I just like animals, so I know alot of different ones. And remembering different ones is just that: remembering. It doesnt involve any careful logic or reasoning. "Memory" isnt the same as "intelligence".

But the people that make IQ tests just dont really think that way. Well, with traditional ones anyway. That's why there's often a good bit of controversy around the idea. But since traditional IQ tests are sort of ingrained in society, that means that the average person thinks the same way. So something like that animal question, if it was being asked by someone who subscribes to that way of thinking, and if you couldnt rant off 200 species in less than a minute, they'd consider you an "idiot" despite again, it has freaking nothing to do with intelligence, and maybe you arent even all that interested in animals. Why would you know all about them if you had no interest? Or if you simply never learned?

Alot of us on the spectrum in particular tend to have very different ways in which our minds work. Much like with those traditional IQ tests, our methods of thinking often dont quite fit into that stereotypical box of what society deems to be "intelligence". But that doesnt mean we dont have said intelligence. It simply means that the traditional way of looking at it... which again, is designed for/by NTs in very "typical" situations.... doesnt really fit around us. Exactly like how some bits of those IQ tests just didnt work. Your assessment of your own intelligence is likely based alot around that traditional viewpoint, and because of that, you dont notice the ways in which you ARE smart. Frankly even alot of "traditionally" smart people often still dont notice their own brainpower. It's just part of how we're wired.



Off topic but what does that mean? Reasoning and logic your way through anything I mean.
Basically I'm just really good at getting through situations by applying pure and often very abstract logic to them. I often just describe it as "reasoning my way through stuff".

I understand the general idea of what you're saying here but I don't get why the ways I'm smart have to be super rare and stuff. How is being good at breaking and destroying things and being good at fistfights unique and special? I'd say that's an "normal" skill/talent.

Like I said above, with that more typical view of what intelligence is, you're likely to very literally not even notice any more unique traits you might have. In my case, I'm REALLY good at extrapolation. Good enough that I can use it to manipulate and twist situations to fit my whims, and nobody around me will know that I'm doing it. I used to use this to gain success with job interviews. You're guaranteed a success, after all, if you tell the interviewer *exactly* what they want to hear, and that talent let me know exactly what that was each time, even though each time was very different.

It's a very unusual ability, but it's also something that just comes naturally to me.... which means I didnt even realize I was doing it for a LONG time. I think I only became aware of it maybe 5 years ago? But I've ALWAYS done it.

Some traits we possess are like that: They're just a natural/normal part of us, to the point where we may very genuinely have no bloody idea that we even have said trait or are using it, even if we're doing so pretty much non-stop. You may not be AWARE of something like that... but that doesnt mean you dont HAVE it. Even if that something is very rare or very special in some way, that doesnt mean you're gonna notice it. Yeah, I know, this sounds a bit nonsensical, but it's just one of the screwball ways in which the brain works.

In other words: You may have, and may even be frequently using, talents of which you dont even know of. It happens way more than you might think. In all honesty, it probably happens to MOST people at least a little. But I do tend to think that it happens a bit more than usual for those on the spectrum. Or at least, based on observations anyway.



I disagree. Different can mean worst and it frequently is. For example, a baby born with harlequin-type ichthyosis is certainly "different" but the chances of that being a good thing in that context is next to nothing. Keep in mind that is literally the logic people use to justify saying certain psychiatric disorders such as ADHD, ODD, and Schizoid and Schizotypal personality disorder aren't real even though they are demonstrably are and people without those conditions would be better off not having them.

Depends on the context though. I usually just use the word "different" because it's easy and I'm lazy. Obviously, something like cancer is TECHNICALLY "different" but that doesnt mean it's positive.

In THIS context, different is.... perhaps the word "alternate" may fit better here? Like, if you've got a red car, and a blue car of the same make/model, the blue isnt really better or worse than the red one... it's just an alternate color scheme. Alot of aspects of autism in general are like that. Our brains are simply wired in an alternate configuration. It can cause problems by making us real bad at some things (like socializing) but it can bring benefits by making us really good at other things. Examples of this are shown very frequently on these forums. The problems arise because typical society wants ONLY specific skill in ONLY specific things. It's not that we're "stupid" or "bad" because we're not good at communication: it just means we dont necessarily fit in the rather braindead box that the hivemind has constructed for itself. Frankly I dont want to get in that box in the first place, it smells like dead rats.


