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Hi, Im new and insecure. And stuborn.

T

Tyer

Active Member
I have Atypical Autism with ADHD (I saw that this option didnt exist in the registration. And, my stuborness just couldnt get stoped. I just had to mention that. Maybe it should get some updates, but it isnt really that important.)
Im 27 years old, diagnosed with 19.
Always struggeled to accept myself.
I thought for over 3 years to become part of a autism forum, but hesitated. (I read through some and they looked like an endless fight between several sites that really didnt even try to understand the others perspective. That was pretty much the thing that took my interest away for a while.)

Then, I hope to finally talk with people who actually listen. People who dont give me the feeling that being myself is something useless to the society.
Its hard to accept oneself when so many keep telling me that Im not enough, while i try to constantly do my best, and finally, to love myself for who I am.

After a big verbal fight with my father, how Im once again was labled as "not being enough", I ended up here. Trying desperatly to let it go. Reaching out to others who know probably better whats going on without me constantly trying to explain them why I am like I am. (My surounding doesnt even try to inform themselves. Kinda hurts.)(ah, and also, I suspect that my dad is autistic too. But he just doesnt care about that stuff. Hes busy with "real things" which are "waaay more important".)

My apology, maybe those informations are too personal? I dont know how much is too much.
Does things like that get deleted?
I read the rules but it didnt say much about that...
I guess its fine. If not please tell me.
I'll try to make it better.

Also, english is not my first language.
So, sorry if my sentence or words are weird. You all can correct me anytime, I like to learn.

I'll hope I can talk a little bit with some people.
Tell me anything you want. I want to listen to others. Even if its random stuff, or about your interests.
 
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Hello and welcome, Tyer. I hope you find a good spot for yourself here and that we can be supportive to you.

You might like this thread if you like random stuff:

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There's also a game section:

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Forum Games

A fun and friendly place to chill out. No spamming or power-posting please!
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Let us know if you need any help as you explore the threads or post your own.
 
Welcome to the forum! I joined recently at 27 as well and I also fought with my father in the past because of my Autism symptoms. However as we've grown older and become more understanding, along with medication that has helped me a lot, we've got a good relationship. Wish the best for you and hope to see you around.
 
Welcome Tyer. The inability to accept oneself and insecurity go hand in hand. Though I grew up at a time when autism was rarely diagnosed, by about your age (25, in my case) social isolation and feeling existentially lonely, I knew that I needed to grow because of negative feelings about myself and the lack of agency. I was befriended by an older, very accepting, couple. This made me recognize that I had value and at that time I started enjoying who I was and my interests while living independently. Previous to this and not understanding my isolation I internalized negative lies about myself. Please do not do that to yourself. My successes in my work, Molecular Genetics and Cancer Research really helped with my confidence, though I was still socially awkward. It took at least another year of learning to be social before I was confident enough to approach women and start dating.
 
Welcome Tyler. I only learned I was ASD1 (Asperger's) when I was 64. I am now 65. Asperger's was literally unknown when I was growing up. I just knew I was weird. Fortunately, I didn't have the friction with my parents you mention. I am curious about Atypical Autism. Can you elaborate?
 
Atrapa Almas said:
Hello and welcome to the forum.



It seems to be quite common:

www.frontiersin.org

Frontiers | ASD and ADHD Comorbidity: What Are We Talking About?

According to the scientific literature, 50 to 70% of individuals with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) also present with comorbid attention deficit hyperactivi...
www.frontiersin.org www.frontiersin.org
Click to expand...
Well... That was a lot. :)
Thank you for the Informations.

I was diagnosed with ADHD [without the hyperactivity AD(H)D] as a little kindergarden kid, my mother had alot of trouble with me, cuz i often suddely bursted out and got out of control. Raging. Like...almost everyday. I screamed, scratched, bit, kicked, etc.
Got a Diagnose, medication and lifed in a daze until one teacher in highschool was concerned that i was "too quiet". We agreed to stop the medication and i got better in class and all. I got frequently "sick" since like...foreever...and it all started to make sense after all atempts to get a job were useless. I got an autism diagnose. Which i rejected at first. I asked about the adhd but they said i had both.
I came to terms with it.
I have a feeling that its pretty much the case for me, cuz even tho i can hyperfocus for a really long time, i also often struggle to keep my focus on one thing. even if i really really want to. My head can be an endless spinning ball that jumps around without slowing down. Its hard to explain...its often as if one part of me contradicts the other.
Like...ehm...im super tired and just cant deal with more stimmulation, but i also just cant stop, pushing myself into a major meltdown.
I know better, but i just cant stop.
I also have evolved some ideas how adhd and autism is relate to, but i rather dont start Talking about that.

So...actually, i have no idea how to reply after so much informations you provide me...too much to focus on everything at the same time.
But really, thank you. I appreciate it.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
Welcome Tyer. The inability to accept oneself and insecurity go hand in hand. Though I grew up at a time when autism was rarely diagnosed, by about your age (25, in my case) social isolation and feeling existentially lonely, I knew that I needed to grow because of negative feelings about myself and the lack of agency. I was befriended by an older, very accepting, couple. This made me recognize that I had value and at that time I started enjoying who I was and my interests while living independently. Previous to this and not understanding my isolation I internalized negative lies about myself. Please do not do that to yourself. My successes in my work, Molecular Genetics and Cancer Research really helped with my confidence, though I was still socially awkward. It took at least another year of learning to be social before I was confident enough to approach women and start dating.
Click to expand...
Oh my god, Molecular Genetics and Cancer Research?! Freaking cool! I already know your seeing the connecting patterns a mile away!
Damn, Im so glad you do what you like and how helpful and beautiful it is! Ahh this is awesome, fuuuu ....ah...sorry... I probably said weird things. I dont even know you...im so sorry

I mean. Thank you alot. I take it to heart. I appreciate your kind words.
 
