1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Featured How do I live a happy life despite losing the genetic lottery?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by BrokenBoy, Jan 27, 2020.

  1. BrokenBoy

    BrokenBoy 戯言使い(Nonsense User)

    Messages:
    933
    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2018
    Karma:
    +1,305
    While I'm not outright retarded, I'm definitely "below average" when it comes to intelligence, if only slightly at best. My genetics and DNA also makes me have an ugly looking face which makes me look like a mix of Michael Cera and Liza Minelli with Jim Morrison's hair. I'm not joking. That's literally what I look like. If you play the video game Mass Effect Andromeda you'll probably find me there.

    My only true "strength" I would say, is that I'm good at destroying things and punching and hurting people. Seriously, I can generally hold up well during a tussle.

    How do I live a happy and fulfilling life despite being a brute with pisspoor genetics?

     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2020
    • Friendly Friendly x 3
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    2,146
    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2016
    Karma:
    +5,453
    Well, first of all, have a bit more confidence. The moment you start telling yourself that you suck, is the moment when you start to suck. You can guess what happens if you stop telling yourself that.

    Firstly, you're likely more intelligent than you think you are. Big problem with being on the spectrum: our minds are simply wired differently. What is often used as a traditional IQ test doesnt even make sense to use for someone on the spectrum. Why? Because it's specifically designed for NT minds. To be used by the masses. But that doesnt mean we arent smart. Hell, I myself can reason and logic my way through basically anything, but if you ask me to do even simplistic math, I'm just gonna give you a blank stare. Cant do it. Just cant. It's not a matter of smart VS dumb. It's more a matter of incompatibility. However, that missing trait is simply replaced with something that alot of NTs dont have. Yet if someone is trying to get me to do math things, they'll think I'm a bloody moron. That alternate trait doesnt come into play during their assessment.

    And unfortunately, society's tendency to think that way and assess intelligence that way bleeds over to many of us here on the spectrum, and we end up trying to look at OURSELVES with that incompatible scale of typical IQ. "I cant do this thing, so I must be dumb" even though you're probably smart in other, potentially rare/unusual ways to make up for it. But I see alot of people on the spectrum never notice this. It's VERY hard for a person to notice their own traits, whether it's related to intelligence or anything else. That's a fact, and it applies to us as well. "We're all our own worst critics" is a phrase for a reason.

    Honestly it's the same with physical attraction. The idea of physical perfection is utter nonsense. Everyone has wildly different likes/dislikes when it comes to that. Even if YOU dont think you're attractive, others possibly do. Speaking from experience on this one, alot of it.

    You want to be happier? Stop beating yourself up, and stop viewing things in that overly typical way. "Different" does not translate to "worse", even if various idiots would have you think it does. That's an important yet difficult lesson that we ALL need to learn.
     
    • Agree Agree x 9
    • Like Like x 5
  3. BrokenBoy

    BrokenBoy 戯言使い(Nonsense User)

    Messages:
    933
    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2018
    Karma:
    +1,305
    Thanks for saying that. It's really hard to have confidence though I'll admit.
    Can you explain how? I'll admit I don't know much about how IQ tests work exactly.
    Off topic but what does that mean? Reasoning and logic your way through anything I mean.
    I understand the general idea of what you're saying here but I don't get why the ways I'm smart have to be super rare and stuff. How is being good at breaking and destroying things and being good at fistfights unique and special? I'd say that's an "normal" skill/talent.
    I disagree. Different can mean worst and it frequently is. For example, a baby born with harlequin-type ichthyosis is certainly "different" but the chances of that being a good thing in that context is next to nothing. Keep in mind that is literally the logic people use to justify saying certain psychiatric disorders such as ADHD, ODD, and Schizoid and Schizotypal personality disorder aren't real even though they are demonstrably are and people without those conditions would be better off not having them.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  4. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    3,725
    Joined:
    May 22, 2017
    Karma:
    +6,802
    Breaking the question down into two parts...
    Happiness and genetics.

    Happiness is an emotion.
    Does genetics have anything to do with emotions? Possibly.
    There are different temperments and many emotions humans experience.
    Now that I am a senior in age, I look back at happy times and bad times.
    I would say genetics does play a role in emotions.
    There are many emotions and desires that I have never even felt that I see the majority of people
    do experience.
    I always thought it was something in my genetic make up that blocked a lot of emotions.