I hope I'm making at least SOME sense here. I havent had my caffeine yet and am still recovering from an airport day. So I apologize if I'm even more disjointed than usual.
 
It's the same with other stuff. In the IQ test I took, one part was "name as many different species of animals as you can". I just ranted off like a bazillion of them until they told me "Okay, okay, you can stop now". But again, that doesnt REALLY have anything to do with intelligence. Mostly, I just like animals, so I know alot of different ones. And remembering different ones is just that: remembering. It doesnt involve any careful logic or reasoning. "Memory" isnt the same as "intelligence".

But the people that make IQ tests just dont really think that way. Well, with traditional ones anyway. That's why there's often a good bit of controversy around the idea. But since traditional IQ tests are sort of ingrained in society, that means that the average person thinks the same way. So something like that animal question, if it was being asked by someone who subscribes to that way of thinking, and if you couldnt rant off 200 species in less than a minute, they'd consider you an "idiot" despite again, it has freaking nothing to do with intelligence, and maybe you arent even all that interested in animals. Why would you know all about them if you had no interest? Or if you simply never learned?
If I may make a case for the academic psychology community... the test you describe was not testing your breadth of knowledge about the animal kingdom. It was testing how rapidly you could come up with examples in a category - could be any category, but I guess most people know a lot about animals since that's an early thing they teach children. Another version of the same test is "name all the words you can think of that start with "s." The actual trait they are testing is verbal fluency. Can you come up with a lot of ideas? While also testing that they do belong in the category? (the category being animals or words starting with s.)

Why is this important? It's a trait sometimes associated with creativity. It also describes a mind that is the opposite of concrete. A concrete thinker may not have many unusual associations, and may not come up with many ideas or animals or words - even if they know about those things.

Anyone who has read your very lengthy expositions, Misery, has no doubt that you are high in verbal fluency!

It's just an aspect of IQ test construction that you apparently were unaware of. My comment is not directed at Broken Boy's level of intelligence; I just meant to correct your interpretation of IQ tests.
 
Start Boxing
but with a club or personal trainer.

you still get the physical rush and release but in a more controlled manner.
Some self restraint and discipline will be taught to you while still having the opportunity to smack the snot out of something.

and learn to cook, when you're not boxing training.
 
I already tried to cook something for the first time today.

The eggs were ok but I made a mess in the process. I'm not sure if I wanna do it again.
 
You probably would excel at martial arts. Tai Quando is great fun and will give you excellent confidence and discipline. My ex did this and it really changed how insecure he was about his looks. He felt confident about his body and his ability to protect himself.

Or kickboxing if not boxing. We have a ton of those where l live now, and you make friends with everybody. It's like your martial arts hood , you feel accepted and everyone knows you. Karate is another good one too. So everyone is suggesting to go find a passion, then you will get happy points and even collect friend and girlfriend collecting cards like Pokemon. Okay, l exaggerated here, but you catch my trainer here. Lol
 
I already tried to cook something for the first time today.

The eggs were ok but I made a mess in the process. I'm not sure if I wanna do it again.

Good on you for trying. The mess is part of the process,like life.

Cooking is a great way to learn what it's like to give.
A small thing,cooking for someone.
Can lead to something much bigger.
The treasure is not in the gift.
 
While I'm not outright retarded, I'm definitely "below average" when it comes to intelligence, if only slightly at best. My genetics and DNA also makes me have an ugly looking face which makes me look like a mix of Michael Cera and Liza Minelli with Jim Morrison's hair. I'm not joking. That's literally what I look like. If you play the video game Mass Effect Andromeda you'll probably find me there.

My only true "strength" I would say, is that I'm good at destroying things and punching and hurting people. Seriously, I can generally hold up well during a tussle.

How do I live a happy and fulfilling life despite being a brute with pisspoor genetics?
you’ve got to learn to be discerning about what you hear and see ,doctors who perform orthodox medicine are giving you information based on what they can physically see and hear ,they are not psychics so they can’t see the future and if !!!!!you believe !in a God ,they are not !God so they are not omniscient, One thing you classically learn is doctors say we just don’t know! when people ask for length of time or outcome ,my mother for instance was told she would choke to death!
Because that was what was known at the time !!!about Lou Gehrig’s disease (Motor neurone disease),it wasn’t !!!accurate ,palliative care changed that, she didn’t choke to death ,a lot of people with the disease don’t choke to death.
 
I already tried to cook something for the first time today.

