So I’m a NT and my HFA guy has been frustrating me lately. Recently, he’s gone through a bit of a regression emotionally.
The other night, I went to CVS and picked up some cough medicine for him (upon request) at midnight…and he fell asleep before I got back with the stuff and had me waiting outside for several minutes before he was awakened by me yelling his name over the balcony…lol. I felt uncomfortable just standing out there since it wasn't the best neighborhood. We got into a bit of an argument because I felt like I was being taken for granted and that the least he could have done was stay awake to let me in. He got defensive and said I should have just brought the keys and that nothing bad happened, so I should drop it. At this point he clams up and completely stonewalls.
Finally I told him “I’m going home”. He initially said “ok”, so I just grabbed my bag and left. He wasn’t expecting me to be serious, so when he came down and saw I was gone, he started panicking, sending me texts apologizing and thanking me for running the errand and to please come back. I was over it though and felt I had to draw a very clear line with him
This incident caused a break in his trust in me. He told me he felt I was purposely trying to hurt him and that the way I acted was immature, based off emotion (even though his reaction to me leaving was equally based off emotion). I explained that I tried to have a real discussion and that he shut me down. So the choice was to drop it just to appease him, or leave. So I left. Upon reflection, I think it was pent up feelings of abandonment (that predate me) were bubbling to the surface when he got frantic.
Days later, I tried to prod into his psyche a bit by asking him questions… one of which was “how should I have handled the situation in your mind?” to which he responded “i wanted to you come up to bed and talk about it in the morning”. That wasn’t cutting it for me. I followed up with “how do you expect me to act in the moment when I feel hurt” to which he responded “well you process it, and then you move on”. I sarcastically responded “my stomach can only process the food I ate for so long before it needs to exit my asshole” (I think he was stumped by this analogy… lol). Nonetheless he dug his heels in the sand and didn’t want to acknowledge that I left for a good reason.
He has a lot of emotional baggage stemming from childhood that he has yet to unpack… I’d like to regain his trust and get him to open up a bit more, but I refuse to be a complete doormat to get him to this point…
Any advice?
The other night, I went to CVS and picked up some cough medicine for him (upon request) at midnight…and he fell asleep before I got back with the stuff and had me waiting outside for several minutes before he was awakened by me yelling his name over the balcony…lol. I felt uncomfortable just standing out there since it wasn't the best neighborhood. We got into a bit of an argument because I felt like I was being taken for granted and that the least he could have done was stay awake to let me in. He got defensive and said I should have just brought the keys and that nothing bad happened, so I should drop it. At this point he clams up and completely stonewalls.
Finally I told him “I’m going home”. He initially said “ok”, so I just grabbed my bag and left. He wasn’t expecting me to be serious, so when he came down and saw I was gone, he started panicking, sending me texts apologizing and thanking me for running the errand and to please come back. I was over it though and felt I had to draw a very clear line with him
This incident caused a break in his trust in me. He told me he felt I was purposely trying to hurt him and that the way I acted was immature, based off emotion (even though his reaction to me leaving was equally based off emotion). I explained that I tried to have a real discussion and that he shut me down. So the choice was to drop it just to appease him, or leave. So I left. Upon reflection, I think it was pent up feelings of abandonment (that predate me) were bubbling to the surface when he got frantic.
Days later, I tried to prod into his psyche a bit by asking him questions… one of which was “how should I have handled the situation in your mind?” to which he responded “i wanted to you come up to bed and talk about it in the morning”. That wasn’t cutting it for me. I followed up with “how do you expect me to act in the moment when I feel hurt” to which he responded “well you process it, and then you move on”. I sarcastically responded “my stomach can only process the food I ate for so long before it needs to exit my asshole” (I think he was stumped by this analogy… lol). Nonetheless he dug his heels in the sand and didn’t want to acknowledge that I left for a good reason.
He has a lot of emotional baggage stemming from childhood that he has yet to unpack… I’d like to regain his trust and get him to open up a bit more, but I refuse to be a complete doormat to get him to this point…
Any advice?