    I felt my happiest when I found things in life I enjoyed doing. And only from trying different things
    can you know if you'll like it or not. So trying different experiences is important.
    Hobbies for example. You may try one and not like it and the next you might.
    Studies and interests are the same. At least it keeps you occupied while taste testing what the world
    has to offer and finding what makes you happy.
    Take what you like and leave the rest.

    Looks and intellect are subjective.
    What I call admirable in physical looks someone else might make fun of.
    So work with what you were given. A lot of things can be worked with or changed
    to more closely emulate what you want and feel comfortable in.

    Intellect is subjective.
    I think everyone has some area that they will find they stand out in.
    One person may be prideful of their acquired knowledge in a certain subject and be
    oblivious to nature or philosophical ideals. The more abstract intellect.

    Genetics can throw you a curve ball when it comes to health and that can't be helped.
    I've had my more than my fair share of that through life.
    Who would be happy with serious illnesses such as cancer or rare disorders?
    But, that's life. Some get by with good health which adds to what you can do physically
    that might prove more happiness. Others seem to struggle with some illness of the body
    that prevents them from doing things they would like.

    So take what you've got and just start trying life. See what you find and what you feel.
    Some days are diamonds, some days are stones.. But, they are both rocks!
     
    • Like Like x 4
    • Winner Winner x 3
    • Agree Agree x 1
  5. Sarah S

    Sarah S Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,359
    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2018
    Karma:
    +1,784
    ="BrokenBoy, post: 670331, member: 20451"]

    Can you explain how? I'll admit I don't know much about how IQ tests work exactly.

    Its a known fact that for us within the spectrum and also those with ADHD we score generally lower (ie below average ) up to 15 + points less then those not having any diagnosis and this is because our minds dont work as others in general. So for us the actuall IQ is in reality not useble or valid

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-autism-advocate/201103/what-iq-tests-really-tell-us-about-children-autism

     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2020
    • Like Like x 3
  6. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,643
    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2014
    Karma:
    +3,401
    An above average IQ is not required for happiness. Many stupid people are happy, many clever people are miserable.
    So you're average looking and need a haircut. Step 1: get a haircut. Step 2: realise that most people are average looking or ugly and still manage to be happy. Attractiveness is far more about presentation and personality than basic looks. Smile, stand up straight, be well groomed.

    Neither of these factors mean you have to be unhappy. Ugly stupid people are not all unhappy. Beautiful clever people are not all happy. Get therapy, learn mindfullness, practise gratitude and CBT.
     
    • Agree Agree x 4
    • Like Like x 2
  7. Rasputin

    Rasputin ASD / Aspie V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    812
    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2019
    Karma:
    +1,564
    Your writing suggests that you have normal to above average intelligence. You can't change who you are, so as @Misery advised you should stop beating yourself up.
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2020
    • Agree Agree x 5
    • Like Like x 4
  8. Ken S.

    Ken S. Dog Cookie King V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    604
    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +2,321
    Shave your head, get a bunch of tattoos and get a job as a bouncer. :D (Joking)
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    6,255
    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2017
    Karma:
    +12,816
    Let's go left field on this.

    Learn how to cook.

    Start cooking for people.
    There are many hidden lessons in life in the above activity,from many angles.

    Only revealed by doing it.
     
    • Like Like x 6
  10. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,643
    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2014
    Karma:
    +3,401
    I know a bouncer who fits this description and is very happy, so I think this is very valid advise. (Disclaimer: n=1, results may not be generisable)
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    8,539
    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2016
    Karma:
    +8,148
    I always remember if somebody talks about their physical appearance I was astounded that Whitney Houston didn't think she was pretty I always say when somebody looks like that they could wear a sack I'm not making any comment on what you said it's just what happens if I see a particular word it seems to remind me of something else I don't think I'm physically attractive Whitney Houston didn't Michael Jackson didn'tI don't think a large percentage of it is concerned with physical appearance and I know that because of the way I am now, I know it because I fear death, insecurity about physical appearance is 1 ofthe fruit of the fear of death, fruit is mentioned because I learn psychology from the Bible and in the Bible they use trees as a teaching tool so the root(in this instance the fear of death) is where it starts and the fruit is what's evident( can be perceived visually)
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Creative Creative x 1
  12. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    4,157
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2017
    Karma:
    +11,184
    I’ve pulled some short straws. I have Aspergers, bipolar disorder, a predilection for psychosis, anxiety and panic disorder, fibromyalgia and irritable bowel disorder as well as idiopathic urticaria and severe inhalation allergies. I have a high IQ and a medical degree but my various disorders make it impossible for me to work in any fields I like working in. I’m currently so tired I can’t manage to do any work at all.