The eggs were ok but I made a mess in the process. I'm not sure if I wanna do it again.
I made a chocolate cake and like many people I didn’t make it exactly as the recipe said but it didn’t stop me from making one again the reason I kept doing it is because I don’t come from a financially wealthy family but wanted to experience what financially wealthy people have when you have that mindset that’s why you keep doing things ,That is me in particular somebody might do it for another reason
 
I already tried to cook something for the first time today.

The eggs were ok but I made a mess in the process. I'm not sure if I wanna do it again.

If you take a look at how the kitchen looks after high end chefs are done you would be amazed on how much mess they can create. The point is you did MAKE IT ! And its a good thing to learn how to Cook for youre self. so dont let this first try stop you from trying again

It all takes practice and allot of perseverance .And if you want to theres plenty of good Cook Books for beginers out there to help you
 
I understand what you mean I suppose being autistic we don’t like anything to change but you learn to suffer it,I’m a member of a crafting Facebook group and neuro typicals have the same problem I have a feeling a lot of people on the Group are neuro diverse you get regular discussions about how messy the craft room is and how they are desperate to have it in order again and how in adequate they feel about whatever they’ve made even people that seem confident still make mistakes I presume and this is what I’ve memorised you just become calm about making mistakes as it becomes more fulfilling to do it it’s everything it’s just time it’s taken me 40 years to be what I am now and it’s only because I’ve suffered I am not a Savant
 
I don't get this contradiction...you say you can hold up well during a tussle and claim that you've lost the genetic lottery. That's something though, isn't it?

Play to your strengths then and go from there. There has to be a niche out there that you can do well in, and it doesn't have to involve copious amounts of brains either.
 
There are two schools of thought:

1. Those who say "it's always something", when things go wrong

2. Those who say "it could be worse" when things go wrong

If you try to always pick number 2, you will find yourself optimistically looking on the bright side.
 
If you do a quick search through Google, you may find some surprising things - for example, the fact that IQ tests are rarely considered viable anymore. They measure only one kind of intelligence, nothing more, nothing less. Which means that if you get a low score, well, you're bad at that specific type. However, there are many others. It's quite an interesting subject, in fact.

You can be good at patterns or counting, or finding right type of words or rhymes for novels or poetry, or memorising a long set of numbers or letters, or strategizing during chess or similar games, or finding best fit of colours in a specific painting, or analyse something very well... Etc.

If you're good at fighting - then it's quite a skill on its own and, in fact, more uncommon than you'd think. If you learn different types of hits or techniques quickly, it's a sign of intelligence in this specific instance, and could give you much advantage be it competitively or by directing your own dojo or sth.

If you're good at fighting, you'd don't have to hurt people. It's a choice to be made and a few instances where you protected yourself, even if enjoying the beating you gave a perceived enemy, does not make you a bad person.

Looks... As mentioned, subjective. For example, to me many people found generally beautiful feel offputting or plain boring. Again, subjective.

You do have many points and I know it's difficult to change the way you think but it's possible. I don't have a good genetic makeup either, what with narcissism and alcoholism on one side and depression, anxiety and victim mentality on the otherand I used to be in quite a similar place, hating myself for wasting air and space. Life is not kind, fair or nice. It just is... And whatever it is, you can only try to make the best of it.

Everything comes down to your own choice and not who you are, but who you want to be.

And happiness? It starts with acceptance. You are who you are. Your family is what it is. Life is what it is.

If you accept that there are things you can't change, you can start building on things that could be different. Suddenly, during that journey, you may find out that maybe you're not exactly happy but - content with what you have and where you're going. And content is a good feeling.

And other times... You just miss it. Happiness is a small and fleeting thing. Sometimes when you focus on everything that's wrong, you miss all the little things that are right.

I hope you're able to find your place one day. Your posts tell me that you're a good person despite your perceived faults, a good person playing with a poor hand. Good people deserve to be happy.
 
So to be happy in life I have to milk my brute strength for all it's worth and learn how to cook?

You have to find your other passions. So pick something to do and see if you like It. Life to some extent is trial and error and some luck thrown in.

Alot of us had no idea what we liked to do until we tried It. I never knew l was great at stained glass until l tried It. I found out to be a great skier, you have to go alot and ski. I found out l love working in law offices, who knew. Apparently l like some repetive tasks because l just do. You need to go out and start doing things to go through YOUR self-discovery. We can't tell you because we aren't you.
 

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