Jumpinbare said:
Welcome Tyler. I only learned I was ASD1 (Asperger's) when I was 64. I am now 65. Asperger's was literally unknown when I was growing up. I just knew I was weird. Fortunately, I didn't have the friction with my parents you mention. I am curious about Atypical Autism. Can you elaborate?
Click to expand...
You sound like you have alot of expirience and stories to tell. With 64, must have been rough.
Im sure youre a strong character.
About the Atypical Autism, that kinda hard to explain...its if it isnt meeting all the "classic autism" criteria (whatever that means), nor asperger. But i definitly on the spectrum. And its not as mild as one might think. It got explained to me, to just think of it as asperger. But i realized, over time, that people tried to label me as "less autistic" because they thought that im milder, and acting as if im just odd having weird hobbies. It actually created a lot of trouble. Had alot of meltdowns and shutdowns. And losing jobs and breaking up college. I also got a heavy regression after getting my diagnose and started to understand what I have and are. Most stuff I learned was about the "classic" autism and asperger.
Over time I prefered the terms "on the spectrum" having "ASD" or just "autistic" more then the -try to distinguesh something that is so invidually- that it almost feels like trying to seperate cats by their tail-length....-
What I mean is, every autistic peron is autistic and on the spectrum. If "classic", asperger or atypical. No matter if one can see in one look the differences or not.

My mother was emotinally intelligent and very patient and smart. She teached me alot of things, which I think, I might have learned in those autistic kid-therapy lessons (which i never had). I learned alot of stuff other autistic people maybe couldnt learn in that young age, maybe that made me seem more "atypical", cuz I already had strageties and highly masked. ...or maybe it was because I also have adhd. Maybe Im just atypical because my symptoms arent classic autistic nor aspie. (Which are rather old terms. Atypical autism is a term that will vanish sooner or later. It merges to the "spectrum")

I wish I could pinpoint it better. To explain it easy. Its just really hard to explain something that is "atypical". Because it isnt "typical"...if that makes sense.

But...how about i explicity read everything i have collected over the years, and summerize it in a few sentence, just for you.
Cuz i feel like im leaving you hanging for not being able to explain it right.

It maybe takes me a day.
But i will come back. Just wait. I will come back with a better explanation.
This lack of my ability to remember scratches my pride.
 
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Tyer said:
Oh my god, Molecular Genetics and Cancer Research?! Freaking cool! I already know your seeing the connecting patterns a mile away!
Damn, Im so glad you do what you like and how helpful and beautiful it is! Ahh this is awesome, fuuuu ....ah...sorry... I probably said weird things. I dont even know you...im so sorry

I mean. Thank you alot. I take it to heart. I appreciate your kind words.
Click to expand...
I think those of us who had to deal with our autism without knowing had a rough time of it but when we persevered to bettter ourselves we were forced to rely on our strengths and faced the world head on. That hurt at times (hence my PTSD) but we also found ways of coping while being true to ourselves, yet in my case I developed a high tolerance for the discomfort of anxiety. I wish you luck in understanding and using your positive qualities.

Do not feel sorry. I am proud of my contributions. My work on Gene N in phage lambda was the first to identify different sites of binding recognition and action during transcription. Yet I was fortunate in using my skills and experience in pharmaceutical manufacturing. In my work there I always felt that I represented the people using the product, and the company's bottom line not as importantly.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
I think those of us who had to deal with our autism without knowing had a rough time of it but when we persevered to bettter ourselves we were forced to rely on our strengths and faced the world head on. That hurt at times (hence my PTSD) but we also found ways of coping while being true to ourselves, yet in my case I developed a high tolerance for the discomfort of anxiety. I wish you luck in understanding and using your positive qualities.

Do not feel sorry. I am proud of my contributions. My work on Gene N in phage lambda was the first to identify different sites of binding recognition and action during transcription. Yet I was fortunate in using my skills and experience in pharmaceutical manufacturing. In my work there I always felt that I represented the people using the product, and the company's bottom line not as importantly.
Click to expand...
Youre a Hero.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
I think those of us who had to deal with our autism without knowing had a rough time of it but when we persevered to bettter ourselves we were forced to rely on our strengths and faced the world head on.
Click to expand...
That was exactly why I doubted I could be autistic. I had managed to work the same job for 32 years, and remain married 24 years till my wife passed away. I had heard people with autism did not maintain such relationships, ergo I couldn't be autistic.
 
I don't think anything you wrote even close to what gets deleted. What gets booted/deleted is more like trolling, personnal attacks, and going too adult with subjects or language (we have all ages here).
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
No, I share my experiences in hopes that some may learn from them. We are such a diverse group that what works for some may be inaccessible to others, but we can support each other.
Click to expand...
Trying to help others, as example with sharing expieriences, or even just talking a little bit, is something I consider heroic behavior. You never can know how much you change someones Life with just a little love or interest.
I dont care if one thinks of themself as one, I do. Its my own opinion. (That shouldnt sound mean. I mean it in a "ignore it, or take it. I dont butch.")
 
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