    I used to be rather happy with the way I looked, but I gained over 20 kilos in weight due to my medication and now I’m seriously overweight and I can’t stand looking at myself in the mirror.

    Sometimes I get really down. But it helps to think about all the things I have learned and got done in my life despite the odds.
    I was a very lonely and depressed teenager with little to no social skills, one friend and not a lot of life skills. I spent all my time in my room with a book or a video game.
    Five years ago I was severely depressed, psychotic, broke and in debt, functionally homeless and addicted to drugs and alcohol.

    Since then I have learned to cook, I can write, draw, paint, make music. I have learned a lot of social skills and I can hold my own in a conversation or a social situation. I can fix up things around the house. I’ve learned some basic plumbing and electrical skills. I’ve taught myself basic computer and programming skills. I’m good at my job. I’ve learned to pay my bills on time. I have a lot of knowledge about a myriad of subjects. I managed to get a job, finish med school, kick the addictions, land a job and find a house with my boyfriend.

    I still suffer from depression regularly, but it’s good to think about how far I’ve come already compared to the past. I’m not at all trying to diminish what you’re going through, but it’s good to think about the things you can do and the things you can improve on.
     
    • Winner Winner x 7
    • Like Like x 5
    • Friendly Friendly x 4
    • Agree Agree x 1
  13. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    6,255
    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2017
    Karma:
    +12,816
    My advice : stop drawing straws.....

    That was key for me.
    There's a natural cognitive bias where you experience disappointments twice as bad as you do pleasures.
    So its finding ways to work against that.

    Notice you have LEARNT TO COOK in there :)
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
    • Like Like x 3
  14. Sarah S

    Sarah S Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,359
    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2018
    Karma:
    +1,784
    My self i was pretty much doomed from the day i was born with all my multible diagnosis it just took me some time for me to finaly accept i was. (it seems they alredy concluded back in 96 that due to my multible diagnosis i would not be able to make it in the job world period) Well they were wrong i DID make it and so can you. Same with the rest of youre life maybe not as far as you would like but it will take lots of hard work & effort from youre side

    You CANT let the diagnosis ruin youre life you have to keep trying regardles the odds. And make the best of life with what you got to work with
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
  15. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    5,952
    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2015
    Karma:
    +13,933
    Stay out of here:

    2340_-_Prison-512.png
     
    • Agree Agree x 7
  16. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,281
    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2018
    Karma:
    +3,242
    I agree with what others said about not beating yourself up. Negative self-talk so easily becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. In other words, if you think you're stupid, you'll be stupid. If you think you're ugly, your behavior will convince others you're ugly. Etc.

    In addition to the self-talk, it's really, really important for you to find some things you enjoy, and get invested in them. It could be a hobby, but it could also mean being a strong fan of a band, a stand-up comic, a type of movie, etc. I can't stress enough, how very important it is to provide yourself some things you look forward to and enjoy doing. It's very easy to fail to structure your life that way, and then you really do feel useless and helpless. Identify some likes, some loves, and some interests, and get into them.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Like Like x 2
  17. Ken S.

    Ken S. Dog Cookie King V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    604
    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +2,321
    What you said.
    How I read it: "Start cooking four people."
     
    • Funny Funny x 9
  18. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    6,255
    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2017
    Karma:
    +12,816
    A different lesson....
     
    • Funny Funny x 8
    • Like Like x 1
  19. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝️

    Messages:
    4,290
    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2015
    Karma:
    +6,166
    That will probably take points away from the OP's desire for popularity... [​IMG]
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Funny Funny x 3
  20. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,643
    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2014
    Karma:
    +3,401
    I don't know, serial killers tend to have big fan bases. Whether they're the sort of people you want to be popular with is another matter...
     
    • Agree Agree x 5
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1